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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

To the woman who shouted at me in Bluewater...

50 replies

confusedfirsttimemum · 11/02/2010 16:04

Congratulations, you made me cry when I got back to my car.

I was walking past a woman today in Bluewater who was bottle feeding her DD. DD was very cute and I smiled at her. My own DD was in the pram. Woman shouts at me "yes, it's a bottle. Get over it."

Now normally, I'd be tough enough to deal with this. Was only grinning at a cute baby. But DD is not well and has hardly slept the last few nights. Didn't say anything, but got back to my car and burst into tears.

If you're reading this, I get that you clearly have issues around feeding and I'm sorry you feel that way, but congratulations, you made me cry. I was only smiling at your cute daughter. I wasn't judging your feeding method. I wouldn't do that.

And breathe.... Just had to get that off my chest.

OP posts:

row78 · 11/02/2010 16:16

were you breastfeeding at the time?

thedollshouse · 11/02/2010 16:18

I don't believe you. Sorry.

humptynumpty · 11/02/2010 16:19

confused am sorry you were made to feel bad about it, seems like this woman has pretty big hang=ups of her own.
Don't worry about it!

BadGardener · 11/02/2010 16:20

thedollshouse, why don't you believe her?

tassisssss · 11/02/2010 16:20

oh dear.

so sorry she made you cry.

i think you know, however, that she's the one with the issues here and what a shame for her to even imagine that she's being judged for her feeding choices. sounds like she needs some support.

Hope your dd's better soon.

wedgiesaurus · 11/02/2010 16:24

I find this rather strange to be honest. Is there more to this incident? Why would anyone shout at you for smiling?

thedollshouse · 11/02/2010 16:26

Because I just cannot understand how anyone would be offended at someone smiling at their baby. If the OP had tutted or made a negative remark about ff, it would be understandable but I can't see how you can misinterpret someone smiling at your baby as a dig about the way you are feeding your baby.

Original poster

confusedfirsttimemum · 11/02/2010 16:28

Nope. Wasn't breastfeeding. Isn't anything else to incident. Baby was very small though. She must have thought I was making a face at her before I smiled (was miles away. Might have looked odd I suppose. [Grasps at straws]).

Have calmed down a bit now. Think it was probably a woman who had just given up having struggled and though I was giving her the evil eye. Wasn't though, FWIW.

Dollshouse - You don't believe me. That's fine.

OP posts:

BadGardener · 11/02/2010 16:28

but people on here are always claiming that some random woman on the bus has looked at them in a smug way and suchlike. I can imagine if the woman was v v upset and self-conscious she might completely misinterpret a friendly smile.

WeddingDaze · 11/02/2010 16:29

thedollshouse - why bother posting then?

wannaBe · 11/02/2010 16:29

don't believe it either.

And why would you need to namechange over it.

bibbitybobbityhat · 11/02/2010 16:29

row78 - why not take an extra few seconds and read what people have written properly.

thedollshouse · 11/02/2010 16:31

Well if it is true confusedfirsttimemum I am sorry you are upset you didn't deserve that.

WeddingDaze, why have you bothered posting?

Original poster

confusedfirsttimemum · 11/02/2010 16:32

I haven't name changed WannBe, I post all the time. Have a look on Sleep (plus a few other places. Just posted about breastfeeding tops).

OP posts:

BadGardener · 11/02/2010 16:33

confused isn't a namechanger, I recognise the name.

PotPourri · 11/02/2010 16:33

Confused, sorry you felt sad and cried. But I have to say I felt really sad for the woman. When i went across to bottles I was dreadfully ashamed to be feeding my baby with a big bottle. It killed me to be seen doing it, but I had to as the baby had to eat of course. Maybe someone had commented on it before you, maybe not. But either way, that poor poor woman - she's not in a good place.

Just get back to enjoying your baby and realising how fortunate you are to have succeeded in feeding yoru baby the way you chose to.

wedgiesaurus · 11/02/2010 16:35

I am also finding this very hard to believe

thisisyesterday · 11/02/2010 16:36

poor you confused :-(

she shouldn't have spoken to you like that. it is an emotive thing though, I can remember when i switched to bottle feeding ds1, every time someone looked at me i thought they were judging me for bottle feeding instead of breastfeeding.
looking back of course I am sure they weren't, but i was gutted to have stopped, and i guess i was projecting onto otherss.

maybe this mum has had a really hard time, and misconstrued your smile as smugness, or something else

I once sat feeding ds2 (breast) in mothercare, and another lady came in who was FF her little girl. she started going on about how she couldn't bf and basically justifying to me why she was FF. I hadn't even said anything to her!
it's hard not to feel judged sometimes, even when it is uncalled for

WeddingDaze · 11/02/2010 16:37

Because that sort of post pisses me right off, take note of MNs troll policy, seems people are forgetting why this site is here tbh.

Honestly some days it's like troll hunters anonymous round her

row78 · 11/02/2010 16:39

bibbitybobbityhat - blimey, I just didn't understand why the other woman reacted the way she did and was looking for reasons why she may have misinterpreted the smile

confusedfirsttimemum - poor you, just try to forget about it, she was probably really upset at having to give up

Original poster

confusedfirsttimemum · 11/02/2010 16:39

PotPourri - Thank you. Was just feeling a bit low today I think. DD has been sooo miserable all week. Just as I thought I'd cracked the sleep (I'm on the NCSS thread, for those who doubt I'm real!), she gets ill and we go backwards.

I know, I know, she must be in a much worse place than me. Now I've calmed down, I feel really sorry for her. I wish I could have got it together to say something to make her realise that, whatever face she thought I was making at her, I wasn't.

God, there'll probably be an AIBU thread - Was I being unreasonable to shout at the woman who glared at me for bottle feeding my daughter at Bluewater?

Sigh. Roll on the weekend.

OP posts:

cory · 11/02/2010 16:41

Ican believe this quite easily. Thankfully, I have never shouted at strangers, but when I have been very low about parenting issues (mainly to do with dcs disabilities) it has sometimes felt as if everybody is out there pursing their lips at me. The woman was clearly at breaking point and absolutely nothing to do with you.

Original poster

confusedfirsttimemum · 11/02/2010 16:41

Ooh sorry, cross posts with others. Thanks everyone else. Have pulled self together and am counting blessings...

OP posts:

pagwatch · 11/02/2010 16:42

FWIW about a year ago I had a woman come over and shout at me in a coffee shop when I had moved from the table next to her and her toddlers.
She came over and was incredibly rude about me being a fucking stuck up cow - and I obviously was too much of a frigid bitch to have a child myself .

I then had to explain to her that I had moved because I hadn't put my glasses in my bag and had to move to the window or I couldn't read the paper.....which was the truth.

She was and and scuttled off.

But I suspect if I posted that I would get troll shouts now.
I don't know if this is true or not but you do meet mighty odd and agressive people when out shopping.

thedollshouse · 11/02/2010 16:44

I'm not a troll hunter. When I read the OP my immediate thought was this could only happen on MN. If I'm wrong then I apologise to the OP.

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