What does "it gets better" mean in reality?

[pinkscarf]

Hi all

DS is 5 weeks and I'm exclusive breastfeeding. Feeds can take anytime from 45 mins to 1 1/2 hrs with him taking both breasts and including a quick nappy change in the middle (the LC I've seen says that length of time is normal and he's had good weight gain etc). The feeds are frequent enough that in the gaps I barely have time to feed myself and recharge in time for the next feed. I have flat nipples and DS has a tongue-tie so it's been a bit of a chore getting to this point.

Everyone says that it gets better soon and to hang in there. But what does "it gets better" really mean in practice? I know all babies are different but what "better" things did you notice and when did they take place?

Also just wanted to say thanks to all the posters on the forums - as a new Mum I've found them really helpful and reassuring!

I agree with what everyone else has said re shorter feeds, easier to latch (Ds is now 9mo and grabs the breast and pulls it into his mouth )etc but I would also add that it improved for me at about 8/9wks by which time I had learnt to "read" ds' cries a bit more, and worked out that actually he wasn't always hungry when he cried, in fact quite often he was just tired. So whereas previously the answer would always be to try bf first (and if he wasn't really hungry usually resulted in an hour or so of on/off feeding) I instead tried just rocking him/cuddling him etc (or gave him to dh to do that) and quite often he would fall asleep. This was hugely helpful in the evenings where previously it felt as if he had fed continuously from c5pm-11pm!

Oh and for the long feeds, esp at night, I always made sure I had a book with me (usually easy reading trash, too tired for anything else!) as that made the feeds go quicker and I found that if I wasn't sitting there thinking oh get on with it then ds would actually get on with it quicker iyswim!

From something like 3-4 months my DD fed 5-10 mins each side about 7 times a day if that helps at all. It seemed to gradually improve from 6 weeks too, it doesn't just all come magically at 12 weeks.

Great question.

'It gets better' usually means it gets better so gradually, little bit by little bit, that you don't notice it for quite a long time.

You need to try and change your mindset and change your perception of time. Much easier said than done.

Its not just that bf gets easier but you get more used to looking after your baby and, first, it will sleep for longer in the evening so you begin to feel as though you have a life separate to the baby (even if that life is only watching TV!) and then it sleeps for longer at night meaning you get more sleep and are therefore everything gets easier as you're not operating through a fog of sleep deprivation (or not such a thick fog anyway!).

As others have said, the feeds will probably get shorter, be further apart and you'll get used to doing them in other places so you can get out and about more.

DD is now 11 weeks and for the last month I feel as though I can get on with everyday life and stop now and then to feed whereas before that everything revolved around feeding.

it took me about 12 weeks for things to feel somewhat normal, though DS still fed for 45 minutes every 2.5-3 hours until he was fully on solids around 8 months. Then it was a piece of cake and we made it to 17 months. (by then just a quick bedtime feed.)

What everyone else said - you both get better at it, it stops hurting, it takes less time, and the gaps between feeds get longer. Also, you jettison all the equipment: you won't need pillows/cushions/chairs/to sit in a special position etc.

On the other hand, DD is now 2 and spends all day running round like a lunatic, talking non-stop and requiring constant entertaiment. I miss those early weeks when we could just sit there for hours cuddling!! (And in blissful silence because her mouth was full!)