"It's only women in developing countries who are supposed to feed for 2 years"

[MaMight]

It occurs to me that Christmas will run smoother if I mentally prepare some confident, matter of fact answers for the hysterical grilling I am going to get from the inlaws re "STILL" breastfeeding my 20 month old.

Them: You really ought not to still be feeding him at his age.
Me: Well actually WHO recommends breastfeeding until they are two...
Them: No dear, they don't mean you, that's for women in developing countries where the alternative to breastmilk is not as nourishing as some lovely Cow & Gate and a nice ham sandwich.
Me: Leave me alone or I WILL squirt you.

What is the right answer?

choke up your coffee and ask them where on earth they picked up that bit of "research"

How about pointing out that of course in those developing countries life expectancy is so much reduced that parents and in-laws are often not around to comment on the feeding practices of their off spring and perhaps that has something to do with it?

Too subtle for them?

Oh, it's going to be extra specially fun because SIL has a baby the same age and she fed him for a couple of months and then switched to formula. I don't mind a bit how she feeds her baby, but when asked to defend my choices it will be hard to do so without implied criticism of SIL.

And MIL is not one to be fobbed off with "how interesting" - she is the Jeremy Paxman of MILs.

Why are you still feeding that child?
Why are you still feeding that child?
Answer the question. Why are you still feeding that child?
WHY are you still feeding that child?

Print off a list of the who guidelines and everytime she asks say I refer you to the list that is what I did.

When she sais but what do they know say well forgive me if I take the advice of scientists who have spend alot of time and money researching the facts over someones opinion.

If she keeps going on ask her why she is eating so much fibre doesn't she know it can cause bowel cancer or insert something as absurdly appropriate to her lifestyle.

Lastly tell her it is none of her buisness and stop being so nosy.

Is she seeing you feed your DS?

How does she even know? Is she keeping on with asking you if you have given up?

She'll only know because we're going to stay and she'll either see me feeding him or (if I hide in the bedroom to feed) she'll notice that I'm not making up bottles.

I'm just calmly running through my polite and confident answers in my head, and I get stuck on this particular one.

Actually you are wrong. The WHO recommends feeding until at least 2 years old.

"Oh MIL aren't you interested in my breasts? How strange."

Or just criticise every time she eats or drinks anything. Perhaps try the following...

Ooh Christmas cake is only for Christians you know

Crackers are only for crackers, oh hang on, never mind, as you were

Do you need that tea? I'm sure I read somewhere that you don't need to drink tea once your boobs have started sagging

Come on now MIL, step away from the trifle. It's layered food. It's not for you. Perhaps you should have something simpler like a nut.

Become more and more obscure as time passes. Try and get others to join in.

SoH - I like that strategy!

If you don't want to say anything, ask your dp to.

Beforehand make an agreement with dp that as soon as the comments start he needs to take them aside and have a word.

It's none of their business. You don't answer to them and they should keep any feelings about your decisions in their heads!

Her: Are you still feeding that baby?
You: Of course. It's great isn't it?

Her: Are you still feeding that baby?
You: No, I decided that a starvation diet is cheaper.

Or get DP to tell her to but out.

Why should/would they even know?

Go somewhere where they can't see. Or if they ask:

MIL: Are you still feeding that baby?
YOU: Did you want to have a go?

MIL: Are you still feeding that baby?
YOU: Well I don't really like to say because you generation had different ideas than mine.

MIL: Are you still feeding that baby?
YOU: Yes, only another couple of years to go, thank God.

One for luck
MIL: Are you still feeding that baby?
YOU: Yes, DH point blank refuses to continue his quest to lactate and feed him himself!

And if she says about it's only for women in Africa, you should say "well we did have one, but then she had to go home"

• it is free calories

• it is nice

'i do love it when they look at me all sweetly, like they really love me'

to pee them off if they are the type that likes to imagine baby is theirs.

• 'they are more likely to go to Oxbridge, doncha know' (not true, but what the hay...)

or you could say you're innorkulating them against swine flu. (spurious, but again, how will she know?)

Don't take it to heart too much, these odd ideas are even shared by MILs in developing countries as well! Maybe they are made from the same "stupid-MIL mould".

My sister was under enormous pressure from her MIL to stop breastfeeding after her dd was about 3 months old. She kept saying that breastfeeding in our country is so popular only because most of the people are poor. If you are rich then you have to go for the wonderjuice that is Nestle formula . Of course my sis ignores her because even her son says that she doesn't know the first thing about parenting anyway .

I like SOH's approach but this factsheet might help too

www.kellymom.com/bf/bfextended/ebf-benefits.html

NorthernLurker, i love it!! shame i don't need it

I bf my daughter until she was about 2.5 yrs which raised in laws eyebrows but they were polite enough to keep their opinions otherwise to themselves.
I think I'd just point out that the current thinking on bf has changed a bit over the years and its not a bad thing to keep going longer if you and your child are happy to do it. Good luck & remember you're in the right on this one!

I have tried all sorts of retorts to this with my 3 boys who I have bf to at least 2-the best option for me and my friends/family and what I do now is.....

Why/Are you still feeding that baby?

Its fab isnt it! I'm so proud of myself doing somthing so wonderful for him.

If the "when are you going to stop" question comes up

Well I'll keep going until he decides to stop.

In fact my nan is so proud of me feeding my boys as she didnt herself-I was quite surprised!

"Why are you still feeding that child?
Why are you still feeding that child?
Answer the question. Why are you still feeding that child?
WHY are you still feeding that child?"

Answer to all. It is cruel to NOT feed him.

Or Yes, isn't that great

Seriously, nowt odder than family, but the good news if you keep on nursing and ignoring their comments eventually they give up asking. Well my MIL has, my mothers last comment was a couple of months ago.

From a tandem nurser of a 1 and 3 year old children.

I would be tempted to point out that bf in public is legally protected, up to the age of two, in that most third world of countries... Scotland. Would at least be somewhere else to take the conversation sometimes.

What does your dh think about her comments? I'd be tempted to do lots of 'we' type comments - 'dh and I, we are so happy with how well bf has worked out' - that sort of thing.

Breastfeeding is legal at any age in this country. Scotland has made it against the law for a person to hassle a breastfeeding mother....good on them.

The correct answer is to ask her to explain why she thinks you shouldn't BF. And whatever she says, to just say "oh really?". End of conversation.