Peer supporter BF a toddler - offputting?

[feedingatoddler]

Have namechanged as I don't know whether anyone related to this is on MN. Don't really mind them knowing I have posted (as am interested in opinions) but not sure I want it linked to my normal posting name!

Basically, I am due to start breastfeeding peer support training soon with my local children's centre. I have been waiting to do this for a long time and am looking forward to it.

Unrelated to this is that I am still feeding my 16 month old DS, I still feed on demand and he is a big milk drinker even during the day, especially in a new place where a lot is going on. He tends to be either very confident or very shy and in new situations is quite unsure and wants to feed constantly. This is fine by me, I found it slightly awkward at first as I have recently moved and felt that it might put people off talking to me etc, but have made some new friends now and my attitude is more that if they are put off by that I probably don't want to be friends with them in the first place!

Anyway, the lady who is running the training course has had a word with me to say that someone (not anyone from the bf group) has expressed a concern about DS being quite constant and on/off with his feeding, and that she knows that it is fine and doesn't have a problem with it at all, but that it might be offputting to someone who is quite shy about breastfeeding or perhaps hasn't made up their mind yet. (One of the new initiatives is to do the 30 week pregnancy appointment at the centre and just intro the peer supporters and breastfeeding group in case anyone wants to ask questions)

Now, on the one hand I do understand the point being made, that it could appear offputting to someone who isn't sure, and at first I thought fair enough, but then I thought well - it is my child who stands to lose out directly because of this, and I think it would be difficult because he is not easily distracted at all, and TBH I really don't feel as though I am being exhibitionist or anything - he asks fairly nicely most of the time, rather than just grabbing at me, and I feed him quickly and discreetly - and I will need to take him to that centre a few times anyway, during which he will want to nurse, until he gets used to it as it's a new environment for him. After which he will probably want to feed less anyway. Or I could do the training but stay away from there until he is old enough to understand me saying "later".

I know I need to talk to the people at the centre about this again but just wanted some opinions on it really. I still want to do the training and I do want to help people but I am not sure about this issue on what to do - if anyone could give me feedback on whether they would have/would find it offputting that would be really helpful as well, thank you!

I think some people might find it a bit intimidating (which shows how warped we are about the whole thing in this country), especially very young mums, and you will be confronted by such attitudes quite regularly.

I think that if you are so apprehensive about BF that seeing someone BF a toddler is going to put you off then you are not very likely to do it anyway. I guess if you sense any unease you could say, 'I know that DS is quite big for it now by some people's standards, but it works for well for us'

I really wasn't sure about BF at my first midwife appt...all those documentaries with people BF 8 year old kids put me right off, MW spelt out the facts to me, and told me to get a grip (we had a good realtionship, she could do that without me getting huffy) and ended up BF dd for 15 months, and ds going strong at 12 months.

Forgot to say, go for it, have the training and dont let one comment made by someone with their own hang up put you off!

Absolutely, go for it. 16 months really isn't that old and you're setting a great example. But just be prepared that people may be a little surprised and greet it with a smile and just be quite matter of fact and breezy about questions. Well done

I was a perr supporter and for most of that was BF an eolder' DC. I was also tandem nursing for part of it. I ometimes worries that it would be off-putting in a 'OMG! Do I have to go on that long if I come to this group' type way but in the whole it hasn't been a problem.

As a new mother I would have found it offputting and I know other friends found it offputting when they saw that our NCT bfc was bf her 2 year old

I think when you've never breastfed before it's hard to get to grips with the idea of breastfeeding a toddler - you see them as these fully formed walking talking little things, not as the continuum-from-baby that they are to their parents. I did feed dd to 20 months, and would like to do the same or longer with ds, but am shamed now to say that I was in the "if they can ask for it they're too old for it" camp before I had dd... Would I have found it offputting - I don't know - depends very much on how it occurred, but I would think that if it was discussed openly, and people's initial qualms accepted and discussed, it could be really useful.

i have never seen anyone nurse a toddler

i would probably be interested

I am feeding DD and she is only 18 weeks old which seems a long way off newborn already

not sure it would put me off - i think it would enhance your credentials as a peer supporter IMO

feedingatoddler, thanks for posting this, I never even considered that feeding a 16 mo might be putting people off I've just put my name down for peer supporter training and I'm still feeding my 16 mo DD (constantly!).

I remember seeing someone feed a 6 month old when my DD was only 4 weeks and I found it tough to imagine going on even that long! But I always say to people it's no different feeding a 16 mo than feeding a newborn, just her feet stick out a bit further

I don't have any words of wisdom but I'd love to know what you decide in the end.

I'm not sure if it's the bfing that would put me off per se, more the distraction of your LO. To give another analogy, I remember being at peer support group and one of the supporters had a very persistent child (and in fact it was bfing that he wanted) but it was more the interruption. I would say that if DS was younger you can't ignore him, but their comes an age (16 months might not be it - I can't even remember what DD was like at that age and she is only 2.5) when LOs can learn to wait a bit. I don't know, that is a bit waffly and may be unreasonable, just trying to see it from both PoV.

FWIW I fed DD until 14 months so I am not against that, just the distraction when you are trying to help a vulnerable new mum. That said, the policy in our group was that your child did come first, but also it was a group effort trying to distract everyone else's kids.

On the other hand there is a value in seeing that it is normal to feed at that age, and it is easy and not an issue.

However any child bigger that yours when you have a new born seems like a monster! So it might be a bit weird to see someone feeing an 'older' child at that stage, though obviously it's not when you get to it

'but am shamed now to say that I was in the "if they can ask for it they're too old for it" camp before I had dd..'

Habbibu I was exactly the same

OP, can you try biscuits or some other snack as a distraction technique?

I do think you should do a peer support course but I am a bit about the teacher of this course.

It is unclear to what she is objecting too (via someone else's comment) Of course your DS nursing on and off is 'fine' and congratulations she 'doesn't have a problem with it at all' but she shouldn't be raising criticism about your nursing toddler at all. Not very supportive

I attend a local breastfeeding group on and off for several years. When I nursing my youngest (currently 18 months old) the mothers are interested and ask many questions and when I mention I am still nursing his older sister over 3 years old. I get a load more questions.

Maybe the mothers I have met are too polite but even those who disagree with nursing past a few months avidly ask questions about why I do it, what about teeth etc. A couple of mothers have told me after seeing me and another mother nursing older babies, they intend to nurse longer themselves.

So far from putting people off, it normalises breastfeeding and certainly puts the MIL objects about nursing an 8 month old baby in perspective.

In regards to this crap teacher, any idea what she is objecting to...

Is it the fact that you will be nursing your child in a breastfeeding support group after you finish your training ?

OR

Is it the fact that you are currently nursing him at the children centre ?

I am guessing this teacher is an NHS HCP rather than a trained breastfeeding counsellor ? Might be worth mentioning her attitude to her bosses. She should be supportive of all nursing mothers not just the ones who feed very young infants.

Even WHO suggests a minimum of 2 years of nursing (and beyond) and you are nowhere near there.

At those 30wk appts:

Some people will think "Wow, she's still bf. It must be really rewarding/possible to get through difficult patches and problems"

Others will think "OMG, feeding someone who can walk! I only want to think about feeding my new baby. What am I signing up to?"

Somehow you need to reassure the second group whilst still inspiring the first.

I attend a local babycafe with my 6 month old DD and have been going from about 8 weeks. There is a peer supporter who attends who is bfing her 18 month old and I think 'what a good role model', it doesn't bother me in the slightest. I don't really understand what the woman's concern is? Can she clarify is it your child's age or the on/off bfeeding? Either way, I don't see any issues.
I presume when you're working with mums and mums to be you'll have the opportunity to discuss things like bf toddlers as well as diff types of feeders; my DD feeds for an hour solidly 4 times a day, while other mums at babycafe seem to have grazers who are on and off lots, it's what's normal for them.
I think she's making a fuss over nothing myself!
Goog luck with your training!

I'm a peer supporter and at one point I was 8 month pg while tandem feeding a 3 y/o and a 20 m/o. Oh the horror . I try not to be in your face about it but at the same time I'm not one to go and hide in a cupboard because of it. I am the 'crunchy' one at our group because I've fed the longest/most at any one time/whilst pg but I've only had one wierded out reaction to it and that mum was weaning at about 6 weeks so anything past 3 months would have seemed too long to her let alone a 3.6 y/o!

I trained whilst pg and when we had our graduation ceremony DD1 had just weaned. I mentioned it to our local MP who had been handing out the certificates and all I got was a 'good on you'. Then DD1 went and showed me up by telling MP DD1's shoes were nicer than MPs . So it's not the bfing you have to watch out for it's everything else a toddler does.

It seems that the course teacher isn't very open minded about older babies/toddlers/children nursing. She shouldn't have passed on whoever's 'concerns' about your toddler directly to you but instead addressed the class generally about how to deal with your children during sessions/classes. Is there going to be a creche for the course or for the 30 week appts?

why are people going to the 30wk appointment? With my first, (11 yrs ago) I don't remember meeting anyone specifically to discuss bf. I just assumed I would, and then with every other baby I have specifically said I would, and would get on with it (no hideous nipple tweaking etc by midwives). So, I have no experience of peer support, or who goes to that sort of thing. If it is going to be specifically attended by people who seek it out, and go with the whole no pain relief, extended bf, early weaning etc style of parenthood, there won't be a problem. If it's going to be a more general thing, I know that I would have been very disturbed by the sight of a bf toddler, and could only have coped with tiny babies at that stage (despite then feeding all of mine to the teeth and toddling stage!). Maybe think about your 'audience'?

i wouldn't have found it offputting, i would have found it really interesting! but then i was determined to bf, so maybe that makes a difference. i'd never really seen a real life person bf in front of me until i had DS & started going to groups etc, so i might have been a bit goggle-eyed, but in a good way

i am currently my leader applcation with lll gb if they feel that way i realy think that you should think about who you do your traing with bf is the most natural thing in the world

i am currently my leader applcation with lll gb if they feel that way i realy think that you should think about who you do your traing with bf is the most natural thing in the world

To be honest I think looking after a walking into everything toddler while trying to run a group would be the hard thing. At least while they are plugged in they are not going to go through every single changing bag in the room

I've been thinking a lot about this but still don't know if my thoughts make any sense, so apologies in advance!

First up, your ability to reflect on this and your obvious sensitivity to others indicates to me that you will be a perfect "supporter" of other women.

Secondly, I completely agree that you should be able to feed your baby wherever you like and that you are a role model. However, I also fear that feeding a toddler might put off pregnant women in particular, mainly as when you are pregnant and never breast fed before you haven't the faintest idea about it all. The risk could be that they see you as totally alien to them, as they don't even have a teeny tiny baby to BF yet. Like others have said, I am more than about comments I made to my younger sister about her BF her two for two years each, or my saying to her that I would breastfeed if I could because "lots of people can't do it you know". I hadn't a clue. I am now probably a bit over the top about BF and how amazing I think it is and fully intend to feed DS until he is two, but if you'd told me I would feel like this when I was pregnant I would have been dismissive and maybe even been a bit scornful.

To further complicate things, I do think that BF a toddler would be reassuring to Mums with babies at a BF group, if that is what your local model of support is? Infact, I treat my sister as the oracle on all things BF, simply because of her experience.

Annoyingly I think I'm saying "yes" if the women are pregnant and "no" if they have babies

I agree that it might be reassuring for some and offputting for others, and if the aim is to support them to start or continue to bf then that needs addressing. Will watch with interest as am currently doing a peer support course and will prob need to feed my (currently) 5mo in certain situations.

I think that you bfing your toddler is actually a brilliant idea at peer-support classes.

i don't get who your trainer is implying when she says about problems/off-putting. it almost makes it sound like she thinks the other peer-supporters on the training course will be put off.

it'll be good for the mums and mums-to-be to see how normal bfing is and how wonderful it is to be able to bond with your child, to feed him and to comfort him all at the same time.
i think it should be inspiring: like someone said further up - you need to be able to inspire the ones who think it's great and encourage/reassure the ones who think it's a bit weird.

i think you'll be a big step forward into making bfing toddlers normal.

I agree it will help with normalising bf toddlers but these are women about to feed or feeding newborns. Some may be put off by the thought that they are 'expected' in some way to feed for this long. They may not feel as though they can relate to a woman who makes such different choices to the ones they expect to make. I'm not saying it's right, but the point is to provide support and if this does get in the way then it needs to be addressed.