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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

maybe breastfeeding isnt for me anymore?

31 replies

mama2leah · 03/11/2009 11:22

i bf dd1 until she self weaned when i went into hospital to give birth, she was over 12months old... now dd2 is a different story, she feeds all the time every 2 hours max day and night..she is 12 weeks old, im exhausted with looking after a toddler, housework, and a baby... i felt so sad when dd1 self weaned i wanted to tandem feed..but now i feel i cant even bf dd2.

please help me before i reach for formula..i really don't want to do this. but i feel alone and need some mnetters to support me.

dh is wonderful, and supportive..but i dont think he understands how knackered i am.

OP posts:
Original poster
mama2leah · 03/11/2009 11:22

oh yes thank you for reading this.

OP posts:
SHRIIIEEEKPoolingBearBlood · 03/11/2009 11:23

poor thing just been pood on, back soon

squashimodo · 03/11/2009 11:35

Hi, I am really sorry for you, can't offer much advice except that you are doing so well to get this far especially with a demanding toddler.
I have dd 4weeks old and am finding it very tough feeding her, and every day contemplate formula and yet managed to fed ds until he was 2.5 yrs, mainly because he refused a bottle of even ebm, and then refused to stop.
I hope you get some help from someone.

SHRIIIEEEKPoolingBearBlood · 03/11/2009 11:40

right, you're doing so well
do you co sleep?
does she have a dummy?
do you have any help with the toddler?

cyteen · 03/11/2009 11:41

I've only got one DC at the moment so can't imagine how exhausting it must be to be feeding through the newborn stages AND looking after a toddler too...no wonder you feel done in.

Could you maybe try and narrow your focus down to just the next feed, so that you're not seeing the full knackering picture? I saw another MNer mention this recently and it seemed like a good tactic. Stop thinking about the long term feeding picture and just think 'I'll just do this feed and we'll see after that'.

ChairmumMiaow · 03/11/2009 11:46

12 weeks can be a really hard time. DS was like this but he is my first.

What helped me was having somone else take DS away for a while - he'd go longer between feeds when I wasn't around, and just having 3 hours without a baby on your breast can feel great If you can't do that, try to get out to toddler groups etc - there's normally somewhere there who would love to give your baby a cuddle for a while so you can play with your toddler.

Please try not to worry about the housework. Focus on the things you have to do, like feeding your toddler and if your DH is great he will do the rest (mine did with DS, he's going to have to be just as good next time round)

Lastly, try a sling. You may find you can get more done if you can crack feeding in a sling. (Even if it is just sitting on the floor playing with your toddler)

Original poster
mama2leah · 03/11/2009 11:49

i can't co -sleep i have a very bad back, i don't use the dummy ( not to keen on it) no help, just my dh who works very long hours..and most days.

i do just think until the next feed, but when i am this sleepy and exhausted..i just feel like im struggling with it. when i really love bf, i helped so many RL friends continue to bf, i just feel like a failure that im struggling so much.

OP posts:
cyteen · 03/11/2009 11:51

YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE Struggling doesn't make you a failure, it makes you human.

Fitzy72 · 03/11/2009 12:00

you are doing and have done really well.

you are not a failure and so far have managed to bf longer than many.

your health and state of mind count too. it is really hard having a baby and a toddler and it is also important for you to enjoy your children.

take each feed at a time and if it is getting too much then ff is not the end of the world. early days bf are the most important with each day after that a bonus. please do not beat yourself up

throckenholt · 03/11/2009 12:03

sounds to me that it isn't the breastfeeding per se - but combining it with the other things that demand attention.

so work out what you can give up on for a while. Housework - just to the minimum for a while - have ready meals, get shopping delivered.

Use the TV to entertain your toddler for a while sometimes, or play some music for her to dance to.

Try a dummy and other things to sooth dd2 before feeding - I used to find nappy free time oddly kept them happy for up to 20 mins at a time.

And remember it really does get easier after about 3 months - so if you can get through this phase it will probably lighten up a bit.

And try and time sleeps for your toddler to match the baby - and then you can have a snooze too.

Grendle · 03/11/2009 12:08

Are there any bf groups near you? What about homestart, is there one locally (your local children's centre would know)?

Ditch the housework, it really doesn't matter for a few weeks. Can any friends help you in small ways? Could someone cook you a meal? What about asking if someone can play with your toddler for an afternoon?

It won't go on forever, and although you are tired and understandably fed up, it sounds like you are actually doing a remarkable job .

imaginestrictlytwirlynamehere · 03/11/2009 15:20

BF a newborn is much more difficult with a toddler to look after too. I remember feeling as you do with dd2 (she is 8 months now) it really does get easier very soon.

I agree with those who have said let some housework slide but know from experience that however much you try getting the toddler to sleep at the same time is more difficult than it sounds - I remember weeping thinking that they were in a conspiracy as one would wake as the other fell asleep.

I relaxed my rules on tv - dd1 now watches far too much but I found I could doze whilst dd2 was sleeping & dd1 distracted with dora/peppa (I need to work on reducing the tv now but that is another thread)

You are doing really really well especially as you say your dh isn't there to share the strain much. Would going to bed at the same time as your toddler help - I remember being in bed regularly at 8.30 in the first 5 months - because I was up so often I was in bed from 8.30pm to 7.30am to try & fit in as near to a reasonable number hours as possible.

Sorry this is a bit rambly am just trying to think back for any ideas I can for you - do you have any childcare for dd1 would this be an option even for a few hours a couple of times a week? Talk to your dh too, mine was great he would have dd2 when I went to bed early & bring her to me when he couldn't hold off the hunger pains any longer - he always got dd2 to go longer between feeds than I ever could. Could your parents/PIL help - don't be afraid to ask for help, I know it is hard to admit you can't help but when I plucked up the courage people bent over backwards to help.

Original poster
mama2leah · 03/11/2009 17:39

thank you all for your replies..
childcare is not an option, nor do i have happy near by willing to help.
dh helps when he is at home, and puts dd1 to sleep when he can.

going to let the housework slip a little, my sanity is more important

i can't get my dds to sleep at teh same time, no matter what i try.

im not to keen to use the dummy

thank you all so much, i just need abit of encouragement and support from other mums.

OP posts:
Original poster
mama2leah · 04/11/2009 08:49

the thing i find the most difficult is the constant feeding at night from 8-pm last night to this morning, she had about 8-9 feeds...

OP posts:
countrybump · 04/11/2009 09:23

i'm feeling this too - one handed typing as currently feeding! my ds is 3 and my dd is almost 6 weeks. i had a couple of days when i thought i'd got the bf cracked as dd was going 3 hours between feeds, but last night was just one long feed again. i also have a terrible cold which seems to get worse every day.

let the housework go, i have and it's a relief! my dh spends time with ds when he is home, and always baths him and puts him to bed, which gives me a little time to rest in the evening, albeit often while feeding dd! maybe you could try that

i hope things improve for you soon xx

slushy06 · 04/11/2009 09:35

I feel for you I have a ds 3y and a 15 week dd and my dd was exactly like yours at 12 weeks every two hours but at about 13 weeks she started going for the odd 3 hour and now she mostly goes 3 hours throughout the day.

You just need to wait for the turn of the tide it is coming hopefully sooner rather than later. If you are still finding it hard in a month you could wean early. Maybe one small meal just to help you out.

throckenholt · 04/11/2009 10:11

i can't get my dds to sleep at teh same time, no matter what i try.

I used to get in to bed with my toddler and hold him down for about 5 minutes until he fell asleep (he really used to fight it but he was exhausted and needed the sleep) - then we would both sleep for about 1.5 hours.

Had to get the baby at least in the cot first though.

Original poster
mama2leah · 10/11/2009 17:39

nearly a week since i posted this, still no improvement...

been told to do controlling crying?! isnt she too young, and im not a fan of that...

OP posts:
imaginewittynamehere · 10/11/2009 17:51

I'm so sorry there has been no improvement
Definately too small for controlled crying - who suggested it?

You're doing a great job - another week on from when you first posted is another week of bf.

Have you tried feeding lying down? I never mastered it but many say that they can then feed lying down & snooze too!
Are you catching up on sleep when DH is around - I regularly "sleep" 12+ hours on Fri & Sat.

You really sound like you need/want help. Is there no-one who could come to stay for a few days to help?

Also maybe try one of the BF lines - they may have some ideas on how to gently ecourage your dd2 to space out feeds more. DD2 did it by herself but I seem to vaguely remember "helping" dd1 to space out her feeds a little.

thesecondcoming · 10/11/2009 18:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

imaginewittynamehere · 10/11/2009 19:11

I meant to say too as you have 2 so young I'm sure I saw a support group on MN for 2 under 2, even if the thread isn't active anymore it might have some great ideas

posieparker · 10/11/2009 19:18

I only have one tip...forget the housework unless vital. If you're really tired what's wrong with a dummy?

[shakes head, why won't people understand that the dummy is not the devil's work????]

Don't do controlled crying.

Things to try/think about

Dummy
Is baby winded properly
Lie baby on side
Wrap baby tightly
Dummy
Invest in a swing (ebay about £30, will guarantee at least an hour's sleep)
Dummy
Get baby out of the house and in the fresh air, you'd be surprised how much good a walk can do
Is your baby vomitty? Could baby have reflux?
Dummy
By 14 weeks most of this pattern will have vanished.
Can you try to give bigger feeds during the day?
Dummy

Oh and did I mention the dummy?

Iggipepperedfillet · 10/11/2009 19:25

Hi, you say childcare not an option (to give you a break) - I had no relative/friends nearby who could help me,but I did find the local leisure centre had a creche, and you didn't have to go to the gym, you could just go to the coffee shop! Eventually I got a two hour weekly slot set up with local PND services, during which I sat in Starbucks and slowly felt my head clear a bit.. If your DH can't offer you any respite, you really do need to find another way to get it. We weren't designed to be on our own with two small children!

Original poster
mama2leah · 10/11/2009 21:06

now we been hit by swine flue...arghhh!
thank you all again...
will type more tomorrow..not feeling to great

OP posts:
MrsMalcolmTucker · 10/11/2009 21:34

Sorry you're having such a hard time. My ds went through a nightmare time around 12 weeks - alternated between feeding for an hour every other hour and not latching on at all, so I spent most of my time in agony with engorgement. He had a bit of a growth spurt around that time, which didn't help. It got much easier after a couple of weeks though - mainly because I just accepted that for the time being, feeding was pretty much all I was going to achieve.

I also didn't keep formula in the house - if I had I probably would have used it and like you, I really want to bf till he self weans. As it was, when I was at my lowest ebb, in the terrible 4am feeds, there was nothing else I could do but bf as there was no alternative. By the time I was up and dressed and in the supermarket, I generally felt more positive and so was able to resist picking some up.

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