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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

Do you think it's necessary to ask permission to breastfeed your baby in a public place

53 replies

thegirlwithsomethingextra · 26/04/2010 19:26

For instance in a cafe, in a GP waiting room, at someone else's house?

Is it good manners to ask?

Or would you just assume it is ok, and get on with it?

OP posts:

ReneRusso · 26/04/2010 21:07

No, No, and Yes; maybe I would ask in someone's house, depending on the situation. My MIL is usually quite keen to usher me into another room, which I do rather object to.

crikeybadger · 26/04/2010 21:09

Funnily enough, I got the recent Bounty book the other day and 'Heidi's breastfeeding tip' was to always ask if people minded her breastfeeding in a cafe or restaurant. That way, it made her less worried about people objecting!

It actually made me a bit peed off as I think that the more people breastfeed in public, the more people just see it as something completely normal and natural.

Needless to say I haven't got round to sending bounty a stroppy e mail tho'

moondog · 26/04/2010 21:15

Really Badger.

That is depressing?

Never put yourself in a position of vulnerability particularly if you feel so.

By asking you are in effect giving peopel leeway to say 'No'.

A breezy air of confidence works wonders0in every sphere and even if faked.

deleting · 26/04/2010 21:18

Never actually thought about asking, I just assume that people won't mind - it's not intrusive or offensive. What would you do if they said no, just leave dc to scream or run frantically to the next place hoping you will get a better response?

whittywan · 26/04/2010 21:38

No, you definitely don't need to ask. If you ask you are opening yourself up for refusal, and then what?

I see it as my right to feed my baby and if someone has a problem with it they can approach me! That said, I do think you should be more sensitive to other's feelings about bf in their private home, as they could presumably provide you with a comfortable alternative space.

Beasknees · 26/04/2010 21:40

Definitely no - you just do it where and when needed. Sometimes I'm more discriminating about where I'll do it but in general anywhere is fair game.

catinthehat2 · 26/04/2010 21:46

It's the baby's job to ask permission as s/he is the one having a drink. But they rarely bother.

Meglet · 26/04/2010 21:47

I never asked permission.

No one ever said anything to me.

darcymum · 26/04/2010 21:51

Would you ask permission to give the baby a bottle? Maybe that should be the measure. I did ask if it was a small place but at the same time think I shouldn't have to.

sparkle12mar08 · 26/04/2010 21:56

Absolutely not! I have never, and will never, ask for permission to feed my children. Bollocks to that!

Galena · 26/04/2010 21:57

I didn't so much ask permission as prewarn - More of a 'You don't mind, DO YOU?!'

wastingaway · 26/04/2010 22:18

The one feeding experience that most sticks in my head was at a friend of the family where we'd gone for dinner and I spent most of the afternoon in a guest bedroom.
It was so depressing.
Especially as another mum with baby came round and bottle-fed on the couch.
I don't remember how the going upstairs thing occured, I probably said 'DS needs feeding...' and was ushered up the stairs.

Never again.

piscesmoon · 26/04/2010 22:23

No, No and No. I would just quietly do it.

DitaVonCheese · 26/04/2010 23:24

Occasionally I feel as though I should, but then think why give anyone an opportunity to say no? So I don't think I ever have.

multiplex · 26/04/2010 23:38

After having asked once early on in my bf career (at a church supper) whether it was OK to bf and being ushered immediately into the disabled toilets (which needed a good clean at the time)I have never bothered asking again.

You can't please all the people all the time, so better just to get on with it IMO. Bring a floaty scarf or something along as a token gesture if you're feeling shy!

StealthPolarBear · 27/04/2010 07:00

crikeybadger, I started a thread about that bounty book and that was one of the issues I had with it. I didn't complain either, maybe we both should.

I agree that we shouldn't ask. Make the assumption that no-one could have a problem with it, why would they? If they do, no doubt you'll find out and can deal with it then. I haven't ever noticed any comments or looks and I've fed everywhere without asking. I think most people if they are slightly embarrassed or awkward know its their problem not mine and so just get on with it.

StealthPolarBear · 27/04/2010 07:05

here's my thread about that bounty pack. As it would seem, that was the thing I had least issue with

Morloth · 27/04/2010 08:23

I might ask to sit down if it isn't somewhere you would normally sit, but not for the feeding itself.

Bucharest · 27/04/2010 08:27

No, no and no.

I'd forgotten just how bliddy awful Bounty is. Is "Emma" still pregnant?

rubyslippers · 27/04/2010 08:30

they are ditching emma's diary thankfully

have never asked permission either

Casmama · 27/04/2010 08:40

No never asked in public - in Scotland there are laws protecting your right to bf in public places so I certainly would never ask.
In peoples houses I would mention it before whipping out a boob just to give them some warning. The only time I actually asked was at a family party for my dhs family when I wanted to feed in another room purely for my own comfort as with 36G boobs its hard to keep them covered from all angles if you have people all around you.
Don't ask in public as it makes it look like you almost have something to apologise for.

Ineedsomesleep · 27/04/2010 12:29

I wouldn't ask in someone's house either. My fil used to look a little uncomfortable sometimes, but I've always been confident that he's never had a flash of my boobs.

Strangely my bottlefeeding sil has never asked permission in their house either and he never looks uncomfortable when she is feeding her baby

Poledra · 27/04/2010 12:39

I was thinking about this, and I can can remember twice (during all the time I bfed 3 babies) asking permission. Once was in Waterstones with DD1, and I asked if it was OK if I used one of their windowseats (was still quite a nervous feeder then and was one of the first times I didn't have DH there riding shotgun for me). The young assistant was lovely, got me a cushion and settled us comfortably.

The other time was in my own house, when a mate of DH's I didn't know very well visited. I think I said something along the lines of 'I need to feed the baby, are you OK with that?' He was a perfect gentleman and said 'I'm OK with it but would ^you6 prefer if I went elsewhere?'

With DDs 2 and 3, didn't ask anyone ever - just got on with it.

ReshapeWhileDamp · 27/04/2010 15:41

Never even occured to me to ask someone else's permission! Seems very bizarre!

I might make the concession of 'warning' someone in advance if I was at their house and felt that someone in that house might freak out, but actually I've never done that either.

I think asking is the thin end of the wedge - it de-legitimises it in the eyes of the person you ask, and if that person happens to be in a position of authority in that particular context - GP receptionist, cafe owner, etc - then it may just allow them to formulate 'rules' for breastfeeding. Don't ask, just do it!

MrsTittleMouse · 27/04/2010 15:51

Good heavens, no I don't.

As everyone else has said, it implies that the other person has a right to say no. And they don't.

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