Support thread for bf 6-12 months

[Hulla]

We've passed the ebf stage but we're not quite extended bf-ers. Any other "inbetweeners" want to join me in a general support thread?

We can chat about anything - bf & weaning, night feeds, going back to work, coping with pressure to stop, biting when feeding (ouch!, whether to stop, whether to carry on...anything.

Pull up a comfy chair and lets support each other. Chocolate biscuit anyone?

Lucky my BB fed twice nightly until he was around 9 months. He just started sleeping through one day (with 1 feed at 5am) and I didn't change anything. We co-slept in the end and that made me feel less of a zombie.
Some people swear by a bottle of formula before bed, although I didn't find that helped in our case.

Lucky - I'm still really struggling at night. OK, DS isn't 6 months until 9th Nov but he doesn't often go more than 2hrs at a time so I end up co-sleeping from about 1am.
I'm reluctant to try a bottle of formula before bedtime but I have a fairly decent supply of EBM frozen so could always try using some of that I suppose.
I'm starting weaning him next weekend but plan to do BLW so doubt much will get in him to begin with so probably won't make too much difference!
Sorry no help, just my ramblings...

Lucky One thing that seemed to make a difference to my dd (though it may have been coincidence) was when dd got more active. Once she was pulling herself up on things, crawling and coasting furniture her sleep got progressively better. She used to fight her naps and nighttime sleep, it was atrocious but now we go up to bed, she'll fling herself around our bed for a bit, then crawl over & climb on my knee to go to sleep.

It'll probably improve now that you've posted about it. That always happens to me!

Grrr, am feeling a bit .

Went to a baby class this morning and was giving DS a feed before it started, when another mum (I know her slightly, have been going to the same groups since the babies were about 3 months old) said to me "Oooh, he's getting big now. Have you thought about stopping b/f?" !!!!

He's 9 months old ffs, not 23. I would never judge anyone for not b/f so why should she be allowed to judge me?

Hummf, am probably a bit sensitive due to prolonged sleep deprivation but it was a bit "look at you, you freak" rude wasn't it?

(doh, don't know why my crossings out didn't work)

Sospan - not suprised you felt

I visited a nursery for DS this morning and was asking about milk and storage and commented that I hope to still be BFing. The manager said "Well, the difficult time will come when you have to switch to formula". I wasn't sure what to say but in my head, I was thinking "If I have my way, I won't ever need to give FF!!"
(Nevermind the fact that switching doesnt necessarily cause problems!)

hi there, lost you all for a few days, but managed to find you!

Shocked at some of the comments people have, wondered if anyone had any quick (polite-ish) witty ripostes?

I've been lucky enough not to have had any dodgy comments at all, but there's still time!

Ses I tried to ignore all the comments from people that BB would "sleep through if he eats a big dinner" That also hasn't worked in our case. In fact, some of his longest night-time sleeps have been after days where he has pretty much only had BM. He has now started to wake up because he wants to practice his latest trick - standing up!

Sospan I hate people like that. I hardly ever BF in public now because it makes me feel self conscious (and also BB is more interested in what's going on aroundhim unless he's starving) - although if anyone asks, I proudly say I'm still BFing at 10 months. It's sad that you've had negative comments. You're right and they're wrong. To me, if you're happy and the baby is happy, what's the point of making life more difficult and expensive by switching to formula before the baby is 1? I get comments from MIL all the time about when I'm stopping, but I'm sticking to my guns.

Sos at your "friend". Just remember all the good you are doing - I just read through the other thread on reaosns to carry on beyond 6m and it made me feel great.

Aww, thank you everyone . I know I'm doing the best thing for DS and I. Just cross that she thought it was ok to make that comment. I would never say "Oooh, you're formula feeding - have you not thought about b/f?"

Am going to make a conscious effort to go and do some very public b/f tomorrow and god help anyone who looks at me the wrong way!

You know, whenever I see a mum bottle feeding a baby, I always feel a bit sad for her that she's not BFing! Silly of me I know, as it could be expressed milk, or she could be mixed feeding etc. But I would never, ever say anything. It is annoying how people think it's OK to comment when it's breastfeeding that's the subject.

I get comments about stopping from MIL, especially now dd has teeth but she didn't bf and doesn't understand that its not just about milk. I used to get upset about it until I realised that she isn't actually being mean, she just doesn't know much about it. Before I bf I thought feeding a child with teeth would be hell but its fine. MIL doesn't know that because she ff, I think she regrets that a bit now.

I also think she'd like to give dd a bottle. Between bf & BLW my parents & ILs have missed out on those stereotypical grandchild moments which they have probably been looking forward to for years (bottle feeding & spoon feeding). My dd also doesn't go in a pram. We carry her in a sling all the time, her pram is currently 80 miles away gathering dust at my mums. So they don't get to take her for walks etc (they don't seem to want to use the sling). My mum almost jumped for joy when she was able to push dd in a supermarket trolley!

So while I don't appreciate the comments from my family, I can understand why they make them.

Oh one thing that does wind me a bit though, now that dd is cruising & crawling she has a lot of bumps so I nurse her when she cries. It works a treat (as you'll all know!). My aunt & uncle were at my mums when we were visiting last. It was the 2nd time dd had bumped herself so I was nursing & my uncle said 'she must be sick of that. Shes thinking "everytime I fall over I get a tit thrown in my face"' & everyone laughed. I just felt a bit stupid. Like they thought I was forcing her.

cara I know what you mean about the double standards. When my lovely sister had her son this summer she was given no help to bf & the midwives ff her ds (long story, I started a thread). My sis was distressed that she didn't know how to feed her son in the night when he woke crying. The MW told her he was "bottlefed for now". I said she could carry on ff for now but let him suckle for comfort - it doesn't have to be one or the other. My mum overheard & snapped at me for pressuring her to bf. I felt sick that it came across like that (dsis said she didn't think so). It was horrible. However, my mum spent weeks pressuring me to give up bf & ff dd so others could help. A horrible double standard.

It strikes me that however you feed your baby, breast or bottle, you get comments/guilt/pressure to do something else. I bet ff mums feel the same!

hulla, reading your post made me a bit sad, those comments would have hurt me. I realise I've been really lucky, I haven't really had comments like those. Even the (very mild) comments from family have made my hackles rise, I honestly don't know what I'd say in return to that kind.

My MIL said 'you'll probably find weaning a good time to stop bf' and I was a bit pissed off with that!! I just smiled and nodded, whilst inside bellowing 'NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS! YOU DON@T GET TO TELL ME WHEN TO STOP BF!!' I know that I have it good now!!

I had a similar experience to your Dsis in hospital, I'm always amazed at how little support there is for bf. Both my NCT antenatal teacher and a few midwives said, it's like riding a bike, best to learn/find out about it when you do it. What a load of rubbish!! I had no idea about anything - let down (I have a really really slow let down), what you need to get your milk to come in (i.e. put that baby on the boob!). When it didn't work, and I had a screaming hungry baby, that is NOT a good time to find out about bf!!! Ahem, rant over.

thanks for your replies and the warm welcome, I only just realised I got them as we're on the next page now, so only just seen them!

Strangely enough the day after posting DS slept through, so Hulla you were right there! But, then last night he woke to feed around 1am, I tried to leave him but he was properly hungry and had both breasts. Hopefully we're on the cusp now and he'll go through more often soon!

I'm putting his morning and after lunch naps forward a little in the hope he'll drop his 4pm one and sleep better. But from experience and speaking to other mums I don't think it will make much difference, I think I just have to be patient and hope for the best!

essenceofSES I feel your pain I used to have to co-sleep but things did getter better and I battled through. Things have improved lots since then, There were times when I almost gave up!

lucy that's great news (p.s that always happens, I think its to make you feel stupid for posting about it. I did it with a cosleeping thread last week - problem solved as soon as I posted ).

tas do you think that people assume you want to stop? I think people think that bf is a huge inconvenience and that you don't have "your life back" (hate that expression) until you've weaned from bf. A colleague of mine asked said to me "Isn't bf the absolute worst thing you've ever done? I hate it". She just assumed I wanted to stop like she did. She was still finding it painful at 7 months and had never sought help .

Hi, can I join? My DS is only 5 months but I will be BF him past 6 months and well beyond. He does have some formula as well, every eveining, I did not really want him to but I have problems maintaining enough milk supply, especially in the evenings, and he is very small (third centile) so does not have weight to spare!

I went back to work over a month ago (nearly fulltime, sometimes get one day during the week to work from home) and express several times a day at work. I have an office where I can lock the door, but am often on the road so do a lot of expressing in the car! Love the funny stories about people being caught expressing by the workman on the scaffold etc! Nothing like that has happened to me yet. I have so far juat about managed to express enough bm for my DH or the nanny (they share his care when I am at work) to give to baby when I am not here.

He does not sleep through yet but only wakes once (at about 4 or 5am) and then I take him into our bed for the rest of the night, and breastfeed him as much as he will take.

I want to carry on bf forever, I LOVE it so much! (had a hard time at first, blanching nipples requiring constant hot pads, very small baby who didn't latch on well etc...now it is just bliss!). The look on his face and the feeling in my heart when I get home from work and we settle down to a feed makes all the stress, tiredness and the faff of the expressing completely worthwhile!

Hi, I'm only just in time to join your thread because DD will be 1 at the end of November, but I am BF still at 11 months, BLW and DD is a very reluctant eater of solids so 99% still BF.

I'm going back to work in 6 weeks and terrified if I'm honest. DD won't take milk from me from a cup, but I need to start reducing my daytime milk supply or I will have a very soggy suit when I go back to work (not to mention painful boobs etc).

We are trying to drop one feed a week, and I thought best option would be "afternoon" which isn't a set time but generally the next feed following her lunch. Given that she hardly eats any solids, she's generally quite hungry in the afternoon. She totally refused the cup from me today. I feel quite tearful about it tbh, especially as I'm only going back to work because I have to, not because I want to.

Any tips from anyone who now mix feeds as to how to get started? It's formula, which she sometimes has from DH in a cup with no problems... I really need to drop the daytime feeds so I can go back to work! Planning to keep the morning and bedtime feeds, and at the moment there is still one night feed too (at least!)

Hi all.
Sorry I've not posted for a while - life gets in the way sometimes doesn't it?!
Things are good here - work is going well and dd2 has settled really well into nursery. She's still feeding at night - usually twice - but actually last night went from 18.15 to 05.30 - so maybe things are changing...!
Lucky my dd is now nearly 11 months and was a 2 hourly feeder for a long time. She now feeds usually twice a night and I've been through several phases with it all:

1. firstly I fed every time she woke and ignored lots of "ooh you should get her in a routine". I loved feeding her and could think of no better way to be her mummy than to feed her when she wants
2. about 7 months - started to really feel tired and like I wanted her to sleep longer but couldn't bring myself to deny her a feed.
3. about 8 months - on my knees with tiredness. HV advised leaving her to cry, not even picking her up, just leave her in the cot and pat her. Did this for 4 nights at the end of which she slept through for a few nights, with only a few little wakings but settled back with a quick pat.
4. She got a chest infection so I fed her whenever she wanted. After a couple of weeks when she was better we tried leaving her to cry again, but it seemed she had aquired the ability to cry indefinitely! However long we left it or however many times we went in, she would just yell and yell! So after a few nights I felt completely soul-destroyed and decided I would feed on demand again - done that for the past month
5. Last week we decided to try to not feed between 10 and 6. She's been waking about 9, feeding, sleeping till 3 ish, going back to sleep with patting or water from a beaker, then waking at 6 ish for feed. Last night she went to bed at 6.15pm and didn't wake up until 5.30! She has just started pulling herself up to standing and is crawling really well, so I've concluded that they will sleep in their own time!!!

Sorry for all that waffle - I think my mindset was as important as the 'method' or plan for the night. At times I was happy to feed and at other times I was happy to try to teach her not to. I can't really go against my instincts! Hope your LO starts to sleep longer soon. Pookamoo sorry you're struggling with the feeding/ going back to work thing. If it's any reassurance - I was worried about how to get her off BF and onto a bottle (my dd has REFUSED a bottle since day 1!). I tried to cut out the afternoon feed but she always seemed to want it. In the end she started nursery without me having changed anything, and basically on a work day she has a BF before work, has solids and a bit of water from a beaker at nursery, then has BF when I pick her up, before bed, in the night. On a non-work day she BF when she wants in the day. She manages fine at nursery - as though if I'm not there she doesn't think about milk. So it's actually worked well and my boobs just tend to go along with it! I sometimes feel a bit full at work but it hasn't really been painful. Right I'll stop rambling... hope everyone is well.

Hula bit at your uncle's comment, that would have really upset me. I don't care a fig what strangers/acquaintances think of me bf but family's opinions do cut a bit deeper.

pookamoo my sympathies on your work worries. I am job hunting at the moment but hope to get something in the new year, and as I work shifts am very uncertain how on earth the bf is going to go. Obviously things may change lots between now and then. But at the moment DS (nearly 12m) feeds very frequently and has a very short fuse if I am not around and he wants a feed...

traceface that's so reassuring, thanks! The sore boobs thing does worry me, but I suppose I just need to have some breast pads with me the first week, and things will settle down. Our DDs are about the same age too, and I can identify with the ability to cry indefinitely, although she has got better on that front recently.

MrsMotMot poor you with shifts - maybe our bodies are designed to cope with it though, we shall have to wait and see.

redtabby I think having a tricky start to the bf can sometimes make it so, so rewarding to carry on as long as possible. We had a bit of a tough time to begin with, too, but haven't looked back and can't imagine any other way now.

hello again everyone - hope all the feeding is going well with those who are going back to work.

Quick question to those with distractable babies - so all of you probably. My dd (8.5 months) won't let me hold her in the usual pose across my body with me sitting up (like we always did first six months) as i think she hates me being in control and doesn't like having her head held in position. With this in mind, I am now doing all feeds lying down on the bed (and, consequently, no social life whatsoever unless there is a bed available) so she is more in control. It is much better but she is now coming off and trying to fling herself off the bed about five times every feed or just crawling off to look at the interesting pillow/sidelight etc etc. Any wise solutions?

What positions are you all feeding in now or do you have less squirmy annoying babies!

nadssss my DD was just the same and we spent a couple of weeks doing lying down feeds. Now I just let her get into a position she feels is comfortable (and isn't tearing my nipple off!). Sometimes she is actually sitting quite upright. Then she is sort of in control. It doesn't always stop her from pinging off to have a nosey at what's going on everywhere else though!

Oh yes nadssss we've been there! I feed my dd in what we refer to as sling position. Facing me, sat upright, legs either side of my waist hips. Its quite discrete, less wriggly and dd can still turn her head an nosy at the world without flashing me. I fed her like this is a meeting with my boss a few weeks ago.

Oh just spotted that pook also feed in this position.

In bed, when I'm feeding her to sleep dd will crawl over, kneel between my knees and feed kneeling up. She finds it very funny but if she tired she collapses as soon as she latches on so you have to pay attention.

Oh for anyone who's getting pressure to quit

nadssss we often feed with dd sat next to me on the sofa, with her facing backwards. DD found this position herself and it works really well. I'm quite pleased with it too as i think it will work well as my bump grows

I was quite offended the other day when i was feeding her and DH brought me over a biscuit. DD stopped feeding, reached into the tub and took a biscuit and ate it, completely forgetting all about her milk. I didn't know I could be so easily replaced.

Hulla that is hilarious! That has cheered me up (both me and OH are incredibly stressed at work as working with idiots means we have to do extra hours)