Before dd (now 18 months) was born I had no doubts that I would breastfeed and was (to my shame) a bit snooty about formula feeding.
However, by the time I left hospital both nipples were cracked and bleeding and I was in agony. In brief the problem was her latch (no surprise there) but whilst in hosp I had been told her latch was perfect and I was very lucky, so by the time the problem was noticed (day 5 or 6) it was too late. I subsequently had mastitis twice in 4 weeks, the second bout prompting me to give up bf completely. It then took 2 weeks of no breastfeeding and a double dose of antibiotics before I was well again. I felt a mixture of misreable failure and total relief. The whole episode massively affected my bonding with dd because before each feed I would weep with fear and during it weep and sometimes scream with pain until the latch was right. You get the picture - not good.
Whilst I was feeding I was given all the 'right' advice i.e keep feeding through the mastitis, don't use bottles or nipple shields because of 'confusion', don't top up with formula because it will affect supply, use lanisoh, now the latch is right it will get better on it's own. It was all totally useless because none of it recognized that I was going insane and needed to be helped maintain some level of breast feeding because I wasn't physically or emotionally capable of breastfeeding exclusively until I was well again.
Phew. Anyway dd2 is due in the next few weeks and against all my expectations I find I have no inclination whatsoever towards breastfeeding. Part of it is fear and part of it is simply that this pregnancy has had a lot of complications so far and formula feeding is (dare i say it?) easier. Can anybody help? Please don't hit me with all the stats, I know that it is the best thing for dd2 but dd1 is none the worse for her ff experience. The help I need is more to do with my emotional response to bf. Thanks in advance.