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Bullying

Find advice from others who have experienced school or workplace bullying on our Bulllying forum.

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Original poster

17yo being racially abused at college

46 replies

franch · 16/09/2011 17:22

Advice please. 17yo nephew has confided in me about racist bullying (physical and verbal) he's experiencing at college. Hasn't told his parents. Told a tutor - bully got a warning (3 warnings and he's out) but after that the bullying got much worse so he's afraid to tell again.

College website gives a no. and email address to contact re bullying, and says there's also a counsellor. I'm happy to talk to the college and will suggest the counsellor to him but would be interested to hear anyone's experiences and in particular I would like to know what action I ought to expect from the college as I don't think their response so far is adequate.

Thanks

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bubbles4 · 29/09/2011 10:39

Did you ever manage to sort this situation out?

Original poster

franch · 29/09/2011 10:45

It's still dragging on, bubbles. Yesterday DN gave his full account of the incidents to a tutor yesterday, including details of the witnesses - who, thank god, have backed him up. So now we are waiting to see what the college will do.

It's nearly a week since I emailed the college HR dept to request a copy of their Equality & Diversity policy. No reply.

Tomorrow it will be 2 weeks since DN spoke up.

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wellwisher · 29/09/2011 10:45

Isn't this a crime in the UK now? I would consider involving the police, especially if it's got physical.

Original poster

franch · 29/09/2011 10:49

Thanks wellwisher. I'm certainly still considering that. If nothing happens today/tomorrow I will ring the Principal on Monday, and if I get no joy I'll have to escalate the whole thing.

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Original poster

franch · 03/10/2011 11:33

OK I have now snapped.

On Friday the Safeguarding Officer spoke to DN, and informed him that the perpetrator was the son of a member of staff at the college, and 'that makes it difficult for them'. What??????!!!!

He then proceeded to rubbish DN's claims, saying (despite eyewitness statements) that the boy isn't in college on the days that DN mentioned (although since then DN has asked a tutor who agrees with DN that he was), and pushing DN to admit that he was blowing things out of proportion.

(I am just waiting to hear the phrase 'harmless banter' next.)

This morning I have fired off a letter of complaint (via post and email) to the Principal. I have cc'd it to:

the local ABATE team (antisocial behaviour - community safety)
Equality & Human Rights Commission
the chair of the college governors
the local MPs covering the college and DN's address.

OP posts:

wellwisher · 03/10/2011 12:46

oh Franch :( it sounds like it's time to involve the police. Is your DN keeping a log of all incidents?

Original poster

franch · 03/10/2011 13:10

Thanks wellwisher. Yes, DN has kept a log and the college has all the details to date.

I found the ABATE team when searching for the right police address to send to, but am not sure it was the right one. I've now sent it to 3 more addresses:

antisocial behaviour (council)
local safer neighbourhoods team
local constabulary

I've now had an initial response from the Principal, saying they're dealing with it as a top priority, and that he'll get back to me asap. We shall see.

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bubbles4 · 05/10/2011 13:59

That is disgusting,exactly what is supposed to be doing as he isnt safeguarding the students,sounds like he needs some diversity training.

Let us know how the principal responds to you,this needs sorting and sooner rather than later,its hard enough being a teenager without having to suffer this sort of crap.

Original poster

franch · 06/10/2011 09:18

Thanks bubbles, it really helps having you all here backing me up!

No further response from the principal yet.

The police & local MP have got back to me offering their support, but both say that DN's parents have to be informed. So I need to talk to DN about this. It seems sad that, if DN has reasons not to want his parents involved, no one will help him - but I haven't explored this properly with him yet. Will be talking to him at lunchtime today.

He's just texted me saying 'The college are thinking I maybe made a mistake' - ??????????

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Original poster

franch · 06/10/2011 13:21

Haven't managed to get hold of DN yet but have had a letter from the Principal.

He says they've done an investigation, but that the results and the disciplinary action are confidential. He does say though that he'll tell DN and his next of kin about it when the investigation is complete.

He's apologised about the safeguarding officer's comment about shooting the perpetrator, but defended his work and the work of the college in general in relation to this case.

He also says I did receive a reply from the HR department but 'chose not to reply'!!! Totally untrue, which is irritating.

Will see what DN has to say later .....

I'm amazed at the lack of rights I have to help DN, as his aunt, despite the fact that it's me that he has turned to. It seems like the college are now going to involve his parents whether he wants them to or not. I hope they won't resent my involvement.

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secretsorrow · 06/10/2011 13:34

Ask them to forward you the letter from the HR dept!

Have you got to the bottom of why your DN doesn't want to involve his parents? Is he trying to protect them/afraid they'll be upset?

secretsorrow · 06/10/2011 13:35

Sorry, that was a bit random - haven't posted before but have been following the thread...

Original poster

franch · 06/10/2011 14:21

Thanks for unlurking SS :)

Yes am still seething about the HR thing. It was an email - personally I'd give them the benefit of the doubt and say it may have gone astray. So shouldn't his wording have been 'We did reply; perhaps you did not receive the email' rather than 'You did receive our email but chose not to reply'????

I think DN is back in lectures for the afternoon - hopefully we'll talk later and I'll ask him about his parents (as well as what nonsense the college have been saying to him about him being 'mistaken')

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bubbles4 · 06/10/2011 17:41

have you tried googling Racial Equality council to see where the nearest branch that is still open.Ours is based in a city 35 miles from us but they still helped us and got very involved in our situation,in fact without their help,I dont think we would have reached a satisfactory conclusion.

Original poster

franch · 06/10/2011 19:11

It's a bit confusing bubbles. DN's adult half brother used to work for the local REC, and it was DN who told me they were defunct. Their website is still up though, and one of the agencies I contacted forwarded my email to the same REC. But I haven't heard anything from them.

I expect they'd say what everyone else has said: that DN's parent have to contact them. I'm a bit stuck till I've talked to him about them.

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Original poster

franch · 07/10/2011 14:53

Finally chatted to DN. Latest developments:

He and his parents have received a letter from the (useless) Safeguarding Officer, so his parents are now in the loop. They're also ok with my involvement (phew). The letters were similar to the one I received from the Principal - very non-committal - but also referred to a 'misunderstanding' between DN and the perpetrator

The abuse has spread. DN has this week had the same racial insults thrown at him by a second student.

The college have taken unspecified 'disciplinary action' against this 2nd student, but not against the 1st one who (a) is responsible for an ongoing campaign of intimidation against DN, physical as well as verbal, and (b) is the son of a teacher at the college.

So.

I spoke to the police again this morning. They said that now his parents are involved, DN should ring 101 (the non-emergency police no.) and give all the details. They will then send someone round. DN says he's ok with this but I don't think he's called them yet.

I have also now replied to DN's MP, who was very keen to help. With DN's consent, I've given her his address so that she can send him forms to give his permission for her to take up his case.

That's all I can do for now, I guess.

The whole thing makes me very sad and angry.

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bubbles4 · 07/10/2011 17:23

All I can say is thank god you were there for him when he needed you.I feel angry on his behalf and I dont even know him.

Can I ask what sort of college it is,if thats not giving out too much info.You mentioned in an earlier post that they were Independent,even so surely they must be answerable to somebody,even if its not the LEA.Do they have Governors that you could complain too?Personally I think their handling of this situation stinks and they need putting right as soon as possible.

Original poster

franch · 07/10/2011 18:32

Thanks bubbles.

It's an independent, vocational college. I did cc the chair of the governors into the letter I sent to the principal; he emailed me back to say he noted the complaint and would keep an eye on the outcome ...

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Original poster

franch · 10/10/2011 14:01

The police, the MP and the Equality Commission have now all offered to help or advise. I've given DN's address to the last two so that they can send him consent forms. I asked DN just now if he's willing to call the police, but he's too nervous: he says he doesn't want to draw that much attention to himself.

I've a feeling nothing's going to happen.

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bubbles4 · 01/11/2011 06:30

Hi,just wondering how things are going,did anything ever get sorted?

Original poster

franch · 28/11/2011 09:55

Sorry about the delay, bubbles, and thanks for your concern.

As I predicted, it's all been a bit anticlimactic. The perpetrators have been 'spoken to' and according to DN it's all died down of late. Personally I still don't think a strong enough message has been sent, and nothing has been learned either by the college or by the boys concerned. This leaves the field wide open for the whole thing to start up again, either against DN or against someone else.

Sadly though I don't think there's anything further I can do. DN just wanted it to stop and, for now, it has - so he doesn't want any hassle from me.

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