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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

Calling over 1 year bstfedders-how the hell do you stop?

54 replies

dropinthe · 26/04/2005 09:29

I'm actually getting really upset by this.Why,oh why,don't HVs/Dr's tell you that when you breast feed in the long term you are going to end up with manipulative,militant,spoilt and brattish toddlers that will do ANYTHING to get you to feed them when you want to stop.
I AM DESPERATE!!
It doesnt help that ds2 co-sleeps with us so has titty available whenever he wants and also associates going to sleep with boob-I know I have made my bed..I just wish I knew where to begin.
Do I concentrate on cutting out the night feeds?
Do I concentrate on the day feeds that get him asleep?
Or the loads of comfort feeds he demands whenever he is upset/bored/whatever in the day?
Do I get him in his cot first?

He takes bottles of cows milk from dh when Im at work in the evenings and weekends-he will nick ds1 bottles from him-he will take a few glugs of bottles I give him but on his terms,picking it up when he wants, not when I give it to him.

I am at my wits end and am pulling my hair out now-I would give anything to leave him with someone for a few days if I thought he would forget about my milk at the end of it-could this work?
Ive asked you all similar questions before but now there is an urgency about it as I cant bear his endless screams when I refuse him-I leave him or cuddle him as much as possible but it doesnt work-he just crys and crys and crys and its driving everyone else in the house crazy-I feel like everyone is blaming me for doing it this long and I'm getting my just just rewards!
Sorry to ramble but this is making me really depressed-I'm crying and shouting about it everyday-its also playing havoc with my menstrual cycle with periods coming and going whenever they want-Ive just started one two weeks after finishing! Hormones are obviously buggered.
PLEASE HELP ME!

OP posts:
hunkermunker · 27/04/2005 10:27

That last was a link to "Pantley", dropinthe - it's a book

Original poster
dropinthe · 27/04/2005 10:30

Cheers, Hunker for that!!

OP posts:
Original poster
dropinthe · 27/04/2005 10:30

Cheers, Hunker for that!!

OP posts:
hunkermunker · 27/04/2005 10:34

That should've been unless you spend £19 in my link re Amazon though

Original poster
dropinthe · 08/05/2005 06:42

Have got the book but too tired to read it lately-have started a new evening job which means I quite often dont get to bed until past midnight a couple of nights a week. Ds2 has consistently been half waking at 5am to feed for anything up to 1 and half hours-I get soooooooo effing angry with him because he wont go back to sleep-this on top of the fact he could have woken me a coupleof times in the night-he eats and drinks like a horse in the day-its ridiculous! I'm at my wits end now and going crazy through lack of sleep-I'm sitting here waiting for dh who of course has slept through this like a baby to get out of bed so I can go back but I probably wont be able to sleep as I'm so wound up about this and have been crying for the last half hour.
Am now going in to all the bfeeding threads to see if ANYONE has got an answer for this-Ive had enough of being a bloody earth mother and don't think this is funny anymore.

OP posts:
bobbybob · 08/05/2005 08:20

drop - wake up your other half and tell him it's his turn. This isn't a breastfeeding problem, it's a lack of sleep problem.

hercules · 08/05/2005 14:11

I cut out night feeds by lying next to dd with a top with no easy access and stroked her or patted her. Yes, she was upset but I found that if she was really tired then she didnt fight very long and after a bit of screaming would suddenly stop and go to sleep.
During the night I pat her if she wakes instead of feeding.

tiktok · 08/05/2005 19:31

drop - I agree with bobby. This is a question of sorting out the sleep issue. You're getting angry with your ds and angry with bf....and it is all so bloody pointless and stressful. There are many ways you can get sleep/waking sorted without stress - your ds is 15 months and you have options. You need to be consistent and calm, and to have the support of your dh/dp, and anyone else involved in your son's care. And go for it

Rai · 08/05/2005 20:17

Hope you woke your husband.

Lack of sleep and feeling guilty, plus trying to manage kids and working not easy.

I have read the thread and can tell you, you are not alone in your feelings of fustration, I had hoped to have ds now 2.5yrs old weaned off final going to sleep breast feed before dd came along. it never happened. My being in hospital for two nights meant no sleep for dh as ds just refused to sleep without mum, ( yes we co-sleep) he cried and wailed till 4am then slept couple of hours before waking!

Anyway got home he started having marthon going to sleep feeds of over hour and half, (so much for children self weaning due to change in taste of milk!) and not going to sleep till gone ten. two wailing babes, dd priority fun fun fun. Felt so fustrated and have to admit felt feelings of extreme angrer towards ds though i was totally aware it was not his fault.

Dh is v.supportive.

I used the Pantley book and have to say was able to use the advice to drop feeds at night, and dh takes children away in the morning for one hour to give me child free catch up sleep. This is how dropped morning feed before dd born, he would whip ds away for breakfast, there were loud complaints for a couple of days but he accepted.

Agree with others one step at a time, and discuss with dh how you will jointly see this through, you are not superwoman, involve others there is no shame! Whatever you decide to do don't feel you are a failure, stick with it.

soon2bemumof2 · 08/05/2005 21:40

I fed my dd until she was 13 months old and only stopped because I was pregnant with 2nd child and wanted a break imbetween. Think I was lucky as I had a reason to stop which made it easier. Think you have to try and drop comfort feeds and be strict about the times you feed. I did this when I was uncomfortable about people seeing me feed in public. Once you have managed this you could then try tackling the night feeding, I dropped night feeds by offering water in a cup (this is a little messy as flailing arms and a cup don't work too well together)and not giving in to crying tantrums, which is as hard as it sounds but worth it in the end, only took a couple of weeks to drop the night feeds. She doesn't look for it at all now (she too is a strong willed child), and I can have my boobs out now without her associating them with milk. Hope some of this helps and good luck.

Rai · 10/05/2005 10:13

Dropinthe,

Hope things are inproving and you are feeling abit more up for it.

I.m knackered to day and do not feel like going to the dentist and them and AGM

PrettyCandles · 10/05/2005 14:51

Hi, dropinthe. Has all the chickenpox finished? There has been a lot going on that is out of your control, and sometimes you just have to give in and go with the flow - even if that means marathon feeds! - because you just need to survive from one minute to the next.

Maybe what I say isn't the right thing, but perhaps now owuld be a good time to start tackling the daytime feeds, and in order to get the sleep you need, let your ds co-sleep from his 5.30am waking. Then hopefully he will bf while you sleep. You need your sleep! I'm not entirely sure that the co-sleeping is a good idea, but you do need the sleep.

One step at a time. Expect things to go slowly, don't challenge yourself or your ds too much, and reward yourself for every teeny tiny advance.

Keep posting! Your darling doesnt' understand the consequences of his actions. All he knows is that he can get Mummy to do what he wants. Use Mumsnet to vent your frustration.

elsmommy · 10/05/2005 15:07

I can help!! I can help!!
Right, don't do it gradually that dosen't work.
Pick a day, and from when you get up in the morning give ds a cup/bottle to have his milk in. I put an extra layer of clothes on cos I thought dd could smell the milk
When he wants it just give him a kiss and cuddle and distract him and if he cries like mad don't give in!
Give him his breakfast lunch and dinner at normal times but add a snack in between each one so he doesn't get hungry.
Right, bedtime!! First of all be prepared, you are gonna feel so terrible the first few nights!
This is where you need dp/dh. Just leave bedtime to him, you must not have anything to do with it. If you are there he will think you are punishing him cos you're not giving him what he wants!!
Four days for me and it was all over!!
I was very naughty though. Before I stopped I went to the doctors and said my baby didn't want to feed anymore but I was forcing her because my milk wouldn't stop.... so he gave me some tablets!! It did still hurt when it built up but went away very quickly
I hope something in this lot helps!!

elsmommy · 10/05/2005 20:33

Did I help with this or just kill it..........
Oh dear!!!

Original poster
dropinthe · 10/05/2005 20:34

Oh hello! A response-I havent even read it but am so excited I had to post-Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

OP posts:
Marina · 10/05/2005 20:39

dropinthe, did you go to the Baby Cafe yet? I am very curious to hear how it is going - a big success, I hope. It seems like a lot of time and trouble has gone in to organising it.

Original poster
dropinthe · 10/05/2005 20:45

What tablets? A m soooooooooooo sorry Rai,was out all sunday so didnt see your posts-elsmommomy-will try this-I am really,really grateful that you all have bothered to read this and try to help-thanks prettycandles for thinking of me-all the pox has gone-dh does try to help but is a really heavy sleeper as does really hard manual work in the day-he wants to help but finds it hard! I know I shouldnt co-sleep with ds2-its all but killed our sex life and I know I am not really angry at ds2-just at myself for letting it go this far-its always been about the best compromise for all of us but has not benefited me but thats a mum thang isnt it-Thank you, you lot-I have SO much faith in mumsnet-you mums are just bloody brilliant!

OP posts:
Original poster
dropinthe · 10/05/2005 20:46

The baby cafe is on tommorrow and I had it in my diary but I now cant go as have got an insurance man and my accountant turning up in the middle of it and now way out-will go next week and let you know!

OP posts:
elsmommy · 10/05/2005 20:46

I'll try and find out what they were for you!!

Marina · 10/05/2005 20:49

Could they have been bromocriptine, elsmommy? That's the usual drug prescribed to stop milk production. It's strong stuff so tends to be prescribed sparingly I believe, but sounds like it helped you.

Original poster
dropinthe · 10/05/2005 20:51

Bloody hell! I would be too scared to try them-I think I want to do it a bit slower than that.

OP posts:
elsmommy · 10/05/2005 20:54

Yep that was it!! I couldn't find it then!! I hate to think what it would of felt like if I didn't take em!!
Your ds really won't be as bad as you think!

Marina · 10/05/2005 20:54

dropinthe - they are nowadays most commonly given to mums of stillborn babies
but formerly were routinely given to people who chose not to b/f from birth.

Original poster
dropinthe · 10/05/2005 20:56

He will! Is vvvvv intelligent-and thats not proud mum syndrome-he is like an old man!

OP posts:
tiktok · 10/05/2005 21:31

No doc wd prescribe these tablets these days in my experience - am amazed to hear of this, to be honest. They have a small risk of causing stroke, and a whole host of other horrible side effects.

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