Am v v v annoyed (Maybe i should have put this in AIBU)

[BlueSapphire77]

Try not to ramble.
I have been BF DS2 for 3 weeks now, always (i thought) had a problem with latching on..nipples feel like a grinder has been over them
Now from watching this forum (THANK YOU SOOOOOO MUCH MN) i realised he may be tongue tied and took him to doc's last thursday to be told yes, they believed he was, and they referred him to the one and only MW/specialist.. who was off till yesterday, and was supposed to contact me to assess DS and if she thought it was the problem, she would also do the 'clipping'
Obv. because i am in the kind of pain that makes me dread feeding DS, and guilt that he doesn't get enough and is struggling, and the fact he is almost constantly attached to me to get enough milk, ALSO SIGH one of my boobs seems to have started drying up or alternatively cringing through the pain so much it refuses to let down, i am feeling terribly guilty/upset/in pain, you name it.
I refuse to give up though, i have been sorely tempted to just go out and buy formula and bottles today
The stupid woman (unreasonable i know) didn't contact me yesterday, i'm at the end of my tether tbh. Why do the NHS claim to be pro BF but leave you dangling at the first sign of a problem? Basically, my son isn't being fed properly, and i am in pain. Under any other circumstances this possibly could be called abuse IMO, a baby not being fed properly.. and if i was a dog i'd have more protection from the pain i'm in right now.

Wishing your baby would stay asleep because you are terrified to feed him
Ok i'm going to stop there, rant and guilt trip over. Hope the woman phones today and i hope she DOESN'T say "Nah nothing needs to be done" because i'll be up on a murder charge. Also hoping she doesn't give me an appt next week or something because i don't think with all the grit and determination in the world i can carry on that long

If I was you I would ring the midwife now, not wait for her to call you.

Gald you are persevering, this happened to a friend of mine but she did get it sorted and much better now.

hang in there girl! Call them and give them hell -- don't wait!

Well done for sticking with it so long.

Yep - I'd be on the phone hourly until I was happy with the response.

YOu need to be pushy. Phone her now. Stop waiting for her to phone you and pick up the phone and tell her you need to be seen asap. I don't mean to sound horrible but you need to make this happen.
So sorry for you - we had feeding problems and it was awful. Keep persevering.

You poor thing.

My DS was FINALLY diagnosed as being tongue tied at 5 weeks old after HV came out with a breastfeeding Consultant as he still wasnt putting weight on and the BF Consultant diagnosed him and told me to get him taken to the GP for it to be officially diagnosed and get him referred to teh hospitasl for 'clipping' due to the fact that he wasnt feedign properly it was viewed as an emergency referral. He was diagnosed on Thursday and he had the op on Monday or possibly Tuesday.

Basically that was my long winded way of saying that he should be viewed as an emergency referal and be dealt with within a day or so as I am guessing that the delay for us was because of the weekend.

Just realized that you have said that the MW will do the clipping so I would have thought that she would do it there and then if she views it necessary there is no reason for her not to, it was a very quick easy none traumatic procedure for DS.

Poor poor you BS77 Please don't be me, a year down the line wishing I had got more help and support and bitterly regretting that I gave up bf'ing, with all the guilt, envy etc that goes with that. My problems with feeding weren't the same as yours - not tongue tied baby (one twin would latch and one wouldnt so was expressing for one and feeding the other until I collapsed in a big old heap and gave up)BUT I did find the lack of support astounding. I felt like I shouldn't kick up a 'fuss', that these people were far too busy to deal with little old me and my problems and anyway, surely this was a natural thing that I ought to be able to do. Looking back now, I think I was mad. Shout, scream, do whatever it takes (or perhaps don't actually shout and scream but be persistent) Ring them now. And in an hour. And an hour after that. Get DH/DP to ring and say his wife is in agony and needs help immediately. You deserve the help and support. It's not nice to be forced to get 'arsey' but remember you are asking for what you and your baby are entitled to. Also in my experience it's often only when you become a pain and won't go away that they end up dealing with you! I really hope you get the help you need. Good luck.

I think you need to start feeding your baby now.
I tried to BF mine for the first week of his life and the midwives in the hospital wouldn't let me give him a bottle and insisted I used a cup as they said he would never get on the breast if I used a bottle. (If I knew then what I know now!!!)

Once I got him home the MW who came to my house went mad and said my DS was hungry and I needed to give him a bottle if he couldn't BF.
I managed to use a breast pump for 6 weeks and put it in a bottle and give it to him. It was really hard though and I was so tired I could only get about 1oz at a time out.

As a result he hardly put on any weight in that first week and failed to thrive in the first year, putting on only 1oz a week if that. He was really tiny and still is even though he's 5 now.
If you're baby's hungry he needs to feed. If you're stressed, the amount of milk you produce will be affected anyway.

The most important thing is not to deprive your baby!!

Poor you BlueSaphire, all those sad faces in your post! I completely agree with the advice above- phone and phone until you get help. If thery continue to put you off make insinuations of complaint- nothing puts a firecracker up the bums of the NHS like threat of complaint/action believe me. I really hope you get the help you need. You've done remarkably to have bf for this long. x

Thanks for all your replies,

I know the most important thing is not to deprive the baby, i am not taking what you say the wrong way but is going to be hard to respond in type..sorry if i come across as a moody cow lol

I am not depriving DS but it is very hard..to hold your baby to you screaming for a feed and be wincing swearing and kicking grinding teeth through a feed..each and every bloody feed.. it makes you feel useless and guilty.

I am determined not to give up, atm am airing poor nips which are beginning to look like a male orangutans nips lol

Its just infuriating that i have hit this problem, they know what it is, but are dragging about doing anything.. how in the whole of sodding dudley can there only be one person that can do this? Bullshit.. i believe we should have been referred to hospital or something, it is very unfair, my point about neglect is that if i was FF and refusing (sort of, well, dragging feed times out) i could be accused of neglect, but it is so painful i am literally willing him to sleep, or putting a dummy in his mouth, rather than feeding. It really feels like he has got glass in his mouth

Its not DS's fault but i'm so tired and painful and grumpy. Feel guilty because i didn't want it to be like this, fed DS1 for 6 months with no problems, so feel (have to admit this) sort of angry and feel cheated.

HMPH! Have phoned her and left a message. Might just phone hospital and stamp feet.. can't be doing with this, spent weekend praying for monday to come and was so disappointed when she didn't call i cried

Call her and keep calling until you get a response. your baby not being able to feed successfully is a medical emergency and you should be treated as such in getting the TT divided.

Failing that Here is a list of hospitals that will divide TT

feelingtired; sorry you had a bad experience, but the MW that came to your house had no right to bully you into giving your child formula. She should have given you help and support to BF successfully.

Do it, do it, do it!!! You are right to get angry and not right to feel guilty. bloody hell - you are putting yourself through torture for the good of your child - of course you don't feel any desire to do something that is painful. Would nipple shields help at all? Please stamp your feet as hard as you can! Please don't feel you have to be brave and polite. They will find someone to help you if they are worried about complaints etc. After my DTs were born and separated from me to go into NICU/ SCBU I was placed in a ward with lots of other mums and their babies which I found utterly tormenting and it really added to my whole feeling of inadequacy. I put up with it for two hellish days and then I just broke and sobbed uncontrollably for about an hour. I just couldn't stop. It's amazing how quickly they found me a room on my own after that - and with quick access to SCBU which made a world of difference. My point is you can be brave and put up with things and cause no bother and therefore as far as they are concerned (not trying to paint health workers as the enemy - I know they are v busy) there isnt a problem. Or you can let them know repeatedly that there is a VERY BIG problem that they need to deal with. Right now. You go for it.

Thank you flower
This:
Russells Hall Hospital
Contact: Jenny Sutherland, Specialist Midwife Infant Feeding/Lactation Consultant, Antenatal Clinic, Maternity Unit, Russells Hall Hospital, Dudley, West Midlands DY1 2HQ (Tel: 07747 630923; Fax 01384 244576)

Is the lady i have been told to contact.. ok feel a bit AIBU in that i am not dying (doing a dying swan impression) but it is bloody sodding painful and ok, i have put up with it now for 3 weeks, but worst is to find out whats wrong, think 'yaay' its all going to be ok, relief that the pain might actually be stopped and feeding be the pleasure it was with DS1, but then shattering to be left dangling about

I know i'm being a drama queen

My heart really goes out to you BlueSaphire- glad to see one smile in that post at least! I had terribly sore nipples and it's hell on earth. I know exactly what you mean about dreading feeds, even resentment creeping in. I would just thrust DS at DH in the evenings, crying hysterically, 'I just can't do this! I CAN'T! And feeling guilty for wanting to run away!

It is stimulation that makes milk and lack of stimulation that reduces milk supply. Stress levels have no connection at all with milk supply so please don't think your tears will affect your supply- that will only make you feel worse!

The fact you have bf before means you know what it should, can and will be like once your baby's tongue tie is snipped.

Phone the hospital too- seriously kick up a ruckus.

I may google male orangutan nipples you have piqued my curiosity- are you a zoologist or something?!

Best of luck. x

scroll down for video of feeding a TT baby. This might help you to get baby latched a bit better so it isn't as painful for you.

Must say thank you though as well cos i was feeling so down today and feel encouraged to put up with chewed nipples now lol

oh, well...keep calling her. Or get through to the hospital switchboard and get them to page her urgently.

I know what you mean about the resentment; I've been there when things were bad with me and DS. And you aren't being a drama queen, it is a horrible situation to be in, especially when you know it can be solved very easily.

Mama its just what i would imagine they look like lol .. actually, IMO, they look like very hot pink chewed lipstick /stroke/ if they had the ability they would retract into my body.

I so know about shoving baby onto partner and saying 'I just can't do this' not being cheeky/nosy, i hope his initial reaction was NOT like my DP to say well stop being a twat about it and just put him on a bottle.. formerly very supportive of my feeding DS i think he just didn't know how to react to a tired stroppy baby/woman in obvious terrible pain, but i could still have killed him.

DP did come to me after 5 mins and say he was sorry and that he couldn't appreciate how i felt.
He refused the offer of a kick in the bollocks.

BlueSapphire - can you email me - lollipoptree at hotmail dot co dot uk?

I am a SureStart BF supporter in your area and I might be able to get hold of someone to help you.

If you just let me know your name and number I can try to get hold of her, or someone who can get hold of her IYSWIM?

Thank you for the videos
Burns, thank you its nice not to feel i'm the only one .. feeding time it like 'haveit, ouch, no, don't, ouch STOP bloody pulling away eek was that my nipple that just fell off'

Anyway, have now read thread without my mememe glasses on, its terrible to see how something that is endorsed and practically forced on mothers now (BF) is so unsupported if you hit a brick wall.. How can a MW lay a guilt trip on someone by saying their baby is starving so they MUST start FF? Jesus. I am lucky in that no matter how much pain and no matter what DP's stupid mouth opens and shuts and comes out with out of stupidity/frustration/lack of understanding, i was and am determined to carry on or i would have stopped in the first week.
And thanks to everyone who has reminded me how close i am to getting it sorted.. it really helps

BS77 - firstly bloody well done for keeping going for so long. BabyG had tongue tie and i know how painful it can be. Luckily it was snipped at 5 days old and the relief was immediate. Like you, I diagnosed it myself thanks to MN!

I really hope you see this thread and get in touch with AnarchyA - hurray for you AA, I really hope you can help her

Keep us updated BS if you can, you sound like you're doing a fantastic job despite all the pain

(agree - in hosp wiht BabyG after a long traumatic birth I was struggling to feed him. He was v big - 10.9 - and the MW kept trying to persuade me to give him formula. I kept refusing and she snapped at me "this baby is starving". I hardly think so! With hindsight I should have told her to eff off but I agreed to it and sobbed for an hour )

X-posted with you anarchy
Just had the call yaaaay to go in friday the 13th :/
1pm

Woohoo and yaay for face playing (although that jenny is a wee bit abrupt lol she seems nice)

You say you are a BF supporter in local area not the brierley hill one perchance i think its called babbs or something.. too far for me to go that early in morning i'm the other side of dudley (sedgley, the posh end lol )

Thank you tho do you mind if i add your email to contacts for future reference?
Mine is bikerchick77 @ gmail . com
Name comes through as Wouldn't you like to know cos i have a sense of humour lol