Thank you both. But I have so many dirty looks thrown my way, obvious whispering and social shutting out by playground mums - to the extent that my son is completely isolated by them despite being loved by his classmates. They greet him with cuddles. It makes me cry inside. And to read this post reveals the ignorant attitudes I know to be held and aired behind my back about me and about my little boy.
It could be my son, that 'SEN boy'. That 'bully' the OP writes about. You know, the one who was never invited to a play date because parents sensed he was different. The one who's no idea how to interact because school haven't put into place social skills group that'll help him to develop the skills to interact appropriately when he wants to play with / talk 'to' someone and how to deal with rejection - or, at least, recognise it and respond appropriately.
Social communication isn't easy for these 'SEN kids'. The labelling is like the lurgey. IT IS NOT CATCHING! Autism, sensory processing disorder, hypermobility, ADHD, social communication disorder... these thjngs are not contagious.
But ignorant parental attitudes are. Gossip ape reads. Reputations are made by parents of neurotypical children that exacerbate social difficulties and ultimately make it worse for the children (and parents) who are already having to deal with so very much.
I'd like to ask parents who share such attitudes (the 'contagion factor':- keep my child away from X):
'Where would you have my child go?' Would you like him to be out into a 'special school'? One where his high intelligence couldn't be catered for? Would that be appropriate?
First ask yourself this:
Do you KNOW this child? Have you had him over for a play date? Of course not. Not just because you've labelled him as contagious having heard that he put his hands over his ears when in a music lesson. How rude! (He was in pain caused by the pitch of the sound playing on the music teacher's CD player). So you haven't seen how polite he is, how he likes to share, how he's articulate and friendly and would love to see what someone else's play room/ lounge looks like having only seen his own and that of two friends from outside school.
Yes, I'm ranting. And so would you. It is sad, frustrating, heartbreaking! What these children need are opportunities to integrate, socialise and communicate. You could've helped this child, OP. Too late now, I'm sure. Your attitudes and inevitable gossip won't have gone unnoticed. Had you had a play date when they were younger, you might have helped to establish a friendship that had helped to avoid him pursuing communication with your daughter in ways you naturally now feel are undesirable. I would too. I'm not disagreeing with your objection to a child using bad language around your daughter. I dread my children hearing and repeating bad language. But is sickening that you attribute the boy's language to his parents. Sickening.
I wish I could tell all parents I see judge and exclude my son from social gatherings: there but for the grace of gd go you.
This is not to say for a moment that I think that you may not have your own struggles. It's to say that you haven't THESE struggles. These lie-awake-at-night worrying, crying struggles every day. Your stomach rising to your throat type struggles just because you're dropping your child at school type struggles. I've felt this since he was two years old. If only he'd follow instructions more easily.
I'm done.
I hope that this pierced your bubble.
I'm sure it won't.