"It's only women in developing countries who are supposed to feed for 2 years"

[MaMight]

It occurs to me that Christmas will run smoother if I mentally prepare some confident, matter of fact answers for the hysterical grilling I am going to get from the inlaws re "STILL" breastfeeding my 20 month old.

Them: You really ought not to still be feeding him at his age.
Me: Well actually WHO recommends breastfeeding until they are two...
Them: No dear, they don't mean you, that's for women in developing countries where the alternative to breastmilk is not as nourishing as some lovely Cow & Gate and a nice ham sandwich.
Me: Leave me alone or I WILL squirt you.

What is the right answer?

When someone asked if I was still feeding ds I just said with a great big smile
"Yes, isn't it BRILLIANT. I never thought I would get this far."

It was quite successful in stopping further comment.

agree with everything here, but re feeding him.....why would she comment at you not making up bottles? Most 20month olds are past bottles are they not? And if you are missing...does she time and comment on how long it takes you to settle your child in bed at night? Not that you should have to make excuses, but tucking in and reading stories can take a LONG time

Jeremy Paxman? that is far too tame I fear!

I always used the "actually the worldwide average age to wean is 4 years old."

Generally people just said 'oh is it' and that was that. Bottom line is I didn't care what they thought as long as they didn't bother me with it!

Pre-empt if you really are certain a showdown is inevitable. Before they have any chance to comment, open the discussion yourself with:

"I'm so thrilled that we still are breastfeeding, you know. It's wonderful being able to give him all the benefits that breastfeeding a toddler brings. But of course, you know all about this stuff. Do you know, I do try to understand why so many of your generation struggle to accept such a positive thing as breastfeeding at this age. I suppose it's like any type of ignorance, as some people get older they often get less and less reasonable. Thank goodness you aren't all batty old bigots! It's such a relief that you are all capable of understanding how good a thing this is!

Didn't WHO specifically address this issue of 'developed' vs 'developing' a few years back and put out some statement making it plain as day their recommendations applied to both? I was actually looking for this the other day, but can't find it so now wondering if I imagined it . Anyone know???

Grendle, from my reading of their blurb, the WHO are very clear that their new growth guidelines are NOT just for developing countries, and the growth guidelines are all based on a population of children fed in accordance with their feeding guidelines (6mths EBF, minimum 2 years bf etc).

Therefore it is plain that they advise the feeding guidelines for developed countries.

But they don't explicitly state that the feeding guidelines are for developed countries, and why they matter for developed nations too, which is annoying and remiss IMO. I wish they had just stated the blooming obivous as it complicates the argument to have to point to the growth guidelines and then explain the above.

I think you have to fight fire with fire and bring out swine flu to shut them up.

Say "Well, you know, the doctors are saying that especially this winter with swine flu about, it would be inadvisable to stop right now, as I'm giving them the benefit of all my (insert age) years of immune system. Isn't nature amazing, the way it protects babies and small children like that?"

Although your original suggestion of squirting them is worth considering...

Of course you could just flip it back to her and turn into jermey yourself, she'll get flustered/agnry/give up before you do! Better still your dp should answer!

Sorry something just popped inot my head, why doesn't she already know you are bf? Hasn't she seen your ds for a while?

how patient can you be?

assertiveness training will tell you to go for one answer that works and just stick to it till the other person dries up/needs to go to loo/drops dead from exhaustion

i'd start with 'why not' but i guess that won't even begin to shut her up - an answer you could repeat ad nauseum would be
'because it is what we choose to do and it really works for us'

the she says but... and puts in some irrelevant fact, and you say - 'yes but, this is what we choose to do and it works for us'

etc, etc ,etc

you could even practise it with dp playing the role of his mum

and notice, there is absolutely no critism of your sil there

sorry - should have added - vary what you say a little, but keep the basic idea eg
'yes, but it works for us'
'yes - but it is our choice'
'ah - but it does work for us'
'yes - but this is what we've chosen to do'

etc etc etc

so you don't sound like an automaton!!!!

ok, so with all these things, the matter is only up for discussion because you have in the passed tried to engage with her about it.

If you stop letting it get to you and let her know that this is not a subject you are going to discuss with her and then DONT discuss it with her further she will soon realise there is no point.

She sounds like very hard work and it isn't easy not engaging with someone over something that is a personal belief (backed up by LOADS of research) but you are not going to win this one, she isn't going to change her view.

Sorry if that sounds curt, I am not very good at explaining things.

so in my head the conversation goes something like this.

Are you still feeding him
"yes.... so have you booked a holiday for next year?"
Do not be drawn on it at all.

Good point MaMight about how long your SIL bf for.

I'm in the same position, questions from inlaws who think I should do exactly what their daughter (my SIL) does regarding virtually all aspects of parenting.

They do give up commenting about bfing eventually.

As always, staggered at notion that paretns or PILs would even dare to question choices like this.

My answer?

F
U
C
K

O
F
F

moondog

that won't really help though will it. It will only annoy people more and widen the gulf between people who agree with bfing and those who don't.

The best course of action is to say very little, and just carry on bfing as if it's the most normal thing in the world, which of course it is.

It is more rude to keep questioning someone else's parenting choices.

Maybe we should answer a question with a question ?

Inlaw - Are you still feeding him ?
You - Yes I am. How often do you have sex ?
Inlaw - What !!!
You - Thought it was insensitive nosey question time ?

Yes, were you wanting some for your tea?

Am grinning a lot at babieseverywhere's comment. Love it!

My ds is almost 16 mo and we've not had the questions.... yet but I do get a few looks and double takes eg in church. I feed when ds asks. He tends to ask when in need of comfort as much as when thirsty, so when he's frustrated at having to not run up the front to daddy he will come and feed. I am not in the business of refusing him (the screams!) so we get The Looks.

Am going to consider all these answers and decide which one will work for me when we get the first question.

I am so proud to have got this far though and that makes me feel great. Dd was mixed fed and as a result self weaned at 5 mo cos I guess v little milk plus bottle easier.

very good giraffes

Continue to bf & just ignore their comments.

lol babieseverywhere!!

'Actually dear, in India for example, it is generally the well educated woman that continues bfing for sometimes 4 or 5 years'

Just buy her a book about breastfeeding for Christmas and if she asks you why you're still feeding, tell her the answers are in the book.

Saves you having to engage, but you are presenting her with information if she genuinely wants it.

I always reply with an incredibly personal question back like: do you still have an active sex life with FiL and does it involve bondage.