slow death by feeding on demand? Is that my fate?

[LuluLulabelle]

I am not really looking for solutions because I don't think there is one but DD (12 weeks) is feeding every 2 hours day and night. We seem to have regressed over the last 3 weeks and I am exhausted. DH gets up with her in the morning after her first feed of the day at around 6am but even then I only get an hour before he has to get ready for work.

The longest she sleeps at night is 2.5 hours before waking to feed. I feel like the only one whose DC does this at this age- tell me I'm not alone. Please someone tell me it'll get better before I expire due to lack of sleep...please...

It will get better. It may not feel like it, but it will.

It does feel like you are the only one, especially when everyone around you says their lo goes 4 hours between feeds. But, you aren't the only one, truly you aren't.

I would suggest that your dh takes your dd away from you as much as possible. The distraction of someone else who isn't the milk supply has always worked for me.

It will get better, but probably quite slowly so it's not so easy to see the improvement.

You are not alone. Honestly. I don't have time to post properly but my DD2 did this and woke every 2 hours overnight for a while and it is the most dreadful feeling. I would be awake in the small hours thinking "I think I will die if I don't get more sleep"....

It will get better, it really will but there are also some things you could try if you really cannot bear the sleep deprivation any more (from trying bottles with either ebm or formula, trying to get someone else to settle her if she wakes within a certain amount of time from the last feed, moving her into/out of your bed, lots of stuff). In all honesty, I was never really able to do much except go with it and wait for it to improve - too tired to do much else and it will get better hopefully very soon.

If she is your only child then you should try to get as much rest as you possible can day or night, so whenever she sleeps, just sleep or ask someone (family? friends?) to take her for a walk so you can get some rest in the day. Every little will help, even if it doesn't feel like it when you first wake up.

Hi Lulululabelle. It sounds like you are doing really well.

My dd was exactly like you describe except sometimes she would feed literally all night!

I let her sleep in bed with me so I was lying down with her feeding. This at least lets you get some rest.

By about 4 months things settled down and she started going much longer between feeds.
I am sure your dd will settle for longer soon.
She is still very very young so don't worry about the feeds.

Ignore anyone who tells you their baby is sleeping through the night. They are probably lying.

Thanks everyone, I am kind of just going with it. Like you norkilychallenged I am too tired to do much else. I have expressed a few times but I just can't face all the faff. I wish she would lie next to me to nap but she won't so I don't get to sleep during the day.

We don't have any family in this city so I look after her from 7am until DH gets home at about 6.30pm - 7pm. I don't mind it, I just wish I could sleep! Not even the whole night, just a good block would do. I'm not greedy!

I hope it gets better at 4 months, thanks Fleetingglimpse, I just needed a bit of hope.

ILikeToMoveItMoveIt - I think thats what's set me off - two of my friends have DC the same age as DD and keep telling me how they're sleeping through.

DH is on a stag do this weekend so I am going to stay with my sister - think I am panicking about the loss of my little morning lie in too.

If you want to talk to others going through the same problem come and join the January 2009 postnatal thread - our babies don't all exactly the same sleeping patterns but everyone's having their spells of being stressed/tired etc and will be very sympathetic if that's any good. I've also found it good to get out to baby groups, though I don't get to sleep I can put my feet up and feed and not worry about my untidy house - ds2 is 12 weeks tonight but was just over a week late, and still feeds quite constantly during the day. dp does a lot but we have an almost 2 year old who needs almost constant attention from daddy as well.

lol. ds fed 2 hourly day and night until he was 10 months. then i gave him cow's milk. he slept through after two days.

this was 7 years ago and i'm still exhausted.

stick with it, you will survive...

Oh thanks Elkie, I think I will join. I haven't made it out to a sinlge baby group yet (well, except baby cafe but not for a while). I tried to go to one last week - I could see them all playing and holding their babies but I couldn't find the door so I just went home again!

DD was up every hour and a half again last night, I put her in bed with me from 3am because I couldn't take leaning over her crib anymore. Its the first time we've co-slept and I've actually slept! Sore hips today though...

LuluLulabelle you are most definitely not alone. DD was doing exactly as you describe at 12 weeks. At 18 she now happily goes 5 hours before first night feed, then can do 3 followed by another 4 or even 5. It gets better! Hang on in there.

Of course, now she's waking up all the time with terrible wind but hey, if it's not one thing, it's another, right?

Lulu - slightly weird suggestion but it might help to think of it less as a regression, more as what your DD needs right now. My LO's night feeding pattern settled into 4-6 hourly almost within the first month, but every time she had a growth spurt she was demanding a feed every 2 hours again. It won't be forever, I promise!

Thanks southernlights, it does feel like it will never end sometimes!

On Friday night she did a 4 hour stretch and and a 3.5 hour stretch so I felt like a new woman on Saturday but last night I swas up for 3 hours with her. We've gone back to co-sleeping which has helped a lot but is a whole other thread... I'm off to the sleep board to post away...

Hello again Lulululabelle, we've apoken before about the pain of no sleep!

My DS is similar and is 21 weeks so I can't offer much in the way of advice, only sympathy and shared experience I'm afraid. He goes through phases which are obviously growth spurts so I am trying to go with the flow and make the most of the nights where he only feeds twice. Fortunately he's started napping beautifully so I do catch up a bit during the day; the house is a pig sty but I'm too tired to properly notice!

I second the vote for going to baby groups. It's vital for your sanity to get out and talk to people in RL too (and they might just give you that one piece of golden advice that does the trick, no one has for me yet but I'm still keeping my fingers crossed...)

Hey feralgirl , shared experience is as good as advice right now so thank you. My HV has given me some info on a nearby LLL group so I'm planning to go to that. DD has conjunctivitis so I think that means we're banned from baby groups for a while.

If I hear the golden advice that does the trick I'll share it with you!

DS2 does this, as did dd and ds1 in their day. in fact dd was feeding far more than 2 hourly day and night and ds1 was barely waiting that long... ds2 is actually the best of the bunch as he will have a good long sleep in the evening.

they ease up as they get older, weaning makes a huge differance but even before that you'll notice a reduction in feeds as he grows and is able to take a bigger bellyfull as every feed.

Thanks pinktulips, I think the feeding in the day might be part of it. She seems less interested in feeding during the day lately and doesn't seem to take as much each time (I am guessing, obviously, she doesn't spend very long on the breast and my breasts don't seem as soft by the end of the day as they used to).

I think she is finding the world just too interesting. She was feeding yesterday but as DH got home from work in the middle of it, decided to alternate a few seconds of feeding with a few seconds of smiling at daddy!

Hi Lulu

It is possible that some of this is a need for comfort or habit but it may be hunger too - I always found it difficult to tell. Do you try to settle DD in other ways before feeding? Have there been any circumstances that might have disrupted DD's routine?

My DS had many periods when he needed to feed more frequently but I do remember one particular phase where he seemed to increase the regularity of feeds but they became quite snacky (in our case mainly during the day but to some extent at night too) - in our case we had travelled to a different time zone and I had suffered from a stomach bug so my milk supply was probably poor for a few days. Once I was fully recovered I started trying to stretch him out a bit by giving him a cuddle, going for a walk etc (but always fed him if he continued to be unsettled). After a few days the gaps became larger and the feeds longer (about 3 1/2 hours).

This was also the time (12-14 weekish) where I started doing my feeds away from other people and lying down as (as you say) the world is all rather too interesting.

Thanks for posting minimarmite, I feel like it started around Mothers day - I remember thinking DD was having a growth spurt (she was feeding hourly through the day and night) and we've just never recovered from that. She'd been sleeping one 4.5-5 hour stretch at night before then and never has since.

Last night she managed to go 2 hours between feeds fromm 11pm but it really was 11pm, 1am, 3am, 5am and then 6.30am up for the day. I feel so awful today that I can hardly function. I now have my mum and DH talking about weaning. My mum has even suggested staying with her and letting her give DD formula all night so I can sleep. I have just humoured her and said I'll think about it because I've tried to explain how my boobs would feel going from 2-hourly feeds to nothing and that I don't want to stop bf (which is where this weaning/formula talk is headed) and she doesn't understand.

I feel like I can't talk to her about it anymore because, like any mum, she wants to make things better for her daughter but we disagree on how.

It's really difficult with Mums - they really want to help but their experience of bf was often so different from our own as well as the way things were done being so different 'back then'.

Obviously I don't know your Mum so I don't know how she would respond to you thinking of some practical things you would like her to do to help you - but since she does want to help it would be a shame to miss out on that opportunity! Could she come and stay and take DD out for a walk between feeds while you get some sleep, for example?

I also meant to say earlier, when I was in the similar situation I mentioned earlier, I found a section of the Baby Whisperer Solves Your Problems book really helpful - it was about responding to a baby's increased hunger by increasing the gap between feeds so rather than having them snack. As I said earlier, this might not be the issue or the solution but maybe worth a read to see if it sounds plausible for your situation. Also some helpful information about not weaning too early that you might be able to show to DH and your Mum (this is available elsewhere too of course).

My mum bf my youngest brother and hated it so I think when she sees me this tired she puts it down to bf. She has kindly bought us an Amby hammock after a colleague of hers told her it changed her life!

I am prepared to try absolutely anything after last night:

bath at 6pm, finished feed at 7pm, fed again at 8pm, woke again at 9pm (shushed back to sleep), feeds at 10pm, midnight, 2.15am (included nappy change so took until 3am), 4.45am and up for the day at 6am. She doesn't seem to be having as much at each feed as she used to.

I bought The Baby Whisperer Solves Your Problems with the intention of reading it on mat leave before dd arrived but I just cannot find it. I suspect DH might have given it to the charity shop by mistake.

I might buy it again if its going to help. I truely can't go on like this much longer.

Sorry to hear your lo is waking so often! It sounds like she got into a habit at her 12 week growth spurt which you now need to break. She is probably genuinely hungry as she seems to be snacking and waking for another feed shortly afterwards. Doesn't help you as you'll be too tired to make a decent feed in that short time! Could you try expressing a good feed to get your OH to give her one evening so she gets a full tummy and hopefully goes longer (and if she wakes and can be settled without feeding safe in the knowledge she has fed well until the next time slot) and you can get some zzzzs and make a good rich feed.

Thanks MoshiMoshi, I am going to give that a try tonight. I hadn't thought that being so tired might affect my milk.

The Amby Hammock arrived today and I she slept for half an hour in it before waking to feed. She hasn't slept for half an hour anywhere but my knee/sling in the day so I am amazed. I really hope it helps tonight, the moses basket is too small for her now.

She is very distracted in the day and I wonder if this is why she is feeding less too. I am going to feed her in our bedroom tomorrow with the curtains closed and the lights out.

I'll let you know tomorrow if any of it worked!

Good luck Lulu

A little update from us: DD had a good feed at 5.30pm (both sides) and then a little bit at about 7pm but more of a top up than anything else. We put her in the Amby at about 7.30pm when she fell asleep, she woke so I bounced it and she fell back asleep until 11.45pm!

She then woke at 2.15am & 4.20am so I fed her but when she woke at 5.30am I just bounced her hammock again and she fell back asleep until 7am and didn't feed again until 7.30am (both sides again).

I feel like me again today and have the energy to leave the house (although I thought it was Thursday until DH started talking about setting off early for our bank hol weekend. No Baby Cafe for us today then!)

I think if she wakes after 2 hours again tonight I might try bouncing her to see if she falls back asleep. If she doesn't then I'll feed her.

It's only been one night but fingers crossed. Does anyone else have an Amby Hammock & found dc sleeps well in it?

Moshimoshi - we didn't use the ebm in the end because the gap between her feeds was quite big.

Minimarmite I am going to buy that book again - thank you for the tip!

Thank you all for your advice & support.

ha - ds fed every 2hrs, round the clock, til he was a good 5-6months! The good news (for me, sorry) was that he perfected the art of feeding in 5 minutes flat and would go straight back off.

dd is a whole other story...

Lulu being exhausted will NOT affect your milk in any way. If it did then there would be thousands of starving babies across the land!

Sorry you are having such a rough time. Something you could consider is trying not to see your baby's 'night' as from 7pm but more like 11pm. I notice you didn't feed but shushed back to sleep at 9pm the other day - personally I would feed feed feed as much as possible before your own bedtime so that she tanks up and hopefully sleeps for a longer period when you need to. Then you can try the holding off/shushing type techniques from 11 - 7. Just a suggestion, feel free to ignore

Thanks TheProvincialLady, I'm grateful for any advice! I have just posted on another thread that last night was pretty much the first time I have considered doing anything other than feeding her when she woke.

She used to cluster feed but doesn't seem to do that anymore. Should I just try and feed her every hour before bed?

Something I have discovered today (after MiniMarmite's suggestion about spacing feeds) is that DD is actually quite happy to go 3 hours between day feeds. I fed her at 4.30am and then again at 7.30am then 10.30am and then 1.30pm. I think I have tried to avoid her hunger-meltdowns by feeding before she gets grizzly (try to do the same at night too) but have been feeding her way to early. I have been encouraging the snacking.

If she feeds less often in the day is that going to mean she'll be awake more at night to "catch up" though? I guess I'll find out tonight.

MiniMarmite I bought the Baby Whisperer book again. DD is the first baby I have really been around in about 10 years so I have found her book so useful for explaining things which perhaps others know instinctively or have learned from being around babies. I read the part about spacing feeds while feeding DD in town today!