please help me, I'm sat here crying, can't do this on my own

[eleanorsmum]

Am feeding dd2 aged 3 weeks myself but am so sore and so tired and can't get her to sleep without being on the boob. feel so alone, no idea what to do, do i stop and go for formula, express so dh can do some, i just don't know and need a hug. my mum is nearby and helping with dd1 but just can't stop crying cos i'm tired. i know this is the best thing for dd2 but never realised it was this hard (didn't mange with dd1).

sorry for waffle but what am i doing wrong?

I'm sure someone more helpful will be along in a minute but just wanted to give you a virtual hug! Don't give up now.
From what I remember they do have a growth spurt at 3 weeks so she could be being more demanding than usual.
stargirl x

Oh Eleanorsmum, can't let this go unanswered! You are doing nothing wrong, newborns eh. Plant yourself on the couch, let your mum take the baby and put her down when she drops off then you can doze away yourself.
Re the soreness - might be a good idea to get the latch checked by BF counsellor to make sure it's correct. Send someone out for Lansinoh though, that will help even if it's just your nips getting used to it.

See if you can express, your DH can give it and you can get a nice patch of sleep, don't let it become another chore though, it will stress you out. Just doze when you can and when you feel a bit better try it then.

Congrats on your baby!

Congratulations on the birth of your daughter!

It sounds like you're having a really hard time. You say you are 'sore' - your nipples? If so, is there any way you could get your latch checked? A BFC might be able to suggest minor changes that might result in much less pain for you.

How is your daughter's weight gain? How often is she pooing? When you say she's 'on the boob', is she sucking hard, or just doing butterfly sucks?

How are you doing night feeds? Are you getting up?

Hi EM, It IS dreadful in those first weeks - you have my complete sympathy. Nothing can prepare you for the exhaustion. Have you tried co-sleeping? It is the only thing that saved my sanity (kind of). That way you can feed lying on your side, even when you are drowsy and even go to sleep when she is feeding. Just follow the safe guidelines and you will be able to get some rest and she will be able to feed all she wants.

Ring this number 0300 100 0212 its the National Breastfeeding Helpline, for a bit of support - cry all you want to them - they understand!

You could do with getting a feed or two watched by a Breastfeeding Counsellor as there may be a few tiny changes you could make that would stop you feeling sore - Do you know if there are any breastfeeding support groups where you are? If you have a Le leche league meeting you can get to, a very well trained counsellor can watch you feed - in private if you want - and suggest ways to stop the soreness.

Honestly - ask for help - i didnt cos i didnt want to put anyone out - i really should have done. The volunteers that do BF helping do it because they are passionate about helping YOU - so just ask for help! xxxx

Try a dummy? Sorry you're having such a bad time. It does get better.

Have to disagree with picante - sorry - a dummy introduced so early could interfere with breastfeeding and will certainly mask feeding cues so you wont know when she is hungry.

You need to get your latch checked to make sure she is feeding efficiently - that way she can take more at one feed and sleep for longer. If she is feeding inefficiently then she will need to feed for longer, more times, to get the food she needs. xx

Congratulations on the birth of your daughter...I'd definitely give LLL a call, they are wonderful and will help if there are latching on issues etc.

In the meantime, can you get enough help with dd1 just to be able to stay in bed/on the sofa for a day or two with dd2 and just feed and sleep when she does? (I know that sounds madly unrealistic, especially when you have another child, but if you can it could save your sanity)xx

Much sympathy to you, it is so hard. My dd is 6 weeks and coming out of that phase. If she won't sleep other than on the breast you could try a dummy. I know it is another issue but your poor nips need a rest. If baby spits it out keep putting it in and persevering. Some babies are just sucky. And if you are constantly stuck with her attached, you might be heading for colic land ( I speak from experience with ds). Great advice about Lansinoh - saved me from total despair. The other thing is if you know she is fed, changed and well, don't feel guilty about leaving her in her crib/moses basket in a room to cry so you can have a bath or spend time doing something with other dcs. You are doing great. Cry when you need to. If you decide to go onto the bottle don't beat yourself up. Lots of people were not breast fed and are fit and well. Good luck and big mummy hugs. xx

When I fed DS, I used to find I got extra tired and sore (cause I wasn't paying enough attention to his latch) if I wasn't looking after myself properly.

Find a comfy place to sit, get yourself cosy with cushions behind you, under baby so you hardly need to hold her and under your knees so you can get your feet up, then get someone to bring you a sandwich and a drink - and make sure you eat them! - and settle down for as long as DD will feed. When she's done, give her to DH and go for a nap. If you can express a bottle for DH to give then you can make the nap even longer.

By the time she's ready to feed again, you should feel a bit better. I think Stargirl is right, she is having a growth spurt so this spate of cluster feeding should pass when it's over.

You could also try giving your DD a dummy? IF she is suckling rather than actually feeding to sleep then giving her a dummy to suck would let you both get a bit more sleep.

I can also highly recommend getting the midwife over to check your latch and getting hold of your local breastfeeding councellor. I used both and went from being a teary wreck at 2-3 weeks to a confident feeder who managed 6 months before a stupid health visitor convinced me to stop as DS didn't put on 'enough' weight for a while.

Oh and you are NOT doing anything wrong. Babies are little people with personalities who like us can be stubborn, upset, lonely, scared etc. You will come through this phase and look back on it with relief that you have a healthy and happy home.

Please don't try a dummy at this stage. If your DD2 isn't latching well, a dummy could make matters worse.

Hi eleanorsmum, i just want to reiterate the other suggestions for a dummy, it was an absolute lifesaver for me when my dd was little and she had no problems letting me know when she was hungry!

I also want to reiterate what mezley said, don't beat yourself up if you do decide to go to a bottle (but do remember how much work the sterilising is). Its hard to keep up a good supply of breastmilk when you're so tired and exhausted, and quite frankly I don't think the odd bottle of formula to give you a rest would be the end of the world.

Eleanorsmum - you really have my sympathy. I'm 14 months on and still remember how hard those early weeks were.
I would second getting the latch checked, as well as getting lansinoh. It could also be a growth spurt. Also, it takes a little while for your nips to get used to the bf. Don't despair though, it does come right in the end. I had the same problems in the early weeks with DS. the pain of feeding him made me cry with every single feed. But he's now 14 months old, and still feeding with no problems.
Good luck.

The dummy debate is a tough one. Yes it can cause problems, but the poor lady needs her nipples to recover between feeds. Go with what you feel Eleanorsmum.

Just wanted to offer support.

I went through a terribly painful time with dc1 (like other people said, crying when feeding) but that passed very quickly and I fed dc1 for 2 years and dc2 for 18 months.

Definitely get her latch checked.

Best of luck

Congrats you are doing nothing wrong it is not easy what your doing!! I found cosleeping a life saver, i would hav a nap with both ds1 and ds2 and id hav one arm around ds1 telling him a story lying down snugling and the other arm around ds2 who would b suckling away contently. I would also cosleep at night, it was the only way i could get any sleep as he jus wanted his milk all the time! And when you hav another child to take care of in the morning too you need to get as much sleep as possible. Take all and any help you can. I hope you feel better soon and i too cannot recommend lansinoh highly enough, plus nipple shells are great to take pressure off very tender sore nipples and savoy cabbage leaves too... Do not feel a failure if you do decide to give the odd bottle but you can do this, it will get better and easier!

Thank you all for your suppot and not saying i'm daft! have had a good cry on a friends shoulder this morn and am going to the local breatfeeding cafe this afternoon. I am going to give dd a bottle at her 12.30ish feed so my boobs can rest. I have been using lanisoh cream after every feed and rubbing in breast milk. I've had complications after my section as i got an infection for which the anitbitoitcs have given dd2 dioreah. am feeling a bit better now got two more days to go of them.

treid a dummy this morn but she spat it out even when i tried to hold it in, she did have one good long suck on it but then i thought she might be hungry as some of you said about missing the nuger cues so i fed at 9.30 and she went to sleep on me. has been asleep now since 10ish, quite settle but making stirring noises now.

Have decided i need to get myslef into a bit of a routine i think so that i feel mroe in control. Hope to add in a couple of bottles a day so dh can eventually do one in the eve for me. will see what cafe says this pm (am thinking they will say noooooooooooooo but i need to be in control)

Thanks again for advice, hormones have such alot to answer for!

Big hugs to you.

Have you got a pump. If so, give the baby a feed of aptamil, (tommy tippee bottles are very good) and use the pump and have a rest for a day. Collect your milk and you will be ble to see how much you are producing and give your nips a rest.
I breast fed 3 babes for at least 6 months, but even my worst was not this bad.
You have another child to consider too. Some BF'ers are a 'little evangelical'. Your babe has had all the good stuff for 3 weeks you both need to enjoy life. Relax and enjoy your baby.

Sorry didn't see your last post before my post. But we're obviously thinking the same.

Yyou are doing the right thing for you and your Babe, Dont be pressed unduly by the LLL, as long as baby is content she will be much happier and so will you!!!

I really feel for you and so remember this. It is so much harder when you already have one child who needs you as well as the baby. I struggled to BF second time round. did 3 months and, tbh, didn't enjoy it much either time. Echo what everyone says about latch - that was one thing I did fix more quickly second time round and makes a huge difference.

Expressing can give you a feeling of more control (although DD2 used to then refuse to take the bnottle of expressed milk which often just about finished me off!). Chuck in a bottle for a few days to give yourself a break. As others have said you can always express this feed if you later want to reinstate it? Agree also with just trying to work out what will help you and your girls get through the next few weeks. She just needs cuddles from her mummy and you just need to recover from giving birth and what rest you can get so just take it if you can.

Hope that is helpful, it was exactly a year ago for me so feels very immediate! I think with BF sometimes it is a lot harder than others.

I know MNet has a lot of evagelists and I find their stories inspiring but it was never like that for me and it took a lot for me to reaslise that my girls needed a happy mother and some formula more than a sobbing wreck and breastmilk (sometimes they obv got sobbing wreck and formula! .

Eleanorsmum just wanted to say I found the 3-5 week old bit the absolute hardest with DD. It was when exhaustion really set in, DH was back at work, feeding had been making me sore etc and I got my first bout of mastitis (ouch).

You've been given some excellent advice here, don't have much to add really, except take every feed one by one (I found thinking about all the endless feeds made it feel really overwhelming).

When my boobs were really sore, I gave each one a break each for a day and just expressed off that side instead while feeding on the other. This REALLY helped and also made sure my supply wasn't messed about.

And then routine, yes... we started to get into a bit of a daily pattern from 4 weeks ish and it definitely helped me feel in control/sane and know when I could rest.

(If there was a hug icon there would be a great big one right here!)

Thanks again for the support guys, feeling a little better this evening.

Went to the breatfeeding cafe and she thought that dd2's latch was ok but her position was a bit wrong. I tend to feed her under arm rugby ball style and she siad that dd2 was not far enough back and wasn't opening her mouth enough. so i've tried again tonight and i'm still getting sore! i moved her back and let her open wider and didn't lean in to her so she had to gape more but still not right as she still made me sore and when she lets go my nipple is the wrong shape.

I also tried feeding across my tummy (normal way!) but she didn't seem to get enough boob in her nmouth and i'm still sore. I know i'll be sore for a while but bf lady said if shes on right it wont hurt. Am going to express of one boob now as its a bit full having not had a feed off it since this morn (dd2 had bottle at lunchtime).

So if anyone can lead me to the right way of getting her latched on that'd be great! will do some looking up on bfn website but without actually having someone here to show me its kinda hard to know where i'm going wrong.

If you can face trying another postion, I have found with both DD that feeding lying down makes a big difference. Means you can snooze at night (or even during the day) while feeding. When I got really knackered I'd take DD1 off for her afternoon nap lying on the bed and then just fall asleep at the same time. I also found it made the middle of the night feeds a bit less lonely, uncomfortable and soul destroying

Try not to stress too much about feeding to sleep at this early stage. I think we can all end up stressing about stuff that you can always sort out further down the line - just do whatever works best for you at the moment and worry about later later.

Hold on in there.