I HATE BREASTFEEDING

[herethereandeverywhere]

IT IS THE BAIN OF MY LIFE BECAUSE:
I'm trying to give up bf after 4.5 months. I want my body back. I've been feeling absolutely exhausted for the past month as dd balloons to 17lb feeding merrily through the day and several times at night. I dropped one feed and switched to ff over a month ago but cannot drop anymore due to ongoing engorgement/mastitis.

Today I've developed mastitis for the 3rd time since January. I'm allergic to penecillin and when they prescribed ABs last time the AB gave me gastritis (v.painful stomach and nausea so I couldn't take any more pills/eat anything).

No-one told me bf would be this miserable. DD was hospitalised due to a rubbish start at bf (for more see here ) and I had to see a bf counsellor for the first 6 weeks of her life which involved trekking miles there and back several times a week. We had a 4week* interval where bf went well (meanwhile dd was diagnosed with an orthopedic problem, cue fortnightly hospital visits for her ). After that, January onwards I got blocked ducts/mastitis/abscess scare (for more see here )

To try to solve the problems I've:

1. seen my GP twice
2. Spoken to an NCT bf counsellor twice
3. Paid a private doctor for a home visit and ABs (it was the weekend and I was desperate)
4. Paid for an appt with a specialist breast consultant who was meh about the whole thing

I honestly wish I had never started bf and I'm angry that all healthcare professionals/NCT representatives push the pros of bf and omit the cons (unlike the MIL/several friends who I ignored when they advised formula was the only way to go). What's more NONE OF THEM can advise how I put an end to this. I really didn't want to take the drugs and cold turkey as it's not fair on dd. Not sure useless GP would prescribe them anyway.

Give up gradually you say? I started the process in January ffs. Cabbage leaves in the bra? It's the 21st century. We can put men on the moon and yet the best advice I get is some medieval remedy involving vegetables in my underwear. Give me a break (please don't bother wittering on about the enzymes in the leaves, I'm ready to bloody shoot myself).

I never thought my daughter would be my only child but the last 4.5 months have been one difficult/painful/stressful upset after another. I feel like I'm about to crack.

Thanks Tiktok. I'm going to see how the next couple of days goes, think I'll even make a Dr appt. for Wed so I can definitely get there if I need to. My GP is rubbish (actually weird is probably a more accurate description) so I don't want to have to rely on her unless absolutely necessary as i can't see myself getting any support or understanding, much less the drugs I need from her and that will just be another stress.

I'll look into the consultant, I'm £250 down already so don't want to do it again unless the GP fails me.

Re symptoms: I don't have a white spot and can't feel any obvious peppercorn type lumps. The worst pain/sensitivity is almost directly beneath the areola although the side of my breast where the red patch is does feel swollen/painful and full.

Thanks again - my OP was a bit of a desperate rant, feeling a bit more together this morning.

Sorry to hear you've had such a crap time. I had a kind of similar thing, really crappy experience of breastfeeding and really unhelpful advice from health visitors / breastfeeding counsellors who push the pros and seem to forget that ENJOYING YOUR BABY, bonding with it, and not feeling guilty becoming seriously depressed is actually the most important thing.
I went cold turkey after about 6 weeks and just pumped off enough to stop myself getting uncomfortable throughout the day, only feeding the baby formula. Within a week or so there was practically no milk left and in the meantime you can feel free to take painkillers galore and give yourself a break. Meanwhile baby is happier because you are, and you can both start enjoying each other which is what it is all about.
I think it is really important to remember that although breastfeeding is great, you can't tell later on which babies were formula fed and which breastfed and formulas these days are excellent breast-milk substitutes.
I am just about to have baby no 2 and will try breastfeeding but am NOT going through the guilt / depression / misery induced by really problematic breastfeeding again.

Just wanted to say if baby's happy taking a bottle, don't worry about her going cold turkey. DS (6m) happily breastfed but spent a weekend with the grandparents being bottle fed (he had been very iffy about taking a bottle) and was so blase about the whole thing he didn't even look pleased to see us when we came back. Just sort out your own health and wellbeing and she will be fine.

Are you ok expressing milk? Don't have any expertise, but I'd guess that like JenEm says if you pump some off so you're not uncomfortable your supply will gradually decrease?

I express once daily so DH can do the morning feed. i found that after my first night out which included several glasses of wine my supply was decreased from 8oz to just 2oz! the next morning (poss due to dehydration??) wouldn't recommend you do this every night but might have some fun trying!

Poor you! Not much else to add except- warm water. I used to stand in warm shower when my boobs were engorged and feel the relief as the milk poured down the plug!

Please don't decrease your water intake to try and limit supply. If you're already struggling with mastitis then making yourself dehydrated is a very bad idea.

In general bmilk isn't linked to how much water you drink anyway and while severe dehydration might affect supply, the effect on you will be much worse.

You poor thing. It's an emotional rollercoaster without the problems you are having.

Well done for BFing this long - it know how awful it can be. FWIW I just stopped BFing at 2years because after initial HELL (around 6 months of it) things got a lot better for me and DD and I really enjoyed BF. Anyway - with the exhaustion and feeling of extreme crap you might want to get your Vit D level checked - I just discovered mine extremely low which is probably because of the bf - check it out www.patient.co.uk/health/Vitamin-D-Deficiency.htm and good luck with everything.

obv. alcohol no good for mastitis, but i def. have less milk when i drink.

Surprised no one has mentioned it yet, but I found Sage worked dramatically to decrease supply. Can't hurt, right? Sage and pumpkin ravioli did it for me (and I wasn't trying to reduce so it came as a bit of a shock!).

Hope you can find a way out which isn't too painful.

You lasted longer than I did so well done! It might be worth expressing and very slowly reducing the amount you express off each day. In the meantime give a bottle to DD.