Having confidence in your ability to bf.

[jaggythistle]

Why are things like growth spurts and cluster feeding not more commonly heard about? I meet so many people who are really stressed and believe that either they don't have enough milk, or that their milk is not enough/good enough.

From what I have read here it is not common at all for this to be the case (and milk quality does not really vary) if you are just bf on demand, so I am wondering why the myths are always more readily believed.

I try my best when contributing to discussions at bf group for example to help people feel more confident, but I don't think they believe me! Some have added in formula or weaned early when they didn't want to because of their baby's feeding patterns for example.

I know that not everyone will have no problems and I hope this topic doesn't annoy anyone, but it seems to me that it would help people who are worrying to know that they can do it, when others are putting doubt in their minds.

After getting support here, I have just fed DS whenever he needed it and not worried about what he 'should' do, It has made life a lot easier than counting hours and numbers of feeds and worrying - as long as he was bright and producing plenty nappies and growing, I just went with it. (He is 9mo now)

Hope this made sense, I am not sure how the message can be got across to help people have confidence in themselves and their body.

Also forgot to mention things like tongue tie - the difference in my DS's ability to feed after his was snipped was huge. I had a cracked nipple within days of him being born, he was able to stay latched on so much easier after the procedure.

I have learned so much about breastfeeding from just reading mumsnet. I still feel a bit scared about the prospect, baby due in Dec, but now I feel informed about the difficulties I might face and also about how to resist pressure from other people to switch to formula.

However I do wonder if perhaps I just won't get it until I am actually doing it.

Having said that I don't think I am going to be one of those mums who breast feeds until into the second year of my babies life, I think I will put a limit on it, not least because I will be returning to work, and so I think there is so much more I can learn about weaning or changing to formula after 6 - 8 months.

I work with animals and they all breastfeed without a second thought! Inadequate milk production is virtually unheard of. It's us humans who overanalyse everything.

I guess if in doubt you need to plug them in at every available opportunity.

It really is that simple - not to say it's not bloody tough at times, but it is simple.

That's what I meant SoBloodyTired.

If you listened to all the anecdotes, it would make it seem that inadequate milk supply is very common. So people get worried very easily and get told they should eat lots of cheese and steak to make 'better milk' and stuff.

I feel lucky to have had a problem free time bfing ds1. But there is a lot of misinformation out there.

The insistance that bfing doesn't hurt if you are doing it correctly really annoys me. It is a lie! At first your nipples will be sore! Gladly it soon passes. Unfortunatly i have a friend for whom bfing never really got off the ground due to this particular piece of rubbish. She really wanted to.
I have frequently been asked if i'm sure i have enough milk. Yes! I am! So is my thriving happy boy!

Have to dash but very interesting thread!

I do find it very frustrating that so many people are undermined in their efforts to bf their children because they have not been given enough information. I went to an ante-natal bf class (why my hospital feels the need to separate the bf information from the rest of the antenatal classes is another issue!) and there was nothing about growth spurts, feeding patterns, how to be confident that the baby was getting enough etc.

It makes me want to weep when someone from my postnatal group says (in tears) that she had to give up at three weeks because the baby was so hungry, and she didn't have enough milk for him. He had lots of wet and dirty nappies, was alert and well in himself and was gaining weight very well but was feeding all the time, so she "had" to give him a bottle, and her milk supply of course then began to deteriorate, and now he is entirely bottle fed.

Several mums I know also gave a bottle of formula, and thought that because their baby pretty much downed it the baby was not getting enough from them (which is what I would have thought TBH before Mumsnet), rather than knowing that bf babies often do that even when completely full, because they suck for comfort and can't stop the flow of milk as they would on the breast. I know two mums with babies who were doing great on bf (good weight gain, nappies etc etc) who immediately gave up because of this and are still upset about it

Don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with giving babies formula if you can't breastfeed or if they aren't gaining weight, or if you need to because you need a break (etc etc), but there are so many mums who are really upset about not being able to breastfeed when what they went through was perfectly normal bf behavior.

We have lost the knowledge of typical breastfeeding behavior within our society, and when a baby doesn't behave like a formula fed baby we think it is wrong. There should be far more information and support for breastfeeding, rather than millions spent on telling women they must breastfeed or be bad mothers, then absolutely nothing to help when they hit a bad patch.

I think it's partly confidence and partly the fact that we're a pretty stressed out, routine-led society. I think of myself as pretty chilled but when I had my first child I found it hard to just 'go with the flow' and let her breastfeed on demand. I longed for the kind of structure I'd had as a child free adult - it was all so unpredictable. Luckily I loved breastfeeding so I was never really tempted by formula feeding but I could understand why someone would crave that feeding every 3/4 hours routine.

The confidence thing still gets me even now I'm feeding number 3. She fed all day yesterday and it was just exhausting, the tiredness got to me and I started wondering if soemthing was wrong. It was just a massive cluster feed though as she pretty much slept through last night and has barely fed today!

I think a really good ante-natal bf group would help immensely for first time mums so their expectations could be managed.

On ds I had a rough beginning but we had very little money no internet, so after the first month i just took my baby to be weighed regular and didn't worry about growth spurts my logic was if my baby goes on screaming and comes off sleeping he must have been well fed and happy

Duellingfanjo Never say never I didn't intend to feed my ds past 6months in fact early days just thought i would hang on as long as I could but I changed my mind and became one of those EBF. You never know you may want to give up or you may feel happy to continue. Hope it all goes well for you.

DuelingFanjo I though like you before I had DD, just though well lets try 6 months. Then though we'd go till 12months as why faffe with bottle when BF was going so well. You know what we've only just stoped at just under 3 years and that is probably only becasue I PG with no.2. So you never know.

"We have lost the knowledge of typical breastfeeding behavior within our society, and when a baby doesn't behave like a formula fed baby we think it is wrong. There should be far more information and support for breastfeeding, rather than millions spent on telling women they must breastfeed or be bad mothers, then absolutely nothing to help when they hit a bad patch."

You know this is what really annoyes me about the current system. Women are hammered into the Brest is Best thing so around 80% start BF, but they don't get the support or help they need or the right information so they switch to formula thinking they don't have enought milk. Therefore by the time they transfer from MW to HV the drop off is something like 40%. Which is why I've been traning to be a BF helper am hoping to help mum's feed there babies how they want.

I also think society has a hug part to play. We are all made to think we should have our babies and get back to life as normal. Well really what we need is a more old fashoined appoarch, like when they used to send you to bed for four week's and do nothing but feed your baby. I guess in those days it was really important to get your milk supply estabilished as formula wasn't around.

Totally agree with your points MigGril. I think some women try and get their babies in to three/four hourly feeding routines so early (aided and abetted by certain baby books) that they think something is wrong when the baby wants to cluster feed.

There are so many myths around ...nearly every week I see mnetters suggesting more rest, water, better food in response to milk supply worries. How many times does tiktok have to say that none of these things affect milk supply?! Another one is Mums worrying about how little they can express and see this as a reflection of their poor milk supply.

This week a mnetter was told by a HV and her GP that her milk may not be calorific enough for her baby. I mean, what must that do for somebody's confidence on hearing that piece of ill informed statement?

this is what peer support (should be) for
to counter the fact that we are surrounded by people and relatives who mix or formula fed and are passing on advice from the 70s

Exactly SPB. It's what I've really enjoyed about being a peer supporter - to be able to dispell some of these myths and be able to give women confidence in their own bodies to feed their babies. If I had a fiver for every time I've recommnded the Kellymom site I'd be rich....well, able to buy a new top anyway .

Seriously though I'd encourage anyone who's breastfed to think about becoming a peer supporter because the more people are out there to give the right advice then hopefully some of these myths will gradulally disappear.

spelling crap sorry.

liath, what have you actually done as a peer supporter? are you working FT?
I finished the course in March, have done some 'unofficial' PS, but nothing has happened due to long term sickness & i go back to work next month. I'll carry on doing stuff unofficially but all the stuff about clinics, antenatal groups, PN ward isn't going to happen for me...

good idea about kellymom btw, onder if they have any business cards

Completely agree - I find it bizarre that people are so bothered about spacing feeds 'stretching them out another half an hour'. If you are hungry or thirsty and someone says 'no you mustn't have a drink for another half an hour you'd think - WTF?', why do people do that to their babies?

I remember the anxiety so well 'is he getting enough, why isnt' he gaining weight' etc etc. What no-one thought to tell me was that if the antibiotics I was taking for an infected c-section scar were giving DS diahoerra (sp?) then of course he wasn't going to be gaining weight. And in my new Mum state of fear and sleep deprivation no wonder I didn't think of it myself until after the fact.
I kept going with BF, purely because I was so bloody stubborn and despite midwives saying 'ooh he's really scrawny, you should think about topping up' etc etc. Bitches, they will not darken my door when I have number 2.

DF - my plan was 6 months, and then 12 months, and then once he'd had his MMR at 13 months, and then I just thought 'why would I stop?'. And DS is still having a morning feed and an occasional bedtime feed at 23mo

is it difficult to continue breastfeeding once you return to work? I would be putting my baby into the work creche which at the moment is on site (but could move) and so might have the option of feeding or expressing in the day.

how old will you be?

aargh I meant your baby of course!

I'm thinking about 8 - 9 months. Not sure, it will depend on how long we can survive on my maternity leave.

I'll be 41

by the way, excuse my total ignorance on the subject, I have no experience of babies but I do know I want to EBF until 6 months nd if I can I would rather avoid the faff of switching to formula.

oooh 41, that's a tricky age...
i think at that age it should be fine, esp if you can feed or express once a day. then you'll prob do morning, pick up, bedtime & during the night.

i'm going back when dd is 10 months (next month) and not planning to express or feed at all during the day

she'll have food & water, cows milk when mum & mil are looking after her, and it'll be 1 day a month in august & 3 in sept (but she'll turn 1 half way through)

DF - I haven't gone back to work so it has made extended BF very easy for me.

Having said that, by 9 months DS was only having one feed really during the day. It was morning, after dinner and then immediately before bedtime - so conceivably if I had been at work then it wouldn't have been a problem.
By the time you are due to go back to work your milk supply will be well established and you won't be getting the bursting full boobs that involuntarily start leaking milk everywhere any longer so I would imagine that if you wanted to just feed morning and night then that would be perfectly possible, and then your DS can have formula at nursery if needed.

What I would say is, don't panic at 6/7 months and think ' argh I've got to be back at work in X weeks, I need to stop BF', because over those next few weeks once they have got the hang of eating solids and are drinking some water from a beaker everything changes so much. We went from DS feeding every 2-3 hours to just that one tea time feed in about 6 weeks from 7-8.5 months.

I went back when DS was 6.5months and we continued BFing until he was gone 2 years old. I managed to express a few oz at night once he'd gone to bed (really not doable at my workplace!) which DP offered him in the daytime, and he was happy enough with water and whatever food he felt like otherwise. I was fortunate that I could almost always make it home at lunchtime though, but kept some frozen spare BM in case of days I couldn't manage.

It was no big thing at all