12yo Son Being Harrassed

[ThisCyanSheep]

My son is being blamed for something he didnt do, but a group of boys is saying that they saw him do it. The school has taken their side because apparently it's just a popularity contest. According to bullying.gov, popularity can be considered a tool used by bullies.

My problem is that my son has a friend in that class who said he saw the other kid do it, but of course, he wasnt interviewed as part of the investigation. Later I find out it's because his mom didnt want him involved. This hurts me deeply because i thought that they were friends, and my son could really use a friend right now. Also, what ever happened to "see something say something?"

Moms, would you ever encourage your kid to not get involved in sticking up for a friend? Can someone be honest with me, like, I'm so confused and the school only cares about forgetting this.

@deliveredbyme a gut feeling is a nice thing to have but there are dynamics at play here and there is history of bullying against my son. I suppose i should have mentioned that -- and I wll get many comments like yours.

It's not sticking up for a friend though, the other child's mum probably doesn't want him involved so he isn't targeted and his life made difficult. And I can understand where she's coming from. I wouldn't want my children targeted either for a situation they aren't involved in.

You expect far too much from the other child and hardly know the whole context.
It is a lesson that friends do not necessarily make themselves unpopular for a friend.

My thoughts too. Sad for your son but we all protect our own.

A group of boys huddled around his desk, the assistant principal tells me that one threw a glue stick at him and then watched him smear it on his own laptop. These boys dont include him in gym or after school activities or anything else but for some reason he gets all this special attention at his school desk. He's spoken to the counselor and these names arent unfamiliar to us.

I get that he is outnumbered but it is hard to not believe him when I know who all the other boys are that are bothering him at HIS desk. The school just doesn't want to hear it because it's such an inconvenience, as many of you are also pointing out, i thought this was a support site.

@deliveredbyme so why are you commenting?

The only reason you are saying "I thought this was a support site" is because no one is saying what you want them to.
You're being unnecessarily snarky. Don't ask for opinions if you don't want them.

@deliveredbyme but you dont understand it so why would you say that?

I've read other discussions on this site where parents criticize the school and everyone wholeheartedly agrees. So what makes me unreasonable in sharing my own experience?

What is the outcome you want? Is your son being punished for smearing his laptop and you want that removed - or do you want the other boys punished for bullying?

If it's the latter, it's ongoing, your son is unhappy and school isn't doing anything then answer is find a new school.

From what you are saying it sounds fairly obvious son wouldn't do this to his own laptop. I am not sure it's an incident that would warrant forensic investigation and interview of witnesses. Suspect teachers just want everyone to calm down and get back to lessons. But from your follow ups this sounds like not a one off and therefore it's not really about this incident - so your anger at the friend is misplaced. (And maybe he didn't see anything - maybe he just said it to your son to be supportive because he is a friend.)

@NestaArcheron believe me, I get that. I do. I hope your kids never need support from their friends.

@TheSeagullsSquawk I appreciate your comment so much. That is what I was trying to say. The school was worried about property damage but that has been rectified, and the bullying is ongoing. In fact, after the school gave my son 2 days detention (which I RESPECTED), the main aggressor taunted him again that, "I didnt get in trouble!"

I am not angry with the friend or the mom, because I do understand and we have not included them in this issue. But I know for a fact that this friend, too, has issues with the same group of boys and I dont want to see it get worse.

I can't see why your son would do that to his own laptop. I think it's time for a school move, as it seems the relationship and trust has completely broken down. The other lad, he's probably terrified of repercussions if he opens his mouth. Sad but true.

ThisCyanSheep

A group of boys huddled around his desk,

Was this during a lesson?

the assistant principal tells me that one threw a glue stick at him

Who threw the threw the glue stick at who?
the boys threw it at your DS?

and then watched him smear it on his own laptop.

Your DS then smeared the glue stick on his own laptop?

It’s really awful to see your child being bullied or left out (it doesn’t get easier as they get older either) especially if you don’t feel that the school are being supportive.

Does your son have friends outside of school? Does he do any extra curricular activities?

Some mners were the bullies and it shows

@FrippEnos the teacher explained that it was friday, end of the day, so students were basically doing whatever they want. The assistant principal told me that one boy threw the glue stick and then my son smeared it on his own laptop. That is what I have to believe or risk being called snarky and disrespectful.

@GetyourheadoutoftheovenIris thank you for being so supportive. It's really hard. I wouldn't be on here if I knew what to do. He has other people to talk to but he's been so upset the last few days coming home