I HATE BREASTFEEDING

[herethereandeverywhere]

IT IS THE BAIN OF MY LIFE BECAUSE:
I'm trying to give up bf after 4.5 months. I want my body back. I've been feeling absolutely exhausted for the past month as dd balloons to 17lb feeding merrily through the day and several times at night. I dropped one feed and switched to ff over a month ago but cannot drop anymore due to ongoing engorgement/mastitis.

Today I've developed mastitis for the 3rd time since January. I'm allergic to penecillin and when they prescribed ABs last time the AB gave me gastritis (v.painful stomach and nausea so I couldn't take any more pills/eat anything).

No-one told me bf would be this miserable. DD was hospitalised due to a rubbish start at bf (for more see here ) and I had to see a bf counsellor for the first 6 weeks of her life which involved trekking miles there and back several times a week. We had a 4week* interval where bf went well (meanwhile dd was diagnosed with an orthopedic problem, cue fortnightly hospital visits for her ). After that, January onwards I got blocked ducts/mastitis/abscess scare (for more see here )

To try to solve the problems I've:

1. seen my GP twice
2. Spoken to an NCT bf counsellor twice
3. Paid a private doctor for a home visit and ABs (it was the weekend and I was desperate)
4. Paid for an appt with a specialist breast consultant who was meh about the whole thing

I honestly wish I had never started bf and I'm angry that all healthcare professionals/NCT representatives push the pros of bf and omit the cons (unlike the MIL/several friends who I ignored when they advised formula was the only way to go). What's more NONE OF THEM can advise how I put an end to this. I really didn't want to take the drugs and cold turkey as it's not fair on dd. Not sure useless GP would prescribe them anyway.

Give up gradually you say? I started the process in January ffs. Cabbage leaves in the bra? It's the 21st century. We can put men on the moon and yet the best advice I get is some medieval remedy involving vegetables in my underwear. Give me a break (please don't bother wittering on about the enzymes in the leaves, I'm ready to bloody shoot myself).

I never thought my daughter would be my only child but the last 4.5 months have been one difficult/painful/stressful upset after another. I feel like I'm about to crack.

sounds rough, my sympathies. have you started dd on formula?

Yes H2010, she takes the formula no problems. I can't give her more than one ff per day or the recurring mastitis/engorgement/blocked ducts get worse. I'm trapped.

nightmare. i can't think what to tell you, it's just something i know nothing about, having been shite at bfing.

major sympathies, sounds awful.
But to answer your question, nobody told you it would be like that as its really rare to have such problems so bad. Terribly unlucky for you, but you are an outlier.

Cabbage leaves are still recommended because they work.

When you get engorged the trick (IME) is just to express off enough to relieve the pain a bit without expressing off anywhere near as much as she would take at a feed.

Can you decide which feed to drop next?

Perhaps a night one, get someone else to do it and you don't get up until the engorgement is too uncomfortable and then just express enough to take the edge off? I used to sleep with the breast pump by my side...

there used to be drugs that dried up milk, weren't there? in the sixties and seventied? and i'm sure i've read people saying that antihistamines or some allergy stuff (vague, apols) dried them up too. maybe see in the archives if there is anyone complaining of having their milk drying up? (and then copy what they did on purpose?)
get better advice, though, than from me. i'm an idiot. but you sound like you could do with some proper help for sure.

Do you want to go cold turkey, if she is happy to take formula then you could. Just express each time you get engorged but just enough again to ease the pain - at least then you can take lots of pain relief to cope with any blocked ducts/mastitis etc?

oh yes, i see that you know about the drugs sorry. get them, you sound like you're going mental tbh. if dd likes the formula then at four and a half months and seventeen lbs she's already had loads more bm than either of mine ever did. you've done well, now jack it in.

Hire an electric pump. Just pump off enough to deflate a bit - as soon as you're not engorged, stop pumping. If you only remove a small amount each time then your supply will sharply fall off, especially without your baby stimulating your hormones. Should only take a week or two, tops, and you can give the baby the milk you do get so it isn't wasted, and you can still give her one bf a day if you want for as long as you want to.

Usual problem with pumping is that you can't get very much out, but in your case that's a benefit, really.

Sorry you've had such a crappy time.

x post with CarGirl.

those drugs can make you prone to cancer so I don't think they pescribe them readily anymore tbh.

Poor you!

Have you tried feeding DD from the bottle and then letting her breastfeed before she falls asleep? That way you aren't getting the crazy fast sucking at the start that makes you produce more milk.

When I stopped I didn't drink as much water as normal so I didn't produce as much. I stopped fully about a month after starting to mix feed DS. I also expressed milk into a bottle and fed DS with that, I produced more milk if I fed him directly.

Just when my husband thought his flabby stomached, semi-incontinent, butchered nether-regions, run-ragged, bedragled, vomit covered wife couldn't get any worse she takes to wearing veg in her bra...and they say childbirth is the final indignity.

Rare - again! DD and I are doing well for rare incidents. It would be nice to be normal for a change.

yes, but we've all been rare in our own ways and it always hurts. being rare is not in itself an uncommon condition.

Big hugs, I did engorge badly, have mastitis had a horrendous blocked infected duct etc it is horrid but I can honestly say my milk dried up rapidly once we went cold turkey - probably a week?

"Rare - again! DD and I are doing well for rare incidents. It would be nice to be normal for a change."

I hear ya. No less depressing when some medical person brightly tells you that your abject misery is awfully unusual, is it.

My bf experience was the single worst thing that has ever happened in my life. I don't tell most people that because they would think me quite mad. True, though. Nothing like new motherhood, physical agony, guilt, plus months of being told you're almost there, to send you demented is there?

Erm..some ideas to tide you over till a proper expert gets here...

Block feeding is a method to reduce oversupply - using only one breast per feed if you can get away with it, and sticking to that same breast for every feed within a block period of a few hours. The more sides and more frequent the feeds, the more you increase your supply, so be as one-sided as you can.

Lecithin - supposed to reduce blocked ducts.

Do you get prior warning of mastitis by getting blocked ducts first? I'm quite good at clearing blocked ducts using an unconventional method not generally found within standard advice. (the not yet patented vlc 'ping' technique) I'll dig out some old threads if you think this will help.

I had very regular blocked ducts with dd but always managed to clear them before they developed so avoided mastitis. However, when I introduced solids at 26 weeks her feeding must have somehow changed because I hardly had another blocked duct again, and I fed until she was 2 and a bit. Hope the same happens for you.

I'm really sorry you're having such a crappy time. Even through the rough stuff, I still enjoyed feeding. I can't imagine persevering with something causing you such angst. Well done for doing so well!

my not-bfing experience was about the worst i've ever had and very nearly sent me mad. rare, again.

It's ok on DD to go cold turkey. You've had enough, ask for the drugs.
Well done for getting this far, you're incredible for having persevered.
Sorry you've had such a shit time.

Well done for getting this far - you deserve a medal. Sorry you've been having such a crap time. I had to go cold turkey with my ds as the doctor prescribed anti-depressants for my PND. I felt guilty, but as she said, I'd done my bit. Don't feel bad about hating bf. With your experience it's not surprising. I found expressing a bit in a hot bath with a scalding hot flannel on my breasts eased the pain slightly and the supply soon dropped off.

clearing blocked ducts by pinging

You need a bright light and good eyesight to find a plugged nipple pore, plus the ability to inspect and fiddle with your nipples at great length. Getting a plug out is not dissimilar to squeezing a blackhead. If you find one and clear it, the relief is immediate and glorious.

Good luck.

Poor you, don't feel bad about how you feel, you're right they don't tell you the horror stories and about how bloody hard and emotionally draining it is. My 1st bfing experience ended with a blood blister exploding in DDs mouth DH nearly fainted! I went cold turkey from them, strapped them down with 3 bras and strong painkillers (you can take them now!) try starting at the weekend so someone is about to hold DD for 1st couple of days - and def drink less water... good luck! You will feel like a different person when it is all over.

Ouch, poor you
FWIW I found some savoy cabbage leaves in my bra certainly eased things for me when I had to stop BF abruptly after 6mths.
I also manually expressed and kneaded my breasts to alleviate the swelling.

Hope you're feeling better (they leave a wonderful imprint on your breasts don't they, those cabbage leaves? ) and you get some relief.

You guys! Thank you so much for all your words of support and great advice.

DD only woke once in the night to feed so I've managed to sleep quite well. I was very full and engorged but not so much that I needed to express, so I'm trying to shift the mastitis symptoms today.

I was feeling really sorry for myself when I typed the OP but with the sun shining my lot doesn't seem quite so bad today. The whole having a baby/becoming a parent/bf experience has been far tougher and more emotionally overwhelming than I ever imagined.

I'm off to buy more paracetamol, ibuprofen and a cabbage will keep you posted.

herethereandeverywhere - what a sad story Maybe now is the time to seek out better help - and vlc's suggestion is a good one if you have repeated blocked ducts with 'white spot', plus the block nursing.

Is there a breastfeeding specialist in your area who you haven't seen yet? If you paid for a consult and it was no good, then ask again and this time suggest you don't pay because you were dissatisfied with the help before.

Can you revisit the drying-up drugs issue again? I understand it is not cancer that's a risk with them, but they do have rare side effects....that does not mean they should never be prescribed and you sound like a candidate for them, and as long as you are monitored while on them, perhaps your doc would be ok about prescribing?

Hope you get good help soon.