My family all think I'm mad bf-ing!?

[Sella]

This is DD3 and at 11weeks I'm really proud that I'm still bfing, had a real struggle in the beginning but (thanks in part to the support from you guys ) I really feel like I've turned a corner.

Managed to feed DD1 for 3weeks of sheer hell, DD2 lasted 4months but 'failed to thrive' so to be in this position with third is something to celebrate...

Why then do I get comments and snide asides from all my family. Went to a big do on Sunday with extended family (non of whom have bf for very long) and there was general amazement at the frequency of feeds, my mum would come over and say 'is she feeding or sleeping?'. My dad frequently asks DH if he has seen anything other than the back of DDs head recently!.

Was explaining to my sister's SIL that bfing is great this time (I'm not a Nazi and don't force it down people's throat she just seemed interested!) because it's not just about food, but bonding and comfort. She seemed really interested but gasped in amazement later when I was feeding her AGAIN 'gosh it really is like a dummy then!'.

I know that it's all quite alien to them but it's been such a battle over the last 7 years I think it's such a shame that now I feel I've cracked it that I'm being made to feel like a freak (even my DH refused to touch EBM with DD2 coz 'it would be like touching wee'!!! Have mentioned this in previous post for those who remember).

So what I'm really after is a witty response to their comments, oh and possibly a suggestion on how to prepare my mum for when I feed DD in the sling (something she thinks is awful!). Sorry for the long post but comments and suggestions are most welcome.

I mentioned oxytocin the other day to a friend who knows nothing about bfing but was preaching about how to gett ds to sleep at night. I said it in a matter of fact way, 'The thing is he gets the oxytocin from my breast milk.' I didn't explain it and said it like I assumed she knew what I was on about, when I actually knew she didn't. She asked me what it was and when I explained she said, 'Oh.' Conversation over.

Can I just say my dad has been brilliant. When I asked if he minded me feeding he simply said, 'He's got to eat, love.'

Tell people you're really proud of yourself and arm yourselves with facts so you can answer people and show them you're the expert. I feel much more confident at doing this now and it works wonders. People say, 'Really? Is that right?' And I just say yes. Then bombard them with more facts if they carry on. My uncle said to me the other week that I should get my husband better trained because I had to go home to feed my son who had been sick so was now starving much earlier than expected! Sheer ignorance.

Find some bf friends too! And if all else fails just point out that it's your child, your choice.
Well done! Keep going. But definitely stop before 12...lol. :-D

Thank you Sellafor your post. I'm so glad to find out I'm not alone. Living with retired in laws and a mother in law that never breast fed I'm sick of having every difficult moment I experience with my baby blamed on the fact that I breast feed. Stick with it Sella don't succomb to the odd bottle. Breast feeding takes so much time dedication and perseverance. Well done!!!
And thank you for saving my sanity also

what about just saying ' god, you are all so old fashioned!'

bf ing is not an issue in any other country really, its just normal in most other countries.

keep at it. you know you are doing the right thing. good for you.

my mum was holding ds when he was crying and i said..... i am going to have to feed him mum cis my boobs are twitching and leaking..... she said.... oh for gods sake i cant stand this, noone else can get near him.... is it normal all this....

i just put computer on and found a bf website and told her to shut up and read it.

xx

Glad I'm not alone! In the early days I felt I had to apologize for taking DD off my mum to feed, now I just have to endure her telling others that 'we don't get to see her much!'. I told mum we needed to arrange a visit lasting more than just the usual half-1 hour stay (she only lives round the corner) so she stood a better chance of seeing her when she wasn't feeding, but she took it the wrong way and thought I was having a dig!
Now DD is a little older she doesn't feed for as long, although I do let her nod off on the boob, which I don't have a problem with - do lots of sling feeding and co-sleeping, but they can't get their head round the complete lack of routine, should be feeding every 3 hrs etc.
Never mind off to my sister's for the night tonight so will have to justify why I don't put DD down in a cot at 7 instead of having her stuck to my boob through tea and snoozing in my lap till and early bed! That will go down well...

So pleased for you bfing is going so well.

are they being mean or just lighthearted with their comments about frequency?

My family is breastfeeding central and we used to make jokes about my sister's dd because she was such a boob monster. She was putting on a lb a week and all we ever did see was the back of her head. Sis could barely get to the bathroom at times.

Of course we also told her how well she was doing (had trouble with bfing her first) and in fact I think she got a real boost that the baby was clearly feeding so well and growing so big.

It can help in these situations to assume people mean well unless it is clear they don't and with close relatives just tell them if what they're saying is upsetting you.

I find bottle feeding quite confusing as have very little experience of it and know pretty much nothing about how you manage a small baby that doesn't spend a good part if its day breastfeeding or nodding off on the breast or wanting the breast nearby in case of sudden milk emergency I might well say stupid things in the situation your family are in but would certainly not mean to make a new mum feel uncomfortable about how she was feeding her baby.

Thanks skidoodly that's a good point, I don't think they are trying to upset me, they just don't understand, in a way I wish they were being mean coz I could quite happily tell them where to go! Think I just have to grin and bear it they seem to be getting the message slowly, DH rarely makes a comment these days, he knows there is no point! Wish me luck at my sister's!

if I may comment a bit on here. I think I teased SIL quite a bit like this but it was mainly because we are an extended family of merciless teasers. If she ever let on that it wasn't helping, we would have stopped it. most of the other teasers did bf and we turned on them too so not too much harm done.

Maybe they are were looking forward to cuddling th babies and just can't see what it's doing to you and you need to let them know. My mum took ds1 from us and kept him in her room for 6weeks at one point and we had to fight to get him back. If only

Knotty's comment was true in my case. we had the complete reverse. The bf guy became autistic and the non-bf became G&T