Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

MIL annoying me now!

31 replies

jomummy2 · 12/01/2010 11:48

I actually get on really well with my MIl but she is now really beginning to annoy me with her 'HELPFUL' advice.

I am breastfeeding my 9 week old daughter and have had a few initial problems with masitis and blocked ducts but overall love breastfeeding her. At 5 weeks i began expressing a bottle during the day and added a touch of formula for her last feed at 7pm. (about 2/3 breast 1/3 formula). She now sleeps from 7pm til about 4:30am which is just fantastic in my opinion. In the day however she is quite demanding in her feeds and only seems to be happy when attached to my breast. Not content in her bouncer and only cat naps through the day.

My MIL never BF and was always making digs about 'noone getting a turn at feeding her' (like she was a toy). Whenever i speak to her she goes on aboput my giving her ore bottle and that she just isn't satified with my milk in the day and not content and would be with bottle and a dummy. She keeps saying i cant keep on BF all day and getting no break from her and if i don't give her a bottle she'll never move off my breast etc etc (you get the picture)

It really * me off now. I love breastfeeding my daughter despite the problems i've had, she has a bottle at her last feed (although does like a bit of breast either before or after the bttle feed)

I figure she sleeps so well at night how can anyone moan at her for stocking up like she does during the day???????

i keep saying to her that i'm enjoying breastfeeding etc but the digs and ADVICE keep coming. The latest being a dummy will reduce dramatically the risk of cot death.

ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHHH sorry just wanted to rant!!!!!!!

OP posts:
LadyintheRadiator · 12/01/2010 11:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Doodleydoo · 12/01/2010 11:55

Jo

The ever helpful MIL advice! Do you know the amount of girls who I know who had fab relationships that went a little stale with their MIL after the arrival of their bundle of joy? Madness I tell you!

In fact you need to get your DH to tell her to back off (in a nice way!)as it is hard enough being a mum with a little one and all the hormones without the interference of someone else. Its unfortunate it is your MIL as if your own mother you could tell them where to go (generally!!!)

I don't have any really helpful suggestions, only to keep calm (good for your baby) and stick to your guns. You are not doing anything wrong. It might be worth trying to express a bit more if you can and then you can see how much is going in to your dc.

All little ones are different and I have to say (I know all the recent jazz about Gina.....) that reading a couple of books really helped me to get myself to grips with things. I read one called the Baby Whisperer which just gave me an idea of feeding, sleeping, changing, but with encouragement iyswim. That being said might not be for all.

Fantastic news with the sleeping - just imagine if you get your dc to 10pm then you would get a full nights sleep at 9 weeks! Fabulous!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I know I haven't been massively helpful but I hope it sorts itself out. Remember YOU are the mother not the MIL and your baby your choice.

Good luck and hope it all works out!

ItsGrimUpNorth · 12/01/2010 11:56

It's not about having turns. It's what's best for the child.

Your MIL sounds well childish. Stamps foot and shouts, "I want a turn." Oh do grow up.

pookamoo · 12/01/2010 11:58

YOU are doing really well.

Your DD is only 9 weeks, it sounds like she is sleeping so well at night, and feeding all day is what most 9 week olds seem to do anyway!

I think you will find the MN opinion is "nod and smile" at MIL and tell her you'll be doing things your way thanks.

Doodleydoo · 12/01/2010 11:59

ItsGrim - you are so right!

I have found many grandparents become far more child like and spoilt expecting to be #1. Freaky women!

"My Turn" indeed.

TheCrackFox · 12/01/2010 11:59

Well you could say something like "well DD is being BF but there is still plenty you could do with her, like take her out for a walk in the park".

Or you could tell her to "piss off"

Doodleydoo · 12/01/2010 12:01

I have to say Jo if with my dc I spend my 1st 3 months on the sofa feeding AND getting 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep I will be delighted. How lovely in this yucky weather to have the excuse to sit down and do nothing but cuddle a little bundle. Bliss. Am quite jealous as I sit at work!

Doodleydoo · 12/01/2010 12:02

Ooh, have just had another thought - at weaning time when you can't be bothered to bend down and pick all the debris off the floor - that could be the MIL turn!!!!!!!

mistlethrush · 12/01/2010 12:04

How about handing her over for nappy changes - 'here, there is something you can do for/with her - its your turn'

Original poster
jomummy2 · 12/01/2010 12:09

i know she means well but she offered her advice with ds1 and weent on about how her son (my hubby) started on bby rice at 10 weeks etc etc and wasnt breastfed and now a big manager etc etc and did him no harm. and now is going on about it all again with my daughter and why is bf is the new thing etc etc.

crackfox - would love to tell her to piss off. at the moment i'm just smiling and nodding and saying i enjoy breastfeeding

OP posts:
Original poster
jomummy2 · 12/01/2010 12:12

haha -loving all your suggestions x

OP posts:
mistlethrush · 12/01/2010 12:17

If she's goign to start on the 'dh has a good job and not bf' line, I'd suggest a sneeky dig back - whilst dh might be in a good job, just think what he might have done if she'd bf him' Please everyone, don't think I'm getting at those that don't bf - just trying to come up with suggestions that the OP might find helpful!!!

Original poster
jomummy2 · 12/01/2010 12:21

yeah he'd be a director and on another 20k haha and i'd be a headteacher rather than just a teacher. This thread is making me feel better already

OP posts:
mistlethrush · 12/01/2010 12:22

There you go - if she's going to use that as an arguement, you now have your response!!!!

moondog · 12/01/2010 12:29

God, what a pain in the arse she sounds.
My response would be 'Snout out lady!' but I suspect you are nicer than I.
The nod and smile, saying nothing but carrying on exactly as yuo are is very poewrful actually and will show her you are not in the slightest bit bothered.

Arguing back suggests you feel you have to justify yourself and you don't.

tartyhighheels · 12/01/2010 12:37

My MIL never BF - that'll be the reason she is doing this then.

You need to (or your partner needs to) have a nice quiet word with her. Not in anger but say, look this is all new. I am going to do this and I want your support. Please stop giving me advice, all Mothers find their own way and I would like to find mine with my child. I am sorry you feel left out but this stage doesn't last for a long time and you have a lifetime of pleasure from this child so please do not undermine me.

Crikey, she knows as well as we all do that breast is best so don't bother to justify yourself to her. She is clearly lacking in the common sense you have so don't waste your breath.

It is also important to stake your claim with your child at this early stage because if she gets away with this goodness only knows what tricks she will pull in the later years (can you tell I speak from experience?). Put her in her place.

Or you could tell her to piss off - which with my ex MIL was my preferred option.

Keep up the good work, a lot of this 'advice' is borne out of jealousy. You are doing an excellent job with a thriving happy baby that sleeps magnificently and snacking a lot during the day is not a sign of disatisfaction it is a sign of a baby wanting to be close to her Mother which is entirely correct and natural. Well done you.

cathylb · 12/01/2010 13:27

we had a similar prob when my ds was born. my husband said to her "it's not about turns - but if it was, it's catherine's turn now, you've been a mummy".
alternatively she can have a "turn" when she can produce breast milk!

moondog · 12/01/2010 13:39

Thec jealousy angle is so true.Peopel find it hard to accept (Christ knows why) that what a baby wants is to be close to its mother, not toys and mobiles and dummies and being passed around like a parcel.)

I like your dh's answer Cathy!

LoveBeingAMummy · 12/01/2010 13:49

jomummy2 - I don't think anyone had picked this point up however your MIL is right about the dummy. I remember reading on here about the research which said that a baby put to bed with a dummy reduced the risks of cotdeath.

That a side you have a choice you can say something to try and shut her up or get your Dh to do it.

StayFrosty · 12/01/2010 13:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Treadmillmom · 12/01/2010 14:06

I've BF all of my 3 children and I can say I am blessed with the perfect MIL.
She did get a little over excited when DS1, her very first grand child was born and did drive me a little nuts, she settled down though.
So, what I used to do when she'd visit (suited us both)I'd hand him over after a feed then she had all the time in the world to wind him, cuddle him, change his nappy, bath him, dress him up, take him out in the pram etc.
She'd have him all to herself and I got a couple of hours peace.
Everyone happy.
jomummy2, this is not directed at you but I think allot of women are so precious about their babys and their MILs. We mustn't forget they are mothers too, with plenty of valuable advice and they love their grandchildren without limit and though they do not always do things your way, they'd never harm a hair on that childs head and will guard them like a ferocious dog.
SO C'MON, BIG UP THE MILs.

Doodleydoo · 12/01/2010 14:47

Treadmill - you are one very lucky woman to have a beloved MIL. Mine likes to tell me how much harder my life is going to get as we "haven't quite got there yet" because her other Grandchild is more tricky and basically has MIL doing everything the opposite way to the way the parents do it so constant battle and poor child is completely lost in the middle. My perfect child hasn't got more difficult yet but I am waiting for the tricky teenage years and that is when the MIL can keep her!

trellism · 12/01/2010 14:54

I would be tempted to say that your dd is a baby, not a lamb in a petting zoo. But then I'm quite a rude person.

There are plenty of other things MIL could be doing to help you care for the baby.

Original poster
jomummy2 · 18/01/2010 11:54

i have to say i love my mil and we do have an extremely good relationship. I always hand my dd over to her once i've fed her and she then winds her and has cuddles. i just find it very tiring now that she repeatedly talks about the breastfeeding and how i'll never get her off my boob if i dont give her a bottle etc etc. Was just making me want to scream which is why i came on here to do it.

still bf and loving it and wont be stopping until we are both ready x

OP posts:
jaggythistle · 18/01/2010 14:16

I know how you feel, my MIL must have burning ears as she has featured in too many of my internet rants.

It is hard when they have never bf and think they are helping I guess. My S is also a first grandchild so there was much excitement!

As a slight bonus for me, she now has a second grandchild who has been ff from birth, she got to give the baby a bottle at about 3 days old... She is already telling my H how long baby sleeps for "I'll bet jaggythistle would give her eye teeth for that much sleep". She doesn't mean to gloat, so I am restraining myself. New baby is only a few weeks old and still quite sleepy.

Anyway, good luck thinking of a polite version of piss off .

I have failed so far, it's only been 4 months though.