Please tell me exactly why breastmilk is so amazing..

[Sheeta]

Was talking about this with a friend the other day, we know that BM is best for baby etc, but it struck me that I don't know exactly WHY..

I know it boosts the immune system, but don't understand how. I know it can provide everything your baby needs, but don't understand exactly.

I know I sound like a bit of a muppet here, but can someone please just give me the facts about the benefits of BFing?

The UK stats don't come from midwives and HVs - at least, not the stats in 'Infant Feeding'. They come from surveying many 1000s of mothers. The definition of exclusive breastfeeding is technically consistent - nothing but breastmilk, but vitamins, medicines are 'allowed' in the definition.

Retromum....what a story

But did anyone really 'frown on you' for bf? Even if they did, sod 'em! Even without knowing your story.

The yoga teacher made a crass assumption - that wasn't pressure.

Did the pressure not come from inside you? You felt this was something you wanted to do, and clearly moved mountains to do it.

I don't think anyone sensible does not accept there is a place for formula - and there always will be. The 'struggle' is not to put pressure on women to do it but to enable the many who would like to do it and yet find support and information lacking.

Sheeta - I had a rough time at first too, and ended up calling La Leche league, who sent a free lactation counsellor to my house. She helped with positioning but also advised that I used silicone nipple guards for short periods of time (couple of days on and off as needed) to allow my breasts to heal. La leche had just changed their recommendations to say that these thin types of nipple guard were ok and would not adversely affect latching on if not used for too long. They were a life saver - once i managed to get them stuck on properly - instant no-pain breastfeeding. Oh I loved them. And it was amazing how quickly my breasts healed up once I used them - the tissue is similar to that of your lips apparently and heals over v quickly once it has a chance.
For some reason nipple guards are not easy to find - very large Boots stores stock them. DD is now 16 months and still bf and I'm pregnant again - and am already stockpiling nipple guards just in case.

francessarah - yes, I can't believe I forgot about the existence of nipple shields.. I really do think they could have made a massive difference. I will definitely stockpile them if there's a next time, thanks for the reminder

retromum I do hope everything goes better for you this time. As tiktok says, of course there is a place for formula. Really recommend talking to LLL, getting hold of Jack Newman's book.

Sheeta/francessarh I found medela shields useful (after milk duct thrush). They can be ordered direct from the manufacturer online or via telephone. They come in different sizes. Also a bf counsellor I saw (who was the one who diagnosed thrush after GP had told me "Bfdg is supposed to hurt") instructed me to keep them clean but not sterilise as nipples are not sterilised (had to sterilise the shields until thrush cured).

Retro

I hope my story gives you confidence- ds1 couldn't be fed for complex medical reasons 9allergies / me ery ill etc etc etc) and I bf the others mixed with formula, but ds4 has been exclusively BF after a very rocky start and is now a thriving, still BF 15 month old.

The feeding experience changed with each birth.

Like you I was (in retrospect) ridiculously apologetic about ff- typical me, but nonetheless silly- and it did affect me quite badly but it doesn't have to be the same each time.

Good luck

I'm enjoying that I wasn't flamed for being quite cross and mean before!

jennifer - I think breastfeeding, for me, is much easier (not easy) because you don't have to faff. There's so much faffing with formula. I like that I could put the baby in a carrier, poke a nipple through the middle of the carrier and carry on with my life, with nobody around any the wiser about what was going on. I liked that you could sleep with the baby and just let the baby feed when it wanted without waking up, that I didn't have to warm anything or store anything or carry anything around with me or sterilise or wash anything or pay for anything and that after the horrible part I really, really enjoyed the closeness of feeding the baby myself. I really enjoyed the freedom of being able to just walk out of the house with the baby if I wanted knowing that all the other things, nappies, clothes, blankets could be bought or improvised easily. Other people might rather have the faff.

Sheeta - I don't think there's anything wrong with making a selfish decision about feeding, that didn't come across through my annoyance before . Motherhood is most often about balancing needs and extreme self-sacrifice can clearly be counter-productive (especially with breastfeeding where stress hormones cross into the milk). After the hard part of breastfeeding there are lots of very selfish reasons to carry on - weightloss, freedom, closeness to the baby, having the baby dependent on you e.t.c.

All I really meant was that lots of people who say they were unable to breastfeed really mean they found it too hard and don't feel it is acceptable to say that. More people would get support if more people were honest about feeding generally. No-one is superior to anyone whether they stuck with feeding through the hard part or went over to formula or chose formula from the outset.

We have a weird way of making it socially unacceptable to ff, letting people off with an excuse (and like an excuse is necessary) if they do and making them feel guilty all at the same time. FFs shouldn't ever have to justify themselves to anyone else by saying they were unable rather than struggled. It makes things particularly hard for people like retromum if they do. I can't imagine how terrible it would be to just not be able to do it.

I think choice is the biggest factor in successful breastfeeding (when there's no medical reason for it not succeeding). If you chose to give up last time, you could choose to not give up this time. Personally if things were exactly the same this time around (unlikely as the baby will be different) I'd say you counted as the 'should probably choose to give up because extreme self-sacrifice would be counter-productive' area if you were looking for an excuse. But it would still come down to choice rather than you being unable to continue if you see what I mean.

Marenmj - those statistics are amazing. I had no idea the drop off rate was so high, so early on.

It is interesting that HV/GPs/Midwives seem sometimes not to push breastfeeding counselling services earlier and / or more frequently. If the GP had suggested or even given me contact details (even better, a home visit with the hv), when I went in in tears with terrible mastitis the first or second time it happened, perhaps I would have been able to push on a bit longer.

I agree that expectation is not set re the difficulties with bf in the way it is with birth or generally how hard the first 3 months are with a newborn. if I had expected it and it were more part of antenatal classes in a practical way, perhaps I would have been able to continue longer. the '4th stage of labour' description is a helpful one in my opinion. And i'm sure it is also true that knowing there is an alternative might make some people consider ff sooner - like the 'too posh to push' arguement for c-sections, or I guess buying in help to get through the first 3 months. I guess the point is that neither of those have such a big impact on the child's immediate or long term health.

it's true to say that all babies are different - friends with 5-20mins feeders are the ones who have continued longest, and those who didn't suffer with it too.

I also wonder whether other societies where families live together/close by and the close community makes a difference - I think the practical support in our culture often gets you through the first couple of weeks (paternity leave for e.g.) or month, but without hands on 'take the toddler/baby'/housework support after that, bfing for an hour eveyr 2-3 hours, with huge pain too, is a tough ask, however self sacrificing you are. if it starts to affect your relationship wtih the baby/toddler, let alone depression for yourself or your partner, that's when alternatives should be offered as that's not going to help the baby or anyone else.

avent shields are good because they don't cover the whole nipple area, if my memory serves me well you can order them from mothercare online and buy them in mothercare stores.

Choice was the biggest factor between my friends this was followed by support or the lack of it.

Out of ten mums (one with twins) with 18 children

• 8 children were breastfed on demand until 6 months and beyond (including the twins) because the mums chose - various levels of support

• 1 child had a mother unable to breastfeed because of a medical reason (extremely malnourished mother due to extreme anorexia nervosa) and was fed for 10 days before milk spontaneously dried up - unable for medical reasons

• 3 children were formula fed from birth because their mothers did not want to breastfeed - Choice with mixed support (friends and partners supported, professionals and family didn't)

• 2 children were breastfed for the first 6 weeks and then were slowly changed over to formula because mums wanted benefit of immunity but preferred formula - choice

• 2 children were breastfed for a few days then changed to formula because mums struggled with difficulty of feeding and chose formula because they felt it easier but were sad to give up breastfeeding.

• 1 child was breastfed for 3 months then mixed then formula from 7 months because mum was not supported and felt the baby was not getting enough from the breast.

• 1 child was breastfed on demand then changed to formula through parents choice at around 4.5 months.

The mums are the ones who have expressed whether they believe their feeding decision was a choice or not, not me.

I interpret this as meaning amongst my friends, most parents chose their feeding method whether it was supported or not. 1 mum was unable to feed and 3 times mums had chosen to breastfeed but given up through lack of support.

Out of the mums who chose formula they all say they felt pressure to breastfeed, the ones who breastfed all say they felt pressure to supplement.

It is the ones who felt unnsupported and gave up who admit they have felt tempted to say they couldn't do it. Some admit to saying it to other mums they don't really know at baby groups because they feel ashamed.

The one who had no choice because her milk dried up feels very upset and annoyed and has fallen out with one of the mums who has said she is unable at a baby group.

This is why I have concluded that the single most important thing is to support all mums in their own feeding choices. The ones who are struggling with breastfeeding but deep down want to carry on sometimes just need to be told to stick with it and not be tempted by formula. The ones who choose formula need to feel it is OK and the ones who choose to stick with the breastfeeding often need a bit of smug to get them through the initial pain .

We also need more real examples of breastfeeding shown in the media.

I'd just like to point out that I don't feel like I have missed out on bonding with my daughter because I FF her. I really tried to BF but she lost lots of weight after she was born and hadn't regained it at 6 weeks.

Thanks for clarifying curiosity, sorry if I came across as ranty. It's (obviously) a very emotive subject for me (for most Mothers I suspect)

Yes, I've heard good things about the avent shields. Part of me wants to order them now so that I don't forget about them when/if I fall pregnant.

Biggest thing for me was uncomfortable feelings about breastfeeding in public. I clearly remember the first time we took DS out for any length of time, he's a winter baby and this was about a week before Christmas. I remember him screaming and taking him for a feed and feeling relieved that I didn't have to get a boob out in the freezing cold (we were new to the area, didn't have a clue where I would have gone to BF inside)

took me til 9months to bond with DS, I blame the relatively severe PND and the absolute shock of having this tiny person (I was not a baby person before)

shuts up
I'm sharing way too much here, aren't I.

sheeta - you didn't come across as ranty. Think this is a thread full of generally very polite, calm mumsnetters considering it is such an emotive subject!

Sorry about your PND. I have a friend struggling terribly with this atm. It's good to share though

I think even the most hardened bfs (me) feel very exposed at first. The baby carrier feed was a godsend for this. I had one similar to this one. In winter I used to zip my coat up around the babies legs for warmth, shift the carrier slightly to the side, pull top up and bra down and just let the nipple poke through the middle for the baby to latch. Then you can carry on with pushing older child on swing, supermarket shopping e.t.c without anybody even knowing and without getting cold. My friends didn't even know I was doing it until I told them.

Thank you all so much for replying to my OP - it's a very interesting thread.

Made me feel incredibly emotional, which I wasn't expecting..

Oddly enough it is an emotional subject. I'm not particularly mumsy so I was surprised at how fierce I ended up feeling about breastfeeding DD.

My saving grace was learning to feed lying down with DD next to me - which I admittedly did all night that first night in the hospital. The midwives sort of raised their eyebrows and looked the other way. I was curled on my side with DD next to me and when she got restless I just pulled her to my chest, rolled over, and gave her the other boob .

I didn't do the carrier feed. I did spend a lot of time feeding in public toilet stalls including one incident in a particularly grotty toilet in Covent Garden when I thought I was being very clever by feeding baby while I peed. Turns out I WAS being very clever as DD had a total blowout with poo EVERYWHERE. since I was knickers-round-ankles it missed my clothes .

Since I was a master of lying-down-to-feed I took her long feeds as an opportunity to catch a quick nap. I say whatever gets you through the days is the Right Way to Feed.

FWIW, I think if a baby isn't thriving on BF there IS no choice but to switch to formula. My DD went from 9th percentile weight when she was born up to the 70th percentile at her six week check, so I never had to consider that option. My heart aches for any mother who wants to breastfeed but, for whatever reason, can't.

Oh, and IME once you become a mum there is no such thing as TMI. You lose all sense of decorum the first time you are poo'd on

crystalQueen I don't think anyone on here would dream of suggesting you don't bond if you FF but BF produces a hormone (oxytocin) which facilitates bonding.
Most people I know who have done both say it is a diiferent type of bonding.