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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

Would you stop breastfeeding because

32 replies

Inthedoghouse · 12/02/2009 17:47

My partner really wants me to stop breastfeeding my 22month old dd. He has been supportive until recently but now thinks its weird that she can ask for it. It really is causing arguments between us because I am happy to continue until she self weans. Has anyone had any similar problems? Thanks

OP posts:
lljkk · 12/02/2009 17:59

Would I stop because my partner wanted me to?

Probably not. I think I would have issues with a partner who had your DP's issues, if that makes sense.

So... if your child had a severe speech delay then breastfeeding would still be ok? Think about it, his attitude doesn't make sense.

Stop by all means if you are fed up, but it's a relationship between you & her, not for him to interfere like this.

laumiere · 12/02/2009 18:26

VERY much from my own point of view here!

I would take my DP's views into account, since he is also her parent, but I would expect him to articulate what makes him uncomfortable and see if we could find an alternate solution before giving up bf.

Anglepoise · 12/02/2009 19:16

Watching this with interest because it's not an issue for us yet but may be in the future as I know DH (and my mum), while both hugely supportive of bfing a baby, have issues bfing a toddler.

I am hoping that, if it happens, the fact that it happens a day at a time iyswim means that he won't really notice the transition. If he objects, I think I would try to talk him around if I felt very strongly about it by listing the benefits etc, but ultimately I would find it very hard to bf without his support.

Might be worth reposting with a more descriptive title to get advice from some extended bfers?

thisisyesterday · 12/02/2009 19:21

no, i wouldn't stop just because my partner had issues with it.
I strongly believe that there are huge benefits to child and mother by continuing to nurse a child until it is at least 2, and preferably allowing it to self-wean.

my partner would have to come up with some pretty strong arguments to persuade me otherwise.

ib · 12/02/2009 19:22

I'm still bfing my 25mo ds. Dh has no issues with it, in fact when I say anything about stopping he looks horrified, so I can't talk about the experience of not having that, iyswim.

However, I think in that situation I would say that ds has been asking for it since he was born! The ways he's done that have changed, but that makes no difference from his point of view - whenever he has wanted to bf he has let me know in no uncertain manner.

What is it about language that is so special? It is just a form of communication that they can use to communicate with people who don't know them as well - for us it makes no difference, we have always understood what ds meant from well before he could speak at all (he still doesn't speak all that much, in fact)...

cmotdibbler · 12/02/2009 19:48

No. It isn't weird. If she had been signing milk at 10 months, would it have been weird then ?

LeonieSoSleepy · 12/02/2009 19:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

whomovedmychocolate · 12/02/2009 19:54

My DH went through feeling like that (DD is 2.4 now) but then he realised what fresh hell weaning is and said 'let's wait for her to self-wean'

My argument is: if she's known this since birth for comfort and reconnection to mum, why on earth would we rip that away from her?

TrinityRhino · 12/02/2009 19:54

gecko has asked for 'boob' since she was 16 months so we would have had to stope then??
I would need to find out properly why he had that problem with it and then try to help hiom overcome it
would not stop bf because of it

very difficult to say though as dh has and would never have a problem with it

Original poster
Inthedoghouse · 12/02/2009 20:07

After speaking with him tonight, I get the feeling that he wants me to stop because he wants us to get close (sexually) again. We have not had sex for about 2 and a half years. It could be that there is a jealousy thing, but I am not sure. Maybe as long as I am breastfeeding he sees me as the doting mum and not his funloving, sexy Mrs??

OP posts:
JackBauer · 12/02/2009 20:11

I wouldn't stop.
I told DH that DD2 is asking for Baaboo and lying down in my arms/tugging at top and he was a bit but he saw it himself the other day and coulnd't stop laughing, he now thinks it is desperately cute.
I would ask him to try and explain why he feels like that to see if there is a way round it.

giantkatestacks · 12/02/2009 20:16

2 and a half years is a long time but that needs addressing (and it does need addressing) aside from the bf question I think.

thisisyesterday · 12/02/2009 20:17

you haven't had sex for 2 and a half years??? blimey girl.

i reckon it could be that then perhaps. but no need to stop breastefeding just so you can have sex... maybe this is something you need to discuss with him?

Pannacotta · 12/02/2009 20:21

I wouldn't stop but breastfeeding and sex are not mutually exclusive!
Am sure your DP does feel put out at 2.5 years without sex. No reason you can't do both though...

Original poster
Inthedoghouse · 12/02/2009 20:30

It has been dh who has not wanted sex and I am sure it is because of the breastfeeding. So if it was a case of continue with breastfeeding and end up very distant or ending breastfeeding and trying to get back on track with hubby which would you do?

OP posts:
giantkatestacks · 12/02/2009 20:33

that quite a weird question - its not as cut and dired as that surely? I would talk to him about it first and foremost.

Pannacotta · 12/02/2009 20:36

I think you need to talk to him really.
It's hard to understand why he has such as problem with breastfeeding, going without sex for that long is a pretty extreme reaction of this is the case.
Might be easier to broach the subject without any reference to b-feeding and see what he says.

fishie · 12/02/2009 20:37

the bf relationship changes a lot round this age anyway. you can choose when to feed.

i wouldn't give up for dh, he hasn't asked me to but sometimes says well it will stop soon. i say yes of course, as soon as ds is ready. as it will be.

i also point out he could be doing bedtime for his 3 hour routine instead of my 3 minute feed / asleep child.

thisisyesterday · 12/02/2009 20:37

i would try and find a compromise. but if it came down to it I think I would put my child first.

my partner can choose whether or not he wishes to have sex with me. My child can't choose whether or not he wants to breastfeed... well, I mean he can decide to stop obv, but if he iusn't choosing to I wouldn't force him iyswim??

I think if I ewre you i'db e having a really good chat with dp and finding out if the sex thing is related to the breastfeeding, and if so how you can get back on track without jeopardising either relationship.

giantkatestacks · 12/02/2009 20:37

cut and dried

kalo12 · 12/02/2009 20:43

sorry to hijack but to all you exrended bfers, does your child still wake up many times a night and need to be bf to sleep/

I ask this cos I don't really want to do any harsh sleep traingin, but think i will have to bf for quite a while as ds is dairy intolerant

whomovedmychocolate · 12/02/2009 21:04

kalo12 - My daughter did that till she was 10 months old - then I did very light touch sleep training - basically she was waking at certain times every night and each night I rocked her and sang to her and extended the time till I fed her by five minutes. It took about a month till we got her till 5am (from 10pm). Then a month or so later she spontaneously dropped the 10pm feed too.

Feeding to sleep is fixable too - there is a technique called the Pantley Push Off (from the No Cry Sleep Guide) put simply when your child is very sleepy, put a finger in his mouth and unlatch him. He will cry, let him back on and wait a minute or so then do it again. Eventually he'll just accept it and stop objecting and go to sleep and learn to sleep without having a nipple in his mouth. It does work (honestly) but you have to be patient!

kalo12 · 12/02/2009 21:07

whomovedmychoc thanks - i have been doing the ppo for six months! this is the only way he stops bfing. He still wakes every hour and half. when he wakes he screams and shouts until i feed him . i can't soothe him any other way

ChampagneAndStrawberries · 12/02/2009 21:18

I would resist its being framed as "a case of continue with breastfeeding and end up very distant or ending breastfeeding and trying to get back on track with hubby" -- that seems to put all the responsibility on you. Why isn't it a case of "carry on with your hangups about having sex with your wife and end up very distant or get over it and try to get back on track with her"?

After all, you are doing a perfectly rational thing (you haven't even hit the WHO minimum limit of two years yet). There are any number of sensible arguments in support of continued breastfeeding. He, on the other hand, has been refusing to have sex with you for two and a half years because you are breastfeeding. There are no sensible arguments that I can think of in support of this attitude. So why is the responsibility for sorting this out all yours?

whomovedmychocolate · 12/02/2009 21:20

Have you tried rocking him? Is it possible he's cold or too hot? If he's waking every 90 minutes it's because he's not completing a sleep cycle and going back to sleep (knowing this isn't much help unless you get the next bit). He needs to learn to settle and go to sleep on his own.

Have you tried 'pick up, put down' yet? That works quite well on some babies.

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