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Bullying

Find advice from others who have experienced school or workplace bullying on our Bulllying forum.

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Original poster

My child has no friends

66 replies

Louise498 · 16/04/2023 21:22

My son started to get bullied by his two best friends around a year ago. The bullying has stopped, to a point, but he's been left alone with no friends. He's tried to join other kids at school but they too have "ditched" him and now hang around with his bullies and other lads who don't like him. I don't know how to help him. Is my child doing something wrong? These boys have given him the nickname "weirdo". He clearly doesnt fit in and I dont know how to make things better. I sometimes wonder whether he's not as mature and maybe thats not helping. I've spoken to school but they appear useless and a waste of time. He's going into year 6 next year and I'm concerned this is going to start having a huge impact on his confidence. Has anyone experienced this with their children and can give any advice?

OP posts:

Barleysugar86 · 16/04/2023 21:24

I think I was this kid at primary school. I desperately wished my parents had moved me schools- would this be a possibility?

Coyoacan · 16/04/2023 21:24

That is such a difficult age. Does he have any after-school activities?

bellswithwhistles · 16/04/2023 21:26

Move schools. Simple. Give him a fresh start.

And no, it's not too late to move him going into Year 6. Poor kid.

GMH1974 · 16/04/2023 21:27

My son was bullied when kids picked up that he wasn't as sporty as others. My husband and I aren't sporty but my son says he wished we'd taken him to more sports activities as it would have helped him to fit in better. That may be worth a try for you, particularly football.

Original poster

Louise498 · 16/04/2023 21:28

Barleysugar86 · 16/04/2023 21:24

I think I was this kid at primary school. I desperately wished my parents had moved me schools- would this be a possibility?

I've wanted to move him to a new school for months but my husband is dead against it. He thinks it will teach him resilience but I worry it might have the opposite impact.

OP posts:

GMH1974 · 16/04/2023 21:30

I wanted to move my son. My husband didn't. My son, now 18, wishes we had. Maybe tell your husband it can do lasting damage to be unhappy at primary school

MarshaBradyo · 16/04/2023 21:30

Louise498 · 16/04/2023 21:28

I've wanted to move him to a new school for months but my husband is dead against it. He thinks it will teach him resilience but I worry it might have the opposite impact.

Show quote history

I don’t think it will do this. Having no friends can be really hard and tough on their mh, and the bullying on top. It sounds really sad for him

Would he like to move schools?

luckyladygal · 16/04/2023 21:31

Definitely move him school if you can. He deserves a new start if this is what he is having to deal with ! I did this for my son at around the same age and it was the best thing ! It did take me a while to actually do it as it is a big decision but has never looked back

itwasntmetho · 16/04/2023 21:32

This happened to my Son in year 5, it's a really shitty age group.
They awaken to the idea that there is a kind of social hierarchy and everyone is scared to be at the bottom or be linked with someone they believe to be at the bottom.
It's very shallow but he may well be doing nothing particularly different to anyone else.

I'd try to get him into outside of school stuff to boost his self esteem.

bellswithwhistles · 16/04/2023 21:32

Louise498 · 16/04/2023 21:28

I've wanted to move him to a new school for months but my husband is dead against it. He thinks it will teach him resilience but I worry it might have the opposite impact.

Show quote history

Your husband is wrong.

It will teach him that his parents don't give a shit.

I'd prefer a happy child. Give him a fresh start and leave those idiots behind. Or else he'll start high school with zero friends and those idiots telling everyone at high school he's a weirdo before he even has a chance to make new friends.

Smartiepants79 · 16/04/2023 21:33

I’d be going back to school and kicking up more of a fuss first. How big is the year group? More than one class?
Will he just be with all the same kids next year or will there be a chance for a move around? This would be my first thoughts.
Alongside trying to find him other interests, hobbies or clubs that may bring him friends that are more like him.
You say he doesn’t ‘fit in’. Can you work out why? What makes him different and where might he find others that are like that. Why were his friends his friends before the bullying??
For me, moving schools is a huge step. It might be the answer but be aware that it may not be the magic fix you hope for.
Do you know what alternative schools might be available? Do they have spaces?

Lampzade · 16/04/2023 21:37

Please move him.
My Goddaughter was bullied at school. Her mother wanted to move her but her dh refused.
Goddaughter is twenty years of age and is still angry with her parents for not moving her

CornishIrish · 16/04/2023 21:37

We had this after lockdown. The boys has all been gaming online and it became bullying which went back to school with them. I considered moving schools but I spoke to his teacher first off. Then I signed him up to a few out of school clubs to boost his confidence and then spoke to him about “faking it until he made it” with new friends. One year later and he has new skills, the teacher moved him away from the bullies and he has new friends.

However without anyone of these thing’s working I don’t think it would’ve worked out. I would have then moved him. I think the out of school clubs probably helped the most though.

Stopsnowing · 16/04/2023 21:38

I knew a few children who moved schools end year 5 for bullying reasons and they all thrived.

Coyoacan · 16/04/2023 21:39

My dgd was being bullied at the school she was at and my dd changed her to a school where she now has a wonderful group of friends.

Flyingsparks · 16/04/2023 21:41

Another one to say move him.

He will be able to build resilience by moving schools and making friends with new people. He will be resilient in overcoming the bullies.

It won’t teach him resilience if nothing changes- that will teach him the opposite. That will show him that he’s helpless and so he’ll accept shit situations as an adult.

I got bullied by ‘friends’ as a teenager. It was horrible being ostracised. In the end, I made new friends at school, and things eventually got better. But it has really affected me. I wish my mum had taken me to another school and given me a fresh start.

Original poster

Louise498 · 16/04/2023 21:47

Thank you all for replying.

To answer a few questions -

The two boys who were his best mates have always left him out when they (or their parents) arrange to do something out of school. He's not even sure what he did that was so wrong, but they've been vile! Even had them round our home outside singing a best friend song. I've spoken to the boys parents but all I got was them telling me what angels their kids are. Didn't help one bit.

He used to play football outside of school, but they also played for the team so our son decided to leave. I'm currently looking for other activities he could start doing.

I've spoken to him about moving schools, he seems nervous to and I think he hopes that one day he'll fit in, but I can't see that happening.

OP posts:

NancyJoan · 16/04/2023 21:51

Definitely move schools. Gives him a chance to make some friends before the move to secondary school.

Coyoacan · 16/04/2023 21:55

I've spoken to the boys parents but all I got was them telling me what angels their kids are. Didn't help one bit

Yeap. My dd spoke to her friends who were the parents of dgd's bullies and got it turned around into them wondering what was wrong with dgd.

Well whatever was "wrong" with dgd was instantly cured by changing schools.

Echobelly · 16/04/2023 22:00

It is a tough stage - I had a quite a lot of mates in primary but by Y6 was isolated from everyone and it's happened to a couple of kids' friends at that stage. He could move schools or he could stick out and at least if things don't improve in Y6, they're likely to in Y7 when he gets a new start.

I think best to ask him what he'd rather do... at the end of the day he may prefer a tough year in familiar surroundings than the disruption of a move that could then go either way, especially as there will be firmly established friend groups and there may not be much in it for anyone to befriend him if they're going their separate ways in a year.

Veryverycalmnow · 16/04/2023 22:10

I offer a handhold and sorry this is happening. Kids can be so incredibly mean. It's the pack mentality, so if one is seen as discardedthey can then be avoided. Sorry if that sounds horrible, but I see it a lot and absolutely hate it. Keep commu location going with teachers and TAs. Out of school clubs with different kids to build confidence?

Flyingsparks · 16/04/2023 22:18

As PPs have said, it’s unlikely there’s anything ‘wrong’ with your son’s behaviour. It’s just that pack mentality and they all pile on against one person for no obvious reason.

that said, is there a reason why he might be viewed as ‘different’? Is he brainy? Geeky? Or a bit eccentric?

not that he should change anything, but if there’s anything about his way of interacting, it may help to tackle that too.

I still think he should change schools. It gives him a chance to practice making new friends before high school. I’d worry that if this experience goes on too long, he’d lose confidence before high school, where it’s more important to fit in.

Anonposter123 · 16/04/2023 22:22

This happened to me when I was 16, I was left with no friends and it's impacted me my entire life.
Ask your son what he wants to do and keep asking him how he's feeling.

My parents ignored the situation even though I was really upset by it all.
It's led me to all sorts of mental traumas that I cannot get over and I'm approaching 40.

Sunnysunbun · 16/04/2023 22:26

Move school. How can he be resilient under this amount of bullying.
But firstly go to the school and demand they do something.
Does he have hobbies outside school? Can he join a group and maybe make friends there?

SleekMamma · 16/04/2023 22:27

Your husband is utterly wrong. It is teaching your son that his parents could help but chose not to. Nice.
There is plenty of time in life to learn about resilience. Primary school is not that time.

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