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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

To the woman who shouted at me in Bluewater...

50 replies

confusedfirsttimemum · 11/02/2010 16:04

Congratulations, you made me cry when I got back to my car.

I was walking past a woman today in Bluewater who was bottle feeding her DD. DD was very cute and I smiled at her. My own DD was in the pram. Woman shouts at me "yes, it's a bottle. Get over it."

Now normally, I'd be tough enough to deal with this. Was only grinning at a cute baby. But DD is not well and has hardly slept the last few nights. Didn't say anything, but got back to my car and burst into tears.

If you're reading this, I get that you clearly have issues around feeding and I'm sorry you feel that way, but congratulations, you made me cry. I was only smiling at your cute daughter. I wasn't judging your feeding method. I wouldn't do that.

And breathe.... Just had to get that off my chest.

OP posts:

tiktok · 11/02/2010 16:49

A little while ago there was at least one thread in which an unhappy mother complained about the looks she had received when bottle feeding her baby at some mother-and-baby event/group. She interpreted these as hostile and felt very angry.

When this was teazed out a bit more, she realised that the hostility was in her head, and it was highly likely these women were not thinking or judging in any way.

So I do think people can feel sensitive to looks - and it's certainly possible that someone very sensitive might actually say something angry as a result.

MadamDeathstare · 11/02/2010 16:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WeddingDaze · 11/02/2010 16:51

From the policy

Unfortunately, it's not always immediately obvious whether a poster is, in fact, a troll. We all tend to be a bit suspicious of new folks posting things of a sensitive or inflammatory nature, but we would rather Mumsnet erred on the side of giving folks the benefit of the doubt and risked being made to look a bit foolish than pounce on someone who turns out to be genuinely in need of help. We hope you agree.

It makes sense, what good would your post do for anyone? Not just yours BTW, i myself can well believe it happened i have seen similar, nowt as qeer as folk after all.

The op was upset and venting, posting that you don't believe her is going to help who exactly? It's not like she asked for a whip round to make her feel better is it?

Blu · 11/02/2010 16:53

She didn't 'make' you cry! She was obviously having a v v bad day of some kind, you are having a bad day (and nights - sorry to hear that), if she shouted like that you could have just thought 'how extremely weird' and walked on by!

I do sympathise, you got yelled at unfairly, but taking it personally just escalates these things.

I hope your dd gets better soon.

Original poster

confusedfirsttimemum · 11/02/2010 17:03

Bu - I know, I know. I am now starting to feel guilty that I didn't hold it together to say something to make her feel better. She probably went home thinking that some stranger judged her and that she gave her a piece of her mind . Nothing like MN- come on here to say how upset I was and everyone gives me a good talking to. Should have phoned my mum if I wanted that .

I promise that I don't normally take these things personally...

OP posts:

Original poster

confusedfirsttimemum · 11/02/2010 17:09

A god, just realised I'll start another troll hunt. When I said "these things", I just meant odd things that happen in life. Not suggesting that these comments get made regularly...

OP posts:

Blu · 11/02/2010 17:11

ooh, you're all right - you were BOTH having a bad day, you BOTH needed someone to say something nice about your respective problems, and the two of you together were a bad mix. Sorry - I sounded horrible - but I find it a good protection mechanism when I am feeling a bit wibbly to remember to try and shrug off other people;s wibblinesses, and that I am in control of me, not some random frantic or deranged stranger .

Original poster

confusedfirsttimemum · 11/02/2010 17:29

Indeed. Tis good advice.

OP posts:

pooexplosionsareimproving · 11/02/2010 23:11

I can believe it. After DS2 was born and suffering bad PND, I went through a stage of pure anger and shouted at people for less. Complete strangers. I once shouted at an old lady in the street
I can well imagine me at that time being the woman in the OP (except imagining/seeing nasty looks for BF rather than FF)

MollieO · 11/02/2010 23:19

I have to say that I would have had some sympathy for the mother. You said the baby looked small so maybe he/she was prem.

I got completely and thoroughly fed up with the looks/comments/questions/judginess when I took ds out in public. As a two month old he looked like a newborn and I'd say he was two months old but born early and whomever was asking would usually make some sympathetic comment. When he got to 5/6 months and was still the size of a newborn people never knew what to say. They would coo (thinking a newborn), ask how old, I'd tell them and they would either walk off or say 'what's wrong with him?'. At one point I just stopped going out in public as I couldn't face the comments/looks etc.

Original poster

confusedfirsttimemum · 12/02/2010 07:54

Oh, poor you MollieO. Baby might have been prem, I just don't know...

Told DH about this last night. He said that only on MN would I have a rant, have it turn into AIBU, decide I was being unreasonable and, by the time he got home, be wittering on about how I didn't stop to say something nice to an obviously distressed mother. Yes, he did say wittering...

OP posts:

belgo · 12/02/2010 07:59

I don't find this hard to believe unfortunately. People can get offended by friendly smiles at their babies - it happened to my mum, she got called a paedophile for smiling at a baby in a shop.

MoChan · 12/02/2010 08:06

I would probably have cried, too, even if I hadn't been having a bad day. But I am over-sensitive, and spend much time hiding in corners fretting/weeping, so that no-one finds out that I'm not rock hard.

Sorry you felt bad. She might have felt bad too.

Bucharest · 12/02/2010 08:07

I think we need to take the bottle out of the equation here.

I've lost count of how many times I've seen a cute baby and not smiled at it because one look at the scary yob of a mother makes my knees a'tremble.

Bet she was one of those women who also shout at old people in supermarkets for taking too long, and the kind of person who at school would be in a gang and shout "what are you looking at?" before she thumped you.

You can put a baby (and a bottle or a breast) in the arms of a yob, it doesn't stop them being a yob.

Really don't see why there are all the and don't believe you posts?

Original poster

confusedfirsttimemum · 12/02/2010 08:10

She didn't look like a scary yob actually. More exhausted and normal!

I think everyone is because MN is permanently troll hunting at the moment and some people wrongly thought I'd namechanged.

OP posts:

nickschick · 12/02/2010 08:13

I was in the post office and watched this mum feed her baby chips from a cone....she seemed to take ages doing it .....all children eat chips at some point or at least my children did but they sort of that sat there eating 1 at a time....well then I looked closer and it seemed a v small pram this baby was tiny!! mum was mushing it up with her thumb then giving it the 'baby'!!!.

The baby started coughing choking and mum pulled her out of her pram and said to me 'shes only 15 weeks but never stops eating'....

An old lady sat there agog the whole time and this woman then shouted to her 'its only chips innit luv not like ive had salt and vinegar on 'em'......so cftm.....it really could have been worse!!

tartyhighheels · 12/02/2010 08:17

I have been had a go at by a woman ff her babe in costa - I was bf my little boy under a pashmina, eating a cake, her friend came over and sat down with a baby giving her a bottle(which turned out to be the lady at the counters baby) on next table to me while the woman got coffee and then returned and said 'let's move, I am not sitting next to that smug bitch!!!' - so sometimes people are horrible for no apparant reason.

All very bizarre and did actually really upset me too.

BadGardener · 12/02/2010 18:37

was it a real pashmina? If so I expect she was jealous

mehdismummy · 12/02/2010 18:58

me and ds were on the tube last year and opposite us a lady was sat bf her baby and gettting tutted at by fellow wankers passengers so ds and i moved and sat next to her and chatted to her until she got off.

nickschick · 12/02/2010 20:11

medhis mummy - i was just thinking about you the other day thinking id not seen u on here for ages....how are ya? hope you are ok.

Bumperlicious · 12/02/2010 20:35

This reminds me of how I like to do that sort of 'sympathetic, mummies in it together' smile, or 'fond isn't your kid cute, mine too' smile to people with littlies IYKWIM, but often do when I am on my own, so people must think I am a bit weird and creepy.

mehdismummy · 13/02/2010 20:05

hi there nick i am good thanks, ds just had his fourth birthday and his all trouble!!

pigletmania · 13/02/2010 22:58

Awww dont worry, I know its hard but she sounds like she has ishoos tbh, or mabey she is a Vicky Pollard type who will shout at anyone who stares. Dont beat yourself up about it

NoseyNooNoo · 13/02/2010 23:16

Well I totally believe it and think the people saying it's made up are either being utter cows or live in a glorious rose-tinted, rose-scented world where no one pciks a fight for the hell of it.

It reminds me of when I was pregnant on a plane and a man had a go at me for no reason. I had to sit on the plane for a good few hours trying not to cry and in the end went to the loo to cry. I guess posting that would have made me a troll too.

BertieBotts · 13/02/2010 23:46

Bumper I do that too - I get smiles back when I am with DS but on my own people often look at me like I am a bit deranged!

I feel bad now, I walked past a couple with a young baby today and smiled at them/the baby and the mum looked at me a bit taken aback, I did notice a bottle on the table but I wasn't specifically looking at it, I suppose my eyes might have rested there for a second... when I walked back past them the dad was feeding the baby so I gave him a big smile instead, hope they didn't think I was some kind of mad person!!

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