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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

If you're feeding, what does DP/DH do?

35 replies

LuluLulabelle · 12/03/2009 14:44

My DH has always been very keen to be involved as much as possible. Our DD is 6 weeks old and in the first few weeks he gave her some bottles of formula at night to let me sleep.

We've dropped that now and I am exclusively breast feeding so DH offered to do the bits that come after that - burping and nappy changes.

So at night when DD wakes, I feed her and the DH takes her, burps her, changes her nappy and then puts her back in her moses basket. Some of his colleagues have commented that this is "a bit weird" and that they didn't do anything like that at night.

Is it weird? I do feel a bit mean sometimes, especially when he has work the next day but he offered. Partly so that I don't do it on my own and also because he just adores DD - even at 3am.

So, have you attempted to even out who does what? What does your DP/DH do?

OP posts:

poppy34 · 12/03/2009 14:47

dh did nothing at night (well that was teh theory but he'd often end up walking her round etc if she wouldnt sleep). but always gets dd up in teh morning , got her changed if he was home and does her bath. Would also change/wind/settle her for nap in day.

dh also really involved in feeding her now she is weaned.

I think your dh sounds lovely - its his colleagues that are weird imho.

Bettymum · 12/03/2009 15:24

I think your DH sounds lovely too! In the early days my DH used to take DD in the middle of the night and do the walking round the room and winding bit while I went back to bed and flaked out. Sometimes he would take her downstairs and watch fishing programmes on telly for a bit .
He does the odd bath and meal now, and takes DD out to play in the garden at weekends so I can get some housework done, but he leaves most things to me which is fine as I am a control freak doting mother.

peppapighastakenovermylife · 12/03/2009 15:29

Absolutely nothing! Never even woken once because of them as sleeps in spare room as has to be alert for work apparently

Yours sounds lovely, can I borrow him please?

Bakester · 12/03/2009 15:29

your DH sounds great mine did the same thing when ours were really small long may it continue for you x

LittleMissBliss · 12/03/2009 15:31

noubt! He could sleep through anything! He did allot of the house work and washing for me in the early days that was nice.

doggiesayswoof · 12/03/2009 15:34

Mine did the same as yours - prob for about 4/5 months, then dd wasn't really bfing at night after that.

It may not be "normal" but who cares? Says more about the attitudes of his colleagues imo.

The pattern did not repeat with ds, who was not bf. Because we could both ff him, we took turns at night when he was really small.

cestlavie · 12/03/2009 15:42

Speaking as a DH, DD1 was bottle-fed so we took it in turns to do feeds in the night (and all the accompanying other stuff like changing and settling back down) whilst the other one slept a bit.

With DD2 who's breast-fed, what I do depends on what DD2 (5 months now) needs. If she has dropped off in the middle of feeding, DW just plonks her back down in her basket so I barely even know about it! But if she needs changing, settling or general bouncing around to get to sleep I do it after she's been fed. Certainly do less than I did with DD1, but on the other hand I get to deal with DD1 if she wakes and get up with her whilst DW and DD2 attempt to lie in.

fleacircus · 12/03/2009 15:46

Mine did the same, would get up and change DD and then bring her to me all clean for a feed. Often in the early days she would sleep on his chest if she was finding it difficult to settle in her crib. DP is still really actively involved in looking after DD, takes time off work if she is sick, took parental leave when I first went back to work so he could have a turn at being a full time dad. Now that she's no longer feeding we take it in turns to take her up to bed and get her settled. I hate the idea that BF somehow 'excludes' dads, it's such nonsense.

wastingmyeducation · 12/03/2009 16:05

In the first couple weeks DH did all the nappy changes etc. as I was recovering from CS, but as soon as I could manage I left DH to sleep at night.
Breastfeeding produces hormones that help you go back to sleep, so I didn't think it was fair to wake him up when I had chemical help to drop back off afterwards and he didn't.
He's almost impossible to wake up anyway, slept through the earthquake we had a year ago!
If I need help with an early-hours nappy change I'll shout him though.

Original poster

LuluLulabelle · 12/03/2009 16:11

Oh thats good to hear. So I am not being selfish then?

I'll tell him that the general MN view is that he's doing a lovely thing - hopefully then he'll continue to do it once the novelty wears off a bit!

OP posts:

Original poster

LuluLulabelle · 12/03/2009 16:15

Perhaps it's DH's colleagues who are a bit weird then.

wastingmyeducation - I read about the hormone thing and I generally that once I am awake and feeding her I feel absolutely fine and that has been at the back of my mind lately when he's squinting at a pack of nappies in the small hours.

OP posts:

Original poster

LuluLulabelle · 12/03/2009 16:19

added " I generally that" to my last post by mistake. Not sure where I was going with that. See if you can spot it...Oops.

OP posts:

DaisyMooSteiner · 12/03/2009 16:23

Although, if her nappy isn't dirty, just wet, then personally I wouldn't bother changing her in the night. I stopped night nappy changes once mince stopped pooing in the night as it just woke them up too much otherwise. He could still burp her and settle her though!

mawbroon · 12/03/2009 16:27

Mine did nothing at night. My choice.

He had to get up for work, and do a commute in the car which would not be a good idea whilst knackered. I was able to sleep during the day with ds.

Not sure how we would divide it for a second one though because the luxury of sleeping in the day wouldn't be there for me....

mawbroon · 12/03/2009 16:27

Saying that, i did very little at night. DS could latch on and off himself and I slept through most of it!

Original poster

LuluLulabelle · 12/03/2009 16:40

DaisyMooSteiner I considered skipping nappies if they're only wet but I then don't sleep well expecting DD to scream for a nappy change.

mawbroon I love the idea of co-sleeping and DD helping herself but I don't think she'd do it. I think she'd just scream the house down while I panicked and tried to help out.

OP posts:

noolia · 12/03/2009 18:00

Bettymum - LOL my DH did the same with night times and fishing progs - he sky+d them specially!
He only did that for 2 weeks though then nothing really! He's not really a baby person but is getting much better now that she i s'interactive' (his word).

noolia · 12/03/2009 18:01

Should add that I was happy for him to do nothing at night as he was working in the day and once I had recovered from the birth he needed the sleep more!

DaisyMooSteiner · 12/03/2009 18:45

Are you using disposables? Have you ever felt one - they just don't feel wet to the touch at all, so I really don't think babies can tell when they're wet! IME they aren't disturbed by their nappies unless they've pooed.

sweetkitty · 12/03/2009 18:49

I never woke DP on the theory that I HAD to be awake he didn't, with the forst one I could nap with the baby during the day he had to be up at 6am for work.

Second and third I get up and fed the baby, he gets up if any of the other two wake up sometimes they don't wake at all, other times they can be up several times a night so I think thats fair.

Confuzzeled · 12/03/2009 19:00

My dh didn't do that much at night but he was great in the mornings, still is (sometimes).

Your dh sounds lovely, tell him his workmates are just jealous and obviously don't have the fathering desire that he has.

MamacitaGordita · 12/03/2009 19:13

In the early days DH did all the nappy changes at night and would take DS to the living room (typical-newborn-only-sleeping-on-someone-thing)and watch BBC News 24. He was very clued up on world affairs for a while.

Now DS doesn't get nappy changes at night so DH just snoozes through. In the early days there was more to do at night and it was a sort of 'in it together' Team Baby mentality but now night feeds are just about DS and me, it's special rather than absolutely knackering newborn hell!

CherryChoc · 12/03/2009 19:29

I don't think your DP is weird - perhaps unusual, (?) but in a very good way!!

My DP does practically nothing. At first I was going to get him to do the nappies at night at the weekends but ended up doing it myself as I was awake anyway and it was quicker and could settle DS back down again before he got too worked up, whereas waiting for DP to wake up and do it would have meant he screamed more. But we co-sleep so I don't find it too bad, we also now use disposables at night for the dryness as mentioned by others.

However the other night DS was snuffly and would not be put down at all, every time he woke (every 2-3 hours) he had to be held upright until he went back to sleep, which took ages because he hasn't slept in someone's arms unless he was completely knackered for months. DP had a 20 minute go at "soothing him" (He was bouncing him up and down on his knee - actually it was keeping him quiet but as he was getting tireder his head was flopping and I was concerned) and then I took over - and he went to sleep and I ended up doing the ENTIRE rest of the night. It's not like he even had to get up in the morning, we were staying with friends at the time (think the unfamiliar house didn't help DS). I was very resentful and mentioned it in the morning and he said "You should have woken me up" - like me climbing over his legs 5 times and a baby screaming in his ear didn't. So I will make sure I do next time, whatever it takes!!

DP's responsibility is baths now and guess what, DS hasn't been bathed in over 2 weeks...

thisisyesterday · 12/03/2009 19:32

no, i don't think it's weird at all.
my dp never did any of that, at least, not at night! he values his sleep too much

but no, i think it sounds lovely that he is so in love with his little baby and wants to help out. aww

Habbibu · 12/03/2009 19:34

DH did the same in the early days - and during the day he'd clean up, make dinner and then run me a bath!

He is lovely...

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