Left out of Christmas lunch

[Booklassie]

Hi everyone,

So I've recently started a new job, which I love and I've worked really hard to get to. Just to give a little perspective it's the type of job that has lifted our family out of living paycheck to paycheck each month.

Two of my colleagues are amazing but one is always a bit off with me.

Yesterday was the Christmas lunch and everyone gets £ to spend on the company card and we order it all in. It was a small group (5 of us) with about £120 to spend.

They ordered from a local take away but when it came to me, the senior manager said we would have to order separately and pay for our own. I said 'no problem, will I order for the two of us then?' She said 'No, no you order yours and I'll order mine separately.' Keeping in mind everything was getting delivered to the same place. The two lovely colleagues said there would be loads of food with that amount. But the senior manager insisted that we buy our own. So that was fine.

I later found out that the manager and the other colleague had already arranged for the manager to 'share' in her amount.

I know this is such a small thing but it really got to me yesterday. I thought I'd left this stuff behind at the school gates.

Am I over reacting?

Booklassie

So you had to pay for your own and everybody else got it free within that budget? That really is bullying. What an idiot that person is. I would definitely take this further.

Sorry but I don't understand. You're all using the same(?) company card to order and the manager made you order yours separately on the same card?

Is this maybe something to do with expenses? Where I work the most senior person present picks up the bill and the expenses system makes you list those people who had the meal.

They didn't let you use the allowance and made you pay? Is that right? know you're new and probably don't want to rock the boat but I wouldn't let that go. You need to calmly ask why you were excluded.

Could it be that the manager didn't think you had been at the company long enough to get the free meal as part of having worked there all year. I would see what else happens through the year. Things might settle down and improve or the manager might be a nightmare in which case I would start applying for other jobs. It is easier to get a job when you have a job so maybe start applying after Christmas. That was mean of them and a good manager should make an effort to include new people.

Yours should have been covered too. If they were over their budget then others should have ordered dishes to share amongst everyone.

I would be very annoyed because that's unfair, you should be included in the Christmas lunch and it puts you in a really awkward situation. You either pay for your own or you are excluded.

I don't know what their reasoning is behind this. It could be company policy or an individual example of bullying. She really should have explained to you why you weren't included.

I would start a diary of behaviour at the firm as this could be the start of bullying.

Length of service shouldn't matter and if it did then she should have been allowed to share what was ordered. How can you leave just one person out.

What a nasty thing to do. Definitely mention it to somebody and nip this crap in the bud.

A team of 5.
£120 budget.
You and the manager didn't have an amount allocated so had to order separately (with your own money, or on company card?)
Manager ended us sharing the £120 food.
You ordered your own.

Am I understanding that correctly?

How did you discover the manager shared with the unpleasant colleague?

How long have you been there?

Is there an HR department you can talk to?

I'd wait it out

Could be that the budget was set before you joined the team £120 / 7 is only £17 so might not have stretched therefore you and Manager ordering separately makes sense BUT even with that they should have said grab a plate and come share with us.

See how things progress.

But why weren’t you and the manager able to just order with other colleagues — what was the reason given? Surely if the £120 wasn’t enough, everyone would just order collectively and share, rather than having stipulated individual amounts?

120 on a takeaway? And excluded you? Surely that’s enough for everyone, what on earth were they ordering?
(sorry for you, sounds like a horrible situation)

Yes Gazelda, so me and the senior manager were meant to buy ours with our own money. Thats how she explained it. Not on the company card. But then she shared with the other colleague.

It's difficult because I'm new and I was hoping to gage the mood here before I speak to anyone at work. But with all the replies I'm getting I guess I'm not being paranoid.

Thank you everyone.

But what was the reason given? And why would someone comparatively senior and the newest hire have been chosen as the two who couldn’t use the company card?

How miserable and mean-spirited is that? We invite any temps to join us for our office Christmas meal.

I would watch and be wary.

I felt very left out for a few months when I began a new job and I sat one day while they discussed the person they thought should have got the job (not me).
However it did settle and I stayed 20 years in the end.

I found out she shared with the unpleasant colleague once the food arrived. I wwnt to collect the food from reception. I had my name on mine & the other colleagues name on the big order and I said they must of forgotten the senior managers because there wasn't anything with her name on it. So I said will I call down to find out what happened and that's when I found out.

I'm so sorry that happened to you and I'm glad you stayed for 20 years and it worked out well.

I have had that moment too, when I was just in the door I found out an internal applicant went for the job, who is friends with them both. Found this out from another colleague at a different department. It explains alot.

I think you've made the issue more complicated than it needs to be, with the details about the senior manager and sharing food.
The crux is, the whole team used the company allowance for a Christmas lunch but excluded solely you and made you purchase your own.
I would print the receipt, take it to HR and ask to claim the money back explaining that your manager told you pay for it yourself.

I thought it was a grade thing. I'm the grade below that manager but above the other colleagues, so I was happy to pay.

I should have confronted her at the time but I'm just in the door and don't want to rock the boat. But I will be wary from now on.

How mean and strange! How had you been told about being able to order on the company card and the budget of £120? I would bring this up with your manager and query why this was changed and why you had to pay for your own, keep it factual and see what they say.

You could also phrase it as, this was my understanding and this is the first time I’ve been here when this suggestion of a meal on the company card has happened, can they clarify why it wasn’t as you’d expected.

You're right, I think that is what I need to do today.

I agree OP, you don’t need the detail of them sharing you’ve made it sound more confusing, just bring up that they all ordered on the card, you’d been told you could but then this was changed and you had to order your own.

I will, it is a strange one. I have honestly never had this before past my school years. I'm fresh out of Uni worked at a supermarket for years, raised a family. It is odd.

Yes. It’s misguided loyalty.
Initially keep your head down and let your professionalism shine through.
However don’t be afraid to stand up for yourself where necessary.
Or even ask why they said something hurtful or rude.
I’m sure your lovely colleagues will come through for you too.

I know, sorry for confusing everyone. I think because I honestly didn't know if it was just me over reacting or a serious problem.

But I'm going to sort it out and be direct with them.

Thank you for all the advice. I do appreciate it. 😊