Tiktok, someone HELP, I feel like I'm reaching crisis point :O(

[HeinzSight]

I have started so many threads about bf my DD2. She's my fourth baby but my first to breast feed, due to PND after my other three.

The thing that kept me going in the early weeks was that magical 12 week number when most babies stop fussing.... 12 weeks came and went, she's now coming up for 16 weeks.

The evenings are not fun. I wouldn't mind so much if she settled happily into a nice long snuggly feed but she doesn't, she latches on, pulls off upset, then latches again then refuses to go near the boob.

The only way I can settle her for bed is if I have her in bed with me and just struggle with feeding in between her crying until she either gives up through exhaustion or she manages to stay on the boob long enough to get a good let down.

She feeds so differently during the day and in the night.

BUT, she's feeding 3-4 times in the night still. Now that she's getting more mobile she's started trying to roll over in our bed so I've taken the side off her cot and wedged it against ours so I can slide her into her own bed, but this just wakes her up and I have to feed her again.

Last night I was SO close to giving her a bottle of formula, but instead I defrosted some EBM and gave her that, and she was much happier and settled.

Where do I go from here?

I have friends and family giving me advice, some saying it might be worth giving her a bottle of formula at night, others saying it sounds like she needs some baby rice!

This is starting to get me down I could cry

What am I doing wrong?

There's a Baby Cafe in Northampton if that's ok for you to get to? Might be nice to get some moral support in person.

Hi Heinz
No great words of wisdom, but some support for what you're doing - you are doing great! Bf is hard to do, especially when it doesn't go 'right' - ie what you think it could be/should be like - it's the sort of feeling I had on many occasions.
Just wondering, is the night time routine difficult all the time or just sometimes? I say this because me & DS always found bf difficult just before and just as I came on (my periods were back after 6 weeks - how frustrating was that?!) - it took me several months to work it out what the problem factor was - it was painful for me and he wouldn't latch properly. In the end I went back on the pill to stop my periods, and all returned to normal. Could it be something like this?
Also, could it be teething? Again, that was always another time when things seemed more problematic for me. I used to give DS a teething powder before the night time feed and that seemed to help.
I hope you are feeling better xx

Heinz, I am sending you lots of very unmumsnetty hugs!! You are so not a failure. Do you remember the breastfeeding acheivements list? I've got it somewhere, will go and fish it out for you. Formula isn't the nectar of the devil I think you are a really fabulous mummy because you knew you would be upset once you had given her the formula, but you did it anyway because you needed to help her.

I did exactly the same with dd1 before my milk came in she was over 2 days old and chewing me to bits. I was advised not to, but it worked for us, the following morning my milk came in, but that formula saved my sanity.

I think its come to a head tho - the need to find out why dd2 is fussing as she has been. There must be a reason for it. Can you get to the baby cafe in nottingham? I really hope you are having a better night tonite.

You've fought the pnd so positively and with such determination this time round! Your feelings of stress over this really don't need to signify pnd. Anyone would be stressed and be running a whole rainbow of emotions. Be strong, I think you are amazing.

always here for you...

First feed Helps to stabilise baby?s blood sugars and
protect baby?s gut
A great opportunity for the first skin to skin
cuddle
1 day The antibodies in your colostrum provide
natural immunity from infection Helps womb to contract towards normal size
2-3 days Sticky black meconium is cleared more readily
from baby?s bowel
Instant relief for hot, swollen breasts when
your milk comes in
1 week Transition to world outside womb is eased
Frequent feeds means time to sit or lie down
and for you and your baby to get to know each
other
2 weeks Food and drink always ready at the right
temperature, adapting to baby?s needs
Hormones help you get back to sleep after
night feeds
4 weeks For premature babies lower risk factors for
heart disease in later life Saves time sterilising and making up bottles
6 weeks Half the risk of chest infections now and up to
seven years old
Breastfeeding likely to be easier and you can
go out and about without bottle feeding
equipment
2 months Lower risk of food allergy at three years old if
breastfed only Reduced risk of ovarian cancer in later life
3 months Five times less likely to get diarrhoea now and
a reduced risk for the whole year Fewer visits to GP as baby less often ill
4 months
Half the risk of ear infections;
Reduced risk of asthma now and protection
continues up to six years
5 months Five times lower risk of urinary tract infections A lovely way to reconnect with your baby if you
go to work
6 months Lower risk of eczema now and up to six years
old Less risk of osteoporosis in the long term
1 year
Three times less risk of becoming obese by
age six and a lower risk of heart disease as an adult
2 years Likely to have higher than average scores on
intelligence tests
Expect fewer visits to orthodontist when your
baby is a teenager;
Risk of breast cancer reduced by eight per
cent

thank you again everyone who has posted on this thread.

Thanks KKQ AKA BYPUN!!!Love your new name!!

I gave DD2 the last of the carton of formula last night, although, she did seem a fair bit more settled.

I'm wondering whether my concerted effort to feed her more during the day paid off?

Could it be that she hasn't been getting enough during the day that she has been getting herself worked up into a tiz trying to catch up in the evening when the milk flow slows down?

( but I do feel a bit like a twonk wearing a sandwich board!!)

No idea re your theory, but i'm sure Tiktok will pop back - you could be right... Did you make it to the b/f cafe? We used to have a fabulous one round here, but surestart ruined it. Its a pita for me to get to one now.

Glad you sound happier, hope u r ok.