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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

Feel a failure can't keep bf as so exhausted!

41 replies

endoxana · 26/01/2010 19:56

DS2 is 14 weeks and feeds all the time every 1-2 hours at night. I haven't slept in 14 weeks and now suffering from insomnia as I see no point in sleeping at all as I feel the next feed will be any minute!
I just can't keep going. Do you think I am wrong to give up. Will ff be the answer? Just so tired I managed 6 months with DS1 but he was different.

OP posts:
icarriedawatermelon2 · 26/01/2010 20:16

You are NOT A FAILURE. If you want to try formular, try it! You can mix feed and see if that helps, will give you some sleep if nothing else. Is DS2 happy and well? How old is DS1?

lal123 · 26/01/2010 20:20

DD is 14 weeks too - and still feeding every 2and half hours or so during the day and every 3 or 4 hours at night - not as often as your little one but I'm still exhausted! Could you express some milk for someone else to give him to allow you some more sleep time? TO be honest I don't think ff is necessarily the answer - you might still have to feed him as often, AND you'll have the additional hassle of having to make up feeds/sterilse everything etc.

And - YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE!!!

Enigmatica · 26/01/2010 20:21

I remember that feeling of not wanting to go to sleep even when I could because I knew I would only be woken up again and feel even worse!

Can you sleep during the day? I mean does he nap? Can someone take him out for a couple of hours for a walk?

I feel for you but I think you may just have to hang on in there a few more weeks...

good luck

MrsVidic · 26/01/2010 20:22

Personally I think the faff of steraslising/ getting to take bottle/ warming etc will be a major pita.

you are not a failure- you have done this for 14 weeks- if you give up you have still done well

can you get any help from anyone ?

Original poster
endoxana · 26/01/2010 20:22

DS2 is a big boy 91st centile and seems well just hungry. DS1 will be 2yrs in February.
I just never thought I would give up even when it was agony at the begining etc. It's amazing what lack of sleep does just feel miserable when I have no reason to be!
Thanks for responding DH is away and non of my friends are at this stage in their lives so can't real talk about this kind of thing!

OP posts:
icarriedawatermelon2 · 26/01/2010 20:23

I think expressing and feeding every 2 hours will be really tough especailly with another child to look after. My midwife said during a discussion about how I would feed baby number 2, due any day, do what makes you happy and baby will be happy too.

CrosswordGeek · 26/01/2010 20:23

Do you have an OH to help you out with formula feeds in the night?

Remember that you may well end up giving the same amount of formula feeds, but will have to make them up each time. Do you think there's a possibility that DS is having a growth spurt or has this been going on the whole time?

icarriedawatermelon2 · 26/01/2010 20:25

You have a 2 year old too! Hats off to you for managing on so little sleep with another little one to look after - you need a pat on the back honey!!

CrosswordGeek · 26/01/2010 20:26

Also, sleep deprivation is a form of torture in some countries, so don't feel bad for wanting some peace! Even if you stop, you have not failed your DS, you have given him the best start that you can for 14 weeks so far.

OhFuck · 26/01/2010 20:27

I would echo the FF warnings, I know some people who did give up BF and swap to FF and were worse off because baby still fed little and often but they couldn't feed lying down and they had the hassle of sterilising etc.

Have you had any success feeding lying down?

Original poster
endoxana · 26/01/2010 20:28

I had a large supply of expressed but have virtually finished it. I just thought ff might keep him satisfied for longer.
However, since I started this thread I made up a ff but he got in a complete state and wouldn't take it so he is now on the breast! Can you imagine a man being able to do that!

OP posts:
thisisyesterday · 26/01/2010 20:28

agree, you can switch to formula and still be up every hour or 2.

try co-sleeping. worked for me with ds2 who fed every 45-90 mins for the first 9 months of his life!

icarriedawatermelon2 · 26/01/2010 20:29

Would topping up with formulafter a feed be worth trying? May increase the gap between feeds.

icarriedawatermelon2 · 26/01/2010 20:32

endoxana, typical! Get DH to have a go after your breastfeed.

LaTrucha · 26/01/2010 20:33

My sympathy to you.

The only thing that got DH and I through this kind of thing was me going to bed when he came home from work having expressed some milk for him ot give to DD (or formula, or both mixed together - you could try htis i fhe doesn't like formula on its own. ALso maybe try different temperatures in the bottle), sleeping until 2am and then taking over. Is there any possiblility of doing something like this?

Co-sleeping as well might help, but a few hours kip on your own is a saviour.

It is hideous. You have my sympathy.

Original poster
endoxana · 26/01/2010 20:33

I have been co-sleeping which has been a huge help but I still fully wake during a feed and lie in quite awkward positions in order to feed and therefore end up with dead arms etc. The night feeds last for about 30mins. I just thought it would have got better by now but last night was midnight, 2am,3am, 5.30am,6.30am and 8.30 and that's fairly normal pattern!

OP posts:
LaTrucha · 26/01/2010 20:36

Yup. I pretty much hated co-sleeping too but it does make things ever so slightly easier.

OhFuck · 26/01/2010 20:37

You poor thing, you must be shattered. At weekends can you get someone to come round and do everything else while you stay in bed? Just sleep and feed and sleep and feed. It might recharge you a little bit.

Supercherry · 26/01/2010 20:38

Second what thisisyesterday says. Co-sleeping could be the way forward. I have a 13wk old DS2 and DS1 is 2 in Feb also so know how you must be feeling, especially if your DP is away.

I co-sleep and although DS2 wakes frequently during the night to feed, it is less disrupting so I don't feel too tired during the day. DS1 still wakes sometimes for milk too.

Undercovamutha · 26/01/2010 20:39

I know exactly how hard it is managing with a newborn and a toddler. Its so different to just having a newborn isn't it - no daytime naps/sleep while the baby is sleeping!!!! Plus the guilt of thinking that you are not being a good mum to DC1 cos you're so tired.

I would give you two pieces of advice:

  1. Think of your WHOLE family (including yourself) when you decide what to do. Do you think you can carry on as you are - if not then something must change. I bfed DC1 for 11m, but only managed to bf DC2 for 6m (4m of those were mix feeding with formula). I had mastitis 3 times with DC2, and he just wasn't interested in feeding, lost weight etc. And I just didn't have the strength to persevere, with having to look after DC1 as well.
  2. Speak to your HV or BF counsellor if you really want to try to carry on bf. See what they suggest. I wish I had spoken to a bf counsellor just in case there was anything I could have done to allow me to keep purely bfing.

Most importantly - when you have 2 DCs you have to learn to take as much help as you can. When your DH or other family is around, take every advantage of having a break. And see if you can get your DC1 into playgroup now and again to give you a break.

Supercherry · 26/01/2010 20:40

Oops, that's one finger typing for you! So you're already co-sleeping then? No suggestions but you have my sympathy.

PeasPlease · 26/01/2010 20:40

Can you try sleeping together at night and / or for naps? It is the only way I got any sleep, we could do a 3 hour stretch in the afternoon with DD latched on

I know when you are in the midst of it all it seems never ending but it wont be long before he is eating food and all this will calm down.

I really feel for you and remember well the horror of it all.

Original poster
endoxana · 26/01/2010 20:41

Thanks I actually feel a lot better just having a moan and hearing that you've all been there too and lived to tell the tale.
I think I'll try topping up after a feed and will have a lazy weekend and stay in pj's.

OP posts:
ShowOfHands · 26/01/2010 20:41

How are you co-sleeping? Where is the baby lying? Where are your arms?

My dd always fed like this, did so until she was much older- 8/9 months ish. Nothing changed it, only time. I had to get better at finding ways to sleep at other times. During the day, whenever anybody would watch her for a couple of hours, in a morning before dh went to work and would take her downstairs for an hour etc. And I got much better at co-sleeping and snoozing through feeds. I couldn't get my arms right at first and woke up constantly.

It's so hard isn't it?

icarriedawatermelon2 · 26/01/2010 20:43

great advice Undercovamutha....I will be remebering that myself any day soon!