I can't cope with bully mum anymore

[SakuraB]

Hi everyone, I dont know what to do honestly I am struggling so much with a situation I'm in started by a neighbour/mum from my child's school.

Please please don't judge me I just need advice because it's affecting my mental health quite bad.

2 years ago this neighbour put a complaint in about us behind our back because me and my partner sometimes had heated arguments, when I found out about it thanks to a letter we recieved stating who made the complaint I confronted her about it asking why she did it and why she didn't come to me, she was basically accusing my partner of abuse which was absolutely untrue, saying she didn't come to me because I would make excuses up, and that it's not normal to argue and that her and her partner never do, even to this day she has never apologised for falsely accusing him and still thinks she's in the right.

Anyway because of that we havnt really been on the best of term's, but instead of her just leaving it, there have been numerous times when she has told lies about me on her Facebook, she seems to have a large group of friends and a big family so she seems to get away with saying whatever she wants about me and they all believe her instead of just staying out of it and not judging, she has done this a few times, any chance she gets she has a dig at us on her facebook, by the way I havnt been checking, I've just been told this and sent screenshots,

She makes things up about me and I get made to be the bad one because she has like I said a large group of friends and family where as I don't, I get horrible looks from other mothers from the school when I go on the school runs because I've no idea what she has said to them, I mentioned to a few other mothers that I thought I could trust that I felt she was bullying me, because nasty posts on social media is classed as bullying isn't it? Anyway she ranted about me saying I had accused her of bullying and why was I so adamant on making her out to be bad?

It's completely the other way around! But like I said everyone believes her and has targeted me for some reason, a family member of hers even left a comment basically threatening me, this from someone that doesn't know me from Adam, I can't cope with her nasty behaviour I have to take my children to school a different route and get them in just before the gate closes just so I can avoid her and her clique, thing is she knows I have bad mental health but has still chosen to carry on this cruel vendetta against me, why would someone be so hell bent on destroying someone that struggles in life enough already?

I just need some real advice and understanding, I've tried to be nice to her and sort things out but she really doesn't want to know, is there anything at all I can do?

Thankyou for your time.

Move house and school. People like this don’t quit

I don’t quite get it…

what nasty posts and lies is she making up?

Keep a record of anything abusive/threatening etc and\or report it to the police.

Block her on all social media. Tell anyone who usually sends you screen shots that you don’t want to hear about anything she had said or posted.
Don’t ever talk about her with other mums or neighbours and. Make a concerted effort to talk about other things.

Basically just ignore her very existence, don’t rise to any baiting…..but obviously just report any interactions that cross into abuse or threats.

Well for one, she told people me and my partner were making a stray cat ill that used to love coming to see us all the time and we did used to feed him a little food because he was skinny as hell and looked like he needed it, but she was laying claim to this cat, thing is she does not communicate with us and never has, she said in the post she told us not to feed him which is an absolute lie, she doesn't ever speak so how did we know not to feed the cat? Anyway she slagged us to her Facebook friends and we were being called loads of names! Then last week a new one she started, I politely went round to her house and asked her partner if a parcel had been handed in by mistake for me as I was looking for a parcel that said it had been delivered, he told me he didn't have the parcel, I then politely said to him well if she did get a parcel for me by mistake she wouldn't just bin it would she? He replied no she wouldn't, so I left and said thanks and thought nothing more of it, until I got told of a post she left about me only going telling people that I accused her of stealing my parcel! I never once said this, she twists things to her benefit to make me out to be some mobster that I'm not, my friend said that she has narcissistic traits, anyway loads of her friends and family said mean things about me like I was jealous of her and a family member even threatened me, she is telling them so many lies and I am powerless.

Thankyou for this advice it means a lot, whenever I have posted about this neighbour in the past people have got pretty mean siding with this nasty woman for some weird reason, I am the victim, but she is so good at manipulating and turning things around to make me look bad, there should be more that can be done about adult online bullying but there isnt😔

Each time I have tried being kind and trying to sort things because she's a neighbour and my son is in the same school but she isn't interested and seems hell bent on causing me harm

Just block her and don't engage with her at all. If you see a post on Facebook or are told about one - don't react.

Why would you ask her husband if she would bin a parcel for you? That is a little bit accusatory.

She sounds like an attention seeking juvenile twat though, putting passive aggressive posts on Facebook.

Ignore.

Well I didn't mean it to sound like I was accusing, I used basically asked that if anything did go to her by mistake she wouldn't just throw it and would actually still give me it because we don't speak at all so would she be decent and give it to me or just throw it or something that's all I ment, yes exactly it's passive aggressive what she is doing, and manipulative and narcissistic too, just why would she even post on Facebook that I had accused her? I think you are right she is attention seeking and again trying to make me look like im the c*

I'm not sure why your lives are so intertwined, why are your friends on Facebook (who send you screenshots) also friends with her? Are they school mums? If so sounds like a couple are on your side anyway!

I'm assuming you're not friend with her on FB for obvious reasons so you don't have to see the posts. Ask your friends to stop sending them on and get on with your life. It will blow over when she gets bored, it sounds like this if for a reaction so she may move on if she doesn't get one? She seems obsessed with you.

The parcel in the bin comment definitely made it sound like you thought that's what they'd done by the way. I don't know why you said that if you want things to calm down (there really is no polite way of saying it!)

@SakuraB

Each time I have tried being kind and trying to sort things because she's a neighbour and my son is in the same school but she isn't interested and seems hell bent on causing me harm

Don’t try and be nice. Don’t engage at all. In any way.

I'm sorry you are going through this op. I have no real advice to add but didn't want to read and run. I echo previous posters though i think you should just ignore her. I think you've made the effort to try and sort things with her in the past because you are a kind person who doesn't like upset and bad feeling but i think she just twists it against you. I understand what you were trying to get at with the parcel comment aswell btw but i think they have took it wrong xx

@RussianSpy101

Move house and school. People like this don’t quit

I agree. I do realise it isn't that straightforward but please do aim for it.

You need to tell whoever it is who is sending you these screenshots to stop.

She just doesn't seem to be able to stop mentioning me tbh, I've been made aware of a few other little digs aswell but the things I mentioned are the main big things that are stressing me, accusing me of making a cat poorly on purpose which makes no sense as I have 3 cats that I love and look after, I really didn't mean for it to sound like I had accused her, I just wanted to be sure that because of how she is with me and my partner that she wouldn't just chuck a parcel if one was delivered to her by mistake for me and would actually still drop it round, but she didn't need to blow it out of proportion and slag me again on facebook, but she did to get attention and to make me out to look like im the one in the wrong like she always does, even being threatened to be put in my place by a family member of hers who doesn't even know me and only knows what she has been telling them, and no none of the mums that talk to her talk to me because of what she has told them apart from one which is the one that's been informing me of what she has said.

Oh no she can't be obsessed with me surely, apparently it's me that's jealous of her? I really don't know where her and her idiotic friends get this stuff from

Block her on social media and front her in person if she dares say anything to your face. Don't utter a peep to any other parents about it, they feed back. These people get off on he said she said in the playground, she's nothing more than an immature bully. Stand your ground, bullies start fights but the well informed victims who know better can send them packing if you go about it correctly.

Thankyou so much! Yes I think they definitely took it wrong too! Maybe on purpose to use against me, any chance she gets she can't wait to trash me, one of her friends said I should keep her name out of my mouth, its her that constantly badmouths me, the lot of them are absolutely insane, you are very right though im a very sensitive person with mental health problems and I can't deal with how mean she is being and I've tried 3 times now to sort things amicably but she isn't interested, as I said it feels like it's her mission to destroy me

I confronted her yesterday when I found out about the latest post about me, even then she tried to blame things on me and didn't take responsibility for anything at all, I told her to leave me alone and stop slagging me on Facebook, she said that stuff was in my head and told me not to contact her again, isn't that something a narcissist would say that things are in my head? I said to her that she can't just blame me for everything when she started this whole thing and kept making it worse by posting about me, she seems to have friends and family on her side and I don't really have that, so I'm stuck and have no idea what I can do to stop her and I've no idea when or what she will say about me next because if she can twist things once, twice, she can keep doing it

That's the thing she never says anything to my face, only in a passive aggressive way on social media

The woman sounds unhinged; she is slandering you, there must be something illegal in it.

Yeh I would love to move away from her, its just not as easy as that sadly, and my partner refuses to let someone like her make us move but it's affecting my mental health too much, im hoping it might be an option at some point though

@SakuraB

Well I didn't mean it to sound like I was accusing, I used basically asked that if anything did go to her by mistake she wouldn't just throw it and would actually still give me it because we don't speak at all so would she be decent and give it to me or just throw it or something that's all I ment, yes exactly it's passive aggressive what she is doing, and manipulative and narcissistic too, just why would she even post on Facebook that I had accused her? I think you are right she is attention seeking and again trying to make me look like im the c*

This is accusing her. So you're poking the bear and making things worse. Just block her and don't allow anyone to send you screenshots. Have zero to do with her.

If you never engage with her again it will stop. Never talk to her. Never talk about her to anyone else. And don't let anyone send you stuff. And don't look at her online.

Forget she exists. She will stop once she realises you don't give a shit about her.

I agree wholeheartedly, there's got to be something I can do

Is it? I really didn't see it like that, but she didn't need to post about it and make things even worse, she did it because she wanted to get attention and paint me out to be the villain as usual

I have blocked her and I won't be having anything to do with her again, I'm done trying to be nice to her she doesn't deserve it