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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

Why the pressure to give up breastfeeding?

52 replies

Gangle · 26/01/2009 22:14

I'm sure this has been asked a million times but why do people, even other mums, make you feel like you should have stop breastfeeding after around 6 months? DS is 10 months and still going strong. He never took to the bottle and seems to get so much enjoyment from feeding, plus I love the cuddles - it's pretty much the only time I get to sit down all day. We're (almost) down to only one night feed (have read about teeth rot so trying to stop him nipping all night) but otherwise happy for it to continue for as long he wants really. Other people just look horrified when they find out you're breastfeeding s baby with teeth!

OP posts:

oopsacoconut · 26/01/2009 22:20

Now that is a feeling I know well, my MIL just assumed I would stop feeding DD when she gets to 6 months. She was horrified that I was planning to carry on. as it was 'dirty' to feed a older baby as she would be playing with my 'private' bits I guess that just makes me more determined to feed her as long as possible.

Stefka · 26/01/2009 22:21

I am getting this now too. DS is fifteen months. The hardest is when you get it from other mum's who have DC the same age. Bumped into one today who asked me 'how the feeding was going' with the clear subtext of 'have you managed to stop yet?'. No and I aint trying to!

DrowningInClutter · 26/01/2009 22:22

I've been wondering about this, it's not so much anyone has implied that I should stop but it's suddenly very lonely still feeding DS (8 months) as we are the last ones left at all our groups.

I can't see the point in trying to learn how to make formula at this stage (no-one I know seems to actually follow the 'rules' but I am quite anally retentive so I would worry). I don't want to buy formula, bottles, a proper sterilizer etc when I'd only need them for a few months.

And, like you, I really enjoy the cuddle time

littlelamb · 26/01/2009 22:25

I am getting this too Ds is only 7.5 months and it wouldn't even occur to me to stop now. Even at our baby group, which is also meant to be a bf group, I am getting some looks when I feed him which is sad (and I'm not blatant about it, there's no flesh on show ) My health visitor has told me in no uncertain terms to up his food to 3 solid meals, with pudding a day. I'm ignoring it, I fed dd for 10 months and intend to feed ds for longer, I think people should mind their own damn business.

bluepanda · 26/01/2009 22:26

My ds is 11 mths and down to morning and bedtime feeds but for some time I felt uneasy bf him in public as he wasn't a 'little' baby. It does seem strange that all the advice is to do it until a year when in reality everyone (even my hv!!) seems staggered I am still feeding!
Have been invited to a no-babies wedding next month and really don't think i will be able to go - ds drinks water from cup but will not touch milk - you feel you have to make excuses because people simply don't see why you can't/won't leave a year old baby overnight. That's my experience anyway

mawbroon · 26/01/2009 22:27

Where did you read about teeth rot from night feeding?

Kellymom article about it

My ds is 3.2yo and still feeds a lot and we both still enjoy it, but like you say Stefka, people seem to think that I am too soft because I still let ds breastfeed. Eh?

littlelamb · 26/01/2009 22:27

I meant to add, I think it makes a difference actually that ds looks much older than he is- maybe that's why people react the way they do. He has been crawling since 5 months and can now crawl at quite a speed and is climbing on everything. All evidence to my mind that bf is obviously the best thing for him

lisad123 · 26/01/2009 22:30

im feeding dd2 aged 17months still. I get "bitty" comments from people, asked how long i willl continue ect. Im happy, shes happy sod every one else

100yearsofsolitude · 26/01/2009 22:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

IAteMakkaPakka · 26/01/2009 22:36

People from my antenatal group were saying things like "I've got him off me totally now" and "I've managed to get her totally onto bottles" at 6 months, and I am convinced they can't all have felt they'd had enough - I am sure some of them though that's what you're supposed to do.

I think that while the whole "exclusive BF for the first 6 months" is a really good message to start with, it is interpreted by many as "breastfeed for 6 months then stop", not helped by all the follow-on milk marketing. So those of us who go on a bit longer are then seen as mad hippies. Whereas in actual fact most of us are probably really lazy and love the lack of sterilising and trudging up and down the stairs at night (or is that just me? ).

I guess once breastfeeding rates improve that'll be the next thing to tackle but for now I think all that can be done is to be upfront and feed you baby as and when. It's seeing a thing often enough that gets it accepted into society's consciousness.

Then there's the whole argument that men want "their" boobs back, but I don't subscribe to that personally. I might feel different if DP had a problem with "sharing" but neither of us find it remotely weird. I guess that's because we're goddamn hippies

100yearsofsolitude · 26/01/2009 22:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Guadalupe · 26/01/2009 22:42

Have just about stopped feeding ds2 and he was two last week.

Ds1 was six months and I felt pressured to stop then. Dd was a year and I felt VERY pressured then. This time I've not given a stuff what people think. And they've thought a lot.

He can't have dairy and it's worked for us and it's no-one else's business. I feel sad that I stopped feeding the others before I was ready But there you go.

Just smile and hmm and do exactly what you want to do.

mrsjammi · 26/01/2009 23:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Rindercella · 27/01/2009 00:17

There does seem to be a huge amount of pressure to stop b/fing as early as possible. I am still b/fing DD who is nearly 17 months, just morning & night. It is purely out of laziness and also for cuddles. We both still like it, so why not? I do get the odd comment from people, like "OH MY GOD!!! You're STILL feeding her???!!!", "bitty" (always followed by a snigger), "You're really going to have to give that up soon you know", ad nauseum. Thankfully DH has always been supportive, as has my Mum.

I know I have done the best thing for DD. She is one of the healthiest children I know, with barely a sniffle.

Sod the people who think they can impose their issues on you. Your child, your choice.

Maria2007 · 27/01/2009 08:18

Yes, there have recently been several threads about this issue... Sadly, this pressure to stop bf is all too common. My ds is 6 months, we've started with weaning, & I'm finally at a place where bf is easy & a pleasure really (I struggled to get where I am now as had all sorts of issues). So I'm definitely not about to stop now that it's easy & convenient! However, in the last 2-3 weeks the pressure has started, mainly from my parents. E.g questions such as 'how's the bf going'? Or showing 'concern' that I surely must be so exhausted now from the bf ()... these kinds of comments, & other similar ones, make me feel increasingly uncomfortable, to the point where I don't want to be discussing the issue anymore. I can't even imagine what comments I'll be getting when we reach a year- & I hope we will. At that point I'll probably lie, which is a sad state of affairs really...

CantSleepWontSleep · 27/01/2009 08:36

One word - ignorance. In RL and on here.

belgo · 27/01/2009 08:44

I never imagined I'd breastfeed for as long as I did, it was just something that seemed so alien to me. I bf dd1 for one year and dd2 for 18 months, and it seemed a long time, but those months are gone in a flash, and I regret not breastfeeding for longer.

I'm bfing ds now, and want to carry on for as long as possible, as he's our last baby and I will feel so sad when I stop bfing him.

catweazle · 27/01/2009 09:37

I can never understand the logic of getting a child off BF and onto bottles. What is the point?!

I BF my eldest 4 until they self weaned at 15 mo. Didn't have mumsnet then, or kellymom, or perhaps I'd have tried to go longer.

DD2 is 22 mo and still BF very frequently. I've actually had no comments in RL, which is odd, but I do feel awkward if I have to feed her while we are out because she is so big. (I don't mean shopping trips out, because obviously she's old enough to wait, but we go on lots of trips away..)

llareggub · 27/01/2009 09:44

Most of the women in my NCT group bf until at least a year, but I had already decided to let DS self-wean, so I kept on going. I imagined it wouldn't be long until he weaned himself. However, at 2.3 he is still going strong and is showing no sign of stopping! Even my NCT group make the odd surprised comment about me continuing to feed. The people at work who know are a bit too polite to say anything, and my PIL studiously avoid mentioning it.

I must admit, I knew nothing about breastfeeding and in the hospital after the birth I remember telling the midwife that I'd feed every 4 hours and stop after 6 months. I even had the date marked on the calendar. Mumsnet helped a lot in my breastfeeding knowledge!

aurorec · 27/01/2009 10:09

I got lots of comments from my family when they realised I was nursing past TWO MONTHS (which seems to be the norm in France).

DD self-weaned when she was 14 months and my mother was ashamed to tell people. I kept getting all the usual questions from all my family 'when are going to give her real food'? 'are you sure you're giving her enough'? etc (she was 90 percentile on both charts, but hey, breastmilk was obviously not good enough...
(Actually now that I think about it my SIL's father, a pediatrician, convinced her she didn't produce enough milk for exclusive BFing at 6 months even though he also said her daughter was overweight- didn't seem to see a contradiction there. So she stopped and in hindsight was quite upset about it. )

DS (my 2nd) is now 4 1/2 months, exclusively BFed and doing very well- he's sturdy and VERY tall (on 9 months clothes in some brands). I intend to nurse as long as he wants it.
2 days after he was born I was back at home nursing and out of nowhere (she must have read my mind) my mother asked 'but you're not going to nurse him as long as DD are you? I mean you won't be able to, it will be too exhausting with 2 to look after.' sigh....

To me that's the main pressure- it's the way you're made to feel like an eccentric self-indulgent nutter for doing something so natural. Such a shame.

Astrophe · 27/01/2009 10:28

People are just ignorant, and they're busy bodies too. I think people like to feel superior because they are 'right' and you are 'wrong'.

I guess BFing rates have become so low, that people don't really see small babies being BF anymore, let alone bigger ones. People also don't have any idea of the health benefits - TBH, I fed DS until 21 months monstly out of laziness and convinience, and I was pretty suprised when I read just how good it is for toddlers to be BF. However, when I try to tell people about the health benefits, they generally don't want to hear.

I think the truth is that people feel 'icky' about older babies BF, and so they would rather not deal with their own 'issues' and would much rather continue on in the ignorant belief that "Babies over 6 months/12 months don't need to be BF", "Its indulgent of the mother to continue BF", "Its weird and unnatural" or whatever.

As well as that, I think some mothers have misplaced guilt about their own feeding choices, and so condemning the choices of BFers makes them feel better.

Grrrr, this really winds me up.

Divineintervention · 27/01/2009 10:34

We live in a country that has weird ideas about breasts, they're alright in a Daily redtop but not in a larger baby's mouth. That said I couldn't bf after 12 months, it's my own limit (dc4 12 weeks) but see nothing wrong in those that go beyond it. I also see that for some bfers it is for 'indulgent' mothers just as FF can be for 'selfish' mothers.... but no blanket judgements just personal preference for most.

raisingrrrl · 27/01/2009 10:52

I think we have to look at the positive side, tbh.

When I was pg with ds the assumption was that we would stop at 6 months. Now I'm pg with dc2 the assumption is that I'll stop bf-ing at 12 months (not many people know I'm still bf-ing ds! )

Things are starting to improve, IMO, it just takes time to change people's opinions and minds - and these are opinions and attitudes that have been deeply ingrained into the public consciousness for 100 years or more!

chandellina · 27/01/2009 15:45

just want to say it goes both way. I am considering stopping BFing my six month old soon but I feel pressure to continue until a year, or longer.

i guess it depends on who you're around.

OMaLittle · 27/01/2009 15:54

SO glad there's a thread on this. DD2 is 9mo and on nursing strike, hard to persist as am back working and don't have enough time to devote to it , but the ONLY responses I've got are 'oh good' 'brilliant' 'can't believe you've been feeding her so long' 'you're not still feeding her, ARE YOU?' and 'she's totally off the breast now, isn't she?' Why TF does it bother everyone so much?? Makes me much more determined to carry on

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