My family all think I'm mad bf-ing!?

[Sella]

This is DD3 and at 11weeks I'm really proud that I'm still bfing, had a real struggle in the beginning but (thanks in part to the support from you guys ) I really feel like I've turned a corner.

Managed to feed DD1 for 3weeks of sheer hell, DD2 lasted 4months but 'failed to thrive' so to be in this position with third is something to celebrate...

Why then do I get comments and snide asides from all my family. Went to a big do on Sunday with extended family (non of whom have bf for very long) and there was general amazement at the frequency of feeds, my mum would come over and say 'is she feeding or sleeping?'. My dad frequently asks DH if he has seen anything other than the back of DDs head recently!.

Was explaining to my sister's SIL that bfing is great this time (I'm not a Nazi and don't force it down people's throat she just seemed interested!) because it's not just about food, but bonding and comfort. She seemed really interested but gasped in amazement later when I was feeding her AGAIN 'gosh it really is like a dummy then!'.

I know that it's all quite alien to them but it's been such a battle over the last 7 years I think it's such a shame that now I feel I've cracked it that I'm being made to feel like a freak (even my DH refused to touch EBM with DD2 coz 'it would be like touching wee'!!! Have mentioned this in previous post for those who remember).

So what I'm really after is a witty response to their comments, oh and possibly a suggestion on how to prepare my mum for when I feed DD in the sling (something she thinks is awful!). Sorry for the long post but comments and suggestions are most welcome.

All I can say is I gave up feeding DD1 at 6 weeks because I got so bloody fed up of the comments and can't you do that upstairs out of view type attitude from my own immediate family and I regretted it, to the point I fed DD3 to the age of nearly three to make up for it if you like.
You really have got to be strong and find your voice as a parent because you are all that stands between that baby getting the best of everything or not, so it might as well begin at 11 weeks with breast feeding.

You're doing an amazing job, keep going as long as YOU want to, good luck.

No suggestions I'm afraid as all DHs side of the family make me feel a complete freak and pervert for BFing.

'Can I hold the baby yet or is it feeding again?' when I am sat right there.

Thanks guys, I do feel like feeding her till she's 12 just to piss them off! My mum thinks it's the inner hippy in me - you should have seen her face when I turned up in my really comfy cloth sling instead of the Mothercare one from previous kids 'oh dear what's that?' and 'what was wrong with the other one?' comments.

Congratulations on it going so well.

Personally, I wouldn't bother with the witty responses although I have been known to tell people that I'm aiming to get onto the next Extreme Breastfeeding programme. Just smile and say nothing.

Who cares what other people think about your parenting choices? You know you are doing the right thing so if anyone says anything negative just smile and carry on in the knowledge that your baby is happy and thriving.

Just smile and say something like 'yes it's so lovely, isn't it' with a big smile on your face.

What a shame for you.Cat's arse lips are so demoralising, however you look at it, particularly from your family. And as for your husband saying EBM islike wee-!!!

Bloody hell.

Decide on a course of action and stick withn it.
Either ignore it, or smiler, or tell them it is not up for discussion.Keep responding in the dsame way.

Swines.I feel really angry on your behalf, but you soumnd like an exceptionwlluy feisty anddetermined person. Let's hope it gets passed on in the milk eh?l

It's funny isn't it? We hear so much about people being judgemental on bottle feeders, few realise that ignorant ill-informed people can be just as judgemental about breastfeeding! (I've been on both types of thread today!)

My family was a bit the same, not exactly judgey, just a bit rolly-eyed and "oh trust her to be doing so avant garde and revolting".

My Mum got used to it, but aunts and cousins and stuff never did. "You aren't still doing that are you?" (like I was eating the contents of her nappy or something)

Pah to the lot of them. You know you're doing the right thing.

PS I never did tell my lot we continued till dd was 6 though....

Families are such a PITA - they think they have carte blanche to say stuff to you that they wouldn't dream of saying to anyone else.

Smile sweetly and say that you'll keep feeding the baby until she stops needing it. Don't be drawn on when that might be (I bf DS until he was 23mo, despite occasional noises from DH about how long was this going to go on - tbf, he was happy to let me do what I thought was right but sometimes he would be swayed by external busybody influences.)

One of those cases where you really can say "my baby, my choice".

I quite agree with all of you! I think they are slowly getting used to it, just really hit home on Sunday when they all got together, like I was billy no mates sat in the corner!
BUCHAREST 6yrs?! My mum would die of fright... something to aim towards (not the dying of fright bit ).

My Dad is always making comments like, 'again? gosh she is demanding isn't she'. I just used to grit my teeth and smile, until I finally snapped and explained to him that her tummy is about the size of an orange and so it empties quickly, when she has a big gut like him perhaps she won't need to eat so often. He hasn't commented since

God, my dad was like that, dads are the worst aren't they?

MillyMollyMoo - "You really have got to be strong and find your voice as a parent because you are all that stands between that baby getting the best of everything or not"

is a great comment on every level, not just BF.

I've head that the stress hormone cortisol is highest in lactating females, so now I try to avoid giving too much of a toss about odd comments. We are scientifically proven to be more on edge. Explains that interesting road rage incident the other day......

I would be inclined to tell them to piss off and mind their own, but that's me

mylovelymonster - that's interesting about the cortisol thing, it might explain some of my spectacularly unhinged moments lately. Nothing bad or dangerous, just feeling like I might explode with irritation.

I've had a mixture of comments during BFing, but nothing too bad. OP well done for getting over your own personal hurdles, and ignore the pillocks. As for the 'wee' comment, well does he think of cows milk as cows wee? The mind boggles...

Bucharest, that comparison to "eating the contents of her nappy" made me send a bit of scone flying!

I find it amazing that people are such bastards about this. Surely these people realise that they are revealing how insecure they are, or perhaps what malicious gits they are - both things that one would have thought they would like to hide! I wouldn't want people thinking me insecure or malicious, for fear that they would know which buttons to press to bother me!

I haven't anything original to suggest, but the oft-quoted (on MN) "why would you need to say that?" and "did you really say that out loud/ in front of me" could work for your situation.

Good luck with continuing, and remember that breast feeding can actually be a lot easier than all the arsing around of bottle feeding. You are making your life easier, the milk is sterile and there are health benefits I needn't go into here (not least because that does upset people who can't breastfeed, and I feel it's important to support the mother, whereas these people are undermining you).

Are you secretly an older me?

Its hard, isn't it, when people aren't supportive. My mum bought formula and put it in the cupboard. I regularly get (still, and DS is 5 months) "You could stop now, you know", "He's just using you as a dummy", "Could you be more subtle?" and "If you gave him a formula feed he'd sleep longer", to name but a few.

Smile sweetly, and imagine their facial expressions if they got squirted. Keeps me entertained

Very good, the reference to your father's gut.
Also, ask how long they can manage without food or a drink.Adults guzzle and swill constantly yet there is this weird expectation that a tiny baby with a walnut sized stomach can 'hold out' for hours.

It really pisses me off.

Smile smugly at them and ask what's their superpower?

'Imagine if today, scientists discovered a drug that could save 13 per cent of all the babies who currently die. Now imagine that drug also made your baby cleverer ? and dramatically slashed her chances of developing heart disease, diabetes, leukaemia, asthma or obesity as an adult. Oh: and imagine it was free.

The "drug" exists. It is called breast milk.'

An extract from an article by Johann Hari. Plenty of ammunition for you!

Full article here

Afraid it is a symptom of how the medical industry has destroyed breastfeeding in this country. It is still fairly rare to see women breastfeed, part of the reason why so many women struggle to breastfeed is that they lack the exposure from childhood to family members and friends breastfeeding around them, they may be the only one breastfeeding, so no friends/family members offering additional support, and crucially the HCPs cannot give the one-to-one support that might be needed to get breastfeeding off to a successful start.
Sella, you are doing a fabulous thing for you and your baby, you do it for as long as you want to. I have been lucky with my family though, despite all of them bottle feeding have been pretty supportive. My mum wanted to breastfeed me and my twin brothers, but her efforts were constantly being sabotaged by well-meaning HCPs in the hospital
The fact is because of years of negativity around breastfeeding, formula feeding is still seen as the norm, and breastfeeding as "weird" or "freaky" or "gross".
Don't get me wrong, formula has an essential place for when mums can't or won't breastfeed, but I still firmly believe that these people should be in minority, the majority should be able to breastfeed if they want to, given the right help and support.
Then more people who breastfeed though, the more commonplace it will appear. I know of people who never considered breastfeeding but because they have seen other people breastfeeding, or have read about on forums such as this, have decided to give it a go, which is fantastic. But we have a long way to go before bfing is the way most babies are fed.

Thanks everyone, some fantastic responses for me to try out on my loved ones! It's nice to know I really am not the freak here.