they all want me to stop

[Sella]

hi all
i have a 5 week old dd who i am trying valiantly to bf. we have had a few set backs, slow weight gain, over dramatic midwives, formula top ups (that we are now trying to reduce) and finally 2 bouts of thrush! despite all this i still very much want to carry on but all my family clearly don't.
my husband likened breast milk to wee with my last daughter and was thrilled when i started topping this one up, now keeps saying 'i thought you were going to stop'. i rang my mum yesterday to have a bit of a moan about how grumpy dd was at that precise moment (as you do) to be told 'oh put her on the bottle'. i nearly burst into tears because i'd had a really crap night and am clearly doing my obsolut best to NOT put her on the bottle.
i feel like i have to justify myself to them all the time and god forbid i should have a bit of a moan about how hard/painful/emotionally draining it can be. they can't understand why i would want to do it.
not expecting much advice on this just want to moan without the raised eyebrows and tuts...!

oh dear, that does sound hard

have you a baby cafe or similar nearby?

it can be so hard bfing plus the triedness from all the feeds in the night! but it is so worth it in the end that look of contentedness when they latch on!
it sounds like your doing a fantastic job, i'm sorry that your not getting the surport that you need. have you tried a bf group, i only say because i wished i've had joined one in the early days only to know i wasn't the only one having difficulties! it may help!!

your doing an amazing job

Well, use MN for a start when you want to moan! That is hard, and it's difficult when those closest to you aren't supportive. As for DH comparing breast milk to urine - get him a basic biology book, and ask if he'd like his coffee black from now on, as I'm sure cow piss is no more appetising... How is your little one getting on now?

Can only offer sympathy. Your mum is bad enough but for your husband to be undermining you too..! Does he ever expect your support? How would he like it if you treated him the same way?

Local Breastfeeding Network group or similar?

Moan on here

So sorry they are all being arses. So tough.

I want you to breastfeed . Does that help?

what;s your HV like?
You are doing well btw!!!
Would your DH be open to reading some stuff to understand why ypu are doing it?

Hiya,

I say go for it. I fed my first for eight months and was constantly told by health visiters that he needed a bottle and he was too thin. BLAR BLAR what a load of rubbish there are a number of reasons why baby may not be gaining weight and brest feeding is not one of them! Keep going girl it is the closet bond you will make with your baby and stays with you forever. My Second child I bf for one year through blood poisoning, mastitus and thrush. Both of mine are happy healthy children.
The benifits are great. Keep going your a REAL MUM and only YOU know best!xx

i would be more upset that my family were a bunch of idiots!
they clearly are very uneducated, its a shame this still goes on. and i can't believe your HV! should be sacked tbh.

it is hard to BF when everyone around you is totally unsupportive

agree with BF cafe ... google your local surestart centre. Mine offers a really good one with activities for under one's

why is your DH so against it????

you are doing a brilliant job against the odds

You are doing a fantastic job and should only stop bfing when you are ready to.

I would also recommend a bf cafe.

I don't blame you for moaning. After everything you've gone through, the very least you deserve is some support and recognition of your determination.

It baffles me that people can express their opinion so strongly, especially when it is not requested. Did your Mum breastfeed?

I suppose you can try and work out why people should be so against something so normal and natural but ateotd, it's up to you to decide how you feed your baby. You don't need to justify your decision to anyone.

Don't give up- you're doing brilliantly

Please dn't listen to them tell you not to do it: you know it's the best choice for you and your baby.

Get a breastfedding book and make your DH read it.
He should support your decision, not deride it.

and at the wee comment! he definitely needs to bone up on the facts.

Oh that is so tough. When I saw the thread title I was thinking maybe your DC was 12 months or so but 5 WEEKS and people aren't supporting you? That's very . I got a few looks and comments (not from DP mind you) because I BFed ds2 until he was 21 months, but by then it was easy-peasy. In the early days it's really hard and you need all the support you can get.

FWIW I think you're doing a great job. Agree that you need to find some supportive people locally. Our midwife unit had a bf support group that met weekly, and there was also a group who met in a local cafe once a week. Could you call your local la leche league to get some support?

Well done you, please don't listen to them, your doing a great job Agree with trying to find a bf cafe or group, knowing you are not alone with problems is a great comfort. I breast fed my dd for 14 months after a very, very rocky start... tongue tie, mastitis, blisters and infection.It took 12 weeks to establish good bf with her. Currently bf my 9 month old son, with little support from my inlaws.("are you still feeding him?, is it not time he was on a bottle?" blah, blah, blah)
Keep up the good work

Maybe they are worried about how you are coping with the stress of it all and think that they are helping by trying to steer you in what they see as an easier path.

I know its hard when you have put a lot of effort into not doing the very thing they suggest you do but its your choice. Hope it works out for you.

sandthefloor, i think you are right on that one, for my mum anyway, she finds it hard that i'm struggling, but she also knows it's what i want so it's a bit upsetting when she comes out with comments like that.
i went to la leche league meeting last week, they were great but only meet once a week, however made a friend there whose coming round on monday. have local bf support woman also coming in the morning too to help with probs i'm having. i'm fine to carry on despite their opinions, they know they have no choice in the matter but it's a shame i feel i have to watch what i say/ put on a front in front of them
btw my mum didn't bf - but she did have twins in the 70s!

Well done for keeping going - sure your lovely DD would say so if she could!

It can be so hard at times but I would definitely say it's worth keeping going, I fed my DS until he was 22 months & he's over six foot tall now(slim like most breast fed babies ).

However, so many people - including those who should have known better - tried to persuade me to stop. In hospital, a nursing assistant told me 'Some mums just can't breastfeed & I think you are one of them', and when I returned to work my GP told me I should stop breastfeeding as otherwise my son would starve!!

Good luck, you are definitely giving your DD the best start.

You poor thing my in laws just didn't "get" breastfeeding so I printed out and handed them this leaflet.. here I have not heard another silly question/ comment since! Good Luck...it will be soooo satisfying in the future when you look back & think of all you have done for your litte one...good luck x

Bounty That is a wonderful leaflet, I'm going to save it. I was told that bf was 'outdated'! I carried on for 9 months though and hope to do the same (or more) with the next one.

Sella I think you'd probably cope with other peoples comments if you felt your DH was on your side. I think you need to explain to him in no uncertain terms that you need his support. If you go back to La Leche see if you can find some leaflets that would explain to him what breastmilk is and why it is the best thing for your baby. I hope it gets easier for you.

I had a very hard time when I first started feeding my little girl who is 5 months this week and has been exclusively breast fed. She struggled to gain weight and has reflux and I was most surprised that my mum of all people kept going on about how I should be giving her formula. Surprised because she breast fed me and was dead against giving us formula. she took to it no problem though and doesn't remember having and difficulties.

But...I think she was just upset seeing what I was going through and the struggles we were having and also worried about her grand daughter not gaining weight and was suggesting the only thing she could think of to make our lives easier (in her opinion). So maybe your mum is just doing the same, especially as she didn't breast feed maybe she just doesn't realise how hard it can be.

sella - so sorry you are having a difficult time AND not enough support.

I have been through it too, and sometimes you think everyone in your family is on another planet to you! Agree a bf group would help meet other mothers with similar views to give you moral support and understanding.

your mother probably thinks she is making a helpful suggestion, sometimes it is very difficult to hear someone you love struggling and just saying 'poor you, you are having a rough patch but it will pass' and they instead suggest a practical solution that they don't realise is heartbreaking to you. But it will pass, you can get through it and it will get better!

I had huge rows with my DH, mum and MIL about my stubborness in persisting bf even when exhausted, and my dh now gets it, but MIL and mum i am never going to educate.

perhaps your dh thinks life will be easier if you bottle feed and assumes that means you will get more sleep and dd will be more settled, but that won't necesarily happen. Also ff babies are statistically more likely to be ill, need hospital care or have allergies, which all make life much harder! Your dh needs educating!

You are doing really well, good luck with it all

Poor you - the first few weeks are really tough even without added complications like thrush etc.

When I had DD1, my family were a bit like this too ("Oh, put her on a bottle"). They weren't doing it to be nasty, but just to help give me a break cos I had a horrendous time getting things established (mastitis etc).

They may not realise that they are being a bit insensitive.

With all 3 of mine, they did have the odd bottle and it didn't put them off bfeeding. It gave me a chance to catch up on a bit of sleep and get my resolve back.

My personal thoughts are:
-Breastfeeding is brilliant when it is working out for both of you
-the odd bottle isn't the end of the world

• don't get hung up too much on how your baby is fed; your baby is still loved and cherished no matter how he or she is fed

Oh - and once you have a baby, there will always be things you and M and Mil and DH disagree on.

Good luck.

Sella, congratulations on doing a great job. Can you speak to your mum / DH and tell them something along the lines of "I know you don't think bf is a good idea, and I know you're trying to be helpful and supportive by suggesting I stop, but it's really important to me to be able to bf, and I find it very upsetting when you suggest that I stop / top up." If you explain it in terms of how you feel about bf and about their comments, they can't argue with that, even if they don't like it. What you feel is what you feel. I doubt it'll change their attitudes at all, but it may help them stop being quite so negative to you.

Maybe you could have a 'standard line' you use when they make these comments eg "I really appreciate it that you're trying to make helpful suggestions, and I know you don't like bf, but I find it very upsetting when you suggest I stop, so please could you not make that suggestion." Just keep saying the same thing each time, and hopefully they'll eventually get the message.

I do think it's hard for men when they see their wives' breasts which previously were 'theirs' taken over by this little baby. My DH is very supportive of me breastfeeding, but I think he'd struggle if I wanted to bf past a year (or even perhaps 6 months) because it's as if I'm unavailable to him and his territory has been invaded by the baby. Not that he would necessarily admit it, mind you!

Keep your chin up and do keep going.

thanks everyone, your comments and advice have really touched and inspired me! dd is a real cutie and i'm glad i'm giving bf a good go with her, she seems to enjoy it at least!

Sella, i found the first few weeks so hard, i had mastitis twice, tender nipples etc etc and her feeding constantly was so draining. Whenever i said how hard it was etc the immediate response from lots where "maybe it's time to switch to bottles...it only does them good for the fist week anyway". I just wanted to say i carried on...at times crying with the pain and/or tiredness and at week 8/9 it seemed to turn a corner and get easier. DD s now 15wks, i've completely dropped the formuala dream feed and now wexclusively bf again. DD is happy, content, not had even a sniffle throughout this awful winter and putting on weight steadily. All that is down to me and me alone which is the best feeling in the world

Well Done you for carrying on, moan on here and give yourself a big pat on the back for giving you daughter the best start in her lifes journey