Hi Rosilly, just to add some words of support here. It is really difficult those first few weeks, does get better. I haven't had PND but still found the first weeks exhausting in particular first time round, as you just haven't experienced that before [yes you get people talking of sleepless nights but that doesn't mean much]. It's the relentless aspect of it that I found hard, there is no switching off, but you can try to ease the way. And yes it does get better, DS2 is 4 months and we can now do a quick feed of 5 minutes each side if necessary, though he does have long feeds too so I can MN to really fill up. For reference, I've heard - and found myself - that for a newborn it can take 20 mins each side they do get much more efficient as they get bigger. And the first few weeks they cluster feed in the evening and seem to feed continuously for 3-4 hours -- it seems endless.
Much the same recommendations as everyone else:
1- get out!
if you have a garden, even just stepping outside with baby and walking round for 5 minutes can help -- I'll walk around and comment on the bushes, the roses, the weeds etc, and baby loves looking at leaves up close. Don't know if it's the wind, or the sky, or what but this usually calms baby (and me). Love the "air the baby" expression someone used earlier. I've even done this at night, we look at the moon and the stars and it helps clear your mind.
But do go beyond the garden and out for at least half an hour if not several hours. The key is talking to other people, it gets you functioning normally again. A baby is a great icebreaker, you can talk to anyone. Other new mums will love to chat for ages.
2- get comfortable
For those nighttime feeds, here's what helps for me:
- a clock (not a loud ticking one), I'd rather know what time it is, how long he's been feeding etc
- a breastfeeding nightie with buttons down the front + a nice thick fleece robe; I get cold and need this, it really helps
- a glass of water at hand (prepared in advance): I always get thirsty when feeding
- go to the loo before picking up baby, even if he's screaming for another 3 minutes; once you've started feeding it's uch harder to interrupt things
- lots of pillows and footstool if required; you need to hold the pose for a long time so be prepared -- for me I never had much luck with feeding lying down so need a good sitting setup
Not clear from your earlier posts, is the baby latching on ok? If your nipples are raw / sore it's sooooo much harder. Is there a local BF counsellor you can see? I had a great one who watched me feeding and pinpointed the issue (sore on one side; I was holding baby too far round the side of my body rather than the front ifkwim). Just a very subtle repositioning required but it made all thedifference and was such a relief.... you've got enough to deal with, breastfeeding should not hurt.
One more tip I haven't used but a friend has. If you cuddle the baby he may want a feed (though not need one) just because you smell of milk. So wear one of your husband's T-shirts (used but not filthy ).
Sorry for long post, hope maybe this helps.