Will formula stop me spiralling into depression?

[Picante]

I don't think I can do this anymore. I think I am actually depressed.

DD is 22 weeks. Exclusively bf. Really wanted to do this so badly as dh and ds have allergies.

She doesn't feed well - never has done. She won't wait for a letdown. If the milk's not there immediately she pulls off in frustration. I use the dummy every feed to calm her and re-latch her. This can take up to half an hour - bizarrely takes longer for my letdown to come at night. I also have wonky boobs - I get a letdown quicker on the left one but there's more milk in the right one . This usually leads to numerous side-swapping during a feed.

It's not particularly a supply issue - my boobs can be rock hard but nothing will come out until the (rather intense) letdown. This obviously makes feeds stressful for both parties. I make sure I'm at home when I need to feed - which obviously has implications.

She's still up every 3-4 hours at night to feed, and often wakes inbetween feeds when she's lost her dummy.

I do express - I find this so much easier than feeding, but don't have time to express all her feeds (have 3 year old and work from home). If I don't have any in the fridge I panic when my letdown doesn't come... obviously this stress is not helping a quick letdown!

I'm at my wits end. I'm suffering severe sleep deprivation which is now turning into insomnia so I don't even sleep when she sleeps. I'm not eating properly, not taking care in my appearance and am very tearful.

I don't want to stop bf, but I think that having some formula in the house would take the stress out of feeds sometimes and help her sleep longer?

There's also the idea of weaning her before 6 months as that would mean fewer bfs.

I don't want to beat myself up about introducing formula. Should I stick it out?

Sorry this has been so long. Thanks for reading.

Well I'm sure lots of people will be able to give you great advice on improving the breastfeeding but I just wanted to say that you've done brilliantly, and switching to formula really isn't the end of the world.

I bf exclusively both of mine until 6 months BUT think in your situation I would probably introduce a ff last thing at night - tho not the first time as it may well upset her digestion and make her sleep less.

22 weeks is a long time - well done, I dont think I would have persevered with all that [takes hat off].

Have a plan though for what you will do if you introduce the ff and you still feel down - accept that this might be a possibility. I get much more down when I cut down bf - I rely on those hormones and have stuggled both times when I've stopped.

Good luck.

I think also that you need to get and about and if the ff is the way this can be done then maybe introduce some in the afternoon feed to take the pressure off the expressing.

If you bf less you might enjoy it more iyswim.

tsk get out and about.

Thanks. I think it's the history of allergies that's making me persevere, but I feel like I'm going to have to think about myself a bit or I'll just go crazy.

I could be totally wrong here but I'm sure the atopic disease thing (that's allergies, I think?) isn't one of the very well proven benefits of breastfeeding.

Totally happy to be corrected but I think that might be the case as I was concerned as I have asthma and then I think I either read or was told on here by someone v knowledgable that the evidence isn't particularly strong in tat area.

Also thinking about this 'virgin gut' thing - what's worse - formula or food?

It was tiktok here second post

Someone on here who also knows a lot was sceptical on the virgin gut theory too - think that might have been tiktok (sorry tiktok if it wasn't!)

Will look..

Thanks ghouls

By tiktok Sun 22-Feb-09 10:14:57
I dislike the virgin gut theory, and find the evidence for it extremely thin and unconvincing. The evidence is that breastfeeding has restorative properties anyway - it actually heals any damage which is why it is encouraged as a therapy for babies who have had gastro infections. Yes, formula does affect the gut, but this effect is not permanent.

I'm going to stop quoting tiktok now though as I'm sure she;ll be along herself to explain it all better than I can and help you with whats going on.

I think it would more important to go softly softly with the food Picante - do it old school with a new thing every few days and wait for contentious things - I did this with dd at 26 weeks - it was difficult because she wanted to wolf everything and anything down but worked well in the end.

Depressed and upset mum Vs some or all FF? FF wins out every day in my view. You wouldn't be doing anything awful just helping yourself to cope. You've done brilliantly to get to 22weeks (i only managed 6 weeks exclusively BF and have great admiration for others who do it for longer).

Even if you don't FF could your DH help out with a night feed by giving a bottle so that you can get a bit more sleep some nights?

Hi Picante, I'm in a similar place, have a 23 week old DD who didn't latch on til day 8 so syringe fed for 8 days. Then would only latch on with a nipple shield which we are still using; however she takes about an hour to feed and is feeding 5 times a day and I have stopped going out as by the time I get out she's due a feed again. Have just started formula feeds a couple of times a day just to give me a break and have some kind of life. Went to GP as felt close to cracking up, can't have antidepressants, as told not allowed while bf. Feel really guilty for wanting to have a life and not bf, but keep telling myself more important that we are both happy. My DD has eczema which is why I persevered but I think there comes a time when you have to put yourself first. You've done really well to stick it out this long!!

Thanks littlemefi, I do feel like the only one with an older baby who still has problems feeding. I'm going to see the gp on Tuesday. I feel it's bringing up underlying problems with depression that I've had over the last ten years or so.

Anyone else with advice please?

I think what you do depends on what is most important to you. From an allergy perspective you may be better with careful food than with formula but both would have the same effect on the absorption of breastmilk. Have you had someone look at the quality of the feeding? Someone knowledgable? Or talk to the NCT helpine about this? x

Hi Picante, I'm sure we are not the only ones still having problems feeding, it just seems that way at the min. I do think it would be worthwhile seeing GP, or maybe speak to HV to see if she can offer any help/advice. xx

Just an idea (that I've proably read on here at some point!) but if you want to continue with breastfeeding, maybe try expressing for a couple of minutes to get things going before latching her on. Might help with her frustration at slow let down.

Also, maybe express from the other side when she is latched on, means you don't have to make time to express.

Just wanted to say well done for sticking it for so long. you say you 'really wanted to do this' as if you haven't managed to - but you have - for ages!
Good luck with whatever you decide, my own thought is that you are beyond the 'tiny baby' stage now and she will have benefited masses already so don't worry too much about it. I know that is unhelpful advice though.

littlemefi - HV and GP advice about breastfeeding is patchy. As I have recently discovered neither recieve any formal training on it and often aren't sure how to support breastfeeding correctly. The best people to speak to are Independent Board Certified Lactation Consultants or breastfeeding helplines who can put you onto the right people.

Picante you do sound down. I totally agree with bambipie - you have already succeeded in terms of longevity. Sounds like your samity might benefit from trying to either make the feeding less stressful for you (can't hurt to have it looked at) or introduce a bit of formula or solids (to try to give you a rest) depending on how you feel about doing any of those things. The trouble is working out how you really feel because you sound so down. Speaking to the NCT helpline, for example, might help you work out how you really feel and where to go with it. It is scary waiting for them to answer or call back but they have really helped me with my worries this week. I called several helplines but NCT gave me the most useful advice.
x

Poor you, Picante. We've shared some difficulties before, haven't we? DDs are about the same age. We introduced a bottle of formula a couple of weeks ago as I was no longer able to keep up with the expressing enough to give her the expressed bottle in the evening. Although she was a bit sick the first few nights (mostly because she guzzled it down with such enthusiasm!), it all seems to have settled down. We've also started baby led weaning (on advice of paediatrician to start 'early'). This is going amazingly well. Breastfeeding has improved beyond belief - I'm SO much more confident about it, we've found a couple of new positions that we're both more comfortable with and I'm feeding at least as many times in the day as before starting the BLW. We're concerned about allergies too - so introducing foods slowly and carefully (avocado seemed to cause skin reaction).
I don't know if any of this is helpful to you, but for us it was the best way to carry on breastfeeding (weight gain 'too slow'). Only bad things for us is that I HATE the smell of the formula milk and I'm mourning the end of breastfed poo!
Re: depression. I seem to be avoiding any relapse (10+year history too) but would definitely have acted on changing feeding if I'd thought it was coming back again.

God god you two, over 20 weeks bfing with all those problems and you are beating yourselves up about a bit of formula?
You have both done brilliantly and whatever you decide you shoudl be proud of the fact that you have persevered this long.

Forgot to add. I stopped expressing completely a few days ago - had been doing one session each day to supplement the formula. I immediately felt a huge weight lift, that I didn't even know was there, the moment I made the decision to stop. It was only a few minutes each day, DD sat and watched me, but I'd grown to hate it (I exclusively expressed for first 4-5 weeks as DD couldn't latch on). I feel liberated now!

So this baby is 5 and a half months? Is a bit of sensible weening (no gluten etc) really going to harm her????

Well done for going on this long, really you have done amazingly well, much much longer than most people can manage. The thing here is not about the baby, it is about you. You sound really pushed and honestly, baby aside, weaning or formula aside, try to seek some help for yourself as you seem very down. You will not damage your daughter by weaning her a couple of weeks early, the guidlines for weaning are no gluten before 6 months, and we are talking about a couple of weeks.... it's just not that vital. She could just be a bit hungry and if you are sleep deprived then the quality of the milk might be dropping a bit, formula weaning or indeed both isn't going to harm her at this stage.

What you do have is a baby and a three year old and working from home (a mixed blessing for some)and you sound a bit depressed so go and have a chat to the doc if he/she is nice or HV because what you are experiencing is not unusual.

Aw thanks you guys. I am down - possibly delayed PND? I know I should feel proud of what I've done but I wanted to bf for at least a year - not sure that's going to happen.

I'm going to get some formula today (I think I'll relax a bit knowing it's in the house) and have ordered a highchair.

I do express before feeds sometimes - but it seems so stressful to feel a letdown then try to pull of the pump/latch her on without milk going everywhere!

Great to hear from you belinda and thanks for sharing your solution - I think I'm going to do the same. I just hope she's not allergic to dairy like ds.

I'll try a helpline but I don't think there's much they can do with a baby who doesn't like breastfeeding!

Thanks again.