My neighbour stares at me whilst I am BF

[TheProvincialLady]

Actually, spies on me might be a better way of putting it. Our sitting room window is overlooked by a bedroom window in the house to our rear. It is let out to students I think. The latest occupant can often be seen with no top on (can't see what is going on at the bottom thank gawd), standing at his window looking into our sitting room. If I look up he pulls the curtains shut v quickly. He never did this until I had DS2 7 weeks ago. It is really obvious that he is trying to look.

Blinds or net type curtains are not an option for us as our sitting room is already too dark.

Shall I just ignore him or let DH jump over the back wall and threaten to smash his pervy head in (My DH is the least violent or aggressive person I know but he was very angry when I told him this was happening)? Ignore him? Or try and be even more discreet? This is not easy as DS2 has fussy periods where he is on and off the breast for ages and DS1 distracts me.

I think you should be more discreet, or put up some voiles.

God I dont know what to suggest but that sounds really annoying!!!

The best thing to do would probably be to knock on the door and ask politely for them to be more thoughtful in terms of over looking your property as its quite intimidating. Maybe a word with the landlord if no success?

I can imagine it would need quite a bit of bravery to do that though, so personally i'd plump with something like putting a big notice in my window saying 'STOP STARING PERVERT'

Try and be more discreet. In my house the front windows are quite overlooked so I always drew the curtains or used a different room for BF-ing. You can't stop someone from looking out of their window so if you don't want to be seen, best to take steps to be out of the view of this guy!

Oh I like the idea of a sign

Voiles really aren't an option as I would have to leave the light on during the day, our sitting room is so dark (overhanging trees) and then he would be able to see in anyway unless I closed the curtains every time I feed.

What annoys me is that he is looking on purpose. If he saw me accidentally I wouldn't care that much, but I feel cross that I have to be more discreet in my own home because someone is deliberately looking in on me.

I don't think you should have to be more discreet. It is your own home!

But not sure what I would do in your position. What I would perhaps do is bite the bullet and temporarily put up voiles (because I am chicken and wouldn't know what to do in terms of direct action).

Is this anything that is illegal? Would it be something you could talk to the PCSOs about in terms of being intimidated by a peeping tom?

I agree, you should not have to worry about being discreet in your own home.

I like the idea of a sign too.

Oooh could this be my BIL in the future?! lol

Hmmm not very pleasant for you- not sure about the 'be more discreet' comments- you're in your own home for goodness' sake. When I had horrific cracked nips I had to wander about with boobs out to air them and you cann't sit about in the gloom with curtains shut.

I like the idea of a sign! Hopefully they won't be there too long...

Can't you just BF in another room?

I did wonder about the legality of it but I have no proof and I don't want to be that heavy handed.

I am going to make a sign and have it sitting next to me so he can only see it if he is deliberately spying.

And try to be more discreet, sigh. Am I the only person who occasionally forgets to put my nork away after 40 minutes of faffing with getting it in and out of the bra? I sometimes find myself in the bathroom with a rogue nork.

Mamacita I did think of you

BF in another room isn't an option either as this house is very draughty and cold, so only the sitting room is really inhabitable at this time of year even with the heating on full all day.

Sorry but why the hell should you try to be more discreet feeding your child in your own home. It isn't like you are parading around naked or romping from the chandelier for all and sundry to see!

at romping from the chandelier!

Good idea with the sign TPL being visible only if he is really trying to look.

And I definately find rogue norks from time to time!

I personally would get my DH to go over there and have some choice words.

What a dick to do that whilst you are feeding.

Oh feck he's just done it again Even with being discreet he's still looking in on me IYSWIM? Though I guess he would stop when he got bored.

I wouldn't let DH go round because I didn't want things to escalate. If the sign doesn't work then maybe I will have to let him.

It is a really horrible feeling.

Oh God this is just awful PL.

I really wouldn't bother with signs; I just don't think that is strong enough as I don't think it will deter him if he is being so blatant as you say.

I really think being a peeping Tom to a Woman in her own home doing whatever is intimidation and really really wrong. I think you should let your DH go over and say he will contact the Police if he doesn't stop peeping at you.

I'll bet then he will stop, I'll bet anything.

ok, have read thru and thought about this. I know i was one of those who said to be more discreet, to mainly put him off trying really, but he is invading you privacy nonetheless.

I would send my partner round for a chat.

ilovepinot I know it seems like I am choosing to sit in full view of the window but honestly I am not. My house is a tiny Victorian terrace and the sofa is in the only space it will fit, which is directly in front of the window. There is one other chair and that is also overlooked. I can't move the furniture. The dining room is too cold to feed in, the kitchen too small and too cold. I could go upstairs but there is nowhere comfy to sit and it would mean dragging DS1 (2.5) up and down the steep staircase countless times each day.

CoV I think you are right. I have been putting it off because I hate confrontation and so does DH, and also because students have a tendency to do idiotic things in misplaced fun and I would hate to be the brunt of that too. But I can't go on like this, it is horrid. It has come to a head as we have been stuck in a lot because of the snow and now DS1 is unwell.

Not feeding topless, no! But DS2 faffs about a lot during the day so I am constantly having to lift/open my top an undo my bra, and then he bobs on and off leaving me a bit exposed.

No point in nets/voiles as I explained earlier.

I truly think this young man is being a peeping tom. It didn't bother me much before but we have been indoors so much this week.

I will talk with DH later. I see your point about not making a game of it ActivityApple.

At first I erred on the side of an innocent explanation (ish) but it does sound as though he is being a peeping tom. You shouldn't have to be discreet when feeding unless it would absolutely be the end of the world to you that someone else sees something, but it's not surprising that this is making you uncomfortable.
Definitely send DH round to say that if he doesn't stop then you will involve the police. Plus, do you know where they are students of? Could that be your next step if necessary?
Hopefully having his housemates know he's a weirdo perv will be enough to shame him into stopping

Good point SPB, we live close to one university whereas the other is on the other side of the city, so it should be easy to complain there if necessary. I'm sure it will stop when DH has a word though. I didn't want to do it but enough is enough, I can't go on like this for months. I dread him opening his curtains in the morning (well, lunchtime, him being a student and all that)

Thanks everyone for your suggestions. I'll let you know how DH gets on [gulp]

If he's a student, are you sure his desk is not just in front of his window? Mine is for the light.

No, he's standing up right up to the glass.