No inclination to breastfeed dc2 - please convince me.

[rek21]

Before dd (now 18 months) was born I had no doubts that I would breastfeed and was (to my shame) a bit snooty about formula feeding.

However, by the time I left hospital both nipples were cracked and bleeding and I was in agony. In brief the problem was her latch (no surprise there) but whilst in hosp I had been told her latch was perfect and I was very lucky, so by the time the problem was noticed (day 5 or 6) it was too late. I subsequently had mastitis twice in 4 weeks, the second bout prompting me to give up bf completely. It then took 2 weeks of no breastfeeding and a double dose of antibiotics before I was well again. I felt a mixture of misreable failure and total relief. The whole episode massively affected my bonding with dd because before each feed I would weep with fear and during it weep and sometimes scream with pain until the latch was right. You get the picture - not good.

Whilst I was feeding I was given all the 'right' advice i.e keep feeding through the mastitis, don't use bottles or nipple shields because of 'confusion', don't top up with formula because it will affect supply, use lanisoh, now the latch is right it will get better on it's own. It was all totally useless because none of it recognized that I was going insane and needed to be helped maintain some level of breast feeding because I wasn't physically or emotionally capable of breastfeeding exclusively until I was well again.

Phew. Anyway dd2 is due in the next few weeks and against all my expectations I find I have no inclination whatsoever towards breastfeeding. Part of it is fear and part of it is simply that this pregnancy has had a lot of complications so far and formula feeding is (dare i say it?) easier. Can anybody help? Please don't hit me with all the stats, I know that it is the best thing for dd2 but dd1 is none the worse for her ff experience. The help I need is more to do with my emotional response to bf. Thanks in advance.

Can you take it one feed at a time? Those first colostrum feeds are so good for them. Aim for those first and see how they go. Maybe dd2's latch will be better and it will all be a better experience. If so you can keep going. If you find those first feeds hard you can reassess and stop and at least you will know dd2 got the all important colostrum.

Ps I should add that I now have a fabulous relationship with dd1 and am worried about struggling with bf dd2 whilst trying to give dd1 the attention she needs to deal with having a new sister!

you obviously had a very traumatic time with yoiur first and you are probably subconsiously scared it will happen again. It may not. If it does surely you have lost nothing and can switch to formula then but the baby has got the colostrum etc?
I would get in contact with a local support group who will be able to check you latch in the very early days before it gets to this stage that you didn't get the right support in hospital.
I just keep taking them off and re latching them when newborn until it doesn't hurt. (sometimes 3/4 times before it felt right)
Hopefully someone who is better with words will have something more helpfull to say on the subject.

I found that BF DD2 was easier than BF DD1, as the second time I had a far better idea of what I was doing.
I completely empathize with the feeling if having no inclination to BF. I did it because of the health differences between BF and FF, no other reason, and I found that reading about these differences helped strengthen my resolve.

I had a nightmare feeding DD and was sore and hysterical for weeks. The worst of it was that when I tried to give her a bottle the bugger wouldn't take it and then turned out to be lactose intolerant (couldn't express either so it was formula). I eventually got through it (although suffered PND) and fed her for a long time but it wasn't nice and I did not want to do it again.

However, with DS (8 wks old today), he managed to latch on and feed brilliantly from the start and I had no pain or trouble at all, when I was expecting a nightmare.

Basically what I'm saying is that each child is different and I would encourage you to give it a try, you might find it's not so bad this time.

I never used a bf counsellor but you might find that useful, I don't know if they'll see you before the baby is due, but probably if you want to. Good luck

Thanks everyone, this is great advice, I'm relieved that I'm not the only one who didn't find bfing a fabulous nurturing experience. I now have an added complication that it looks like dd2 could well be born in thenext few days, at 34 weeks. Chances are she will need help feeding (probaby tube feeding) to start with. However I have been told that there is a lactation consultant on the special care unit who will be able to help. Definately just have to take each day as it comes now! Many thanks again, rek.

Good luck.

I found the Medela Swing pump absolutely brilliant, so perhaps you could consider a mixture of formula and expressed milk?

You might have a completely different experience second time around.

Dd, born 3 years ago, was a nightmare. I sobbed through every feed for the first few months of her life. I remember she used to start whimpering in her cot and I would break down in tears in anticipation of what was to come. Bleeding, cracked nipples. No support. Dreadful latch, and everyone telling me it was fine. Hideous. Hideous.

Ds was born 11 months ago. He latched on within minutes of being born and I've not had a worry since. I have been prone to mastitis this time, but partly my own doing. It's really been a breeze, and SO much easier than organising ff would have been.

not trying to bf would be doing less than your best.
treating both children the same.
doing this now for future health of child and yourself.
bacause you can.

I had a nightmare feeding DS too, ended up in casualty with an abscess, but my mum, who was brilliant and a really good breastfeeding counsellor both got me through it.
Women get told "You HAVE to breastfeed because it's GOOD for the baby" but then don't have all the information they need to make it work. I got so fed up with this I wrote a book on how to breastfeed. It has cartoons to show you how to get the baby to latch on, plus info on EVERYTHING that might go wrong and how to put it right. Plus it's funny. You can check it out here. I don't know if this post will convince you to breastfeed, but reading the book just might.

It's worth giving it a go - if it works then there is no way that ff is easier (especially at nights), and there's nothing lost and so much gained. They really are all different when it comes to feeding

motherlovebone, I think you are being a total utter bitch. There is more to life than breastfeeding and I say this as someone who is also quite passionate about breastfeeing.

Prehaps motherlovebone would think that I am sh!t mother as I am hating finding breastfeeding difficult at the moment. I breastfed my son for two years and if things don't improve I wont be doing the same for my daughter.

rek21, If you do want to give breastfeeding another go then I suggest you find out as much as you can. Cracked nipples are wretched and I am not surprised that you dread it happening.

I suggest you go to your local La Leche League meeting where you can learn to avoid problems like cracked nipples, mastitis etc. Also read plenty of books.

There are various ways of getting a baby to latch on if the way they tend to show in hospital does not work. For example biological nuturing is a nice way to get the baby to latch on, although it is a bit slow.

Why don't you see how you feel at the time? If you commence bf then you have the choice to stop and go ff route, but not the other way around. So it's good to have open options. One feed at a time is great advice.

fwiw, I felt lacking inmotivation to bf dd2. DD1 was a dream to feed but I still felt like I didn't really want to. I didn't want to encroach on dd1 precious time, or feel like I was spenind such quality time with dd2 and dd1 expenxe. All sorts of strange feelings.

I am bf dd2 and I am enjoying it, despite nipple trouble and allsorts I didn't have with dd1, but I do cast an eye back to when it was just dd1. However I now realise I would be doing that if I were bf or ff. So I am glad I bf [which was all I was ever going to do really] although I did have to give myself a stern talking to.

I realise this is not the same as for you, but it's always good to hear people have felt similar to you.

My only advice is take it one feed at a time and before baby is born watch these clips.

My 2nd DD was born at home and because I was also nursing DD1 (20 months at Grandparents at the time) I was not given any help latching etc. I had hardly any experience in feeding a newborn due to difficult circs. 1st time around and DD1 was bottlefed for 2 months. DD2 nibbled, wouldn't open mouth fully and i ended up sore and bleeding. A 4am google saved us all! I was expecting DD2 to behave like a toddler and know what to do

Obviously I know that a few video clips aren't going to make everything kittens and rainbows but if you've got a good idea of how the first latch on should occur then it might encourage you to try that first feed. Then you can decided to carry on or not.

Disclaimer:- I'm pro-bfing not pro-torture of mums who don't want to bf.

Hi Rek, I had a similar experience first time round, worst experience of my life I think, it seemed like such failure.

Second time round was different. It was still hard and still painful but much more manageable. I used Lansiloh from day 1 and had studied hard re techniques to latch on, etc. It still didn´t work well and due to incompetent hcps I was wrongly told to stop bfing . But if I think it would have worked out well in the end.

Having said all this, I would be so tempted to ff from day 1 with DD3. Bfeeding can be so darn hard..

I would reiterate what others have said. I had a total nightmare with DD1 and sobbed through every feed. I ended up expressing for three weeks whilst I healed and then mix fed her for 5 months.

I was very nervous about bf DD2 who was born 12 weeks ago. It turned out to be much easier as I had a handle on what to do - although I did only BF her for 6 weeks. I wasn't hard on myself and didn't beat myself up when I decided to pack it in, for many reasons.

Just have a go. If it's sh1t then knock it on the head. But you might surprise yourself

I would just go for it
you probably wont have the same experience at all
you know how to do it now

With dd1 I had a nightmare and never got her latched - ended up expressing for a while but was 100 % ff by 7 weeks. No regrets - dd1 is exceedingly healthy etc.

So, when pg with dd2 I thought I'd give it a go but wasn't going to stress about it. If it worked, great. If not, it wasn't going to be the end of the world. DD2 took to it pretty well despite as it turns out quite severe tongue tie and i'm 9 weeks in and still going strong.

Why not see how it goes knowing tha you're happy if it doesn't work out. if it works great, if it doesn't then its fine.

Good luck whichever way it goes,

With dd1 I had a nightmare and never got her latched - ended up expressing for a while but was 100 % ff by 7 weeks. No regrets - dd1 is exceedingly healthy etc.

So, when pg with dd2 I thought I'd give it a go but wasn't going to stress about it. If it worked, great. If not, it wasn't going to be the end of the world. DD2 took to it pretty well despite as it turns out quite severe tongue tie and i'm 9 weeks in and still going strong.

Why not see how it goes knowing tha you're happy if it doesn't work out. if it works great, if it doesn't then its fine.

Good luck whichever way it goes,

You may as well try and see how it goes, if you don't like it you can stop. It IS easier initially and the "sleepy stuff" in breast milk means you can spend more time with your eldest.
I'm not a fantastic breast feeder, I can't manage more than 15 weeks before i go loopy!

Agree with others - try it and see; if your DC2 takes to it easily, all well and good, and if it's a nightmare again, just let it go and use formula instead.

By the way, you posted that 'against your expectations' you didn't want to breastfeed this time - given the dreadful time you had of it, I would have been astonished if you felt like BFing at all! It's a very reasonable response. Whichever way it goes, just don't beat yourself up over it. Hope all goes well.

I'm assuming you posted this because you want encouragement and support to give bf another go despite having a terrible time last time.

ds1 ended up on formula very quickly for different reasons - mostly his weight loss at the beginning. Feeding ds2 nearly went the same way but I persevered and have got him back to exclusive bf at 3.5 months (exclusive since 5/6 weeks).

The possibility of your child being born at 34 weeks makes things more complicated. There are others here who have established or reestablished bf with premature babies.

Could you find out if there are any bf support groups in your area and or contact bf counsellors etc now? Are there any toddler groups/stay and play groups etc where you can take them both and feed baby while your older child plays? Is there anyone who can be around at least sometimes during the day to help out or just give you some adult company and emotional support? My dad lives nearby and when I told him I was expecting ds2 I also asked him to make a point of making ds1 feel that he was there for him when my attention is divided. That's as well as my dp.

I've had a lot of support of various kinds and I don't think I could have got through the point when things started to go wrong again without that support.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

rek21, so sorry to hear you had such a bad time with breastfeeding your DC1. What about thinking that you are going to give a first breastfeed to your DC2? Then you can give a second if you like and a third....... you don't have to decided now for how long you are going to breastfeed.
If your little one is born prematurely then it would be so beneficial for him/her to have breastmilk. The hospital should help you with pumping and would hopefully have a lactation consultant on staff.
I second the suggestion of getting in touch with the breastfeeding support groups - LLL, NCT, BfN, whatever is local to you. There is no substitute for real life face-to-face help (though MN can come a pretty close second ). Do remember that most are voluntary and so may not be available just at the exact minute of need, but do keep trying
I am passionate about the incalculable advantages of breastfeeding, but please don't allow other people to 'guilt' you whatever decision you make. I like the expression "your mileage may vary" to explain how everybody can have slightly different views and yet can (almost) all still be right.
All the best for the birth, hoping it's not too soon.

I agree with previous comments to take it one feed at a time, and give it a go, but there is one other thing that I should add -
If the latch thing is an issue this time around and its making you miserable, but you still really want to feed BM rather than formula, you might consider exclusive pumping - basically, you buy a breast pump, and every feeding time, you express all of your milk and give it in a bottle. That way your baby gets all of the benefits of BF (except protection against otitis media) but you dont have the pressure/problems of getting the latching just right.
Just another option you could consider.......

REk, in case your wee one does come early, seek out Aitch - she had trouble bfing both her dds, and her dd2 arrived at 33 weeks, so she'll have lots of useful advice and support for you.

Hope dd2 arrives safe and well, and wish you lots of luck with feeding!