SEN boy making inappropriate comments to my DD

[Sushisurprise]

My DD (year 5) has been having trouble with a SEN boy in her class for a couple of years. Nearly every day she comes home with stories about how he hurt someone or said something inappropriate - usually about sex. During year 4 he took a liking to her and would follow her around at lunchtimes and try to play with her which DD found annoying. His mother then complained to the school that DD and some other children wouldn't play with him so DD and the other children were told off. His mother has on several occasions made allegations that he is being bullied at school. Recently the comments being made by the boy have become a bit more personal towards my DD - they are of a sexual context with my DD as the subject of the comments. The comments are quite adult in nature so I can only suspect the boy is being exposed to this language at home. I told the teacher and he was quite shocked and said he was unaware that this language was being used. The boy had to miss his lunch break. Then one of the TAs at the school apparently was told by someone else that my DD had repeated something inappropriate that the boy had said and laughed and the TA reported this to the teacher. The teacher then called my nanny in for a meeting (as my nanny had happened to be picking my DC up that day) and said that they were also having issues with what my DD was saying! I have been fuming ever since. It is my DD who has been subjected to foul language and they are not considering what affect it has had on her or trying to protect her. Shouldn't the school take this a bit more seriously? I can't help thinking that they are basically trying to avoid the issue with the SEN boy and trying to now blame his behaviour partly on someone else. And that they are scared of his mother (she is quite scary!) This all came to a head at the end of term so I wasn't able to speak to the teacher myself again. Any advice gratefully received. I really don't know what to do for the best. I have this horrible feeling that if I make a fuss it is just going to make things worse for DD...

[Tron123]

Yes they are both children same rules for all, no exceptions

[Hurr1cane]

Fanjo go enjoy your Christmas Eve. I'm sick of people saying someone was abused by someone 'with asd' as if that's even relevant.

I was abused by someone WITH BROWN HAIR!

And anyway it's ASC now.

[fanjoforthemammaries7850]

Agree hurricane. Hope you enjoy yours too.

Tron there has to be adjustments made to make everyone have an equal playing field. Your disability awareness is astounding.

[fanjoforthemammaries7850]

This thread really plumbs the depths.

Am off to.plumb the depths of some choccie.

[SunnaClausIsComingToTown]

I think most people can see it, Frusso, and I think this thread may help others see it, I really do.

[cedricsneer]

Tron you are arguing semantics. Not playing with will result in excluding. And your assertion that everyone be treated the same, regardless of sen is absurd.

[KatieKaye]

Fanjo said "so has he got SEN or is he a junior sex abuser".

It does not have to be an either or situation. Given the escalation in his pattern of behaviour towards this girl there is real cause for concern about her safety. She is already being subjected to a very unpleasant ordeal, one that an adult woman would never be expected to put up with. Her age should afford her extra protection, not less.

And the boy needs help too, obviously.

The school needs to step in to work with both children.

[AnonyMust]

I'm so confused. Have I missed something? (Genuinely).
Has the boy actually sexually abided your daughter? In what way - without wanting to be graphic?
You said that he used sexual language. As a number of boys do in Year 5 (ignorant of the actual meaning of what they're saying).
This post has give from awful (upsetting labels) to abysmal (associating those with ASD to those commuting sexual offenses). I am piping on my bobbles Christmas hat and leaving.
Yuck!
Horrible
(Slams door)

[fanjoforthemammaries7850]

I said it because the extrapolations being made on this thread were getting ridiculous. And OP has only posted twice

[fanjoforthemammaries7850]

X posted. I was addressing Katie. I agree with anonymust. Hope this tawdry thread dies off.

[cedricsneer]

Hear hear anony and fanjo.

Anony please do not let this spoil your Christmas, as I am sure it has the capacity to. Perhaps others could think about that before they start pandering to stereotypes such as conflating Sen and sexual abuser, and jumping to wild conclusions about how threatened this girl (who lets not forget was laughing about the language) felt.

Enjoy your Christmas with your lovely boy and know that there are kind kids out there who enjoy the company of other kids who may or may not have Sen. I did and so does my ds.

[Tron123]

there is a difference between active exclusion and not playing with they aren't the same, we should not compel x or y child to play with b or c child but we should if appropriate get them to cooperate together just as do in a work place. The law does not state that everyone has a level playing field on everything it is reasonable adjustment, the issue is what is reasonable

[cedricsneer]

I don't understand a word of that .

[KatieKaye]

Any type of sexual abuse is horrible.
This boy is making sexual stTements that personally involve this girl.
That is not acceptable behaviour to her. The school need to ensure it does not continue.
Of course they have to consider his SEN, but they cannot ignore it because he has SEN, as that would be doing him a disservice. And the effect on the girl would be the same whether or not he had SEN.

[AnonyMust]

Forgot my scarf - and to say thank gd for those of you who make mummying darling children with ASD (who need play dates, acceptance and inclusion to combat feeling excluded, overwhelmed and different most if the time) possible. Your kindness and understanding make it possible to stand up and hold onto he truth - on the face of all the gossipy 'judges' who'd like to think that they know what actually happened in school 'that day' and who do not know my child. At all.
(Scarf on, bobble hat dipped, closes door again - more gently this time).
Happy Christmas everyone.
Xx

[youarekiddingme]

I agree the ASD is relevant - read ^^ where I wrote about my DS receiving sexual threats from a classmate. He's the one with the ASD!

[KatieKaye]

As I said above "it is never appropriate for one child to direct remarks to another that sexualise that child. It is threatening and the school should take immediate action to safeguard DD as well as working with the boy. In other words, the interests of both children have to be addressed as equally important."

[Tron123]

The responses are in reply to the original post and the general issue not to another posters individual circumstance or child. Therefore the comments that are directed toward posters in a personal way are uncalled for. People are allowed views, shouting them down so to speak on thread is not needed nor does it further the cause of the shouter, in fact it might have the opposite effect

[OmnipotentQueenOfTheUniverse]

This thread confuses me.

What I got from the OP was that a child was making sexual comments to her daughter at school.

The fact he has SEN is not relevant to whether the school needs to deal with that, surely? How they deal with it might change but surely if a child is saying that another child is directing sexual comments at them then that needs looking into I'd have thought.

I don't like the idea that she be forced to play with him either, given what is going on, that seems like a counter-intuitive reaction to me.

[OmnipotentQueenOfTheUniverse]

I also think that because children with SEN often have a bad time it is appropriate to assume that is what is going on here, and that the DD is lying and bullying him.

Girls and women are often disbelieved when they say they are victims of sexual based stuff, this thread has really jarred. Is it "we believe you" unless the girl is in Year 5?

[fanjoforthemammaries7850]

Oh look ..a new dimension to the bunfight OP wanted.

[OmnipotentQueenOfTheUniverse]

But when I have read this thread I have read all these assumptions about the girl and that she must be mean, a bully, should be made to play with him, and even that she might well be lying.

I get that the OP was really offensive and that children with SEN often have a shit time from all directions but I don't understand why the reaction needs to be to "take against" the girl? What if this is really happening to her shouldn't it be taken seriously. It might be happening, she might not be making it up or trying to get him into trouble etc.

[fanjoforthemammaries7850]

Yes. One rather vague OP then people making all sorts of extrapolations on all sides and arguing.

And an OP who has posted twice.