Did anyone give up breastfeeding because it was so hard/exhaustion?

[roslily]

I am struggling with the intensity. I have been diagnosed with PND. Things have improved slightly but at the beginning of this week I refused to feed DS when he was brought to me by husband. I just couldn't take it anymore I just wanted a rest.

He is back to feeding nearly hourly, which means I struggle to rest. I believe so strongly in breastfeeding and was so determined to succeed, but I worry that I am close to cracking point. I am beginning to resent baby, and don't want to spend any time with him apart from feeding. And I don't get that warm, feeling you are supposed to get wathing them feed.

So much of me doesn't want to give up, but I fear I am approaching my cracking point.

I would also recommend making the place where you bf as nice and comfy as possible, I use my bed with lots of pillows including special bf pillows, and have a table next to me with anything I might want, also books (although not easy to read while bf at first, I am getting the hang of it during long feeds!), and the tv in front of me with dvds of series that I wanted to watch but never had the time (have just got through the whole of Upstairs Downstairs, does that make me weird?).

The whole point is to make the bf time the best part of your day and to look forward to it, I now would rather be sitting on the bed bf than do anything else no matter how much I do it!

It is really hard in the early days but it gets so much easier. As others say just take it one feed at a time. A friend of mine switched to bottle-feeding as she was tired, but discovered it wasn't the breast-feeding that was making her tired but the getting up in the night. So keep on going with the breast-feeding, it is so much easier in the nights.

Stay in bed and snuggle and feed in the mornings, that's what I used to do. DH would bring me breakfast in bed before going to bed to make sure I got a good meal.

Drink loads of water as breastfeeding makes you thirsty and being thirsty makes you tired.

Take a walk every day and you will feel so much better.

The feeds will calm down - have you tried a sling? Sometimes babies just want to be close to mum.

I wish I could come and help you - I know how you feel, I had DS on the opposite side of the world to my friends and family and it was so challenging at first, but life is so much easier now. The first six weeks are the hardest.

Unmumsnetly hugs.

Thank you. I managed 3 hours in a row last night! So I feel a bit more human. I am going to persevere with it, as I really don't want to give up.

I have been trying to express for the 10pm ish feed so my hubbie can do it. But I get about 4oz a day, and my hungry 9lb+ baby wants more than that!

The daytime feeds aren't so bad, but the nights feel so lonely and wretched.

not, not now! Was quoting tt btw.

So sorry you feel like this. I remember sending dd away coz I couldn't face another feed, and I didn't have PND. It is very hard initially but it does get better. I expressed for the evening feed so I would go to bed very early and leave DH to feed and do the final settle, so I'd had a good sleep by the next feed.

Expressing is yet another skill that needs learning and its takes a while. I would express on one side when feeding on the other as I got much more "let down" whilst feeding. I got the most milk if I expressed in the night, so would sterilise pump before bed, put in the fridge and then go and get it and pump during night feed, then return to fridge when finished. Then I would keep expressing on each feed til I had enough for night feed. Be warned tho, the amount that you get initially is pathetic, don't let it put you off. Fenugreek capsules are good at upping your supply too. Before long you'll have enough to store in the freezer.

Just read a bit more, your baby is 3wks, its really a bad time, you're at the end of your resources, dp has gone back to work and the adrenaline has run out. It definitely gets better. Someone told me that the first month is worse than the birth and I agree!

Try and go to a bf support group or postnatal support group, even if its not "your thing" you never have to go again if you hate it, but at least give it a try. There will be others there who feel the same as you.

Can you feed lying down? It really helps with early exhaustion. Your mw should be able to show you, or refer you to a bf counsellor who can.

Good luck

lucysnowe - of course she didnt mean that - please dont make this into something its not. I took it to mean, if she turned to formula and was feeling like this, then the temptation would be to give the baby to someone else to feed (and cuddle) or others might all want to now feed the baby meaning she was distancing herself even more. With breastfeeding you have to feed the baby which might actually be a good thing if a mum is feeling detatched.

Thanks, peppa....lucysnowe, I clearly did not mean that ff babies are not cuddled. FGS. The OP had already told us she did not want to spend time with her baby apart from bf....I absolutely envisaged other people feeding the baby instead of her. The OP was already concerned about the emotional distance between her and the baby.

Sheesh.

Right tomorrow I will start expressing again and hope to build up enough to do a feed. I can't get hang of hand expressing and difficult to use pump whilst feeding.

I have tried lying down feeding but it feels a bit painful. I don't think my boobs are bug enough.

Been out for a walk today which helped loads. Going to borrow some DVDs and take to bed.

On skin to skin- I always worry he is going to get cold, especially as he falls asleep feeding, so I can't dress him afterwards.

All sounds good, roslily

Skin to skin allows babies to regulate their temp very well....if you think he might be cold though you can place a blanket over him or tuck him inside your clothing. It doesn't always have to be literally skin to skin where this isn't convenient though...being close and cuddled in is fine

Could you may have him in a front opening sleeping bag (with the front open so he is skin to skin) then you can just zip him up afterwards? Or how about feeding him in the bath - you would both be nice and warm then.

Can be tricky to feed lying down sometimes...do you have a good HV or a BF support group near by? Perhaps someone could show you?

Walk is fab...its strange how it somehow makes things better. Tomorrow sounds lovely

Get someone to teach you the rugby ball hold, that leaves one hand and one boob completely free for expressing.

If you're feeding topless and he's just in a nappy, your body will keep him warm and then if you want to get up and leave him to sleep just put a blanket over the top of him. He'll be fine, always better too cold than too hot anyway.

A word of warning about feeding in the bath, dd would always poo on me! The joys of motherhood!

He has been feeding constantly today, my nipples are raw. When he feeds he fusses, pulls on and off, pulling my nipple with him. He won't settle or sleep, just cries and screams. I wind him and then he starts chewing fists again so I feed him more. he pulls off frutrated and screams.

I am at the end of my tether. He has been feeding/screaming for hours now. I am in tears too.

Please help

You poor love, I don't think I can be any more helpful than above posters but didn't want you to go unanswered. The next hour is generally a quiter time on the boards as a lot of mums are doing tea and putting their dcs to bed so maybe bump the thread again in an hour?

Have you anyone that can be with you and hold him or that you can talk to in RL in the meantime?

You poor thing . Are you sure he is hungry? Is there anyone else there with you? Can they take him for a walk, cuddle him whilst you go and have some sleep or go for a walk yourself?

Do you think he maybe has wind? I always found mine would settle in the colic hold - hold them face down over your fore arm, head up by your elbow and pat them on the back.

If its any consolation, mine were often like this during a growth spurt. Its as if they got hungry, got themselves in a state and couldnt stop. A warm bath with you might help maybe? Skin to skin cuddled up with you or dad?

where abouts in the uk are you?

I'm in Leeds. Hubbie has just taken him out for a walk. I feel terrible for needing a break from him. I am also getting anxious as Hubbie returns to work next week and I will be alone all day with him.

I have tried various winding things like leg cycling and tummy massage. I tried the colic hold but it made him scream more.

I suppose he might not be hungry but he chews his fists and makes the open mouth tongue thing which I thought was a hunger cue.

I suppose it could be a growth spurt.

Perhaps someone might be close enough to give you some real life support - unfortunately I couldnt be much further away in south west wales.

Do not feel terrible for needing a break from him - put that straight out of your mind. You are a fantastic mum - if you werent you certainly wouldnt be on here asking for help. Babies are absolutely overwhelming, especially when it is your first and they are of the type not to be put down. Your experience sounds very similar to mine - it does get easier, they do settle and you do get through it although it never seems like it at the time. Sleep deprivation makes it a million times worse.

When he goes back to work next week - get out of the house. Find a BF group, go for a walk, go to tesco...anything to get out. Do you have many friends with young children? Any new baby friends?

Babies seem to have a knack of being like this when you are at your most tired - especially in the evenings. Do you think he wants to comfort suck? I was wary of using a dummy for long periods of time as it can interfere with milk supply (they suck on that instead of you meaning less milk is produced) but I often used a clean knuckle which used to make him drift off to sleep. Skin to skin? A sling? My DS used to settle if I put him in a bouncy chair which vibrated and bounced him at the same time. A swing?

Would he feed better in a dark room lying down? Could DH take him for a drive? Is he too hot from all the screaming? Infacol?

Sorry that is a lot of suggestions- just trying to think what helped me. I remember on a number of occasions taking DS into a dark room and turning up the music really loudly and he seemed to settle - something classical and soothing.

Please please take care of yourself. It really will get better but can seem awful particularly at night. This will get easier I promise.

roslily

It is lovely your dh has taken him for a walk.

I can understand it's scary to think of being on your own.

Options to help:

• any local sensible teen who could take him for a walk each day after school?
• family, friends to do the same?

Chewing fists and tongue movements don't always mean hunger. Maybe your baby just wants to snuggle up and snooze on your chest or in your arms. Sometimes, his dad's chest will be nice, too.

I don't think this is about feeding...from what you say. I think this is about confidence, tiredness, not always knowing what your baby wants, hating it when he cries, and, of course, your depression. Like you say in your first post here, 'I am struggling with the intensity'

I hope you can get daily, regular support with this. Other mums will understand. Is there a group you could face going out to?

roslily - I am near Leeds. If you are needing anyone after your DH goes back to work then I can come there. I have a 2.9yo DD and a 9mo DS so know well how hard those early weeks and months are. You are doing so well, keep posting and there will always be someone on here to support you. CAT me if you need me (Click on contact poster next to my name)

How are you now? Has he settled?

I managed to settle him at 8pm. He had a green poo though- that isn't right is it?

One thing that helped DS was tummy massage. Light counter clock wise motions under neath the belly button.

There may not be one single thing that will make everything better, but rather finding what works for you.

Green poo is fine and nothing to worry about if he has no other symptoms.

I replied to your first post roslily and just coming on here to say that I am thinking of you. It is very tough in the first month - I hope you can get some RL support.

iirc one green poo doesn't neccessarily mean anything. DS would do them occasionally. Can mean too much foremilk or a virus I seem to remember.

Sounds like a growth spurt to me. DS would always be fussy for 24 hours until my supply caught up. He'll be better tomorrow hopefully.