BFC Advice please - Newborn low blood sugar

[Hulla]

I'll try to keep this short and would be grateful if anyone has any advice or experience they can share.

My dsis had her baby yesterday, 3 weeks early, 6lb 10oz. She had gestational diabetes and ds was born with low blood sugar. She was taken to theatre for stitching and the midwife gave him a bottle of formula.

When she came out of theatre and was on the ward, ds woke to feed, she used the buzzer because she didn't know how to bf and asked the midwife who snapped at her and took her ds away to ff.

She has been told that they will need to bottle feed him because he needs regular feeds because his blood sugar is low. The will "let [her] try breastfeeding" today.

They also planned to ff him in the night and let her sleep. I haven't yet heard how that went.

I asked if she could suckle him even if he still had to be given formula top ups for his blood sugars but my dmum snapped at me about putting pressure on my dsis.

Is this right? I know that what is best for lo is the most important thing but I thought they might have syringe fed him (I did this with dd when I struggled with her latch, syringe fed ebm). I don't know if there is anything I can do but I feel really sad because I know she wanted to bf.

Hulla

"I know nothing at all about ff but my nephew woke this morning and looked to me like he was rooting etc but dsis said he wasn't due a bottle for an hour. I felt kind of sad that hes on a little timetable - perhaps you have to do that if you ff. I don't know but it seemed sad hearing him cry. "

I was thinking about this, and I wondered if anyone had suggested to your sis that she could let him comfort nurse at the breast if he wasn't "due" a bottle yet. This way he will still have access to her boobs (and milk) but she may not feel like she is having to bf him, but using it as a bonding/comforter between feeds.

As for treading the fine line between support and pressure, could you try a card? Say in it you will happily help her if she wants you too, but won't offer advice so that she doesn't feel under pressure.

Your sister is absolutely not 'too late' to establish bf now -but it doesn't sound as if she's as committed to the idea as you are.
DS1 was tube-fed in ICU for 2days due to low blood sugar (high birth weight). I was given my own pump but could never achieve more than a teaspoonful, and tried to feed him every time I visited him there (he was never hungry, obviously, so that was a non-starter).
I had no midwife support in ICU, and would ask whoever happened to be around to help, with varying degrees of success.
When we got him back with me he still had the tube but staff had agreed to let me try feeding him before they topped him up, then after a day or so they stopped the ff (and all hell broke loose!)
The point is, the hospital would have quite happily carried on with the formula if I hadn't insisted otherwise - and I had raised eyebrows and snide remarks about 'baby' being hungry to contend with.
Your sister saying she wanted to bf 'if she could' speaks volumes.
It sounds as if you've given her the best possible advice but if she won't even phone a bf counsellor I think you'll have to accept that you've done your best but you can't force determination where it doesn't exist. She wasn't determined to bf, and the initial appalling lack of support further undermined the situation.

She's seen her midwife everyday so far and she sounds like she feels comfortable with her - she feels she gets good advice. She has helped her to position her ds today and advised her re: positioning so she feels more confident. She sounded really happy on the phone today and much more confident in general.

I suggested she could suckle him for comfort if he wasn't due a feed and I think she's trying that a bit with the BN positions and skin to skin. He was crying when she lay him on her chest for skin to skin and BN pn Sunday then he moved towards her nipple, latched on and suckled a bit and then settled asleep in the crook of her arm. She said "Oh my god, I can't usually settle him. I have to pass him to dh when he cries". She was pleased that she was able to comfort him.

Greenmonkies I daren't send a card or anything now. She knows that she can call or text me at anytime and I will do anything to help her (she text me at 3.30am on the morning her ds was born saying "you know that breathing exercise you told me about - how do I do it again?" ). I don't want her to think that its all I care about. I just want her to be happy.

I think you're right ourlady she definately isn't determined to bf but I don't think thats a bad thing in her situation. She is too shy to see a bfc face to face but her mw has helped and told her all is not lost so I think she is happy to go with the help from her and if it works out, great but if not then she won't feel terrible.

I know it must sound as though I am determined that she bfs but thats not the case. I was determined to make sure she had every chance if that's what she wanted to do and I suppose I was trying everything because I there isn't actually much I can do. I had problems getting dd to latch so its not like it all came naturally to me and I can pass that on.

I'm glad that she is finally getting support from her community mw and that she is happy to ff if thats what happens.

Does her hubby work?
Perhaps when she´s on her own with the baby she might just bfeed.
Well, I think you´ve done as much as you can,and it really is up to her to decide.

He does but he's off for a month. If she tops up every bf with formula between now and when he goes back I imagine her supply will suffer and bf might have stopped by then.

I guess I am hoping that if I leave her to it she'll find out how she really feels about bf - one way or the other. If its for her then she'll find a way to make it work and if it's not then she'll ff knowing that she did her best in a tough situation and was able to make a choice (which is what the hospital staff weren't giving her).

Thank you all for posting.

I think if she really wants to bfeed she will.
Obviously, I don´t know her or her husband, but it sounds really petulant of her husband to want to ff if she really wants to bfeed.
I bfed both of mine, and it never occured to me that by doing so hubby wouldn´t be able to feed them!

I think her DH is being an ass about liking giving the baby a bottle. And if need be he could always give him a bottle of ebm in the evening, or a last feed at night (9/10ish).

But, as you can see, being exclusively bf has had a terrible detrimental effect on the bond my girls have with their daddy....

DH used to give dd formula when she was about a week old until she was about 4 or 5 weeks. She was really unsettled one night and because my breasts no longer felt full and I couldn't expressed I decided I had no milk and was starving her (I know now that was wrong). He'd give her a bottle at about 10pm and I'd go to bed after she'd finished cluster feeding. I woke one morning at 5am to find she'd had bottles all night. I was distraught but dh thought he was helping by giving me a full nights sleep. He also loved feeding dd. We saw a fab bfc from LLL and she told us what with wrong with what we were doing and how to get back on track. She also suggested dh do a bit of co-bathing and settling with cuddles instead. I never felt guilty for "taking the feeding off him" and he was happy to do whatever we needed to get bf established.

I have just got out of the bath and found dh dancing around the living room to Black Eyed Peas with our 7 month old dd fast asleep in his arms. Funny kind of lullaby but it worked . They have a lovely bond too.

GreenMonkies your dds are beautiful

Sorry if it came across as if I was having a go at you, Hulla - you didn't sound determined for her to bf, just as a lovely concerned sister who wants a mum to have the best chance she can of acieving bf if that's what she wants - just as you said.

You should feel proud that you've helped her overcome the initial obstacles.

That's ok, ourlady. I know what I'm letting myself in for with a post like this .

You see so many women posting on here saying they can't bf and feel awful or that years later it brings them to tears. I just didn't want that to be my sister.

I also bfed both of mine, but daddy gets more cuddles now.
They really do chew you up and spit you out!

Why thank you! [flutters eyelashes bashfully]

I know what you mean, I have come down from nursing one DD off to sleep to find the other one (depending on which one I took to be first) fast asleep on their daddy. DP baths them, they sleep in our bed as and when (now they are bigger, but all the time until they were about 2) and spend plenty of time with Daddy, playing, chilling, reading etc. It's being a hands-on Daddy that counts, not giving them bottles.

Ah well......

oh hulla. what a lovely sister and aunt you are.

i am really glad you are complaining to the hospital - that is hard to write in a positive way but i hope you kwim.