Will formula stop me spiralling into depression?

[Picante]

I don't think I can do this anymore. I think I am actually depressed.

DD is 22 weeks. Exclusively bf. Really wanted to do this so badly as dh and ds have allergies.

She doesn't feed well - never has done. She won't wait for a letdown. If the milk's not there immediately she pulls off in frustration. I use the dummy every feed to calm her and re-latch her. This can take up to half an hour - bizarrely takes longer for my letdown to come at night. I also have wonky boobs - I get a letdown quicker on the left one but there's more milk in the right one . This usually leads to numerous side-swapping during a feed.

It's not particularly a supply issue - my boobs can be rock hard but nothing will come out until the (rather intense) letdown. This obviously makes feeds stressful for both parties. I make sure I'm at home when I need to feed - which obviously has implications.

She's still up every 3-4 hours at night to feed, and often wakes inbetween feeds when she's lost her dummy.

I do express - I find this so much easier than feeding, but don't have time to express all her feeds (have 3 year old and work from home). If I don't have any in the fridge I panic when my letdown doesn't come... obviously this stress is not helping a quick letdown!

I'm at my wits end. I'm suffering severe sleep deprivation which is now turning into insomnia so I don't even sleep when she sleeps. I'm not eating properly, not taking care in my appearance and am very tearful.

I don't want to stop bf, but I think that having some formula in the house would take the stress out of feeds sometimes and help her sleep longer?

There's also the idea of weaning her before 6 months as that would mean fewer bfs.

I don't want to beat myself up about introducing formula. Should I stick it out?

Sorry this has been so long. Thanks for reading.

picante - you have been on a couple of my threads

i would say go for the formula

DD is EBF BUT due to awful sleep deprivation this week, my MIL had her over night and gave her some formula and breast milk

i feel no guilt (DD is a very enthusiastic feeder - every hour in the day and during her growth spurt every 2 hours at night) and i have done every single feed day and night since she was born 4 months ago

i think you should see your GP - sometimes even talking to someone else can make you feel better

i have had formula and bottles in the house since she was born as a back up and they have mainly stayed there ... good to know i had them in though so i do understand that part

PND can happen a long time after the birth of a child

sometimes years IIRC

So sorry you're feeling like Picante. Please remember that you have done brilliantly to persevere through all the problems. From what I understand, continuing breastfeeding is more likely to stave off genuine depression, due to the release of hormones. What you are expressing (no pun intended) sounds more like deep frustration to me, coupled with extreme tiredness.

I am wondering whether she is pulling off because she's used to getting the milk more quickly from a bottle- are you using the smallest possible aperture for her teats? (although even the newborn size is faster than feeding straight from me I find).

It's not all that easy, working from home with a baby this age, is it? I'm currently in a bit of a state with work as well, so I completely understand. I console myself with the thought that it doesn't last for ever, and will be over before we know it- they'll be on solids within a month or two.

You have to do what suits you best. Being frazzled may not be the best solution for any of you. You have done brilliantly to feed her for this long, you must remember that.

Well I gave her a bottle of formula this morning and burst into tears. Feel so overwhelmingly guilty. Googling symptoms of PND describe me to a tee.

Guess at least I've recognised the problem. Don't want to stop bf altogether but not sure my supply will cope with drop in feeds.

Thanks all for your advice.

Oh Pic, it's OK to feel sad. You have gone longer with the exclusive bfing than 95% of other women already thought! She's nearly 6 months- many people have started solids by now.

Giving a bottle is not a sentence for the breastfeeding at all either and if you can bring the breast feeds down to a manageable number for you (given the feeding problems your daughter has) then you will start to feel better about them, I reckon. Hang in there, you're nearly over the hardest bit.

oh PIcante - i so get why you feel sad

have you spoken to your GP?

Yes seeing doc tomorrow.

Can she give me stuff that's compatible with breastfeeding?

can't believe you are going through all this and working too! I have spent all day until now getting a bit of tidying done - you're a star!

picante i have a 21 weeker and at 13 weeks stopped enjoying the pressure of BF whilst caring for an older child. unlucky for me DD2 wouldn't accept a bottle and this didn't help with the feeling of being trapped, but i perservered. SIL advised introducing 1 oz formula a day so i wouldn't keep chucking out expressed milk which made me feel worse, i have now progressed to feeding formula 4-5oz three times a day with BF first thing through the night and at bath time. I also dream feed FF when I go to bed.

I am still battling with insomnia and sheer exhaustion but feel sooo much better now i am not having to BF all day. so far my supply hasn't suffered and enjoy BF more this way. I hope to only FF now during daylight hours and BF therafter. hopefully with weaning in sight she will start to stop night feeds in the near future too then she will be exclusivly FF and on solids sometime after 6 months (thats the plan...but i know she'll have other ideas). I feel so proud that i took her this far and now its for me to introduce 'safe' foods (we have excema in family which is mainly why i perserved with BF but to be honest her skin was showing signs of it already without having been FF).

good luck and remember you have done your LO the world of good already. Now its time to look after YOU.....

Ladies,

just a quick note abouts ADs and bfing...there are lots of different antidepressants you can take while bfing. Print this out here and take to GPs with you.

I stopped bfing at 8 months with DD1 and switched to formula - found it very depressing. Had been told no ADs whilst bfing.

Did my research second time round, took Ads and bfed til DD2 was 3 years old...off the ADs now too .

My advice would be to mix feed and see how you feel but also pester GP and don't be fobbed off.

Good Luck

Gosh I'm awe you've lasted this long - I was in a similar position situation when DD2 was born last year and gave up BF at 8 weeks.

Other than the guilt of not continuing, I started feeling better almost straight away. I see now that lack of sleep made my view on things massively distorted - I was convinced DD2 would suffer if I didn't exclusively bf for 6 months. But she's absolutely fine, of course.

Whatever you do, remember you've given your LO an amazing start, you should be very proud of yourself

Thanks laundrylover I'll take that with me.

Got even more to be depressed about now... shortly after the formula she had red patches around her mouth, then later on in the day her whole torso went bright red.

At least I know she was born with the allergy and I could have done nothing to prevent it.

It may be worth getting your thyroid tested to rule out underactive thyroid also.

I was prescribed ADs for PND before I found out I had this; the thyroxetine I was prescribed was infinitely more effective.

I must stress this was just my experience though- a thyroid function blood test would rule this out.

My personal experience was that giving up BF helped my mental health immensly. My ds was a difficult feeder, pulling off, screaming- i couldn't do it in public as the screams made everyone look and him pulling off left me totally exposed. I could never have a break and began to resent him

The week i gave him formula my sister looked after him for a few hours and it was wondefuL

I have PND and although it didn't go when i started mix feeding and then FF it helped immensely. I would have completely lost the plot if i had continued.

It sounds like you are having a really rough time Picante. Im so sorry your baby had a reaction to the formula. I dont know anything about alternatives to cows milk based formula, but just wanted to add that anti-depressants can be used whilst breastfeeding.

Personally i have used paroxetine (great but a bugger to come off without horrible side effects) and citalopram (am on it now, breastfeeding a 2yr old and 8mo preg with number two - no intention of coming off it!). If your GP is one of the few who dont want to prescribe ADs to a breastfeeding mum then go to a different one. I have seen a lot of consultants about this and they have always been really angry about GPs who refuse to prescribe a small dose of ADs to someone who clearly needs it.

Good luck with the doctors tomorrow. xx

picante Yes you can absolutely take antidepressants while BFing. The drug they seem to recommend is Sertraline, an SSRI. I have PND and was recommended it by my GP. I was also referred to a senior consultant psychiatrist at UCH hospital (history of depression and family history of PND), who also recommended Sertraline. You can Google it, and the BFing Network website also has good advice about drugs in breastmilk. The research indicates that the drug barely makes it into your breastmilk, and if you are really bothered about it, the drug is at is strongest concentration in your milk about 8 hours after you take it, so just give the baby a bottle of formula or EBM then. They said there is no need to 'pump and dump' either i.e. you don't need to express milk at this time to chuck it away the drug will just be reabsorbed back into your body and won't linger in the milk.

Do go to your GP and I hope they are helpful -- mine was lovely and had obviously just been on the PND course as he was incredibly kind, referred me to various people left right and centre and had me coming in once a week to check up on me! You have done so brilliantly well, you mustn't feel bad, and it does sound like you really are. Sometimes it takes outsiders to get you to notice it.

I didn't take the drugs because I ended up feeling a lot better once I started getting some sleep (when my DS was about 6/8 weeks). Also FWIW, I introduced a bottle of formula every night, as there was no way I could express enough to meet my DS's demands. He guzzled it down and slept for 7 hours so I think he was hungry! My DH does that bottle and it is a LOVELY feeling handing over the responsibility of feeding the baby over to someone else, if only for one feed. The GP and the consultant both said do NOT worry about your supply drying up, it won't with one bottle, esp. for you who have been going for 22 weeks! I felt SO much better when I made that decision. Good luck to you.

Thanks. The doc didn't seem to have much time for me but prescribed paroxetine - I've been on it before so at least I know it works. I just have the fact that it takes a few weeks to work.

I got some goats milk formula today - she loved it and had no reaction.

Thanks to everyone who's replied to me in this thread - I really do appreciate it.

Well done picante for getting this far, and glad to hear about the goats milk formula.

I am sorry but not surprised that your doc didn't seem to have much time for you.

As well as the ADs there is masses you can do to help yourself, not least get some rest if someone else can now do the night feeds. (I say rest, like you I couldn't sleep but I should really have lied down and taken it easy as much as possible). I am sure you must have put your finger on it when you mention sleep deprivation- it does awful awful things to us. Giving up bf really helped my mental health, I was sure it was to do with sharing the feeding but also a big hormonal shift, even though I wept buckets as I did it! (blame the hormones!)

Just checking in that you're doing all the obvious boring stuff too to enhance your mental health- eating properly, getting some exercise (yoga? swimming?), keeping in touch with friends, reading more about PND here here and here and treasuring yourself. (Sorry to be cheesy at the end, but I have been there and I purely beat myself up for many months even though I was doing a bloody difficult job- and you are doing even more than me with two and working from home!).

really really don't feel guilty - that is ridiculous - never breast fed mine at all ( and I'm educated and middle class) and they are great. would have got depressed if I had. Happy mother much much more importnat

Well done Picante - i hope you notice a difference with the ADs soon. Keep plodding on with bfing in the meantime and the goats milk formula....if you stop bfing now I reckon you might regret it when the ADs lick in. That morning bfeed is the loveliest thing ever.

Shout again if you need us!

Thanks

Well done Picante, I hope you feel a bit better soon. Be gentle with yourself. You are doing really well.