How did you make your decision?

[CrosswordGeek]

Why did you choose breast or bottle feeding?
Why didn't you choose the alternative?
Do you have any regrets?

Genuine intrigue!

I wouldnt have bf as I dont like it, it freaks me out. Irrational maybe, but thats why it wouldnt have been a choice for me. I was rasied in a family where bf is the norm, but I go against the grain! The thought of anyone suckling me was absoloutely horrifying!

I do suspect it was because my first baby was stillborn. I vividly remember being in the shower a day or two after she was born/died, and having milk streaming down me and it was horrendous. I dont think I ever managed to disassociate breastfeeding from babies dying in my head.

But luckily (?) for me three children later and I have never produced breastmilk again so never had to face that.

Only ever considered breastfeeding as that is what my relatives / close friends had done. Reasons were health benefits, bonding, cost (though I've spent loads on nice nursing bras) and so on.

When I was struggling at the beginning after a terrible birth, thrush, etc I read Politics of Breastfeeding which helped keep me going.

No regrets 7 months in, although sometimes I wish she was better at taking a bottle of EBM but oh well. I'm lucky that I have 12 months off from work so don't have to worry about day time milk feeds until she's well established on solids.

If I have a second DC I think I'd probably make more of an effort to give them EBM more often to ensure I can get out and about more.

Hubbabubbababba - when I say I chose to mix feed early on, I meant when DS was around 2 weeks old. By this time he had lost 2 pounds despite constant feeding and an enormous amount of help and support from various midwives and breastfeeding counsellors. So I can only conclude that I wasn't producing enough milk for his needs, and I wasn't prepared to put his health at risk by persevering with exclusive breastfeeding. I introduced mix feeding with the support of my hv and the breastfeeding counsellors, in the hope that ff could be kept at a minimal level to maintain his weight while trying to continue bf for as long as possible.

And re allergies and intolerances in exc bf babies - I'm not saying there is a link between the two, and I'm just noting my observations based on the particular group of babies that I know. But as minimising allergies is one of the key reasons to bf, it makes me wonder why, in my experience, the bf babies tend to be the ones with the allergies and intolerances.

i bf dd for absolutely ages - years (refuse to elaborate!), ds had less time simply because i did not have the time to do that all agin but still a long time by most peoples standards. when we get round to dc3 i am planning to bf in terms of months rather than years but dh is keen for me to do it through to self-weaning as it made for a very easy life (esp for him i suppose). we simply never went through the stress and arguments of taking turns/dividing labour - both times we were lucky to have calm serene experiences and i attribute much of that to bf.

I am a bit of a strange case! Before I got pregnant, breastfeeding wasn't even on my radar - I didn't really know anyone who had breastfed for more than a few weeks and every time I thought about feeding a baby or heard about a baby being fed I assumed it was with a bottle - this is despite having a first class biology degree !

When I got pregnant I duly read the basic information and discovered that breastfeeding is natural, best for both parties, free, convenient etc. and wondered why on earth anyone would choose not to do it.

I went to an NHS antenatal class where we were showed a picture of how to get the latch right and that was the end of my preparation.

Fast forward to the most exhausting (physically and mentally) first few weeks of my daughter's life. The reality of breastfeeding hit me like a tonne of bricks but I had never been so determined to keep at it. She was a nightmare though - very slow weight gain, very unsettled, very fussy and by 12 weeks she was refusing most feeds. I introduced bottles of EBM and started expressing (much to the bemusement of my family who couldn't understand this breastfeeding fervor!) I couldn't keep up and regretfully started giving her formula as well.

By 6 months she was completely FF and although I am proud of the breastfeeding that I did I sincerely wish I'd done more research before hand. I hate myself when I think back to the first couple of nights at home when she was crying crying and I was pacing the floor with her because I thought she couldn't be hungry because I'd fed her half an hour ago.

If and when I have another baby I really hope to breastfeed for longer.

BeckyBendyLegs has written my post for me.
Tried my hardest, bfed through PND and thrush (DC1) and after being hospitalised with mastitis (DC3) but have ended up mix feeding all three. I suffered deeply each time as I desperately wanted to excl bf all of them but it just didn't happen and by the time DC3 came along I had to remember that I had a whole family to think about and needed to be strong and well (physically and mentally) for them.
I've made my peace with it but still saddens me sometimes.

I chose to 'try' breastfeeding because I looked down and saw these things getting bigger!! I thought I would hate it, I put no pressure on myself, it did seem like the right choice and I got on really well. I find it hard to understand why people woudn't try it, tbh. When your tiny baby is in your arms and they start rooting around for your breast i cannot imagine not allowing it and bottle feeding. It must be really hard for people who try and find it too difficult.

I bfed all of my babies.

I read only a bit about bfing and it just made sense to me. And co sleeping. It all seemed so natural and easy. I was really when other people started to voice negativity towards what seemed so right and normal to me.

I'm lucky in the sense that I never had any problems bfing my children. I had no idea it could be so very hard for others until MN.

I chose to BF as it what everyone in my family did. I had just assumed that I would BF and didnt think about formula at all. What I didnt know was how painful it would be!! at least in the beginning!

For 3 weeks I was in so much pain that if anyone so much as sat down on the bed while I was feeding on it I would snap. I had cracked and bleeding nipples.

But I kept at it as I have seen so many ppl breastfeed and know that it can be done! Also, i didnt want to give up the convenience of BF and have to sterilse bottle/prepare formula and also the health issues.

I found a local BF support group but as they only met once a week I also called up the national helpline. This was a boon as a lovely midwife came home and showed me what I was doing wrong. I dont know if it was her or me but over the next few days the pain just went away and BF became this lovely and amazing experiance.

I just wanted to share this to encourage other mums who might be going through similar stuff.

Also my deepest sympathies to those who tried BF and couldn't. This isn't meant as a sermon or anything. Just saying that it worked for me for which I am very grateful!

My DS is now 9 months old, still BF and BLW (again, very convenient )

In answer to the OP, I think you would be hard pushed to find many women for whom bottle feeding is/was a choice. Most women fully intend to breastfeed and if this doesn't work out for any reason then the eventual decision to resort to bottle feeding cannot be called a choice. In fact the implication can be very upsetting.

My stint of failed B/F was hell for me, but that decision wasn't a choice either, it was an absolute given as the obvious best thing for DS. I won't do anything differently this time around, except perhaps try to feel less guilty if it all goes tits up again.

i hadnt really thought about how i'd feed DD1 when I was pg - if anything, i was put off bf by the antenatal class's pushiness - i naturally like otebel against being pressured to do things. however, when dd1 was born, she was very poorly and was drip fed, so as soon as she was able to take bm through a tube, i didnt think twice. i expressed from day 2 and was able to feed her myself from day 5.
with dd2,i knew the benfits dd1 had had and i knew that i would bf. I also knew i was too disorganised to ff so i am now nearly 5 months into bf her and lovng it.

Why did you choose breast or bottle feeding?
The pressure from midwives and NCT that b/f was best and ff was akin to neglect

Why didn't you choose the alternative?
Well ..in the end I did. I produced too much milk with D1. It spurted so fast she choked (continually not just at the start). My breasts were enormously, engorged and the nipples flattened. Expressing was enormously painful just to try and make a nipple that she could latch on to. The whole experience was miserable. I lasted ten days. Ten days of dreading her waking. Ten days of crying. Ten days of pain. I then endured the guilt and failure and developed PND which I believe the whole b/f hype contributed to.
D2 - I lasted 12 weeks maybe more? It was still a very negative experience and never ever felt right. I used to have to run a shallow bath and lie on my tummy to express before each feed in order that she could latch on.
D2 - 5 months. I was ill and exhausted. I developed a serious illness and my milk dried up overnight. She was not getting enough and woke every 90mins throughout the night until 5 months. I remained exhausted and ill but determined to 'succeed'. Personally I think a happy mum would have been preferable than a guilt ridden depressed mum. I gave her a bottle and she slept through from then on...

Do you have any regrets?
I bitterly regret the fact that the pro b/f hype made me feel such a failure at such an early point in my relationship with D1
I bitterly regret the fact they attributed my failure to me....... yet despite my best efforts I couldn't do it

I was fed evaporated milk diluted with water btw.... and seem to have grown up ok!

I would still encourage my children to consider b/f but I'd be honest about the problems and not make them feel failures if they failed. I LOVE my girls so much yet at this early point in their lives I was made to feel a failure

First off - really touched by all the posts from women who tried and 'failed' to bf - I know it sounds bizarre but it is incredibly heartening to know that I'm not the only one!

DC1: Never occurred to me not to bf but transpired I had flat nipples (had never heard of such a thing until midwife was trying to wrestle DS onto my boobs - why isn't this mentioned in ante-natal classes when there is still time to remedy the situation?). Ds never latched on despite a week of endless trying and in the end I (tearfully) went onto formula/expressed feeding and felt ridiculously guilty for the first five months of his life.

DC2: Had no expectations of being able to bf but dd latched on right away (all that pumping with ds1 had made them perky...) but then I got an infection, was whipped back into hospital for three weeks seperated from dd and it all went pear-shaped.

Regrets: That I beat myself up for not being able to feed ds1 myself. Those regrets completely ruined the first few months I had with him. That I didn't insist on having dd with me when I was ill after her birth - I still think she could have been a champion breast-feeder.

this sounds so shallow but I wanted to breast feed so that I could lose weight mainly, then for the health benefits to baby etc...that was before I had my daughter! Now she is 13 weeks and I have stuggled like mad with breast feeding but have become so determined to do it because I love it and have actually gained weight so am bitterly dissapointed in that aspect! I don't like the idea of formula for my baby...I eat very little processed food so I just don't like the idea of giving any to her...but as I can't express very wll I am going to have to mix feed her when I go back to work in a couple of months.

Planned to BF for at least 12wks.. had enormo-baby, utterly failed to produce much milk, enormo-baby in SCBU being tube fed.. total stress for 4 days trying to express pathetic amounts of colostrum.. gave hungry baby a bottle on day 5 = happy, healthy FF DS and non-stressed Mum. Job done.

No regrets and if I have another one I'll probably try to express colostrum but then FF. TBH I'm not sure now how I would ever have been able to do the things I am doing if I was breastfeeding. I would have managed I expect but it would have been very hard with a baby that might have fed a lot (he's a big chap 10lb 8oz when he was born).

Whoever said nearly all women want to BF isn't right - not even 50% of women in my area ever give even one little colostrum feed. They all can't have a history of terrible trauma or no boobs.

To me, it seems odd to not even try once, surely if you have just given birth letting the baby have a try at sucking wouldn't be any weirder/more embarrasing? Obviously I'm not talking about people with exceptional circumstances.

One lady in my antental told us her boobs belong to her husband, not to her baby

I think the initial b/f stat is around 78%, which whilst not "nearly all", it would certainly count as "most". I totally agree that previous trauma and medical problems in no way account for the one in five so I guess you're right - there are a lot of women out there choosing not to breastfeed from the word go. I knew one of them and I never could understand it. She wouldn't let the baby suckle at all, because it felt "weird". Her mother bottle fed all of them and had brought her up to think b/f was impossibly hard.

I bf two until 15 months (dd now 15 months and continuing). I have to say (and this might surprise some who 'know' me), I never did really take to it, - but like nappy changing I never felt much like I had a choice, it was part and parcel of having a baby and not particularly one of the pleasant parts (although I do have enjoyable moments)

To FF is not imo a choice for the large majority, it is a decision arrived at from all kinds of complex reasons.

Also, I usually go for the easiest life. In the middle of the night I have often sighed in annoyance at yet another feed, but I know my huffing will have been greater if it had meant getting up in the cold, navigating the stairs, making up a bottle etc. Having a baby means making sacrafices, and often it isn't anything to do with being a martyr but because you have no choice.

I considered it on the " breast is best" basis, got major poo-pooing from family etc, became ten times more determined,

tried it, it worked, but was crap at it, got told by lots of people to give up, accept defeat and give bottles, neihbour sent me to b/feeding support grp. I got more stubborn than ever before ( thats saying something!) Kept at it until baby was 13mnths. then b/f dd2 until 18mnths, am now feeding ds1 and 2 together one is 18 weeks (ish) and the other is 2 years, 55 mnths in total so far.

The moral of the story is, if lots of people tell me I can't do something that I wanted to do a little bit, I will want to do it more. If I hadn't had the help from my neihbour I would probably have failed in spite of my stubornness, so I guess a little bit of help can go a long way too.

I think you need to have a certain "attitude" to help you get through breastfeeding at the start, a bit of luck and some help.

disclaimer!!! I know that its not always going to be as easy as "atitude, luck and help" for everyone, but it depends on the luck and thats how it was for me

I think a lot of people in their teens and early twenties choose to completely skip any sort of breastfeeding at all and go straight to formula from birth. Out of all of the girls I went to school with who have had babies, I am the only one who has/is breastfeeding. And a lot of girls have had a lot of babies. I'm also the only one to have a section.

I guess I'd love to be able to understand people's reasons for flat out choosing to formula feed, it just seems so strange to me. Those who go onto formula because of difficulties, I can understand, I know breastfeeding isn't the easiest thing at first.

Still! This thread has been a great insight, thanks to all for posting your story! (and giving me something to read through whilst i struggle to get back to sleep!)

I think if 'the professionals' want us to breastfeed they need to actively support and be honest.

My experience was of being strongly encouraged and told how lovely and easy it was.

When the reality was very different you start to doubt the whole of their propaganda. If it's not easy? maybe it's not best either?

Having done both there are advantages to both. What's wrong with an honest portrayal of both and letting adult women make their own minds up? Stop patronising and trying to control women with less than subtle propaganda.

As one previous poster said -she was more determined to b/f in response to the negative vibes from her family. Is it possible we push some ladies with their reservations about b/f, further back into their ff decision because the pressure to b/f is so strong. If it's that good it should speak for itself?

I'd still choose to b/f, despite some really bad experiences. I'd choose to do it in future with more information. (Theoretical!!! no more children arriving in this house!!!)

i am breastfeeding DD because i am totally bloody minded and wnat to make up for the bad time i had with DS when i gave up at 7 weeks

i have wept over her head most days in the early weeks when she fed all day and night and it was soooo tiring (i felt ill i was that tired)

3 months in it is a lot easier and it is a blessing at night when i don't even need to get out of bed

also, DS has bad exzema and i want to do everything i can to prevent DD from suffering with it

"Stop patronising and trying to control women with less than subtle propaganda."

This of course applies to the producers of formula who have been actually telling untruths about their products for years and years......and still are in many countries. So women can't in fact make informed decisions.

And absolutely, the breast is best line is all very well if there is the support for women to breast feed should they run into difficulties. I don't believe this exists to the extent that it should.

Since advertising of ff milk is controlled and suppressed and b/f has an active propaganda campaign I think my statement held more truth for me?

I was certainly overwhelmed with messages regarding b/f and can't say I knew anything about ff

I have been told that ff advertising in developing countries is inaccurate but was told this by the same people that told me breastfeeding is delightful, easy and anyone can do it

(I'm not anti b'f... honest! I just would rather we were honest about it and let it speak for itself rather than trying to bully/fool/manipulate ladies into it and then letting them feel failures - an all too common occurrence)