baby was given donated breast milk without my consent

[ruty]

i just wanted to share something that happened to me when i had my ds and see what people think. After a 30 hour labour and an emergency caesarean at midnight, i was taken to the observation ward. I asked for some helo to breast feed my little ds, and the midwife tutted, yanked his head onto my breast, and he started to scream, he had previously been quiet. She gave up after a few yanks [she bruised his ear quite badly] and i asked if i could try later on, hoping someone nicer might be around. I spent half an hour with my babe, struggling to keep awake after all the drugs, my body was still completely numb, and he just rubbed his nose at my boob and was quiet. I had promised my dh i wouldn't fall asleep with ds in the bed as i was so drugged up [wish i had kept him with me now] and i was so worried i'd fall asleep on him i asked the midwife to put him in his cot, at which point he started to cry. She took him out straight away, saying she was going to walk him around. I wanted her to put him into my bed again but she was gone. Five minutes passed, i was listening for his cries, i couldn't hear him. I felt terrified. I rang the buzzer. She came back, without my baby. I asked for him back. She tutted and went off. I waited again, and then buzzed again.
Another midwife came, and i asked where my baby was. She said 'oh, he's having a good feed.' I couldn't believe my ears. What do you mean, i said, what is he having? She looked shocked. 'I thought you knew' she said. He's having some donated breast milk. I started to cry. My baby had been out of my body for half an hour and she had taken him from me and given him someone else's milk. When my baby was brought back, he was fast asleep, and slept for the next 24hours. It was a big struggle to breastfeed for the next week but finally we managed it. I still have terrible separation anxiety with my ds, and have nightmares about him being taken from me. Also, he developed an allergic gut problem, bleeding and mucus in his gut, which i was told by a NCT bfeeding counsellor may have been triggered by him not having my colostrum as his first feed. He is 8 months now, and i still feel down about it, tho he is wonderful, despite his health probs. I wrote a letter of complaint to the hospital, but got a halfhearted apology. the DBM shouldn't even have been in the Observation ward, but it had been signed out [with parental permission] for another baby. Just wondering what others thought about this. I'm finding it hard to get over.

You should seek legal advice, its a violation. Why couldnt they just have given him formula?

This is outrageous ruty, please do complain loud and long. I'm so sorry this happened to you. Er dahbip, I don't think giving the baby formula would have been any better, they shouldn't have given ANYTHING without consent. Totally out of order. Good luck with this.

They should have asked, yes. But I thiink formula would have been preferable!

I used to deal with complaints in my last job in the NHS. In our Trust we had to inform the Chief Exec of every complaint we received and send him a copy, then he signed every response letter. In practice I used to investigate the complaint and write the repsonse, but he had to be happy with what I'd put before he'd sign it. Any recommendations or actions arising from the investigation were then recorded and followed up to ensure that any changes to practice or procedure were put in place.

The hospital you were at might have a different procedure to this, but it does sound like the Chief Executive might not have been aware of your complaint. I would have thought it was worth writing directly to the CE as Mears suggests.

I also wondered if maybe some counselling would help?

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They should also have had someone on the ward who actually knew the basics of how to help a new mother to bf. But of course, that's far too much to ask.

Absolutely appalling story.

So sorry to hear what you've had to contend with ruty. My DS3 survived a very traumatic birth recently and was given DBM with my consent at three days old. Due to shock (his twin died during labour)I was told that my milk could be delayed. He had some colostrum from me in the first couple of days and was then given a Glucose IVI in the neonatal unit. The paeds team were querying whether his intestines had been damaged by a lack of oxygen and felt that formula may have been too difficult for him to deal with. After witnessing yet another painful re-siting of his cannula one of the neonatal nurses told me about DBM and suggested we tried him with that instead of the IV Glucose. He had DBM for two days with me continuing to BF in between. My milk came on day five and the DBM was stopped.

I felt sad that I hadn't seen my baby being born (GA) and that I didn't change his first nappy. It felt weird that he was being fed with someone else's milk but I understood why it was a good thing.

I can't imagine how you must feel.

i will try the CE surfermum. Pruni, it is ridiculous, the bfeeding support clinic. It is open rarely, tho everyone talks about it, and when you've had a caesarean its not so easy to trot on down with baby to trot on down to the ground floor. The midwives all saw it as a nuisance to help me bfeed, and the first three days were a nightmare until the woman from the clinic actually came and saw me, out of hours, which was nice of her. I just hate the idea of someone else's milk going into my baby, sorry, i know it can be great for some people, but i would not have agreed to it in a million years.

so sorry you had such a rough time ruty. I wd definitely complain to the CE.

Another JR person here - I thought the midwives in the observation area were incredibly brusque, although nothing like this happened to me. I do wonder what on earth they do to the midwives there? I thought the ones on the upper levels were much much nicer, personally. They suggested DBM for dh when he was about 16 hours old, I thought that was great and I think it calmed us both down - I'm a believer in wetnursing and sharing feeding between women but NEVER NEVER NEVER without consent, and I do wonder if some of the probs I had breastfeeding weren't helped by it.

There was at least one JR staff member who actively discouraged me from going to the bf clinic. As you probably know, it is hardly ever open because the midwives who run it are UNPAID which i still can't quite believe. I think they are a kind of guerilla unit.

Hi Ruty,
Just seen your thread. I manage complaints in my PCT, so I should be able to help (I hope)!. Your steps could be - talk to the Patient Advice and Liaison Service. They are designed to be an intermediary for concerns, and should be able to take the time to listen to you and advise you on what you can do - see: www.oxfordradcliffe.nhs.uk/patients/pals.aspx

As you have already made a complaint you have a few options, either get back to the complaints manager and say you are not happy with the response; or contact the head of midwifery directly and ask for a meeting; or you could go outside the hospital and send your complaint on to the Healthcare Commission - see this link:

www.healthcarecommission.org.uk/ContactUs/ComplainAboutNHS/fs/en

There is also an Independant Complaints and Advisory service. In London it's run through the Citizen's Advice Bureau, not sure about Oxford - either PALS or Complaints should be able to tell you which way to go.

Don't read the literature on the JR site - their leaflets are out of date.

Hope that helps! You might still want to think about councelling/talking it through with someone anyway - you could ask for a referral through your GP or try your local NCT or one of the places franch suggested.

ruty, I am very shocked at what you have been through. I kind of know where you are coming from in that I had an emergency c-section too (under a GA), after a long labour, and dd1 was in Nicu for a while. The midwives were really useless about bf too, and when we did finally get it going, dd1 cried so much they took her off me and gave her formula - with my consent, but in such a way that I felt I would be doing her harm to say no. I was distraught, and then when I got home I had to give up due to rubbish advice from my community mw.

I think you are right to complain. I also understand totally where you are coming from re the separation anxiety and nightmares - I was separated from dd1, too, and was petrified about her dying and had all kinds of horrid thoughts. I really admire you for managing to bf your ds, you are very strong. I complained about my communuity mw - not formally but got loads of support from my GP who had a word with her, which was enough for me - I've since heard she's changed her practise. FWIW my dd1 had no colostrom and only a few days' bmilk.

I don't know if it would help but I'm more than happy for you to CAT me if you'd like to chat about this by e-mail.

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pruni, i will have to put a midwife on my credit card if i have another baby there, i wish i had done last time. Sally inch and chloe fisher were lovely, just not around v much, not their fault. Thanks v much everyone for complaint procedure advice. ionesmum, so sorry you went thru a hard time too. i assumed midwives were really pro bfeeding and supportive before, now i know better. funnily enough towards the end of my stay i was` moved to an isolation room on the top floor [a private floor] because i had a bad tummy and they thought it was a virus. it turned out to be a reaction to the drugs, but there was a lovely woman up there who ran the dept. But again she was only on now and then. obviously they are short of midwives, all doing the odd shift only.

Ruty, that is terrible but doesn't surprise me. I would disagree with dabihp though, DBM is better than formula but of course not without your consent! My friend's baby was given formula without her consent, the MW hid the bottle behind her back when my friend walked into the nursery! It shows a profound lack of respect for new mothers.

Hi ruty, I really feel + on your behalf. I felt so strongly that I didn't want my baby to receive another ladies milk, that I put it in bold on my birth plan!

Though I would happily donate milk, I wouldn't want my baby to receive another ladies, certainly not without my consent.

One thing that has made me view this slightly differently is that since having my DD2, two of my friends have offered to feed her when I have had my hands full, on seperate occasions (they are breastfeeding mums, consider me and my children to be family and so they felt it was entirely normal for them to offer!).

I know this situation differs massively, but in a sense, it made me view the thought of another persons milk nourishing my baby with a little more ease. Though I did decline both offers

I'm sorry that I don't have any advice to offer, but I would urge you to consider some form of counselling. I suffered extreme seperation anxiety and depression following DD1's birth (due to another type of bad 'care' experience in hospital). Psychotherapy has enabled me to regain some balance and enjoyment, it was the best thing I ever did!

oh ruty, what a terrible thing to go through.
i myself was in labour for 30hours and eventually had to have an emergency c section. i then had to wait about 2 hours before i got to hold dd properly as they found problems with my ovary and kept me on the operating table longer than expected.
luckily my dh had dd all the time, i would have been in worse a state than i was if dd was somewhere else.
my dd didnt have her first feed til i got out of theatre and she was fine
i completely understand how you get anxious being away from your ds, i do too still and dd is 9 months
i would write again to the hospital. or contact someone of higher authority.
good luck

thank you so much for all the supportive messages, somehow i'll have to get over it, it still makes me feel panicky when i think about it, i'll have to tell the gp i suppose, tho they aren't very interested. She told me straight after it had happened that i must 'move on.' Anyway i have a darling boy and i won't forget that.

Awful! The lack of respect to women when they have babies horrifies and shocks me to my core. What lazy, vile bitches those midwives were. They should be sacked immediately. They are unfit to do their jobs.

I can't even imagine how you must feel. My heart goes out to you, this should never have happened, I only hope you can get help to get you through this

Sorry to be such a latecomer to this thread, but I felt so strongly, i had to reply.

I am a midwife at the JR and i remember this incident occurring (although I was not working on observation area at the time. I'm on level 7).

I was completely horrified as were most of the other midwives. There is absolutely no justification, it was downright inexcusable. I am also pretty sure I know which midwife it was who looked after you, judging by your description of her character. She frequently has patients and midwives alike in tears, very unpleasant woman.

However, the majority of midwives at the JR, including myself, work extremely hard in difficult circumstances. I frequently work 12hrs straight with no break. There are huge staffing problems - blame the government.

i do my utmost to help women with bf, often losing any chance of a coffee break in the process, because I see it as important, and I actually ENJOY it! It isn't easy with lots of women and babies to care for, and all the other things midwives seem to have to do. i realise that we should be doing more to help bf, but sometimes we just physically can't. Sorry.

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Cheekygirl, if this midwife is so downright nasty she frequently has people in tears, why hasn't she been through a disciplinary procedure? Would be pretty standard HR practice, I would have thought, to address performance that is below the standards expected?

Agree strongly with edam. Bullying of women in childbirth seems to be widely accepted as standard practice and needs to be vigorously challenged wherever it occurs. CheekyGirl, you must know what can be done?

I feel they should have asked your permission 1st

BUT

When I had my forst son also by emergeny section he was taken to scbu, as the midwifes knew I wanted to b/f they gave him the milk in a little cup that he lapped like a cat was donates b/m too. I didnt really mind as it wasnt someone elses boob he was latching too and he NEEDED the feed, I couldnt give it to him so it had to come from somewhere.

I also donated b/m when I had the twins who were in intensive care, every little dropplet of ebm counts and is vital in a lo survival,

Hope this doesnt sound like I dont care but indeed I do and do agree that it should have been discussed with you, maybe they seen you were so tired after the birth and felt you too needed a good rest