What does "it gets better" mean in reality?

[pinkscarf]

Hi all

DS is 5 weeks and I'm exclusive breastfeeding. Feeds can take anytime from 45 mins to 1 1/2 hrs with him taking both breasts and including a quick nappy change in the middle (the LC I've seen says that length of time is normal and he's had good weight gain etc). The feeds are frequent enough that in the gaps I barely have time to feed myself and recharge in time for the next feed. I have flat nipples and DS has a tongue-tie so it's been a bit of a chore getting to this point.

Everyone says that it gets better soon and to hang in there. But what does "it gets better" really mean in practice? I know all babies are different but what "better" things did you notice and when did they take place?

Also just wanted to say thanks to all the posters on the forums - as a new Mum I've found them really helpful and reassuring!

It hurts less.
Feeds take less time.
You don't have to even think about positioning, it just happens. I.e. you can latch on, stand up and walk and fill kettle and put it on.
You don't have to encourage baby to open wide.

(My experience anyway)

For me, about 12 weeks, but I think that is longer than the norm.

Plus, you can hold a conversation / eat a sandwich with your other hand / just hold baby in general direction and they latch on themselves.

PS my DS was jaundice and very sleepy, so we did have a bit of a rocky start too.

PPS when they first giggle or smile at you whilst feeding is the BEST feeling ever.

it doesn't hurt, it doesn't take as long, it's not as frequent, the whole thing works and becomes more flexible....

make sandwiches and soup when you can and have a few 'shove in the mouth' items handy, I used to have a jug of cordial ready too....

How bad is the tongue tie? DSS 1&2 had that and both fed well, ds2 couldn't poke his tongue out to his lips even and then it was forked.

If this is your only baby (you say you are a new mum) I would just try to live your life as much as you can while feeding. Watch the telly, read a book, talk on the phone etc make the most of all this time sitting down you have. One bit of advice the MW gave me with my first when feeding was taking forever was always sort yourself out first. So even if the baby is screaming make sure you have your tea or whatever you need to hand before you start as you might be sitting a long time.

I found from about 8 weeks that Ds would feed much more quickly (now 13 weeks and 10 mins per side max) and latch doesmn't really matter anymore. Also can MN while feeding!

you get to the point where you don't even notice you're doing it.
I was bf ds once while following dd round a play area and I suddenly realised I had just gone down a slide while bf!

good advice, get yourself comfortable before you start the feed.

Breastfeeding will get easier as you both get used to it.

However, 'it gets better' as applied to being a parent in general is, IME, lies all lies.

It never gets better, it just changes. Sorry.

It doesn't hurt (and for me it hurt like hell for 16 weeks and I'd given up thinking it could get better).

You and dc get really good at it and you don't have to think about all the things you had to worry about at the beginning.

Dc grows and their mouth grows and that can make things easier (did for me anyway).

You get good at different positions so you can feed lying down, out and about, wherever you are and whatever you're doing.

Feeds get more efficient and you can plan your day round things other than feeding.

There generally starts to be more time between feeds, they generally sleep more at night so you don't feel so tired.

Just my experience but boy, did it get better .

Ditto what the others have said, you both get much better at it and it definitely gets easier to latch on (like automatic!) and much, much quicker! I spend months researching cloth nappies on the internet whilst feeding with one hand because it was such a long, slow process.

I've had three babies (all breastfed) and it is SOOOOOOOOOOOOO TRUE that you blink and they are 2, 5 , 10 or whatever years old.

This is the one time in your life that you will, with a totally clear conscience, be able to sit and feed and do very little else in a day. Enjoy it. It is precious beyond belief, I can't tell you this enough.

All the above, plus your supply regulates with the baby so you don't get engorged all the time, and leak a lot less (I stopped wearing breast pads at all at about 8 weeks)

Thanks for all those quick responses!

I've tried to just embrace it, and am happily neglecting everything else, but being tied to the sofa is getting me down, although not as much as the night feeds which tend to be longer and harder - I assume because I'm tired! I don't feel I have time for expressing so it's just me feeding (DP changes and settles him at night to give me a chance to rest).

Think I've been lucky as it doesn't hurt now and am getting better at doing things with my free hand (I wrote the first post at the same time as feeding). But I can't feed him without using this big cushion/shelf thing to take all his weight so it's hard to see how I'll ever be able to go out again!

Oh the tongue-tie is not too bad now. It was cut and re-fused a bit but it's much better than it was at first - DS loves sticking it out now he can

Oh yes, I forgot about needing a cushion Yes that stops at about 3-4 months I think? You can sort of latch them on at a slight angle so that they are sitting with their weight in your lap.

pinkscarf I struggle to feed without a pillow so either I take out a small firm cushion with me or I fold up my fleece or a bulky jumper and use that instead. Don't let BF stop you from getting out & about.

I have used a folded-up front carrier as a cushion in the past, also a small rucksack. Just whatever you've got with you, really! It's not so tempting at this time of year as it is with a summer baby though.

Thanks for the tips!

Not really in a hurry to try them out in this weather though

IMO "it gets better" means that you start to trust the process of BF. You just trust and accept that your body and your babies body will work in sync if you follow his lead. Its a big leap of faith!

Very well put logrrl for me this didn't happen til around 16 weeks wish I'd had the faith sooner! DD now 7 months and I never thought I'd say this but I love bf...

It really does get better, I don't just mean you learn to put up with it it gets better. And if it really doesn't get better for you, you can always stop. But you sound like you're doing really well. I can only really compare it to a job, when you've started it you worry about it and second-guess everything you're doing, but 6 months in and you could do it in your sleep!

For me, it was when I actually looked down and think, ah, isn't this nice, baby is feeding and I am having a sit-down, rather than AAAAAAAAAARG this is taking so long, I could be doing the washing up.

That day will come, honestly.

Someone on MN told me that bf was nature's way of getting new mothers to sit around to get their strength back after building a baby and giving birth. I found that quite a nice thought as I spent 10 hours a day pinned to the sofa. The night feeds were helped when I started doing them in bed rather than exiling myself to the cold living room and the World Service. That was possible only when DD started latching on much better and not constantly falling off and screaming but it was a fantastic change.

It really varies from baby to baby but for me it was about 12 weeks with DC3 where I felt it got easier. One day I didn't need a cushion and he went from feeding 12-14 times a day (for nearly an hr each feed) to 8 times a day (and anything from 10-30min a feed).

Now he is 27 weeks and he still feeds between 6-8 times a day but very short and efficient; Usually 20 min for both breasts. Getting on and off is 2nd nature and I am amazed how "easy" it is now.

He was also tongue tied and cluster feeding made me so sore but as his mouth has gotten bigger it is not so much of a chore.

I really wish I had known how easy it could get (especially by the 5th month) as I gave up bf the older 2 DC's by 4 months. Anyhow, since it has "clicked" I have decided to continue bf as we start the solids.

Hope it works for you and remember just take it one feed at a time.

You won't be even thinking about what you're doing and you'll be able to answer threads like this