Daily Mail Article of a lady who committed suicide because she could not breastfeed.

[pigletmania]

I read recently of a lady who committed suicide because she was not able to breastfeed.I know that his may not be the only factor for her to do this, but may have been the icing on the cake so to speak.

I have read the information on breastfeeding on Mumsnet and other forums, and advice from LLL and NCH, which undoubtedly state that breast is best, and how its superior to cows milk, and how a baby should be drinking human milk not cows milk etc. A lot of new mums do have problems in feeding, suffer from postnatal depression, have had complications during birth, and reading this can exacerbate the problem, thus making them feel like they are inadequate and not a good mum if they do not breastfeed, and if they do ff their baby it will grow up to be ill, stupid and and fat which is wrong!

Being able to breastfeed your baby is only a tiny percentage of being a good mum, and mums who are not able to breastfeed should not be made to feel bad because they ff their baby. As long as the baby is getting nutrition, and is happy and healthy, and has a happy and healthy mum both mentally and physically that is the main thing. Better to have a mum who ff their baby, then no mum at all, unlike this poor baby in the article!

there was a thread on this yesterday. there was not suicide note so whether it was suicide or not is debatable and to state it was due to bfing is pure speculation.

I felt very pressured to bf my ds but I put that pressure on myself. DS was a terrible feeder and it took 6 weeks of pain and frustration before he could feed without nipple shields. It was awful and everyone, including the hv told me to give up. But I wouldn't listen. There was no great pressure to bf back then, but obviously it was made clear that breast is best. I honestly thought ds would fail to thrive if I stopped bfing. Looking back, I am certain I was suffering PND but didn't recognise it. The pressure to bf came from me, the HCPs were telling me to stop, that ds would be fine. If it was suicide, PND is undoubtedly the problem here, any of the pressures of being a new mum could have pushed her to suicide, not necessarily issues with bfing.

I think with PND (I've not had it, but have felt a few shades around the edge, but am aware deeply with general depression) that perhaps one issue becomes a focal point of all the desperation and anxiety and numbness. Given that breastfeeding is an activity in the early days that takes up so much time and results in so much wailing and gnashing of teeth with regards to weight, partners, work, and family, it's no wonder it becomes the number one pressure. When in reality the depression has much more complex and deeper roots (transition to motherhood, responsibilities, self image)

I'm a little suspicious this is in the DM. It's right up their street -- that militant breastfeeding nazis (their phraseology) are pressuring mothers....

And marthasmama is right. I'm putting the pressure on myself. And that pressure is not inconsiderable. 6-1/2 months of exclusive breastfeeding I'm finding hard. I love it, don't get me wrong, but when I've had no sleep, the breastfeeding (which is still constant) feels almost too much.

Here in Singapore you're a weirdo if you breastfeed (ok, ok, there are some that do it here). Not one person pressured me and since I don't do mother and baby things, no one else was there to give the big eye either.

It's all from me.

This poor lady may or may not have committed suicide. The coroner did not know, and returned an open verdict, so how anyone reading a curtailed newspaper report can be sure, I don't know...still less speculate that she thought her baby would grow up to be ill, stupid and fat

She was able to breastfeed, and was having difficulties, but was about to get help with them on the day she died. No indication that she was depressed about this at all.

It's not in the least controversial to say that babies need their mothers alive! This tragic tale has nothing to say to us about breastfeeding and mothers feelings about it, or about advice from LLL and NCT - which is always mother-centred, and non-pressurising.

Pressure comes from inside - we all of us have plans and hopes for our babies, and some of us include breastfeeding in that.

I got incredibly depressed about breastfeeding after the birth of my dd. I chose not to hten realised I had been let down by various health professionals and brainwashed by family members into thinking bottle feeding was just as good.

I totally obsessed about it and only after the borth of my son 2 years later did the demons go.

However I also obsessed for months about the fact that no-one gave me a bounty pack in hospital and that I wasn't given the details of baby clinics.

My point being that if you have PND (And mine was undiagnosed) there will be sometiing that you focus on. if it wasn;t breastfeeding it would be something else. I mean, Bounty Packs, come on!!!!!!!!

Before I had my daughter, I was very set in my views of bf, that all mums should breastfeed, aand the reason as to why not is because they were uneducated and had hangups about their breasts (how stupid was I). I was adament that I would bf no matter what, bf was promoted above all in my NHS antenatal class, and formula was deemed as not good by the midwife conducting it. I am a mum of one, so when I had my little girl it was all new to me, my bf ideal was shattered.

I was tired, in pain, overwhelmed and depressed when my daughter was born, add to that I had my warring in laws staying, and a good friend of mine who bf all her children trying to help me, but was a bit interferring. I tried to bf and failed miserably, funnily enough the same midwife who ran my antenatal classes who was a staunch bf advocate, took one look at my baby and told me to get the bottles and formula, she was loosing a lot of weight.

Mabey the support at home was not very good for bf, it was great in hospital, nursery nurses on hand to show you how and help you all the time. i got good latch in hospital but went wrong at home. I was very down about it, and felt due to all the bf promotion campaigns, because i was not bf my baby i was not doing my best for my baby and that she would grow up to have health problems, be intellectually behind children who have been bf which seems ludricous now, but then that is how I felt. Also I wanted that bonding feeling that bf can provide, now i realise you bond in other ways too. So its not impossible to feel like that, especially if the woman is suffering from PND.

I would like to bf if i have a second child, and will seek out more support, and will be more prepared, but if it does not work out i will not beat myself up about it.

"the icing on the cake"

Do you mean "the last straw"?

Quite different you see, they mean different things...

titok. I'm a news reporter and well, let's just say plenty of what's reported in the DM isn't straight news, it's oped dressed up as news.

My father committed suicide and even in what was a fairly open and shut case, the coroner recorded an open verdict, so I'm not sure where they got all this juicy detail from.

There have been women on other forums who have said that formula should only available on prescription which is totally insane

So should we pretend that formula is as good as breast milk, just in case women who can't breastfeed get depressed and kill themselves?

While we're at, let's stop promoting anything that might be beneficial just in case people feel depressed about it and kill themselves.

osrry whatwouldyoudothen, last straw or the straw that broke the camels back. i was writing in a rush as my daughter had just woken up

Daisyoinkswinger what an unhelpful comment, its comments like that that might contribute to women feeling depressed because they are not able to bf. Yes formula is a completely acceptable alternative if a mother cannot bf. what are you going to do, starve the child!!!!

I would very much doubt the validity of this story given that it is from the DM.

Fwiw, my experience of bfing was very much like islandofsodor's and my reaction afterwards was similar too. Like island, I focused my anxiety and depression on a range of mum-related things, including bfing, but IN NO WAY could the inability to bf be called the source of my depression.

A lot of crap.

Sorry piglet, jumped on you a bit there.

Daisy - it would probably be more helpful to discuss how to make women feel supported in their infant feeding choices than to get defensive about breastfeeding.

These women should be helped and supported to do whats best for their child, may be bf may be fomula. Yes bf should be promoted but not bombarding new mothers with it and making formula out as bad, as its not, just an alternative if mother is not able to bf.

I think that women suffer from a lack of information about bfing generally, but particularly ante-natally. I remember clearly that there was never even any suggestion that bfing could be difficult. There was discussion that it was the best thing for baby, that it had health benefits for mum too etc etc etc. So, when ds was born and he wouldn't latch on, I felt as if there was something wrong with me. I had a good level of support in hospital and was advised at that point that lots of women/babies find it tough at first. But for me it was too late for this to be of any comfort. I needed to be prepared before ds was born. With dd I was prepared, but obviously she latched on straight away like a dream.

piglet, ff isn't as good as bf though!
It is an adequate alternative, but it is simply not the same.

Babies can and do thrive on formula (including my own) but breastmilk is the ideal.

Yes new mothers need better support for bf at home, it is pretty poor, i did not get any myself. OK if the NHS say that breast is best and want women to bf than whey dont they have bf nurses or consultants to help new mums in their homes, they pay for everything else.

There are risks associated with formuka though and I became very angry becasue those risks had not been poited out.

When I had ds I was fully informed and I made the decision in conjunction with my fab health visitor to supplement due to my specific circumstances. No guilt (and I had a ds who refused to latch on for 1 month).

Quite a difference from when I had dd.

She may well have had PND.

Good post Martha.
I think the problem is that there is a lack of support once the mother and baby are home and any problems are dismissed.
I was in tears of agony and frustration and my mw just told me to persevere!

Yes Islandofsodor there are risks but if you have no choice what is the alternative. Milk banks only give to premature babies and may not be a long term solution

BF should be the default setting for all new mothers. It should be the thing that everyone intends to do and help and support should assume that. But if it isn't possible for any reason, ff is the alternative.

ATM it seems to me the general population see it as the other way round. Women who bf (especially long term) are seen as a bit fanatical and extreme. Which is why maybe it can seem that all the promotion of bfing is ott and pressurising. But IMO, It has to be that way to ensure that BFing becomes the norm.

The woman in the article may or may not have committed suicide. If she did the crux of the matter should be the way that PND is dealt with, not whether or not she was able to BF. Just daft!

piglet, I knew what you meant by 'icing on the cake', don't worry!!

A lot of what you say needs challenging, sorry - hope you will bear with me

You said: "Before I had my daughter, I was very set in my views of bf, that all mums should breastfeed, aand the reason as to why not is because they were uneducated and had hangups about their breasts (how stupid was I)."

Where did that idea come from, though? All from antenatal classes and what a midwife said to you in them? Or did it come from your feelings of doing the 'right thing' and awareness of the health effects of infant feeding, even if you were not aware of the details? You see, I am a breastfeeding counsellor, and I am aware that many people blame people like me for 'pressurising' women and tell me that sharing information about feeding 'makes women feel guilty' and I don't buy it!

"I was tired, in pain, overwhelmed and depressed when my daughter was born, add to that I had my warring in laws staying, and a good friend of mine who bf all her children trying to help me, but was a bit interferring." This is, indeed, the reality for many mothers - and they need support and information on how to make bf work for them, not interference!

"the same midwife who ran my antenatal classes who was a staunch bf advocate, took one look at my baby and told me to get the bottles and formula, she was loosing a lot of weight."

This is poor care, sorry - if a midwife thinks she can tell by looking at your baby that you must use formula, without explaining how to fix the breastfeeding, then she needs training. Occasionally, formula has to be used as a 'quick fix' when a baby is very needy, but with a mum who wants to bf as much as you did, this should only be a very temporary intervention.

No one should beat themselves up about their infant feeding experiences. But not telling women the truth is no help, either