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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

Really upset by what BFC said- is she right?

74 replies

roslily · 07/10/2009 17:11

after a meltdown at weekend (I have PND) my husband gave son some formula. Since then he had one bottle a day, and it has made the world of difference. I want to continue breastfeeding, but the intensity and lack of having a break was causing me to crack.

So rather than give up we made a decision to mix feed.

Today BFC told us that formula will mess up his stomach, and mix feeding can't work as the stomach digests them in two different ways. She implied that I was selfish and that I might as well bottle feed now.

I really want to continue BF, is this impossible?

OP posts:

DianaTibble · 08/10/2009 18:24

Hi ..I was a midwife for many years and yes it is great to breast feed...which is what you are doing ...if you and your husband are happy sharing and your son is thriving and you feel better then continue as you are....I am an ardent supporter of breast feeding BUT there is more to motherhood than breast feeding and there are loads of things you will do, that you said that you would never do...so get rid of guilt NOW and have fun...sleep and enjoy!...life is too short....My first child had no artificial sweets chocolate etc till 2 years old....my son was 6 months at easter and we felt that it was more important that our daughter 'shared' one chocolate button with him!!! and guess what he is a thriving 18 year old who doesn't even bl..dy like chocolate much!!!what's important is that you all enjoy each other and when your not take some space it's all normal!!! best wishes
Diana xx

MoonlightMcKenzie · 08/10/2009 18:33

roslily whichever decision you make it will be the right one, but don't put too much pressure on yourself.

You might like to bear in mind though that the later you leave it to introduce a ff, the more chance you have of keeping your options open. i.e. the less chance there is of that ff interfering with your bfing and that every bf that you have done so far and that you do in the future - counts.

SardineQueen · 08/10/2009 19:12

I (and my friends) have always found the first 6 weeks BFing the hardest, it seems to get easier after that for some reason, hopefully it should stop being quite so full on in a couple of weeks.

Also I think there is a growth spurt around 4 weeks so the constant feeding might ease off a bit if that is the case as well.

Plus I have a couple of friends who gave one formula feed a day from day 1 and they were absolutely fine with it.

Good luck whatever you decide to do

SardineQueen · 08/10/2009 19:13

And maybe you could show your DH this thread to try to make him understand?

ineedalifelaundry · 08/10/2009 22:01

Roslily- I felt exactly like you do now a year ago. Every day I agonised over whether to carry on bf. Loads of people encouraged me to stop, including my DH and my HV, saying it was more important that I was happy and enjoying my baby. But I could never quite come to the stage where I said "right, that's it, I've stopped breast feeding." Instead I was always telling myself to see how I felt next week / next day / next feed. And then at about 8 weeks things just fell into place, it stopped being a struggle. A year on, I'm more relieved than I can possibly explain that I carried on. My DD is now 13 months old and still breast feeding. It's one of the greatest pleasures of mothering for me. I shudder now to think how close we came to stopping in the first few weeks of her life.

If it's important to you to breastfeed your baby, don't let anyone else- not even your DH - make the decision for you. You can do it, it is better for your baby (and not just for health reasons, it's emotionally beneficial too), and it WILL get easier.

MilaMae · 08/10/2009 22:17

It is NOT emotionally beneficial for a baby to be breastfed what total utter twaddle. Babies are loved and cuddled exactly the same however they are fed. What a totally awful and incorrect comment to make.

SardineQueen · 08/10/2009 22:29

ineedalifelaundry that was a bit of a thoughtless post. I understand that you are feeling evangelical about BF given your early struggles etc. but of course a FF/BF baby gets cuddles snuggles emotional attachment etc. To suggest otherwise is a bit silly IMO.

galaxymummy · 08/10/2009 22:34

Dear Rosily it sounds like you are a caring mum doing the best job you can pnd is the pits a lot of mums mixed feed, whatever you can do will be good enough well done, you will be able to continue to bf and in time make your own decision,for future advice I would speak to nct la leche bfn abm etc as more up to date and non judgemental

ineedalifelaundry · 08/10/2009 23:21

Sorry. I can see that what I wrote sounded a bit off. I certainly didn't mean to imply that ff babies don't get cuddles and emotional connection etc so I'm truly sorry it sounded like that. I was relating my personal experience and I don't pretend to be an expert. What I do know is that my DD seemed so much more content, blissful and calm when having a breastfeed than she did when I tried formula. I ought to have made it clearer that it was my personal experience.

SardineQueen · 08/10/2009 23:30

don't worry ineedalifelaundry.

It is easy to get carried away, especially when you have done something really difficult and made it through.

I do hope the OP manages to sort it all out...

MilaMae · 08/10/2009 23:35

Ineed no worries but I have to say my 3 were all way more content, blissful and calm ( as was I ) when we switched to formula-horses for courses as they say. We all have different personalities and babies

elkiedee · 09/10/2009 00:29

I ended up formula feeding ds1 very early but have continued bf ds2 much more successfully after some serious initial problems. Don't know about baby - ds1 got lots of love and affection and cuddles - but I have found bf feels better emotionally for me, and could relate to what I think inalifelaundry was trying to say.

Roslily, before you make a decision try to get in touch with a different breastfeeding counsellor. I don't believe that someone with proper training in this area would say to you that there's no point in breastfeeding unless it's exclusive and that you might as well ff now, that's just wrong. But you can get advice on whether to try to return to exclusive bf or the best way to combine breastfeeding and formula, if that's what you choose. And I hope you've complained, or that you will.

WoTmania · 09/10/2009 09:24

Roslily - I haven't read all the thread so this may have been mentioned but LLL (and NCT I think?) do a leaflet for Dads. It gives info on the benefits of BF but also suggestions on how they can support their partner as a BF mother and on ways of being involved with baby that don't involve feeding.
I really hope everything gets better for you soon. really at that 'BFC'

USERSRLOSERS · 10/10/2009 01:14

The BF counsellor sounds like a BF Nazi ditch her immediately. Breast feeding has become overrated and i personally know one baby who was starved to death by his mum because of her stubborn refusal to try formula, her breasts did not produce enough milk. Why do women beat themselves upabout this issue, if Bfeeding works (for both parties)brilliant! It is free easy and hassle free. But it did not work exclusively for me I tried (got double mastitis) husband took baby and gave him bottle os SMA from pre mixed carton. result!1Happy Baby,happy mum and less worried dad! My son had bottles during day and BF at night. Mixed feeding can work and I was lucky he was not a windy baby. Son is 11 now and strapping. Show this post to the BF consellor she sounds like a bitch. BY THE WAY BF COUNSELLOR MY OLD DAD IS A PAEDIATRICIAN AND HE SAYS YOU SHOULD NOT BE ADVISING ANY MUM, MIXED FEEDING DOES NOT CAUSE STOMACH PROBS IN INFANTS!! rOSLILY DROP HER asap OR INVITE HER TO POST ON THIS BLOG AND I WILL REGISTER MY DAD SO HE CAN PUT HER CRAZED LITTLE MIND A EASE!1 Good luck

USERSRLOSERS · 10/10/2009 01:21

MILA MAE you are the true voice of sanity! Indeealifelaundry which crazy self help crap manual did you pick that rubbish up from. I let my son have sugar-free squash coz I think it is more emotionally beneficial than drinking coke. Shame on you!!!!
Roslily, dont exclude your DH and dont listen to ineedalifelaundry and her uter twaddle. xxx

Mummy369 · 10/10/2009 01:23

[Roslily] firstly, I'm really sorry you have had such a distressing experience with the BFC and midwife and I would also like to reassure you that Citalopram is safe to take both during pregnancy and Breastfeeding. It is a commonly used anti-depressant post-natally and, according to T.W. Hale "Medications and Mothers Milk", Citalopram falls within Lactation Risk Category 2 (Safer). This means there have been a number of studies in Breastfeeding women without an increase in adverse effects in the infant. Hale goes on to say "..majority of studies show no or limited side effects (of Citalopram) in breastfed infants". [encouraging ]

On the subject of ...

I think it's really sad that this one NHS 'BFC' has given us all such a bad name. I am an experienced BF Mum of 3 DC under the age of 10 yrs, and worked as a MA at my local Maternity unit for a few years. During that time I trained with LLL as a BF Peer Counsellor, then moved 180 miles away for a fresh start with our young family. I was lucky enough to find an NHS job as a BF Peer Supporter where I was first required to undertake mandatory 2-day UNICEF training in BF Support. We have an ongoing system of yearly updates (again, UNICEF guidelines) and I also undertake further training in my own time. I am currently training as a Lactation Consultant.

It makes me quite that this BFC is clearly not adhering to her organisations guidelines. As Peer Supporters in my own PCT we are not 'befrienders' or any other form of social network for the Mum - we have a job to do and we MAY draw on our own experiences but usually the Mums we see are in a vulnerable position and to dwell on our own personal beliefs rather than use our knowledge and skills would be wrong.

cory · 10/10/2009 09:57

Roslily, if you give up breastfeeding because you really feel you have to, then of course that's fine and nothing to feel guilty about.

But if you give up breastfeeding because some idiot has told you you can't possibly do it, then someone ought to see to that person

Yes, mixed feeding can be difficult. Not everyone manages it, true. But that is not the same as telling someone that they have to give up from the start because they can't possibly manage it. How does she know you can't? I did. Others have.

I also had friends who gave up on the idea of breastfeeding after they were taken down for a caesarian, because they believed that you couldn't breastfed after a caesarian (I know for a fact that this was not hospital guidelines, but they had been listening to friends or family). Those of us who had no friends or family to tell us it was impossible were more willing to give it a go. And some of us succeeded.

AbricotsSecs · 10/10/2009 10:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

mumblecrumble · 10/10/2009 10:26

We were exactly the same.

I was going mad at the lack of rest, my arse ached from feeding all day, and the only place I could sleep was when she was latched on cos I spent all day worried she was going to wake up to be fed again

OI felt so guilty and several folks said you can;t do both so you'll just have to formular feed [expressing was not happening]

We gave a bottle of formula a day, usually a small amount and maybe a small amount if Daddy offered int he night. I also took a bottle to make up/carton 'just in ccase' when we went outas I have problems with my arms and sometimes found I couldn;t lift her to feed her.

This went VERY WELL!!!! I slept more becuase I worried less, we found that as I felt muchbetter I chose to breast feed 99% of them time. It also meant I could go back to orchetsra rehearsals an evening a week.

I fed her mostly breast till she was 6 months and coninuted breast feeding her till 18 months.

Yes my supply was affected - I required one less breast feed a day so I suppluied one less feed a day. Made perfect sese to me but health visitors still seemed very unsure and said it wouldn;t work.

P.S. There is such a lot of crap in sugar free squash....

FranklyIDontGiveAMam · 12/10/2009 21:25

Are you for real UL?

hairymelons · 12/10/2009 21:59

Course UL isn't for real.
Roslily, I know a LOT of people that mix fed successfully so although it may bring its own challenges it certainly is not impossible.
And just so you know, a lot of people find the 4 week mark REALLY tough. In my case, I hadn't slept well in weeks and was finding it just relentless and utterly exhausting. Mixed feeding sounds like a very sensible compromise to me, if you are fully armed with the facts there's no reason why you can't make it work.
That BFC's comments were insensitive and inaccurate, do try the NCT or LLL helplines for some good advice and non-judgmental support. There's a list of numbers here
Good luck Roslily

firstname · 12/10/2009 23:26

Roslily -

I know that thing where you have to make a decision and it feels like the hardest thing in the world.

It IS hard because feeding is an emotive issue (like you didn't know) whether your kids are a few hours old or in their thirties ...but what makes it really bloody difficult is trying to make a decision when you have a newborn. Its not like they give you a break where you can sit down and sort out your head

I was so confused that I used to find that even when well-meaning people told me it was my decision to ive up if I wanted to...it felt like a judgement. It wasn't. But such was my state of mind. Their ' ' felt like 'I wash my hands of you' smileys - and OF COURSE they were not. But those eary days/weeks are so hard even when you DONT have a feeding dilemma.

All I really wanted to say was ... make your decision but know that in time it wont matter - it wont be a burden like it feels right now - you'll be OK with it, whatever it is x

firstname · 12/10/2009 23:29

Hairy melons - I wish I had never heard of your username, it conjures up horrible images

PrettyCandles · 12/10/2009 23:36

Roslily, the BFC is wrong. Pure and simple. Babies can and do thrive on mixed feeding. You just have to remember that they may want feeding at different intervals after a breastfeed or a formulafeed. Generally formula takes longer to digest, so the baby might go 2-3h between breastfeeds, but over 3h between formula feeds. It does not mean that he is not getting enough breastmilk.

Any amount of breastmilk is good. Mix feeding is better than exclusive ff. You - and your dh - can still get cuddles, body contact, bonding, eye-contact with your ds whether he feeds from a bottle or from your breast. You can still get skin-to-skin feeding, you can still babymoon with him if you want. It changes nothing, just gives you other options.

You can even go back to breastfeeding in a week or so, if you want. It could be hard work, but it is possible.

Of course exclusive bf would be a good thing. But a happy, emotionally healthy family is probably even more of a good thing.

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