Daughter always put next to badly behaved boys

[Curlywurly78]

I don’t know why my 8yr old daughter is constantly placed next to badly behaved boys. She gets bullied, humiliated by them and is just told to ignore them. What message are schools giving young girls??! They are teaching our young girls that it is them that need to find ways of tolerating bad male behaviour when in fact the boy themself needs directly tackling. It’s another school year and yet again my daughter is put next to a boy that says such vile things and yet other quiet, studious kids are put into ‘good tables’ and almost seem protected against the few bad eggs in the class. If anyone is a teacher out there - why is that?? My daughter limped through to the end of term last school year with a boy that constantly would not leave her alone and now we have him again on the same table and an even worse boy sat next to her.
very upsetting and I can’t sleep tonight feeling cross about it. The new teacher is avoiding speaking to me so will have to speak to headteacher.
im so concerned at what schools are directly and indirectly teaching our young girls. We wouldn’t advise a woman in a domestic abuse situation to just tolerate it and ignore would we?! We know that won’t solve the problem and the fundamental issue is with the boy/man. Arrghhhh!!! Sorry to vent, would love to hear other thoughts on this.

Next to each other. All in one class if there's more than one class entry

If we could easily fix all behavioural problems then there would be no behaviour all problems in the first place.

I still don't know who should sit next to the bady behaved.

They used to do this to me and other "good" pupils back in the 1980s when I was at Primary school. And my DD got put with naughty kids in PS and SS in the 2010s. My mum kicked up a stink forty years ago, and I did the same. Please teachers, stop doing this. Especially to introverted children who feel they can't speak up for themselves.

Or at least rotate the nightmare kids round so the pain is shared by numerous pupils rather than lumbering some poor girl for the whole year.

@StolenChanel I move them frequently. Share the pain around. The only place I won't put a disruptive boy is next to another disruptive boy, as that means the entire class becomes a joke.

DS was the child who got moved around to be the quiet influencer which meant he couldn’t sit with his friends.

I think this is a fairly standard classroom behaviour management technique.

We have a very difficult child in DC’s class. I had to complain about them several times last year as they continually assaulted DC, who is quiet and well behaved. I do understand the ‘but they have to sit somewhere’ argument- but their right to an education does not trump DC’s, and it’s unreasonable to expect other children to learn effectively in this environment. If the school can manage the child’s behaviour well enough that he can sit with DC and not harm them, fair enough- but it’s not acceptable to use DC to manage that behaviour, and then essentially leave them to get on with it.

We need more all girls schools.

Yes this is what I do too, but it’s the beginning of term and already parents here are complaining. Give the teachers time to share the load! All problems and no solutions on this thread.

Love this thread but rather than all girls schools maybe boys just need to be better behaved? We seem to have a society which has low expectations of boys, some anyway and they are just become rude violent shitty adults.

Well yes that would be the best outcome but until that miraculous day arrives we have to try and mitigate the impact of these vile kids on our own children.

DC were actually at a school who did that- there were about 6 boys in a class of 20 (overseas) who were so awful- furniture throwing, brawling, sexual harassment (in year 4!) - they moved them to their own class with loads of TAs.

Then all their parents complained they weren't accessing the main class education so they moved them back. It was fee paying though. There were also a lot of unmet SN I think in a culture where it was pretty stigmatised. It didn't work, anyway, they got worse.

This always used to happen to my dd. It infuriates me because once again women are seen as carers for men, and their own needs are brushed aside. We are brainwashing girls at a young age that they are responsible for the well-being of boys.

But a lot of boys and some girls struggle in a traditional classroom environment. I sometimes think my DS would learn more if you made him run round a field and shouted random facts at him as he went past. Certainly he needs a more active and physical environment.

People often say that children used to learn ok in a classroom, but that ignores that it is not that long ago that we just beat the children who stepped out of line, and that went double for boys.

I was talking to my dad in his 80s last night about discipline and some of the stuff on this thread. He told me that at one lesson at his junior school, the teacher came into class with an armful of canes. He intended to teach the class poetry. None of them had learned it properly and by the time the teacher left, not one cane was a unbroken. imagine trying to instil a love of poetry that way, but that was basic classroom discipline in his experience.

Anyway, unsurprisingly, eventually most of the boys behaved but I don't think anyone would want to go back to those days. My brother in his 50s has similar stories of his education in the 1980s. So it is a harder job for teachers nowadays to make boys, in particular, behave, but the problem is that society has kept the same learning structure but taken away the means to make children behave within it. Teachers now have a much more difficult job and society needs to rethink completely how we teach children, especially the young ones.

Yes this is what I do too, but it’s the beginning of term and already parents here are complaining. Give the teachers time to share the load! All problems and no solutions on this thread.

No one should have to 'share the load' - that's the whole point. These are not parents' problems to solve. If you send your child in to learn and they behave well, it's not their job or their parents to solve the issues of the ones who don't.

This is so infuriating to me. A very small number of kids are massively disruptive in classes, their parents are inevitably either in denial or brazen about it. Even if they are from ‘Nice’ families.

I do think sex segregated schools are the best solution for girls anyway.
From what I have seen, the most effective, if unpleasant, way for dealing with these boys is to put them under the threat of physical violence. Somehow they always manage not to bully or disturb the kid whose Dad has threatened to break their legs. The adult men who were disruptive in school ALL say this is true too.

Ok, and until then what should the class teacher do? Not the school system, but the class teacher who is responsible for the learning of every child on a day to day basis? Refuse to allow the disruptive children to enter the classroom? Because that would be a whole different thread.

Physical violence is never the answer to anything. It’s a loss of control by an adult over a child.

When we were choosing DT’s school, 100% non negotiable was that it had to be co-Ed. Society is set up for males and females to be together- not separate. We would have never sent them to single sex schools. Both grew up having boys and girls as friends

Of course physical violence isn’t the answer, but if you ask the adult version of the disruptive children:
Did it ever bother you that you disrupted and diminished other people’s education?
Did it ever occur to you that other children cried and felt distress going to school knowing they would have to interact with you?
could anything have caught your interest?
Was there any demand or expectation that you would be prepared to accept?
Are compliant children worthy of safety, respect and common courtesy?
The answer is no to everything.

With regards to single sex education
That’s your choice- it wouldn’t be mine.

It’s utter nonsense, OP, I agree. Why should your DD be the one used to “bring out the best in children who are not behaving properly”. It happens over and again and needs to stop.
Perhaps better behaviour management is needed.
I can’t help but wonder if the well-behaved, studious children would do even better without these disturbances.

it did happen in our case. My daughter is a chatter box and can lack focus. She was sat next to various well behaved and focused boys, she would engage them in conversation then be moved again. I had chats with her at home and initiated a reward system and her behavioural has improved.