Left out of Christmas lunch

[Booklassie]

Hi everyone,

So I've recently started a new job, which I love and I've worked really hard to get to. Just to give a little perspective it's the type of job that has lifted our family out of living paycheck to paycheck each month.

Two of my colleagues are amazing but one is always a bit off with me.

Yesterday was the Christmas lunch and everyone gets £ to spend on the company card and we order it all in. It was a small group (5 of us) with about £120 to spend.

They ordered from a local take away but when it came to me, the senior manager said we would have to order separately and pay for our own. I said 'no problem, will I order for the two of us then?' She said 'No, no you order yours and I'll order mine separately.' Keeping in mind everything was getting delivered to the same place. The two lovely colleagues said there would be loads of food with that amount. But the senior manager insisted that we buy our own. So that was fine.

I later found out that the manager and the other colleague had already arranged for the manager to 'share' in her amount.

I know this is such a small thing but it really got to me yesterday. I thought I'd left this stuff behind at the school gates.

Am I over reacting?

Booklassie

Thank you. I will keep this in mind. 😊

That's a really awful, petty and unprofessional behaviour on your managers behalf. Is there a manager above her? I'd start either there or with HR. It's bullying and a clear message that they want to make you feel uncomfortable and purposefully exclude you. Also definitely tell them the whole story - how at first she claimed it was you and her paying with your own money, how she told the nice colleagues that even with left over food you two still need to order separately; and then that she clearly lied and did otherwise for herself. This is a crucial detail as it shows her malicious intent and making it so you're the only one out of pocket.
I do think OP that hard as it is to rock the boat when you're new, it needs to be done. If you don't, she and the other nasty colleague will just continue with the same mind games (or worse) as she'll think she is untouchable.

Did you have to pay out of your own pocket and everyone else got theirs paid? I’m not quite understanding.

Sorry didn’t rtft that’s awful

They resent you for “Taking” their friends job and are punishing you for it.

What if whoever was left out couldn’t afford to order their own? The manager should have made sure there was enough to go round and that nobody was over ordering for themselves.

Was it paid for by money put aside monthly by each colleague? Had they all put £2 (or whatever) each month into a kitty to cover this? That would make sense if so.

If the £120 came from company funds then there's an issue....

If the budget was £120 surely there would have been enough for you too. The senior manager probably wouldn't have been included, but there's no reason you shouldn't have been. Just sounds spiteful.

Did you follow this up with your receipt @Booklassie ? How bloody awful

It was a shitty move especially waiting till it was arriving to mention you had to order your own so you'd be eating seperate

Id put it down to her wanting to fill your position herself or having somebody in mind if the job was created

You should address it if it effects your working day & creates tension in the office - hopefully you all have a more senior owner/manager cause this crap should be left in the playground

That is so mean, that manager is a rogue.

Surely there would've been some communication to the people who were entitled to the free food. And you were excluded from this? Or were you invited to have a budget on company card like the others that was suddenly reneged on?

It sounds a bit bizarre. I get maybe you and SM might be on a higher pay grade than the others, but it seems unnecessarily mean.

Most firms would want the receptionist, the handyman, the apprentice, middle managers, the whole lot, all to have an inclusive gifted Xmas meal.

The fact your SM chose to share with her mate is fair enough. She's allowed to be friends with who she wants. Anyone can share their food with who they choose.

Are you senior to the 6 people ordering food ? It might be a gift to them only and the senior manager might have just thought afterwards they weren’t that hungry so took them up on sharing

Raise a grievance, it's definitely a form of harassment/bullying!

Your manager doesn't sound like a very nice person.
Definitely always bullies In the work place. It's about time people in the workplace grew up. ----

Beware that the manager isn't feeling threatened by you. Is it an all female team? Tread carefully and keep notes. Agree, print off the receipt and present it to HR.

Do you have an HR function? If it isn’t offered to everyone, it’s a taxable benefit, so it is stupid as well as mean

Did you ask why you had to buy your own when the company covered the cost of the Xmas lunches?

My first point would be to understand the situation. What was the budget and who qualified?

I'd ask the manager directly.

I would discuss it with the two lovely colleagues, tbh. Start with 'was I imagining that yesterday or was it a bit odd?'

Did you manage to resolve this, OP?

I would not have eaten any of the takeaway even if the company paid.

It was shit of them but I would not mention it just ignore their pettiness and excel in your job and get a promotion asap.

That will really piss them off.

It's crap behaviour and fucking rude and embarrassing on their part but I wouldn't rock the boat over a burger and chips. I'd keep your head down and hopefully you'll fit in at some point and no longer be the newbie.
I once got a job that an internal applicant didn't get and she was a bit off with me but others weren't. I just got on with it and ignored her and suggest you try and do the same.

Op. Is it the lunch is only available for everyone on the lower grade and everyone more senior, you and the two managers, pay for themselves ?

im not really getting the sharing issue, so they chipped in and shared their lunch, but they know each other well, i am not quite sure that’s an issue.

you said it was everyone got it free apart from you, but from what i can tell, all the more junior staff did, just you and the two managers, as the more senior didn’t?

That wasn't nice. It's very childish of them.
I've recently had to help someone this was happening to and it's hard going. A year in and she is now settled in well, I hope the same happens for you x