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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

Tiktok, someone HELP, I feel like I'm reaching crisis point :O(

32 replies

HeinzSight · 29/11/2009 11:20

I have started so many threads about bf my DD2. She's my fourth baby but my first to breast feed, due to PND after my other three.

The thing that kept me going in the early weeks was that magical 12 week number when most babies stop fussing.... 12 weeks came and went, she's now coming up for 16 weeks.

The evenings are not fun. I wouldn't mind so much if she settled happily into a nice long snuggly feed but she doesn't, she latches on, pulls off upset, then latches again then refuses to go near the boob.

The only way I can settle her for bed is if I have her in bed with me and just struggle with feeding in between her crying until she either gives up through exhaustion or she manages to stay on the boob long enough to get a good let down.

She feeds so differently during the day and in the night.

BUT, she's feeding 3-4 times in the night still. Now that she's getting more mobile she's started trying to roll over in our bed so I've taken the side off her cot and wedged it against ours so I can slide her into her own bed, but this just wakes her up and I have to feed her again.

Last night I was SO close to giving her a bottle of formula, but instead I defrosted some EBM and gave her that, and she was much happier and settled.

Where do I go from here?

I have friends and family giving me advice, some saying it might be worth giving her a bottle of formula at night, others saying it sounds like she needs some baby rice!

This is starting to get me down I could cry

What am I doing wrong?

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Original poster
HeinzSight · 29/11/2009 11:28

bump

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Original poster
HeinzSight · 29/11/2009 11:33

EVERY single time I have tried to call one of the breastfeeding helplines I've not got through and been told to ring back later.

I just tried again now.

Does anyone else have this difficulty?

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badietbuddy · 29/11/2009 11:34

My ds was exactly the same and I found it so upsetting. He is 18 months now and still bf so we did get over it. I realsied that for us at least, the difference between day and night feeds was that he wasn't being winded at night- I was co sleeping and just lay next to him trying to feed while he was gettign more and more frustrated. It became less of a problem when I sat up with him and winded him properly before putting him down. Sounds a silly thing, but have you tried it? You've done really well to keep going

ArthurPewty · 29/11/2009 11:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Picante · 29/11/2009 11:38

Heinz honestly I'm coping with the same thing. Will she take a dummy? I find if dd sucks on the dummy for a bit she calms down enough so I can slip the boob in and she doesn't notice for a while. I know she's frustrated trying to get a letdown - which obviously happens more slowly at night. When they're used to a bottle they get frustrated with the boob.

Whereabouts are you in the UK? I have a home phone number of a la leche lady who was very sympathetic.

I was also hoping things would magically get better at 12 weeks... now I'm near 15!! Now people are saying it gets easier at 6 months!!!

Original poster
HeinzSight · 29/11/2009 11:40

thanks guys.

It's so confusing because in the first two months the one thing I could rely on to settle her was lying down in bed to feed her.

Admittedly I have found that she does on occasion get great relief from being winded, so wind obviously does bother her.

Should I start up Infacol or such like again?

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pistachio · 29/11/2009 11:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WoTmania · 29/11/2009 11:45

17 weeks ish often brings a BIG growth spurt. All 3 of my Dcs were very unsettled at this age.

Do you have any local LLL leaders?local groups and numbers

Maybe go along and you might get some tips/help or just empathy and a cuppa

Hope things improve soon

Original poster
HeinzSight · 29/11/2009 11:54

I'm in Northamptonshire.

She does take a dummy and I do on occasion successfully trick her into taking the boob after being calmed with the dummy.

I am yes starting to dread the evenings, do you think this is affecting supply and let down etc?

She's only had a bottle at night on the very odd occasion, so I'm hoping she's not relying on that. I've also got a fancy bottle called breastflow which mimics the breast amazingly

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WoTmania · 29/11/2009 12:00

Did you check my link? You could call the group direct.DD is 9 months and still feeds all evening on a regular basis. She also still feeds lots at night. Do you cosleep, would you consider it?

Original poster
HeinzSight · 29/11/2009 12:22

I do co-sleep, I think I'd probably be dead now if I didn't!!!!!!!

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Original poster
HeinzSight · 29/11/2009 12:43

sorry, bad joke but that's my mood today :O/

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WoTmania · 29/11/2009 14:13

No, I know the feeling. DS1 has started sleeping better (6.30-7 wake up ) but when DD was born it was still 4.30 - 5 am and I was trying to explain to a Dr that Life Wouldn't be Worth Living if I didn't cosleep. Can you imagine? Asleep 10.30 or so. Up every 2 hours for at least an hour then awake for the day at 4.30? Fun Fun Fun.

upsydaisysexstylist · 29/11/2009 15:14

Hi agree 16 weeks is quite unsettled mine was at the can,t feed and simultaniously think/look at anything else stage so lots of unlatching looking round wanting feeding again.

I have found that getting my other half to look after a bit of the bedtime routine for an hr or so whilst I relax/mumsnet helped me feel much calmer about the night feeds.

CoonRapids · 29/11/2009 16:26

Hi heinz. We have kind of similar here. DS is 15 wks. I put the other 2 children to bed by 7.45 and then look at DS2 and wonder how on earth will get him down. I tend to end up feeding him for short breastfeeds every half hour or so until about 8.30 or 9.30. He switches between the boobs alot so I don't remember in the end which one we should be on. Often I try lying down (like you do) and he will eventually fall asleep on the boob. Then I try and put him in the cot, often wakes again and we go through the feeding (or comfort nursing??) cycle again until he goes down in the cot. It's very tiring but I think that if I'm lying down, at least I'm partially resting. I'm not sure about your pulling off the boob thing though and why that is happening. Could it be tiredness?

I've also on occasion put him in the sling for a bit if he's just tired and really won't settle or feed. That usually gets him to sleep for a bit.

I know this haphazard approach is probably not good long term in encouraging him into a good bedtime routine, but I'm hoping things will change gradually by themselves and am just going with the flow for now.

I had trouble getting through to NCT bf line too but on Friday managed it first time around 10am in the morning if that helps. Evenings are busy I reckon cos that's the classic time for unsettled babies!! The counsellor was v v. helpful I have to say!

CoonRapids · 29/11/2009 16:34

Also, I read somewhere that it could be that bf babies of this age feed more at night because during the day they are more interested in what's going on and distracted (especially when lots of siblings?!) Then in the night they get to snuggle down with mum and just feed with no distractions. It said that bottle fed babies might be less prone to this as they can more easily feed and see what's going on at the same time because of the position they are held in. I'm not sure whether this is true or not, could be rubbish!

tiktok · 29/11/2009 17:56

Heinz....so sorry you are feeling down about this

I can't tell what's going on...it could be normal behaviour that will pass, in time, but you'd need to speak to someone, have a proper dialogue, and when you phone the NCT breastfeeding line leave a message if you don;t get straight through. The message will be responded to - it's only when there is a technical hitch (very, very rare) or we can't hear the no.(again, rare) that we don't call back.

Give it another try - you do need to be in real life conversation with someone, I think.

Original poster
HeinzSight · 29/11/2009 21:30

thanks tiktok, I will try again tomorrow.

Just now, I am desperately trying to get over my disaapointment as I've just given DD2 4oz of formula .

This evening she woke at 7 after her nap, had a lovely feed, then a play then I took her upstairs to try and settle her in our bedroom, I laid down with her and she refused to feed, get latching on, crying, turning away and so on and so on....

This went on until almost 9, I winded her, tried feeding her sitting up, then tried the rugby hold, finally after giving her some calgel, she fell asleep, but 5 minutes later was awake again.

I tried feeding her again and she just got upset. So I 'gave up' hence the formula. I feel gutted. She's lying up there in her cot next to our bed looking v happy and satisfied now.

I feel like a failure. Why can't I satisfy her? This has been going on for such a long time.

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Original poster
HeinzSight · 30/11/2009 10:16

still feel v bad about the formula

DH is worried PND might be trying to nip at my toes, I'm not sure, but will keep an eye on it.

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tiktok · 30/11/2009 10:28

Heinz....will it help you to 'rename' your feelings?

You feel, perhaps, more disappointed and sad about the formula - you know what you did was not 'bad' or a 'failure' and says not a thing about your mothering or yourself as a person. You responded to what you saw as distress in your baby - how 'bad' is that? Answer - not at all

It's ok and normal to feel disappointed and sad about things that turn out differently from what we planned.

It may be your dd did not want a bf at that time. Giving formula is sort of easier to do, in a way, 'cos you place the teat in the mouth with less active co-operation from the baby - unlike bf. The baby is then stimulated to suck and swallow by the teat in the mouth.

If this happens again, you could stop trying to bf at that time, and you could just offer other cuddles and comfort. Persisting in trying seems to make you both more upset.

What do you think?

Original poster
HeinzSight · 30/11/2009 10:56

oh dear, crying now.

Thank you tiktok, I think you may well be right. She may not have been hungry. I'm just so exhausted now with the evening fussing

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Original poster
HeinzSight · 30/11/2009 12:55

I've spoken to a lovely lady on a bf helpline and she's made me feel so much better. She explained that to have got to 16 weeks and exclusively bf is fantastic and if I need to give DD an occasional bottle of formula, it won't affect my supply as bf is so well established now.

I feel like I have at least got a safety net if all else fails to settle DD2 in the evening.

I think tonight, to settle her I will try putting her car seat on top of the dryer or going for a walk with her in the buggy. If that doesn't work, THEN formula.

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blue22 · 30/11/2009 13:05

16 weeks is fantastic - I'm on 11 so far, and will be so proud of myself if I get to 16. So well done for that. I think you're right that your DD wasn't hungry when refusing the boob. I had the same thing a few weeks ago and completely paniced as it was so new - took us both in tears to bf cafe, where it was gently pointed out that my DD wasn't hungry and was getting distressed becaus I kept ramming my breast in her face {blush}, since then it's been a lot better and if she refuses, then I just hold her in a completely different position to feeding and cuddle her and then try later. Good luck tonight

blue22 · 30/11/2009 13:06

Not sure why those faces don't work when I type them.....??

Original poster
HeinzSight · 30/11/2009 13:52

thanks blue22

for the faces don't press shift, it's the [ ] symbols you need

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