Breastfeeding etiquette

[laumiere]

Morning all,

Following on from a previous thread (and for my own information) would you cover up/go elsewhere to breastfeed if you were in someone else's house or place of business (such as an office) and they were obviously uncomfortable with BF?

Would you offer to cover up/ go elsewhere yourself or wait for them to ask?

(I'm not giving an age of friend/baby here deliberately, feel free to add one if it is relevant to your examples)

Nope.

I would BF my baby wherever and whenever she needed it.

Having said that I am small of nork and didn't expose much anyway - if I felt uncomfortable I would cover up/go elsewhere, but I would not do so for the sake of someone else's sensibilities!

no, I wouldn't. BUT then I've always been super discrete when breastfeeding anyway. I very much doubt anyone could have seen any of my breast while I was feeding ds2. at any age.
so it wouldn't have been necessary.

Thus, if people wanted me to move it would be because they don't like breastfeeding rather than because they don't want to see my saggy tits, in which case they can piss right off.

I would choose the comfiest place for me to feed my child. and if that happened to be on their sofa then so be it!

not at all

I think I possibly wouldn't want to in my work's office, but only because I also wouldn't expect to eat in an office meeting. However, if someone invited me to their office knowing full well I had a small baby in tow, I would assume they knew what to expect and feel totally comfortable feeding there.

Anywhere else I wouldn't even think about it, would just go ahead.

I'd probably try to find somewhere quiet to feed, NOT because of other people but because I have always found it easier to feed in peace.

That said, if there wasn't somewhere quiet to go I certainly would feed in someones living room / office / reception area rather than sheepishly trotting off to the toilets.

I'm not too keen on exposing acres norkage (and I do have acres) but, again, that's for my own comfort rather than that of others.

I would try to delay the feed if it was a wanted feed rather than a needed feed and it was socially inconvenient IYSWIM. DD was generally happy to wait a while once she was older, if she wasn't happy to wait she didn't have to.

nope iv always felt it my right to feed my baby when and where they demand hence the frase feeding on deman iv always stuck to it quite litteraly mainly because id rather feed than let them scream

I always BF wherever I was but was discreet about it - useful having a shawl or loose top so you can do it without feeling exposed. I'm fairly buxom so it's not as easy to just pop babies against your unbuttoned shirt to feed, so I got round that by having loose tops and a nice scarf or pashmina type thing...
I'm all for BF in public - if your baby needs feeding s/he needs feeding - but I also think it's fair enough not to just whip 'em out for other people's sake!

I've never moved to a different place to feed either of my ds's when they were tiny and feeding in the day. The only time that I have is as they turn into nosey babies and pull off frequently with the slightest distraction resulting in milk spraying everywhere!

I have fed anywhere and everywhere! Planes, trains, work staffroom (when in visiting), parks, garden furniture display in b+q!

I dont offer to move, but I do give them a warning, ie 'The baby needs feeding' as I am picking him up to feed.

if someone was uncomfortable, i'd probably offer to go somewhere else, providing there was a place to go! it would make me uncomfortable to do it in front of someone who is all stressed about it, and it is my natural inclination to put others at ease.

For whatever reason, some people are always going to be a bit uncomfortable about BFing. If they were a stranger, I could care less, but if it's someone I knew professionally or whatever, I'd be just as happy to do it privately.

I am usually very discreet, but DS can be pretty indiscreet at times, whipping on and off, thrashing about, etc.!!

No I don't think I would. It hasn't happened to me much but IME the discomfort of other people doesn't last the length of the feed, and then I've done them a lifetime favour - yes you can survive someone breastfeeding next to you!!! (I had this exp as a teenager when I had no idea about BF in public and was very glad one of my Youth Group leaders just did it as though it was quite natural and it took just five minutes of adolescent cringeing embarrassment before we all realised we weren't going to implode)

Thanks everyone, I don't have a particularly BF-friendly friends group (they're mostly child-free) and my instinct would be to feed DS2 wherever he will need it (due in 4 weeks) but was wondering if I was being bolshie.

To give you an example I used on another thread:

One friend had loaned me a heap of comics to read when I started mat leave, and asked me how I was getting on with them. I said that I hadn't started them yet but would probably read them while BFing. He looked a little taken aback and said 'well I'll never read them in the same way again!'

They don't tend to say anything outright but made some very disparaging comments about a mutual friend who would BF her son at the table during dinner. They would also invite my DH out but not me because I was nursing. I would have at least liked an invite!

My friends are all uni graduates who are usually pretty educated, except on BF!

Luckily DH is much more supportive about BF this time than he was with DS1, which can only help. That said, I did use to feed DS1 in another room if there was a lot going on, as he got uncomfortable. The unhelpful attitudes probably had a lot to do with me giving up at 8 weeks though.

I wouldn't move. For as long as I am BFing then DS and I come as a package, and that includes me giving him a feed whenever he needs one. I'm very lucky that all my friends are either very pro-BF or actually doing it themselves so it hasn't been an issue.
The person who is the weirdest about it is my STBSIL - she clearly has issues with the whole concept of BFing and has stated her intention to bottle fed when she has a baby - but that's a whole other thread!

The only place I have ever felt uncomfortable enough about feeding to consider moving is on a train. The ones here often have those layouts where you have 2 seats on one side and 2or 3 facing them, very close together and no table or barrier at all, your knees are pretty much touching. If there was a stranger in the seat opposite I did used to feel uncomfortable because they were so physically close and in direct eyeline. Have fed happily in other train carriage layouts but that, just didn't like it!

Hmmm - I did move once, when visiting work, and my childless male boss was there. In fairness, though, I have since fed in front my boss and he did not seem in the least disturbed about it.

I have to say, laumiere, I think your friends are being rather immature. I have a number of childless friends, none of whom have been in the least bit flustered by me feeding at dinner tables, in pubs, on their sofas. In fact, they are more likely to go make me a cup of tea, even in my own house .

I was wondering if I was being unreasonable! I'm not crazy about completely exposing myself but it isn't necessary to do that.

I think maybe its the difference between being childless and childfree - some of my less close friends are slightly paranoid about ensuring children don't impact on their lives, and even complain to me about 'thoughtless' parents on the rush hour trains with young children.

If in someone's house or in public, I would just bf matter-of-factly without drawing any attention to it, when my dcs were babies. The only time I don't feel comfortable is, as nelly describes, in a public place with someone sitting directly opposite me and in close quarters.

Like anarchy, I don't expose much and bf under a loose top. I never wear those fitting wrap tops that require you to lift your nork out and then pop baby on exposing the entire top of your boob and chest. I sometimes cringe when I see that, but try not to show it of course.

Once my dcs become toddlers, one of my rules to ds is he is not allowed to bf outside the house, though I relax this if I can find a private place. Toddlers are far too big to look like they are just being cuddled horizontally. Their dangly legs or worse, acrobatics make bf-ing a toddler in public a small spectacle to someone unused to the concept IMO.

At work, I will look for a quiet meeting room.

I tend to bf in public when A has demanded it, ie is making rather a racket. I figure that most people would prefer the breastfeeding to a screaming baby!

I find several people tend to turn away/find something to do in the other room while I'm latching on, but are then aboslutely fine. My childless friends tend to be quite curious and ask things like "what does it feel like?" When visiting work my boss and head of division took great pains to talk about when his wife/she breastfed their children and how nice it was people could do it in public/their office nowadays. So I did.

I feel a bit uncomfortable sitting in places with someone directly opposite, but the alternative is a screaming baby, so I get on with it. And people tend to just give supportive smiles.

When DS was tiny, feeds could take up to an hour. So I didn't go elsewhere then - didn't want to be excluded for that long just because I was feeding. When he was bigger and feeds were shorter, and he was distracted more easily, then yes, I would go to another room if eg FIL was going to be uncomfortable with it.

But I probably wouldn't for a bunch of friends the same age as me - they can just get used to it!

I always tucked a muslin into my bra strap and draped over baby's head if I'm bf in front of anyone other than DH or my Mum. It stopped me worrying about DS suddenly pulling away and leaving me exposed. I would never offer to go elsewhere though.

I would nurse my 6 month DS or 2.6 year old DD when needed. If the hosts were uncomfortable and made an issue of it, I would try and avoid their house/office in the future.

I agree with mrsgboring - if they are uncomfortable then DEFINITELY keep feeding as then they'll learn that there's norhing scary about sitting next to a bf-er.

Or to put it less nicely...fuck 'em, they've got to learn.

I'm clearly out of step with most on here. I happily feed (discreetly) in public, in a cafe, on trains, in the park. However, I am conscious that some people, particularly of an older generation, are uncomfortable for the duration of the feed and I really don't want to make them feel this way. So for example when I'm at my in-laws and DH's grandparents are there, I'm perfectly happy to take myself upstairs to a bedroom. Maybe I'm allowing negative feelings about breastfeeding to be perpetuated, but I'm not a political breastfeeder: i just want to nourish ds.

"I happily feed (discreetly) in public"
But what is discreetly to you? For me it's covering the area to avoid flashing, but to others here it means only exposing the nipple for a minimum amount of time (which to me seems completely indiscreet). It's easy to see why the term is pretty much useless when we all define it so differently.

Totally agree Bubbaluv.

But I would hate to take myself off to a private and lonely place just because someone might feel uncomfortable with a perfectly normal activity. If they don't want to look, they don't have to. That is why the Good Lord gave them eyelids and a rotating neck.